


Two Weeks Noticed

by minkscantsew



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Action, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Breathplay, Buck deserves the world, Consent is Sexy, Eddie can give it to him, Feelings, First Kiss, Frottage, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Rimming, Uniform Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 148,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minkscantsew/pseuds/minkscantsew
Summary: With Christopher away at camp, Eddie finally has a chance to catch his breath after the hellish year he's had. Meanwhile Buck is still reeling from the sudden reappearance of Abby. On a routine night of movies and pizza, Eddie and Buck discuss some feelings and stumble into something that may just take some time to figure out. Good thing they have two weeks to get a handle on it.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 457
Kudos: 793





	1. The Beginning

A bittersweet smile hung on Eddie’s face as he watched the camp bus carting his son away. Two weeks. Two weeks of camp and activities and adventure for Christopher, and two weeks of worry for Eddie. It was the longest they had been separated since Eddie returned from Afghanistan. He couldn’t help but feel guilty about the small sense of relief he felt deep in his chest; like he could finally breathe, he could finally break.

You’re going to have a great time. That’s what the card said that his son had given him just before leaving. Eddie wasn’t sure he knew what a good time was anymore, let alone a great one. 

He’d had high hopes when they arrived in L.A. nearly two years ago. The 118 turned out to be the welcoming family he had never had, and though Buck had taken some time to come around initially, Eddie couldn’t imagine life without him now. He had finally felt stable, financially and spiritually, and his son was thriving in a school designed for him to succeed. 

But the past year had seemed like one knife to the heart after another: the tsunami that nearly took his son and best friend from him; Shannon’s reappearance in their lives and the reignition of passion he had long forgotten he could feel only to lose her for good within weeks; Buck’s insane lawsuit that almost destroyed Eddie’s last surviving shred of sanity; not to mention nearly dying under tons of earth and stone... 

Eddie was just tired. And angry. He was tired of the highs and lows and angry at the world for making him feel so much all the time. Although things had seemed to plateau, he still felt unbridled energy coursing under his skin, searching for an outlet. Fighting had helped, for a while. It had felt good to force some of his own pain onto someone else, even if only for the brief moment his fist or elbow, or knee, made contact. It always hurt, but he was still strong enough to stand after being beaten. Sometimes he thought it felt even better to lose the fight, to take the beating and live with the pain of his mistakes. It was easier than dealing with the inner pain. But the fights weren’t healthy, he knew that now. It was too dangerous, too easy to go too far. Christopher only had one parent left and he’d be damned if he let his parents get a hold of him again. 

The past year had been too much for any normal person to handle, let alone one struggling to be a good father to a kid with CP. But there he was, on the other side of it, alive and relatively unscathed. At least physically. 

“You’re going to have a great time? HA!” Buck cackled loudly in Eddie’s ear and playfully bumped into his shoulder, over which he had been snooping. He had tagged along to see Chris off, partially at Chris’ request, but mostly at his own insistence at making sure the bus was safe and the counselors seemed up to snuff. “The kid knows HE’S the one that’s going to camp for two weeks, right?” 

Eddie’s shoulders slumped as the reality set in again. Two whole weeks away from his son. Even with that kernel of relief, it seemed unbearable. It was hard to think that he had spent years away from Chris when he was younger when now the thought of two weeks seemed like an eternity. 

Buck instantly registered the sour look on his partner’s face. Although he could be thoughtless at times, he was always perceptive when it came to Eddie’s moods. He pulled Eddie into a one-armed hug and felt the tiniest bit of tension ease out of his back. Eddie was surprisingly tactile for an ex-military guy. It had always confused Buck, but he wasn’t one to deny people.

“Hey man, he’s gonna be great,” Buck backtracked confidently, checking Eddie’s hip with his own. “That kid is the bravest and strongest person I know, and I literally work with certified heroes every day.” 

Eddie knew he was right, even though Buck had meant it as a joke. If anyone in the new 118 family knew Chris, it was Buck. The corner of Eddie’s lip twitched up at the compliment, but he refused to give Buck the satisfaction of a real smile. He let out a deep sigh and allowed himself to lean into the warm weight of Buck’s arm. He always felt safe with Buck. To be fair they’d saved each other more times than he could count. 

“Besides,” Buck continued optimistically, pleased with the tension seeping out of Eddie’s back, “Chris is like a cool kid magnet. He’s gonna come home with so many penpals to keep up with, he’s gonna be writing for weeks!”

“Who has penpals anymore, Grandpa?” Eddie asked, turning to fix Buck with an incredulous expression. Buck pulled back in mock outrage, hand clutched to his chest and faux disgust written across his face.

“And you mock me for not knowing the stupid references Chim’s always making?!” Buck’s arms waved dramatically as he continued to rant. “This is a travesty! A lampoonery! A…mockery of…justice,” he petered to a pause to regain steam. Eddie pushed him away playfully to avoid getting hit in the crossfire. “To think that we have become a world that doesn’t appreciate a handwritten letter?!” He continued, voice rising with his feigned indignation. “UNACCEPTABLE, SIR!” 

Buck pointed an accusatory finger at Eddie whose face was suspiciously blank after hearing such a tirade. 

“When’s the last time you got a handwritten letter, Buck?” 

Eddie was positive the answer was in the ‘years’ timeframe, regardless of Buck’s insistence that penpals were a contemporary idea. He watched amusedly as Buck’s expression shifted with his thoughts: from outrage, to anger, to confusion, realization, and then back to anger again.

“That doesn’t matter! Penpals are a staple of camp life,” he asserted, shaking his head and carrying on as if his enthusiasm alone would be convincing enough. “Chris WILL come home with penpals to write to. It’s a rite of passage. I mean, I assume.” A distant look had taken over Buck’s expression. To be honest, he had no idea what went on at camp. Outside of watching Heavyweights and Camp Nowhere as a kid, he’d had no experience with summer camps. His parents hadn’t been big on what they deemed extra-curriculars.

Eddie’s expression softened at the apprehension overtaking Buck’s face. Buck was always so energetic and charismatic, he often forgot how hands-off his parents had been. He didn’t talk about them much, but Eddie had gotten enough clues to put together that they weren’t the most active or supportive parents. The only thing that did seem hands-on about them was their disciplinary style. He couldn’t even imagine treating Christopher the way Buck and Maddie had been treated, no matter how angry he got. 

“Hey, what do you have going on tonight?” Eddie inquired, pulling himself and Buck from their quickly spiraling thoughts. Buck’s whole demeanor brightened immediately at the unspoken invitation.

“Not a thing, mi amigo,” he replied with a wink.

Eddie rolled his eyes and tried to hide the amusement pulling at his lips. 

“You’re an idiot,” he asserted fondly, shaking his head at the ground. “Let’s go. We can get something to eat and go drink our way through some terrible summer camp movies so I can prove to you that no one, not even in the movies, actually has penpals anymore.” 

Buck perked up at the suggestion and skipped into tow as he followed Eddie to their cars. 

“Oh-oh, prepare to eat those words, my friend,” Buck taunted, throwing a quick jab at Eddie’s arm.

You’re going to have a great time. Eddie was still doubtful, but spending the evening with his best friend was at least a start. 

\-------

Seven hours later, Buck and Eddie were slouched carelessly on Eddie's couch, empty pizza boxes and beer bottles strewn over the table in front of them. They were on their 5th camp movie, and well on the way to drunk as the title card to the ‘modern classic’ (according to Buck) Fired Up flashed onto the screen. 

“I don’t thunk this mov-eh was eva around whan you were a kid, Bucks,” Eddie slurred from his splayed position at the end of the couch. Buck giggled, almost uncontrollably, at Eddie’s drunken drawl. He always got giggly when he drank; something about the alcohol just lightened him up until his insides felt like helium. It happened every time they drank together: Eddie got sloppy and Buck got giggly. Buck hadn’t thought they’d had that much to drink today, but after noticing the three empty six packs on the floor, he was reconsidering. 

“Izza classic,” he mocked back, immediately erupting into more giggles at his own joke.

Eddie swatted absently at him, missing entirely the first few swings, then awkwardly slapping into Buck’s nipple on the last. 

“Thas not how it wurks, Buckaroo,” Eddie began sternly, “You canna just claim iz a classig. We ALL needs to say iz classic.” Eddie eyes were barely open at this point, his head thrown back over the couch, arm still aimlessly swinging towards Buck to emphasize his point. He may have been minutes away from passing out, but his competitive streak was alive and well and he was clearly determined to win this non-existent argument.

Buck shot a crooked bemused smiled at Eddie. His mind had been so caught up in Abby’s surprise return and rejection that he had almost missed how worn-down Eddie had gotten. It was nice to see him just being his stubborn, oddly competitive self again. Even if it meant he might get slapped by Eddie’s ever wavering arm. At least one of them should be carefree for the night.

“Alright, Edmundo, you win,” Buck conceded gracefully. “Fired Up is not a classic. It is an under-rated gem. But it IS a camp movie and therefor fits the bill for tonight’s entertainment. Besides, who wouldn’t want to watch a bunch a hot cheerleaders hooking up and throwing each other through the air for an hour and a half?”

Eddie’s head perked up at that, eyes slowly dragging from Buck’s face to the TV. He was enticed by Buck’s new description of the movie, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was using it to hide something from him. Even in his inebriated state, or maybe because of it, Eddie could see the withdrawn look hidden behind Buck’s amusement. He had an idea what might be causing it, but wasn’t sure it was his place to ask. 

“So, whassup wit Abby,” Eddie asked unceremoniously. The distant look on Buck’s face vanished in an instant and was replaced by something much darker. Shit. 

“I don’t know that I want to talk about her right now,” Buck admitted quietly, barely covering the pain in his voice as his eyes drifted to the floor. Double shit. Eddie winced as Buck seemed to fold into himself, lost in clearly negative thought.

Eddie thought he understood what Abby had meant to Buck; he had gotten the whole story from him months ago. But meeting her in person, hearing that she had finally returned without a word, but with a whole ready-made family, just didn’t make sense. That wasn’t the person Buck had told him about. The person who Buck had loved. THAT Abby couldn’t have done that to him. As if Buck wasn’t enough? After everything they’d gone through, everything he’d done for her? Eddie knew what it was like to feel that he wasn’t enough; he had lived with that feeling every day for the last 7 years. But seeing that look in Buck’s eyes, hearing that same defeat in his voice was too much. Buck gave everything, to everyone, all the time. He was practically a saint. Well, maybe not a saint, but he was as much deserving of love as anyone could be. He deserved it more than anybody. 

Anger quickly sobered Eddie. He had to fix this. Buck didn’t deserve to be treated like that by Abby, and he definitely deserve to stew in it all night. With more effort than he expected (how much had they drunk??), Eddie pulled himself up to face Buck. 

“I get it man,” he started a little too forcefully. Seeing the wounded look on Buck’s face had him pulling back the anger from his voice before he continued. “Look we don’t have to talk about it, but you know you deserve better, right? What she did had nothing to do with you. It affected the hell out of you, yeah, but it wasn’t because of you. You know that, right?”

Buck’s eyes closed tight and his face had become decidedly expressionless, but his breathing was unusually measured. Eddie could tell he was fighting to keep the tears from welling up in his eyes. He didn’t want to push, he didn’t want to hurt Buck any more than he was already hurting, but he needed him to recognize how shitty Abby’s behavior had been, and that none of it was within his control. None of it was his fault. 

“I just want to say one thing right now, and then we will move on and keep watching hot cheerleaders,” Eddie started, sounding surprisingly somber even to himself. “I don’t know Abby, and I don’t know what she wants in a family, but she was wrong to think that she couldn’t have it with you.” Buck hissed in a breath, and Eddie winced at the single tear that had escaped. He soldiered on as earnestly as he could. “Since Chris and I moved here, you have become more family to us than anyone I’ve ever known. Including actual family.” He paused and waited for Buck to open his eyes, to look at him and see the sincerity in his face. “I would even…I am including Shannon in that.”

Buck’s eyes widened in shock and the damn finally broke. Tears spilled down Buck’s cheeks as Eddie’s words sunk in, and a small sob ripped from his throat.

Eddie didn’t know when exactly he had realized how much Buck meant to him, but he knew in his heart it was true. No matter how much he had loved Shannon, she had never felt like safe. She was wild and passionate and it had all been so exciting. But she had never felt like home. Not like Buck. Eddie trusted Buck with his life. He even trusted him with Chris’ life. 

Though tears still trailed slowly down Buck’s face, his eyes turned bright, filled to the brim with the comfort of acceptance. Eddie was entranced. The relief and gratitude he could see in Buck’s expression was…beautiful. There was no other word for it. It filled Eddie with something he couldn’t being to put a name to, but felt a lot like vindication. 

He hadn’t planned to do it. He hadn’t even really thought of it until that moment. He wasn’t even sure why he had thought to do it, but something about the constant warmth of Buck’s presence and their shared history of being the one person the other could rely on had spurred Eddie forward. Buck’s lips were still quivering between a sob and a smile when Eddie suddenly leaned in and pressed his own lips against them. 

As soon as his skin made contact, he froze, afraid to pull back, and afraid to move forward. Buck’s welcoming soft lips were now motionless beneath his own. His mind abandoned him and he was afraid to even breathe. Eddie pulled back as quickly as he’d surged forward. He was afraid to look at Buck, afraid to see fear or anger or rejection in his face. He wasn’t even into guys! At least he hadn’t ever thought he was. 

Eddie’s eyes drifted back to the TV, suddenly much more invested in the movie than the man sitting next to him. Maybe pretending it didn’t happen would work. They were drunk, right? Buck would take it as the comforting gesture it was meant to be and everything would be back to normal. Eddie could learn to ignore the new intoxicating fluttering sensation in his stomach. It would go away eventually…right?

Eddie forced himself to stop thinking and focus on the TV. The two lead actors from the movie were currently running through their cheer routines in the middle of the night, outside, fully naked, including a piggyback maneuver which was forcing unwanted ideas into Eddie’s mind. What was this movie?! He sat motionless, still staring deliberately at the screen, trying to sort through the thoughts racing through his mind and ignore the best friend still sitting frozen at his side. 

He had almost quieted his mind enough to get lost in the shenanigans of the movie when he felt a cautious hand grasp his shoulder. Ice shot through his veins, but he couldn’t help but turn to look. Buck’s unreadable face was impossibly close. How had he gotten so close without making any sound? His eyes were soft, searching Eddie’s face for…something. 

He must have found whatever he was looking for because in the next breath Eddie felt Buck’s mouth pressed against his own. Buck’s lips barely moved; his caution palpable in the kiss. It felt like a question to Eddie. He breathed out a soft sigh of surprise and melted into the kiss, his own lips massaging Buck’s back in answer. His lips were plumper than expected, yet every bit as warm and inviting as the rest of him. 

Buck was still tense, but made no move to pull away, which Eddie took as an invitation. He shifted forward and placed a hand at Buck’s waist, cautiously pulling him closer while reveling in the heat of his skin and the hard, corded muscle under his shirt. Buck gasped against Eddie’s mouth at the touch and Eddie’s tongue gently flicked across his now parted lips; part question, part suggestion. 

Something about that small gesture seemed to solidify Buck’s resolve. Tension melted away as his hands reached forward to grab at Eddie’s shirt, carefully dragging him closer. Buck dove back in with more confidence, his own tongue teasing Eddie’s mouth eagerly. The taste of beer and pizza hung on both men’s lips, which really shouldn’t have been appealing, and yet neither seemed to mind. Eddie felt like skin was on fire and his stomach felt like it was in knots. His mind could barely keep up with what was happening. Were he and Buck really kissing? Yes. Was this something he wanted? Also yes. How long had that been a desire of his? That answer was less forthcoming. 

They parted for a moment, barely a second, to catch their breath. The kiss had been gentle, inquisitive. But one look at the ruddy flush spreading across Eddie’s face, and the way his spit shimmered lips hung open, begging for more, was an invitation Buck couldn’t ignore. 

“You good,” he asked hopefully, desperately wanting to continue where they’d left off. His mind was racing with questions, but his body was already fully on board. Sparks of desire pricked at his skin. Thankfully Eddie gave him a quick, disbelieving nod.

His hands shot forward, cupping Eddie’s face and tilting his head up as Buck’s mouth descended upon him with renewed vigor. Eddie was surprised by the newfound enthusiasm, but ready, his lips parting immediately to welcome Buck’s tongue. 

This kiss was not gentle. This kiss was desperate, hungry, claiming.

Buck’s mouth worked at Eddie’s like it was the last chance he would ever have. Eddie’s arms wrapped around Buck’s broad shoulders, pulling him closer as if he could taste all of him if he could get close enough. Scorching heat radiated from Buck’s body, sinking deep into Eddie’s skin. His face and lips felt rough, almost burned, from the heat of Buck’s kisses. It only took him a moment to realize the burn was real. Buck’s stubble was leaving a scorching trail across his face, marking him, claiming him. The realization sparked something deep inside of Eddie, and he was stunned to feel strong flicker of heat now joining the butterflies in his belly. 

Wet sounds and heavy panting filled the air as Buck raked his nails through Eddie’s recently buzzed hair. The sensation shot electricity straight to Eddie’s dick. A full body shiver took over Eddie, his mouth hanging slack at the response. Buck took the opportunity to focus his attention further south, biting kisses into Eddie’s jaw, throat, and neck, his tongue flicking out to soothe each one. Buck’ scruff continued to burn its presence into Eddie’s skin, and he felt the familiar rush of blood filling his dick. 

Suddenly a phone rang out from the table and both men jumped apart, terrified that they had somehow been caught. Buck scrambled back to the far end of the couch as Eddie reached for his phone shakily. Ms. Flores’ chipper voice greeted him.

“Good evening, Mr. Diaz,” she began, none the wiser to the situation she had interrupted, “I have someone here who wants to say hello! We’ve got him all settled in and everything has gone perfectly so far, so nothing to worry about. He just said he wanted to check in.” 

Even through his panic and, what he now had to admit was arousal, Eddie could hear Christopher’s agitated voice in the background.

“Check ON, not in,” the boy clarified indignantly. Eddie chanced a glance at Buck who looked partially dazed, but happy, and clearly just as eager to hear from Chris. Christopher’s voice became clearer as the phone was passed over to him. 

“Hey buddy,” Eddie said, turning his attention back to the phone.

“Hi dad! Did you do something fun yet?” he asked innocently. Eddie’s ears began to burn from embarrassment. Chris couldn’t know what he and Buck had been up to, could he?

“Heh, sure did bud. Just having a camp movie marathon and imagining all the fun you’re gonna have.” Buck chuckled at his side, clearly amused by the barely hidden panic in Eddie’s voice.

“Ha. You’re so lame when I’m not there,” Chris chided. “Is Buck there?”

Eddie’s head whipped around to face the other man. Buck’s lips were still bright and swollen. Little did he know, they were nothing compared to the angry red burn marking half of his own face and throat. His eyes darted from Buck to the phone while his brain tried to decide whether it was more suspicious if Buck was or wasn’t there. Luckily, Buck decided for him and grabbed the phone gently. His fingers lingered against Eddie’s just a moment longer than usual and Eddie’s dick gave a small jump in interest.

“Is that my favorite Diaz checking up on me,” he said casually into the receiver as Eddie bristled resentfully. Buck smiled and pushed at his shoulder playfully. His hand lingered there too, just a moment too long to be casual. Was Eddie imagining it?

“Hi Buck,” Chris cried excitedly. His voice had gotten significantly louder when Buck picked up the phone. “I need you to do something for my dad,” Chris whispered conspiratorially.

“Oh yeah, what’s that,” Buck whispered back, ignoring Eddie’s glare at the phone in his hands, as if he could make it burst into flames to stop whatever conversation was about to happen.

“Make sure he has a great time while I’m gone.” Buck smiled gently at the request. Chris was the best person he knew. If he had anything to do with it, Eddie was going to have a great time as soon as he hung up the phone. 

“You got it, kid,” he promised easily. “You wanna say goodnight to your dad?”

“Ok. I love you, Buck,” Chris signed off as Buck moved to hand the phone back. Buck froze, not sure what to say. While he had watched Eddie and Chris exchange that very sentiment hundreds of time, and he knew HE loved Chris, Chris had never said it to him before. He looked at Eddie whose expression had turned softer than he’d ever seen it. 

“Love you too, buddy,” he choked out as he handed the phone to Eddie. The feeling of belonging and security sparked back to life in his chest. Eddie had said it earlier, but he hadn’t believed him until now; he really was family. He belonged with them. Buck’s eyes drifted back to Eddie as he said his goodbyes to his son, and a new wave of heat washed over him. His heart was so full from the love of a child and he suddenly felt safe, like he was home. But deep within him a different emotion was stirring, something much more volatile, and much more dangerous. He couldn’t mess this thing he had with Eddie and Chris up. This was his family now and they needed to stay family, no matter what. 

Cold fear began to creep into the edges of his mind, overshadowing the desire heating his body. He didn’t know what had just happened, neither of them did really. But this was a change, this was new. And new could mean disaster. Look at his last relationships; none of them turned out well. He didn’t even speak to any of those women anymore. That couldn’t happen with Eddie and Christ. He couldn’t lose Eddie. He wouldn’t survive it.

Eddie watched the shock and worry take over Buck’s face with a sinking feeling in his gut. It had been too easy to revel in the feel of Buck’s hands pulling him close, keeping him safe. But now, in the light of the real world, it was dangerous. He could see the same thoughts flashing through Buck’s mind. Although he couldn’t be sure this wouldn’t end in disaster, he wanted to quell Buck’s fears, convince him that he was wanted. Loved. 

But before he could do anything, Buck jumped up from the couch. His tall, lean frame towered over Eddie, but he looked small and panicked.

“I thi ... I think I should head out,” Buck blurted weakly, eyes darting anywhere other than Eddie’s face. Eddie stood up, trying to force Buck to see him, but Buck dodged him quickly, bending down to collect the empty pizza boxes. Eddie reached out to slow him down, to get him to stop so they could talk, but Buck ducked away from his arm and quickly headed to the door. Eddie could feel him slipping away; panic setting in where desire had been.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Buck called over his shoulder as he fumbled for the keys in his pocket.

“Buck, wait,” Eddie called out, desperation seeping into his tone. His drunken legs were working against him and he couldn’t maneuver around the table quickly enough to get to Buck. “We can talk now. We can just ignore tonight, go back to regular Buck and Eddie.” 

There was a mixture of hope and disappointment in Eddie’s voice that stopped Buck in his tracks. Ignore tonight? For a brief moment, before his mind had caught up to him, tonight had been his happiest night in a long time. Outside of everything that could go wrong, being with Eddie had felt like the warmest, most relaxing and comforting place in the world. Buck wanted to turn around. He wanted to rush over to Eddie, pull him into his arms, and kiss him until there was no doubt in his mind about what he meant to Buck. 

But he didn’t. He couldn’t. That was Buck 1.0, rushing in headfirst without considering the consequences. Following his dick instead of head.

“It’s ok, Ed,” he called back solemnly as he stepped through the door and out into the night. “Night.” 

Buck didn’t turn around, he couldn’t bear the thought of Eddie’s anger, or worse, disappointment. There were too many emotions roiling in him. He was disappointed, angry, and hurt. But there was still a spark of want smoldering underneath, flaming the pain of the others. This was all too fast, too new. He couldn’t fuck up with Eddie. He wouldn’t allow himself to be reckless here.

He stumbled towards his car, still hauling the empty boxes under his arm, mind racing with possibilities. Eddie meant the world to him. He was sure of that. He just didn’t know what that meant for them. Buck was not shy about admitting Eddie was attractive, it was literally the first thing he had noticed about him. But he had never really thought about whether HE was attracted to Eddie, at least not like that. Eddie was magnetic, and reckless, and protective. Buck knew all of this from personal experience. He was also kind, and caring, and gentle. Buck also knew this. But he had never really been on the direct receiving end of it until tonight. It was…nice, really nice. Eddie’s touch had been so much firmer than he’d expected, more confident than he had looked by far. He was patient and cautious, but receptive and intuitive at the same time. They didn’t have to talk in order to kiss, they just seemed to know what felt right. 

Buck tossed the empty boxes onto the hood of his car and leaned his head against the cool metal door frame. His skin was still burning where Eddie had touched him and the warring emotions in his head were quickly becoming a headache.

His mind wandered back to the feeling of Eddie’s mouth against his, the heat of his body crawling ever closer to Buck’s on the couch, the soft gasp of delight he’d made when Buck kissed him back. Buck’s stomach tightened at the memory, his dick twitching ever so slightly at the thought of Eddie gasping for other reasons. 

Buck shook the thoughts from his mind. He didn’t know what his body was doing, he didn’t even know how to be with a man. He wasn’t gay. He had never even looked at another guy like that. Sure, he could appreciate an attractive guy as something nice to look at, but being with one? Sex? He didn’t even know where to start. And he was not about to jump into something that would make him lose Eddie because HE didn’t know what he was doing. 

And yet…walking away, leaving Eddie behind felt like a betrayal. Being with Eddie felt right, in every other way. Maybe this was just one more way they could be together. Maybe…maybe it could work and not implode. Maybe he could stay and talk it out. Eddie was the only one he would want to talk to about it anyway. 

Buck turned back, still deliberating his next move, only to see Eddie determinedly stumbling towards him, face still flushed and hair askew.

“Buck, please,” Eddie beseeched as he jogged closer, “please don’t leave like this. I was just caught up in the moment. I don’t know what happened.” There was a mild panic in his voice, but there was fear in his eyes - the fear of losing Buck. 

“Eddie,” Buck started, taking a step forward to slow him down, “It’s okay. I’m not mad. No harm, no foul.”

Eddie stopped in his tracks, eyes searching Buck’s face, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It couldn’t be that easy. Buck couldn’t just forget and move on, could he? 

Eddie’s heart ached at the thought of Buck closing him off so easily. Now that the lid had been cracked, Eddie could barely keep his emotions under control. Was Buck really able to just pretend it hadn’t happened?

“Oh,” Eddie said dejectedly, “Good. I’m glad you’re not mad. I guess I just didn’t want you to leave without…knowing that…” Eddie’s words trailed off as his disappointment overwhelmed him. How had his hopes gotten so high so quickly? 

Buck watched the fear fall from Eddie’s face, only to be replaced by unmistakable loss. His heart stopped as he realized what Eddie thought; that Buck wasn’t interested, that he didn’t want him. Whether he was gay or not, he would figure out later, but he couldn’t leave Eddie thinking that he wasn’t just as wanted as he made Buck feel. 

Without thinking, Buck stepped forward, closing the distance between them and grabbed Eddie’s shirt, pulling him to within an inch of his own face. Eddie’s eyes shot up, confusion shifting into cautious optimism as Buck smirked down at him. 

“I don’t know what’s happening either, Eds, but I guess we’ll figure it out together.” 

With that, Buck leaned down and planted a firm, un-questioning, un-cautious, and un-hesitant kiss on Eddie’s lips. Whether he knew what it meant or not, he knew it felt right. 

Eddie returned the kiss with enthusiasm. His hands snaked their way up into Buck’s short curls, fingers twisting into the thick mane possessively. He gave a quick tug, pulling just hard enough to get a small whine from Buck as a shiver ran down his spine. 

Buck retaliated by wrapping his arms tightly around Eddie’s waist and pulling him closer until the whole length of their bodies was pressed together, every inch of heat searing into each other. 

Eddie couldn’t help but take pride in the heavy presence he felt between Buck’s legs. At least they were both as into it as he was, even if they didn’t know what was going on. Before he could take full stock of Buck’s endowment Buck was spinning him around and walking him backward until his back jolted into the harsh side panel of Buck’s car. 

Buck had meant the move to startle Eddie into pulling his hair again, but the sudden shift had positioned his leg squarely between Eddie’s, and the heat of Eddie’s rigid dick pressing insistently against his thigh was a firm invitation to move things along. It was definitely different being on the receiving end of a surprise erection, but not as strange as he’d thought. His mouth worked its way down Eddie’s jaw, biting into the tense muscles running up his neck, leaving tracks of fleeting marks where his teeth dug in. The soft moans rippling from Eddie’s throat were more than enough to get Buck’s attention. He pulled back slowly, eyes heavy and full of heat. 

Eddie’s eyes locked onto Buck’s, his pupils blown wide with want. Lust flooded through him at the predatory look. Without breaking eye contact he slowly, deliberately, ground his hips up against Buck’s thigh, grinning and gasping from the sensation. 

Buck’s eyes widened, flickering wildly between Eddie’s slack and ravaged mouth, and the rapturous expression in his eyes. 

“God yes,” he whispered lasciviously. Without another moment’s pause, he descended on Eddie again, tongue plunging into his mouth, begging for more. 

Eddie was quick to acquiesce, his own tongue darting out to taste Buck. His hips started rocking gently, but constantly, the cool metal behind him contrasting with the firm heat of Buck in front of him. 

Buck’s feet shifted, lining up his own dick onto Eddie’s thigh, and returned the favor. Buck’s head flopped back carelessly, momentarily lost in the delicious feeling of friction. 

Eddie’s eyes fluttered shut as he groaned at the feeling of Buck’s sizable dick grinding against his hip. Holy shit, it felt way bigger now than it had ever seemed in the showers. 

Buck grinned down at him with a devilish glint in his eye, somehow reading the thoughts that had crossed his mind. He sucked Eddie’s lip between his teeth, biting down just hard enough for Eddie to blink his eyes open in shock and see the impish grin on his face. 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Buck rasped out, voice deeper and thicker with what he could only call lust. “But I don’t think either of us are ready for that, big boy.” Eddie made an odd noise at that, half laugh/half whine, and Buck’s stomach clenched harder still. He definitely needed to hear that sound again.

Eddie’s hips picked up pace at that, grinding feverishly against Buck. His hands clutching to Buck’s hair for dear life, his head thrown back with abandon, exposing his neck fully to the man in front of him. 

Buck didn’t need to be told twice. He ramped up his own pace, grinding in tandem with Eddie’s hips, as he leaned down a licked a wide, warm stipe up Eddie’s neck, flicking his tongue just at the edge of Eddie’s jaw before biting playfully at his chin. He was rewarded with another half laugh-half whine for his efforts. 

“Fuck,” Buck whispered against Eddie’s throat, lost in the sounds of Eddie’s quick, erratic, breaths, and the hypnotic friction of their hips working together. A bold idea popped into his head. His hands, which had been resting happily along Eddie’s waist, started to dip lower, fingers working under the waist of Eddie’s pants and digging into the soft muscle of his ass.

“Buck,” Eddie growled, “That’s not fair.” His voice was wrecked from panting, but Buck could still sense the smallest hint of amusement.

“Do you want me to stop,” Buck hissed into his ear while jerking his hips forward and grinding slowly down Eddie’s leg. 

“Fuck no,” Eddie panted back at him, melting into the feeling of Buck’s body writhing against his.

“Then you better learn to play dirty, amigo,” Buck challenged. Somehow, he thought he wouldn’t know how to talk to a man like this, but the words came to him completely unbidden. 

Eddie’s head fell forward, burying a moan into Buck’s neck. One hand slowly unwound from Buck’s hair and tracked sharp fingernails down his muscular back. 

Buck was prepared to feel those nails dig into his ass, but they detoured sharply at his waist, lightening their pressure and gently trailing around to his stomach and under his shirt. A frantic giggle bubbled out of Buck’s throat as Eddie began to tickle him mercilessly. 

“Now who’s not playing fair,” Buck choked out through his giggles. Eddie laughed against his throat, breath ghosting warmly against Buck’s exposed collarbone.

“That was your idea, buddy,” Eddie retorted playfully. Buck’s laugh reverberated through his chest making Eddie’s heart swell with pride. He took the chance, while Buck’s defenses were lowered, to be even bolder. He released his grip on Buck’s hair and smoothed both hands down Buck’s chest. One hand fixed itself to Buck’s hip, slowing his ministrations. He was afraid to lift his head, afraid to look up and lose his nerve. His other hand slowly ran down Buck’s stomach, hesitating only for a moment at the waist of his pants before soldiering on to cup firmly around the sizable bulge in Buck’s pants. He could feel Buck’s breath catch in his chest, as his dick pulsed eagerly in his hand. Eddie’s fingers slowly curved around the edges of the bulge and began working slowly up and down the shaft. 

“Eddie,” Buck whispered, lips practically pressed to his ear, “You don’t have to-“

But his words were cut short by Eddie’s teeth clamping against his bottom lip, stretching it out as his eyes finally made contact with Buck’s. 

Buck practically came just from the sight of Eddie’s eyes completely blacked out by pupils, filled with lust and passion, his teeth clenched onto his lip. His dick twitched eagerly as the heat coiling in his stomach nearly boiled over. Eddie relinquished his lip at last, soothing it with his tongue before licking into Buck’s mouth again. Buck’s lips were quick to open for him, his breath turning shakier as Eddie began to stroke faster. He felt like he should do something, anything, to reciprocate, but his mind shorted out as his orgasm charged to the surface. Without warning Buck tossed his head back and grunted a curse to the sky, hips jerking forward as he came, waves of pleasure releasing as his body uncoiled. Eddie’s teeth clamped onto Buck’s throat, sucking and licking at the sweat-dampened skin as his hand worked him through his orgasm. Buck panted into the night sky, chest pounding with adrenaline. Eddie slowly released him, licking one final stripe up Buck’s neck before looking up at his ruddy, sweat-streaked face. 

“I may have gotten carried away,” Eddie confessed quietly, still waiting for Buck to look back at him. The hand on Buck’s hip twitched anxiously as his breathing slowly evened out. 

Eventually Buck lifted his head back up to look at Eddie, thoughts clouded by his own bliss. Eddie’s temples were kissed by beads of sweat and heat still stained his cheeks. His eyes were cautious, but still blown wide with passion. Buck suddenly noticed the not-insignificant presence still pressing against his own leg and realized Eddie was still hard. He cantered his hips forward, testing the waters, but his dick was too sensitive after so much friction. 

“It’s okay,” Eddie breathed out on a sigh, clearly relieved that Buck wasn’t mad. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“Fuck that,” Buck replied as a new idea sprung to mind. He wasn’t sure he was ready to get handsy, but he wasn’t going to leave Eddie hanging. He slid his hands back out from under Eddie’s pants and hunched forward to grab the backs of Eddie’s thighs. 

“Wha-“ 

Eddie didn’t even get the question out before Buck was lifting him up and pressing him back into the side of the car. He wrapped Eddie’s legs around his waist and pressed forward until his aching erection was pressed between his own abdomen and Buck’s chest. Buck leaned forward and nipped a playful bite at Eddie’s collar bone as Eddie tested his balance in their new position. The movement released some of the friction on Eddie’s dick and he let out an unconscious whine at the loss.

Buck looked up at him through tinted lashes. 

“You’re gonna have to help me here, hombre,” he teased. “Do what you need to, I’ll give what I can.”

Eddie looked down at him, not fully comprehending what Buck meant.

Buck recognized his confusion immediately, having had months of practice reading Eddie’s expressions. His eyes flicked between Eddie’s face and Eddie’s cock, hoping he would catch on. He gave him a quick body roll to emphasize his meaning, his chest rolling against Eddie’s erection along the way. 

Understanding finally lit Eddie’s face and an almost imperceptible ‘Dios’ left his lips. He wiggled his hips inquiringly, testing Buck’s grip as well as his own balance. Feeling satisfied with both, he dipped his hips once, assessing the way the motion affected his dick. It gave him some friction, but he wasn’t sure it would be enough.

Buck could sense Eddie’s doubt. He ground his fingertips into Eddie’s thighs, eliciting a squeal from the other man still lost in thought. 

“Trust me,” he said conspiratorially as his hands slid back further to grasp at Eddie’s ass. With one quick pull of Eddie’s hips, accompanied by a thrust of Buck’s chest, Eddie finally found the friction he was seeking. A moan escaped his lips as he ground his hips down into Buck’s chest and sparks ignited throughout his abdomen. 

“Told ya,” Buck teased breathlessly as he set a quick and steady pace of thrusting, pulling, and rolling his chest against Eddie’s dick. Eddie’s breaths shortened as fire spread from his dick through his body, igniting every nerve on the way. 

“Buck,” he panted, moaning wantonly as the other man’s fingers inched closer to the center of his ass with every thrust. 

“I’ve got you,” Buck panted back, leaning forward for a quick peck. “I’ve got you, Eds.”

Eddie’s climax took him by surprise, his hips stuttering out of rhythm as hot seed spilled from him. Buck slowed his movements, allowing Eddie to come down comfortably before lowering his shaking legs back to the ground. 

Buck and Eddie stood silently, panting into the warm evening air, for a moment, recounting the events of the evening. Neither was sure who started, but suddenly both men were laughing heartily, leaning against the car for support.

“Well that definitely wasn’t how I expected this day to go,” Eddie laughed breathlessly, his shoulder bumping against Buck’s.

“You’re telling me,” Buck replied, wiping tears from his eyes. 

“I’m not sure I ever thought about this happening, but I’m kind of thrilled that it did,” Eddie admitted sincerely.

“You’re not the only one. I didn’t even think I was into guys,” Buck joked, trying to keep the mood light. 

“You know, neither did I,” Eddie confessed. “Weird, right?”

“Definitely.” 

Their laughter died down quickly as both men took a moment to really digest what had just happened. 

“Uh,” Buck started eloquently, “I do think I should be getting home now…uh, are you good?”

Eddie looked at him carefully. Was there regret hidden anywhere in his face?

“Um, you wanna get lunch tomorrow and…talk,” Buck asked earnestly, his voice pinched from nerves. 

The smile that slowly broke across Eddie’s face was blinding and Buck’s own smile mirrored him immediately.

“That, that actually sounds great,” Eddie agreed. “Tomorrow.” 

It felt like an answer and a promise all in one. 

“Great,” Buck said, nervously shuffling on the balls of his feet. He leaned forward cautiously and kissed Eddie, just a quick peck, like he was making sure he was really standing there agreeing to figure out whatever this was. “Tomorrow, then.”

Eddie flushed under Buck’s delighted smile and started to walk back towards his still open door. He turned as he reached the threshold to see Buck adjusting his still wet pants. Eddie knew how uncomfortable they were as he was sporting a pair himself. 

“Hey,” he called out, “You want some sweats to wear home?”

Buck turned to smirk at him. 

“Nah, I think I’m gonna sit with this a bit.”

Eddie didn’t ask what he meant by that, but watched bemusedly as Buck climbed into his car and adjusted himself again.

Buck pulled out onto the road slowly, wriggling uncomfortably at the cooling wetness in his pants. At the next stoplight he looked down at the dark spot on his leg, remembering the last half hour with a dopey smile hanging from his lips.

“Tomorrow,” he said aloud to himself. A promise to see this thing through, for better or worse. The light turned green and he hit the accelerator, a smile still playing at his lips as his phone dinged with a message from Eddie.

Eddie Dias (9:24pm):  
Tomorrow : )


	2. The Day After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all convinced me to keep going, so this is your own fault. :)
> 
> I'm very much a realist when it comes to relationship portrayals, so each chapter may end up in a totally different place and may have a totally different tone than the ones around it (just like real life). It's been super fun to write Buck and Eddie together just being their hot, tantalizing selves, but I also really appreciate the characters and want to treat them right. So heads up, there will be awkward conversations and doubting thoughts and mishaps when they're just getting started, because that is real life and that's what makes relationships stronger. But I promise I will keep this story positive. There are already too many sad stories about queer people, I do not need to contribute to that. (Doesn't mean there won't be SOME angst, but you can keep hoping for the happy ending.)

Buck woke with a familiar firmness between his legs as his soft sheets ghosted over his exposed skin. He must have had a drink the night before; he tended to sleep nude when he was drunk. Without opening his eyes, he reached a hand beneath the sheet to investigate and unsurprisingly found himself half hard. Normally he could ignore it and go about his morning routine, but his skin was still buzzing from his exploit with Eddie and he desperately wanted to cling to that feeling for as long as he could. He figured he had time to work it out.

He pulled his hand up to his lips and licked a thick, wet stripe across his palm before dipping it back under the sheet and wrapping his long, nimble fingers around his impressive length. He gave one quick squeeze before lazily stroking himself from half-mast to fully hard. He started slowly, alternating between hard and soft pressure, giving himself just enough friction to want more. But the memory of Eddie’s hard body writhing against his own raced to his mind and his dick quivered intently in his hand, causing him to increase his pressure. His skin prickled as his dick began to throb from the sensations. He reached blindly for his bedside table, shuffling through the contents carelessly until he found the bottle of lube he kept stashed there. He slicked his palm up with a healthy dollop and went back to work, stroking himself more intently, rotating his wrist and grazing his thumb gently over the head with every other pass. The motion was familiar, but it still sent his nerves buzzing. He could feel the beginnings of an orgasm building in his gut, his muscles twitching with anticipation. The warm pressure and slick slide of his hand was pleasant, but not quite enough to push him over the edge. 

His mind suddenly supplied him with a new image (one not from the night before): Eddie’s thick lips wrapped around Buck’s girth, his wet tongue undulating against the underside of his dick, cheeks hollowing out to surround him with moist heat, hands clawing at his waist to bring him closer, pulling him deeper into his throat.

Buck lost his rhythm for a moment, his hips jerking forward involuntarily at the thought of Eddie accepting him into his throat. He could picture it so clearly: Eddie, stubborn and competitive as ever, swallowing him down until he couldn’t even breathe, choking on the size of him, but not easing off until Buck had emptied himself, hot and sticky, down his throat. His hand squeezed tighter at the thought, his pace picking up to match his now ragged breathing. He could feel his orgasm building to the breaking point; he knew he was almost there. His mind shifted again. Now he pictured Eddie’s toned body hovering over him, caging him in with his arms, hips lining up with and grinding against Buck’s ass as Eddie’s mouth attacked his neck and chest with stinging bites and kisses. 

Buck popped open the lube again and messily slicked up the fingers of his free hand. His other hand continued to stroke, lessening the pressure to keep his orgasm at bay, but keeping up the punishing pace, relishing the ache building in his arm. Beads of sweat had broken out all over his body, running down his sides in ticklish rivulets. He reached down with his free hand, his slick fingers tracing a tentative path from the base of his aching dick to the tight ring of muscle behind it. His dick trembled appreciatively at the new sensation as Buck traced his rim with one finger, adding just enough pressure to feel some give. He redoubled his efforts on his dick, stroking hard and fast again, his legs kicking out to their full, absurd length, twitching with anticipation. The pressure on his rim suddenly gave way, the ring of muscle swallowing his finger up to the second knuckle in an instant, adding a delicious feeling of fullness and sending a trembling wave of shock and pleasure through his body. He imagined the tight pressure of Eddie’s hole, gripping similarly around his own dick. The shock of his own body welcoming his finger so eagerly along with the thought of Eddie’s body welcoming his dick finally sent him over the edge. His muscles shuddered feverishly as his orgasm punched out of him in waves. His hand slipped from his hole as his release coursed through him, the sudden relief of pressure urging a new surge of hot come to spill over his fingers. He milked the remainder of his orgasm from his dick, massaging the sensitive organ gently with his own mess as he came back down to earth. 

He hissed out the breath he’d been holding since the orgasm began and tried to slow his heart rate back to a normal speed. His hands and thighs were sticky and the muscles in his arm burned from overuse, but he made no move to clean up. Not yet. His body was too spent to move, but his mind still churned. He pictured Eddie easing him through his comedown with gentle words, running soothing hands down his chest and stomach, massaging his thighs as he licked up the mess Buck had shot across them. His dick twitched halfheartedly at the thought; exhausted, but interested. 

“Fuck,” Buck breathed out bitterly. He had been so shocked by Eddie’s spontaneous kiss the night before and now, less than 12 hours later, he was getting himself off to the idea of Eddie fucking him. He needed to slow down. This was too delicate a situation to rush into like that. He needed to clear his head and take this slow; Eddie was too important to him to fuck it up.

Buck blinked the last remnants of sleep from his eyes and slowly took in the state of his room. His laptop was still in a heap next to his bed, dumped carelessly onto the floor the night before after a feverish research session. He was surprised to see multiple empty bourbon glasses perched precariously on the edge of his dresser. He had been relatively sober when he arrived home the night before, but the events of the evening had quickly come rushing back to him and he had decided a stiff drink was in order. His clothes were strewn across the floor like they had exploded off of him in his drunken state. His eyes lingered on the pants he had worn to Eddie’s where he could just see the edge of the stain he had left in them, with Eddie’s helping hand. 

Buck’s mind continued to recount the previous night as his body slowly came back to life. His research had started innocently enough; a ‘How do I know if I’m gay?’ quiz followed by search queries of ‘What does bisexual actually mean?’ and ‘Can you be bisexual if you’ve only like one guy, but have slept with a lot of women?’. But when that had left him with even more questions, he’s ended up posting a couple of anonymous ‘I think I might like my best friend, help!’ posts in the hopes that someone else had figured this all out before. 

The innocent portion of his investigation had ended abruptly with the query ‘How do two guys have sex?’. To be fair he had some ideas about that last question, but he knew there were some important steps he was probably missing and he wanted to be prepared. It wasn’t that sex was the only thing he wanted from Eddie, but he knew himself pretty well and even Buck 2.0 would only be able to hold back for so long (which felt even more prescient after his morning activities). He just wanted to be ready. From that point, his well-intentioned research had spiraled into furiously trawling through gay porn. His imagination kept (un)helpfully replacing the faces of the men in the video with his own and Eddie’s, which sparked a whole new wave of emotions and most definitely had a hand in his rude awakening that morning. After porn, he had turned to more bourbon until he had finally passed out around 1:00am, still partly aroused, still partly confused, and fully wishing he could talk to Eddie about all of it.

At least after all his research he did feel slightly more prepared for potential sex with Eddie. He felt like he had a good grasp on external stimulation, as he had proven the night before, but the internal part still made him slightly nervous. He had only ever been invited to try anal with one previous partner and she had been…progressive in the ways of sex. She had already experimented with it plenty and knew how to prepare herself beforehand to be able to take him in almost immediately, so he hadn’t needed to do much thinking at all (which in hindsight was helpful because he really couldn’t think once they started). But he knew there were more steps involved that he hadn’t been privy to. In his research Buck had re-discovered that the prostate could be an erogenous zone and wondered absently if he had ever managed to hit his own prostate in any of his experimentation. 

Being a naturally curious person, and a self-diagnosed sex addict at the time, he had done some experimentation on himself after that partner. He had started simple; first with just a finger, then a couple of fingers, and then in a more reckless time of his life he had even gotten himself a vibrating plug. It hadn’t been big, maybe the width of an old highlighter, but even that had left him feeling full and content. (The vibration hadn’t hurt either.) But a plug and a dick were very different. Aside from size, a dick needed to be able to move during sex, meaning whatever it was moving through would be rubbed and stretched unbelievably. Buck already knew Eddie’s size would be an adjustment as Eddie was significantly bigger than the plug he hadn’t used in years, but the motion aspect made him nervous. How long would he be stretched out? Would it hurt? Would he have to stop Eddie midway through if he couldn’t handle it? How deep would Eddie penetrate? Would Eddie be able to find his prostate? Would Eddie be able to make him come without even touching him? He had to slow that train of thought down quickly because his dick could not handle a round two.

He shook the thoughts from his mind. None of that was productive and he had to focus on the important steps before sex. Buck 1.0 was the one who was all about getting off again as soon as possible, but he wasn’t that guy anymore. Buck 2.0 took things slower; he got to know his partners before sleeping with them. 

Which sounded well and good, but he already _knew_ Eddie. There was a reason they had both felt comfortable enough to explore…whatever was happening between them last night. They already knew and implicitly trusted one another, so how was he supposed to slow himself down when his one trick for doing so was already shot? 

The lunch date they had planned was looking like a better and better idea. Someplace public, with clothes on, and no beds (not they seemed to need one…). He could handle that. He could keep his libido under control for a few hours. He hoped.

He lumbered up from the bed, taking a moment to stretch deeply, before shuffling to the bathroom to wash up. For some reason his arms felt extra heavy and sore, but he couldn’t quite figure out wh-

An image appeared helpfully in his mind: Eddie hiked up against his jeep, legs squeezing around his abdomen, head flung back in ecstasy as Buck held him aloft and ground his hips against him. 

Right. That would do it. A subconscious smile pricked at the corners of his mouth. Maybe this pain wasn’t so bad. He ignored the warm sensation deep in his gut and trudged to the bathroom. Just as he hit the shower, his phone chimed with two new messages. They were both from Eddie.

_Eddie Diaz (10:13am)  
Morning. You good with Red’s for lunch? 12?_

_Eddie Diaz (10:15am)  
Also Chris says hello_

A picture was attached to the second message: Christopher sporting a blinding smile, strapped into a bright blue harness high on the back of a beautiful palomino horse. It was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. Buck was equally relieved to see an aide standing right next to him, ready to catch him if he shifted. He didn’t know what he would do if something happened to Chris. And it wasn’t just because of what Chris meant to Eddie. Buck wasn’t sure exactly when he fell in love with Christopher, but it was early on, possibly even that first day Eddie had brought him to the station. There was something about the kid; full of light, smart as a whip, and savage as hell. Buck saw a lot of himself in Christopher, the good parts anyway. They just seemed to vibe right away. After countless movie nights and impromptu video game tournaments, and just being around each other so much, Christopher really felt like a part of him.

Buck smiled softly to himself, thoughts lost in that hazy nostalgia that all parents crave. He wondered absently if his parents ever felt nostalgic about his childhood. It was doubtful. Maddie had raised him far more than they ever had. She had practically been his mother. When Maddie left for college, Buck was devastated. He definitely attributed a lot of his shittier behavior to Maddie leaving. He’d had no one left to care about him, so he started acting out. His parents didn’t care what he did by that point, so he would sneak out to hook up with whatever random girl would have him. Those were the only times he really felt wanted, when giving someone pleasure that only he could give. He was desperate to be accepted and too naive to realize it was all meaningless. By the time Maddie had returned, he was unrecognizable from the boy she had known. She left again with Doug shortly after and Buck gave up on the dream of feeling at home in his home town. He just did what felt good until he got out. Fortunately, he had grown a lot since then and he and Maddie were on much better terms. It felt like they had been through so much separately that they were both starting over and could actually be siblings this time around. 

He should talk to her about Eddie. She would tease him for a while, but at least he knew she had his best interests at heart. Buck’s attention drifted back to the picture in his hand. Christopher needed a sister. Eddie had sisters. Buck had a sister. Chris needed a sister too. 

_To: Eddie Diaz (10:26)  
Sounds good. Christopher is killing it at camp! I’ll bet the horse is his first penpal._

He knew it was a bad joke, but he didn’t care. Eddie would laugh, and Eddie deserved more laughter in his life.   
\----

Eddie startled as his phone chimed, causing him to lose count of how many crunches he had done. He couldn’t see the screen from his angle on the floor, but he knew it had to be from Buck. Immediately he felt his shoulders tense up and he knew his racing heart had nothing to do with the crunches he’d been doing. 

Stubbornly he had gotten himself up at his usual 5:45am and set about his normal morning routine, even though Christopher wasn’t home and he finally could have slept in. The routine seemed to be the only thing keeping him from vibrating apart at the seams.

His nerves had been a mess since Buck left. At first, they were still thrumming, tingling with delight from their car-side encounter. But then the regret set in and all cylinders started firing icy chills all over his body, mixed with hot flashes of shame. He didn’t regret what he and Buck had done. In fact, he had quite enjoyed himself in the moment and had the tacky laundry to prove it. But he had been bold last night, fueled by alcohol and Buck’s loneliness, and maybe a little of his own selfishness. Morning Eddie was less confident, less sure that Buck would be okay with what they had done. This thing they had, whatever it was turning into, could change everything about their lives. It wasn’t something he should have rushed into with beer goggles on and his nerves were letting him know it. His whole body felt cramped, like every muscle had been clenched since Buck left, like they were trying to hold onto that moment for as long as possible.

After a 15-minute stretch his muscles had loosened back up, but his nerves were still firing at Def-Con 5. He had spent a solid hour and a half doing push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, burpees - anything he could think of to get his mind back on track. He needed to think, hard, and for that he needed absolute clarity. Exercise was his way to clear his mind; once his body was sore enough, his mind would finally be quiet.

It had taken longer than he hoped, but he got to the right headspace eventually. His nerves were fuzzy, but not unbearable and his mind was finally able to think. 

But then the questions started coming. Was last night a one-time thing? Was Buck into this the way he was? What way WAS he into this? Was this just lust? Buck _was_ incredibly attractive and Eddie knew from experience what kind of shape he was in. Did this mean he was gay? Was he in love with Buck? What would happen when Chris came home? Would he have to reintroduce Buck as, what, his boyfriend? 

His mind had stalled out for a cool five minutes after that last question occurred to him. Buck had been many things to him over the past year: Buck the Rival, Buck the Teammate, Buck the Cohort, Buck the Victim, Buck the Savior, Buck the Friend, Buck the Best-friend, Buck the Co-parent (because Eddie knew how much he and Christopher could, and did rely on him)…But Buck the Boyfriend was something else entirely. Buck the Boyfriend wouldn’t just be there for movie nights and video games, Buck the Boyfriend would be there for tuck-ins and morning routines. Buck the Boyfriend wouldn’t just be there to cheer Eddie up, Buck the Boyfriend would be there to feel the pain with him and carry him through. Knowing what Buck the Best-friend was like, Buck the Boyfriend would probably try to carry the pain by himself to save Eddie the trouble. 

It was a nice fantasy. But Eddie couldn’t know what the reality would be. He knew Buck, knew how he thought, knew how he handled stressful and dire situations. But this wasn’t the same kind of stress. The stakes were high, as high as they could be really, but it was still different. Eddie didn’t know how Buck would react. 

Eventually he decided that there was no use in trying to predict Buck’s reaction, so all he had left to do was follow up about lunch. Maybe they could talk it out like mature and responsible adults (though Eddie knew neither of them fit that bill exactly).

Eddie dragged himself up from the floor with a groan, and a major assist from the couch. Maybe he had overdone in it his efforts to Zen out. He staggered to the table and flicked the phone screen on. An incredulous laugh burst out of him at Buck’s response. 

_Buckaroo (10:26):  
Sounds good. Christopher is killing it at camp! I’ll bet the horse is his first penpal._

What a perfectly Buck answer. Totally casual about the potentially life-altering conversation they were going to have, but enthusiastic and snarky about the follow up that was only meant to cover up Eddie’s nerves. 

But apparently, they had a date.

Not a date…an arrangement to meet at noon. To talk. 

That gave Eddie a little over an hour to get his reignited nerves back under control. 

\---

Buck pulled up to Red’s at 11:45. He hadn’t meant to be so early, but he really hadn’t wanted to be late. He had debated over what to wear for almost 25 minutes before he finally decided on khaki joggers and a plain purple Henley. He looked good, but not too good. 

This wasn’t a date, he reminded himself again. This was a talk. A talk to decide if it _should_ be a date. But. It. Wasn’t. A. Date! …yet…

Buck let out a groan of frustration and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. The same argument had been running through his mind for an hour. He cared about Eddie, almost more than anyone, and part of him was thrilled at the idea of dating him. But a big part of him also didn’t want to screw up what they had. They were a great team, partners all the way. But dating would open them up to something more tenuous, something they would have to be able to navigate without losing what they had. Buck couldn’t lose the one real friend he had in the world. He’d still have the 118 and Maddie, but none of them had ever really gotten to know him the way Eddie had. Eddie understood Buck inside and out, he really saw Buck for who he was. No one else had ever tried that hard or dug that deep before. Not even Abby.

He just wished he knew what Eddie was going to say. Was Eddie on board with getting together? Like, really together? Was he prepared to have that conversation with Christopher? Even if it all fell apart? Or was Eddie going to pull back, say that last night had been fun and a nice relief, but it was just a one-time thing? 

Buck had to admit that that would be the easiest way to handle it all, but he didn’t want to leave it like that. Buck already knew Eddie was more than good enough for him, but if there was even a chance he could be good enough for Eddie, be THE person for Eddie, he wanted to give it a try. 

Hell, he _deserved_ to give it a try. Date or not, he wanted to be closer to Eddie, and today was the best chance he had at convincing him it was a good idea. 

Buck shook the tension out of his shoulders and finally opened the car door. He was still 10 minutes early, but he couldn’t sit in his car and stew any longer. Maybe the restaurant would serve him a non-judgmental drink before noon while he waited. At least it would help calm his nerves. Buck skipped into Red’s feeling lighter and more decided than when he had arrived. 

Now all he had to do was wait.

\-----

Eddie finally arrived at Red’s 20 minutes late for their not-really-a-date. He thought he had been doing well with getting ready early, but then he’d had to change his outfit twice because he couldn’t decide if he should come on strong or keep things casual, then he had to get gas for the truck and the nearest station was closed, so he had to jump off the highway on the way out and meander through an entire neighborhood to find the station his GPS had picked out, and time had just gotten away from him. 

“Hey, man! Sorry I’m late,” Eddie apologized breathlessly as he wound his way through the tables and fell into the chair across from Buck. “It’s been one of those mornings, you know? I thought I had all the time in the world, then suddenly everything is going wrong at the last second, and you’ve probably been waiting for half an hour already because I’m sure you got here early, like always, and I feel even worse because I know you’ve probably got stuff to do to..day…”

Eddie’s voice trailed off momentarily. He had finally stopped coming up with excuses long enough to look at the man sitting across from him, and the fond smile on Buck’s face was truly something to behold. Buck’s smile was always blinding, but there were variations of it that legitimately incredible. This version was new. It was one Eddie hadn’t seen before, at least not directed at him. But blinding wasn’t even the right word. Breathtaking. That was the only word Eddie could think of to describe the dreamy, besotted grin. 

Eddie cleared his throat, jostling his mind back into action. Buck smirked back at him, clearly proud of himself for being able to stop Eddie in his tracks with just a look.

“Anyway, thanks for coming out here,” Eddie continued, trying to get their non-date back on track. “Carla told me the place had great food, and some really nice lunch specials.” 

He glanced around the room then, taking in the cloth napkins and layered tablecloths, the leather backed chairs that were a little too comfortable, and the candles lit on every table even in the mid-afternoon. The crystal water glasses neatly displayed in front of them were dripping with condensation in the warm, dimly lit atmosphere. Dammit, Carla. This place was way fancier than Eddie had planned. Buck would be expecting something even more serious and Eddie didn’t want to scare him off. 

His expression must have given something away because one of Buck’s eyebrows cocked up quizzically and he had fixed Eddie with a wary expression.

“This place is nice,” Eddie admitted begrudgingly in place of an explanation. “Really nice, actually.”

“Yeah, I did think this was a little flashier than your usual style,” Buck teased genially, relaxing some as he gathered Eddie’s concern. “But hearing that Carla picked it out? That makes total sense. That woman likes to be wined and dined.”

Eddie wondered how Buck knew that. Had he wined and dined Carla? 

Nope. Eddie stopped that thought before it could even start. He was not going to allow himself to get jealous over Buck’s past or friendships. It wasn’t his place. They weren’t together. 

_Yet_ , chimed the irritatingly optimistic voice in the back of his head. He reached for the glass of water to distract himself, even if only for a moment. The conversation was willed with tense silence in the meantime. 

“So,” Buck started again, unfazed and amusedly watching Eddie struggle with his own thoughts. “How’s it hanging?”

Eddie choked on the sip of water he’d taken. Buck laughed emphatically as Eddie spluttered into a coughing fit. Red patches blossomed across his cheeks, from embarrassment (at least he kept telling himself that, definitely not from anything else). 

Their waiter hurried over, a worried look on his face as Eddie’s coughing ramped up another notch. Eddie was thankful the restaurant was mostly empty at that time of day.

“Do you need more water,” the waiter offered nervously, mild panic in his voice. He barely looked 16 and had clearly never dealt with a choking victim on his own.

“Don’t worry, he’s good. I’m with fire and rescue,” Buck assured him, shifting from his seat and stretching to his full, impressive height. He reached over and gave Eddie a sharp slap right between the shoulder blades, startling him enough to stop his coughing. However, the sting from Buck’s slap had shot sparks down Eddie’s spine, and for a hysterical moment he imagined Buck’s hand striking down just as hard and sharp across his ass instead. Eddie could feel the heat of the blush from his face spreading down his chest at the thought. 

Little did he realize that from Buck’s vantage, hovering above him, he saw it too.

A gentle hand soothed Eddie’s back from shoulder to shoulder, gripping onto his bicep for just a moment before releasing him. He watched Buck casually fold his enormous frame back into the chair across from him, his expression slightly more possessive and a lot less casual than it had been moments earlier.

The waiter still stood awkwardly at the edge of the table, watching the exchange of heavy glances. 

“Would you two like a minute,” he squeaked nervously, afraid to redirect those intense stares at himself. 

Eddie broke from the trance of Buck’s predatory expression and smiled up at the waiter apologetically. 

“Sorry about that,” he started, quickly preparing a rational excuse in his mind. But he didn’t need to because Buck answered for him.

“We’re good,” Buck reassured the kid, with a quick flash of his toothiest grin. “I think we’re ready to order too.” 

Eddie scrambled for the menu, he hadn’t even had a chance to look at it, let alone decide on anything yet. But Buck saved him from that effort as well. 

“I’ll have the powerhouse salad with carne asada and a Dos Equis, and he’ll have the ribs with an avocado salad on the side. And a…” he stopped to ponder Eddie for a moment before deciding, “Stella.”

The waiter collected their menus and shuffled away quietly. Eddie considered Buck carefully for a moment. He was debating whether this new bravado and take-charge attitude were charming or irritating. Eddie was used to being the one in control, it was basically the founding principal of his whole persona. But a significant part of him didn’t mind Buck speaking out for him. In fact, judging by the heat blossoming in his abdomen, he was pretty sure he liked it. 

“Hope you don’t mind me ordering,” Buck said casually, “I had some time to study the menu before you got here and I know that’s what you would have ordered anyway.” 

Eddie couldn’t know for sure that Buck was right, but he trusted his judgement. 

“And the beer,” Eddie asked, genuinely curious about Buck’s thought process. He was rewarded with one of Buck’s trademark shitty grins.

“That was more of a gamble,” he admitted. “I know you like Dos Equis with Mexican, and this place definitely has some of that vibe, but ribs just called for something heartier. Full-bodied and all that.” 

He stared blankly at Buck, examining in his comments in his mind. Buck really did know him, completely. And that was all Bold Eddie needed to solidify his decision. They deserved to see what this could be. 

“I think we should date,” Eddie announced brazenly before he could lose his nerve. 

He felt like he may genuinely need a defibrillator while his words hung awkwardly in the air between them. Buck had started at Eddie’s forwardness, but his lips slowly shifted into a contented smile, and Eddie finally remembered how to breathe. 

“You know, I was thinking the same thing.” 

Eddie let out a sigh of relief, thrilled that his boldness hadn’t scared Buck off. There was more they needed to discuss, obviously more than could be covered in a single meal, but they were at least on the same page. And for now, that felt like enough. He felt Buck’s long leg slowly creep into his space beneath the table, gently nestling against his, as if checking that he was real - checking that this was real. 

“This could change things between us,” Buck warned, his voice torn between the gravity of his words and the elation he felt at knowing he was wanted by someone like Eddie. Buck’s knee nudged against Eddie’s again, a mirror of his signature shoulder bump from all of their previous tough conversations. 

“I know,” Eddie assured him. “And we may have to explain it to Christopher at some point. And I know you’re still in a sore place from, you know. And I may not be in my best place, but I feel like I’m getting better. And this could all totally blow up in our faces at some point and the fallout would be catastrophic,” Eddie continued, airing the worries that had plagued him all morning. Buck’s smile faltered at that and Eddie felt him stiffen apprehensively. Laying it all out at once was probably not the most tactful route, but there was definitely a lot at stake and it needed to be addressed.

“But,” Eddie, continued, “I think we deserve a shot. I know I’m at my happiest when I’m with you and Chris. I feel safest when I’m with you, and I have to believe that means something.”

Buck’s cautious smile shifted into his trademarked Certified Stunner® and Eddie could practically feel the joy lighting his eyes. Buck reached his hand across the table, placing his palm up, inviting Eddie to take it. Somehow it felt more intimate than anything they had done the night before. 

Eddie stretched out towards Buck’s hand, his fingers trembling slightly as they made contact. Buck immediately entwined them with his own, not a hint of nerves or trepidation in his grip. Eddie felt some of the tension he had been carrying slip away at Buck’s touch. Buck was his safe space and somehow, he knew Buck was not going to hurt him, no matter what happened.

“Eddie, I don’t think I’ve ever been more comfortable with anyone in my life,” Buck admitted sincerely. He continued slightly less confidently. “I have to admit though, I’ve never really been with a guy. Now I don’t see that as a problem, but can we…we can just figure this all out together, right?”

Buck looked up at Eddie with pleading eyes. Apparently, there were some nerves there, hidden behind all the bravado. Eddie figured Buck had done some research over the past 14 hours, but he wondered what exactly Buck had found that had him seem so innocent. Fortunately, Eddie wasn’t concerned with the physical part of their relationship at all. They had figured it all out just fine the night before. Besides, if there was anyone he would trust to test it all out with, it would be Buck. 

“Of course, Buck. We do our best work together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna get frisky again soon. I promise.


	3. Working Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The non-date had been a success! Neither could believe their luck that the other was just as interested in trying out a relationship. And now they had a real date to look forward to! Eddie had been thrown when Buck suggested an axe-throwing place, but he had to admit he was kind of looking forward to it. Anything to spend some time with Buck one-on-one, even if deadly weapons were involved. After a minor debate, they had decided to wait until after their next shift for their first real date. Neither was nervous, but they wanted to give themselves time to adjust and be excited. What was another 32 hours after months of figuring out their feelings for each other?

Buck tried to play it cool in the firehouse during their next shift together, but he felt like somehow everyone knew what had happened between them. He and Eddie had talked it over and though neither was ashamed, they still weren’t ready to announce it to the world; they hadn’t even gone on their real date yet. But that meant spending almost two days around Eddie, knowing how much he wanted to hold him, kiss him, do…other things to him, without broadcasting it to the world. 

Buck had never been great at hiding his emotions – once he knew what those emotions were at least. During those two days (between their non-date, a 24-hour shift, and waiting for their real date), he was the tightest-wound he had ever been in his life. He felt like he was walking on eggshells any time Eddie walked by, or stood too close at a call, or touched him in any way (including almost dropping the hose at a fire because Eddie’s gloved hand had brushed against his). His mind instantly went on red-alert every time. _Eddie was walking too close! Someone will suspect. Eddie was too comfortable standing in Buck’s space, their arms were even touching! Someone will notice! Eddie grazed Buck’s fingers when handing him a drink! Someone will figure them out._ His mind was relentless. 

And yet, no one did. Hen and Chimney went about their duties, working hand in hand with Buck and Eddie for 22 hours without noticing a thing. He thought at least Bobby might have given him a knowing look, but even the captain seemed blissfully unaware. How was it possible that none of them could see the radiant glow beaming from Eddie’s face every time he looked at Buck? How did none of them see the near-constant smile pulling at Buck’s lips? 

Maybe he was exaggerating. Maybe they were better at playing it cool than he thought. _Or maybe you two were already so sickeningly close that no one can tell the difference between best-friends: Buck and Eddie, and boyfriends: Buck and Eddie._ Buck had to admit that he really liked the sound of that: Boyfriend Eddie.

It was hour 23 of their 24-hour shift when a call came in for a multi-car crash on an overpass. One of the cars had been pushed to the edge and was balanced precariously over a 60-foot drop to the road below. The team jumped into action, grabbing extra med-kits and braces as they piled into the engine. Information trickled in over the radio as they raced to the scene: 3-cars were involved in the accident; only two of the cars had deployed airbags; one of the drivers was unresponsive; police were cordoning off the road below; multiple RA units were in route. Buck sat across from Eddie, nerves jumping, mostly from the rush of adrenaline that came with every call, but at least a little from the way Eddie’s knee was pressed against his for the whole ride. 

When they arrived on the scene Buck’s attention shifted fully back onto the accident. Another crew had just pulled up from the 126. The captains were in the street instantly, divvying up the three cars between the two crews. The 126 took the two cars still safely on the road (including the one whose airbags had not deployed) and left the cliff hanger for the 118. Buck could just see the top of the driver’s head through the shattered windshield of the car hanging over the edge. The front of the car was smashed in completely, trapping the driver into her seat. But the rear was teetering over the side of the ramp, hovering over a straight drop to the 6-lane highway below. Fortunately, police had already blocked the lower highway, just in case, but that put even more time-pressure on the crews above. If there was anything all of LA could agree on, it was the misery of traffic jams.

“Chim, Hen, check the driver. Diaz, grab the jaws. Buck secure the front end of that car to our tow hitch.” Bobby called out assignments as easily as always, cool under the pressure even in the face of such a peril. Buck rushed forward, hauling the heavy chain they used to pull wrecks over his shoulder. He dropped down and slid under the car to hook it to the front axle as the rest of the crew grabbed their gear. He crawled back out just as Hen and Eddie began checking the driver over. She was unconscious, but still alive; they would be able to save her. 

Buck surveyed the scene further, assessing danger and damage as he went. The rear fender seemed to have punched through a seam in the jersey wall, leaving heavy concrete rubble scattered across the roadway. 

“How fast were they going to break through concrete,” Buck called out curiously, as he cautiously picked his way through the rubble to circle around to the passenger side of the car. No one heard him. Or at least no one answered, too focused on their own jobs. Collisions were bad enough, but the higher the speed, the more critical the injuries tended to be, even with airbags and seatbelts. As Buck closed in on the passenger door, he realized they must have been T-boned; the doors were unusable, completely caved in from the impact. Even so, Buck crept towards the back of the car to investigate, getting dangerously close to the now-open edge of the elevated road. 

Hen and Chim were busy stabilizing the driver as Eddie worked the jaws to pry her free, but every touch to the car seemed to shift it further backward, closer to falling. Unfortunately, they were so focused on the injured driver, they didn’t seem to notice.

“We gotta get a lock on those tires, Bobby,” Buck warned, danger in his voice as he jogged back toward the 118 engine. Eddie glanced up momentarily, recognizing the mildly panicked tone. “This thing is gonna flip!”

Before Bobby could respond, Buck’s attention was ripped away by the soft cry of a child. Ignoring the danger, he raced back to the side of the car, eyes roving over the back seats. There on the floor between the seats, was a little girl barely big enough to be out of a booster seat. Her arm was steadily dripping with blood, already coating the side of her Princess Tiana t-shirt. Buck tapped on the glass frantically, trying desperately to get her attention while keeping an eye on the drop just to his left. 

“Hey there, hey sweetheart, can you hear me,” he called out, voice balancing the panic with calm as to not scare her more. He couldn’t leave this girl alone. Her mother was out cold, and she looked so small and fragile crumpled up there in the space between the seats. Slowly she raised her head, terrified eyes locking onto Buck’s. A massive bruise had already blossomed over her temple. Shit. “Stay right there, Princess. We’re gonna get you out. Just stay put.”

Just as Buck stepped back to call for help, the others finally managed to pry the front open enough to get to the driver. A chain reaction was set off instantly. The metal of the car groaned loudly as the center of gravity shifted from front end to the back with the weight of the driver’s door now gone. The car screeched against the roadway as gravity pulled it back, closer and closer to its tipping point. 

“WoahWoahWOAH,” Buck cried out, eyes widening as the little girl’s frantic gaze, white with fear, bore into his own. The scraping of steel whistled through the air as the car tipped further over the edge, the little girl ricocheting against the seats as the movement threw her, metal screeching as the axle scraped against the chain. The 118 jumped back, taking cover as the chain whipped through the air and pulled taut. The car stopped moving, but was now hanging mostly off of the road. The only thing keeping the car on the ramp was the 118’s truck. 

“We have to get the driver out NOW,” Bobby ordered. Eddie rushed forward with the backboard as Chimney and Hen raced to fit the neck-brace around the driver’s neck. Buck’s eyes snapped to the back door of the car where it was almost fully suspended over the freeway below. Fortunately, the car was tipping at an angle, keeping a few inches of the rear passenger door over the ramp. Just enough for Buck to reach the girl.

The chain creaked ominously, the weight of the totaled car hanging in the balance. Knowing how worn out their equipment tended to be, coupled with the extra tension the angle of the car would put on the chain, Buck was doubtful it would hold much longer. He weighed his options in a split second: as soon as the driver was pulled, the weight would shift and the chain could snap, causing the car to fall with the girl still inside. Before he could stop himself or even call for help, he whipped out his rescue tool and pressed himself against the window, gauging the vibration of the car as it continued to fall in slow motion. 

“Hey, hey, Princess,” he called out urgently. The little girl continued to watch him fearfully, but she was focused on his face in the window. “I need you cover your face, like this.” He modeled for her, tucking his head down and holding both arms over his face. She did as he asked, curling in on herself like she was trying to disappear. Buck drew his arm back over his head before smashing the sharp point of the rescue tool into the window. 

Glass exploded around them as the window shattered apart. Eddie looked over, startled by the unexpected noise while Hen and Chimney strapped the finally free driver to the backboard. 

“Buck, what the hell are you doing,” he asked frantically, “This thing could go at any second!”

“There’s a kid in there,” Buck called back urgently over the roof as his torso disappeared through the broken window. He could feel the car shifting under him, gravity urging it downward with increasing insistency. 

Suddenly his feet slid out from under him, the debris breaking the traction of his boots. He hung uncomfortably, pinned over the doorframe, feet scrambling for purchase as the back of the car left the roadway entirely. 

“BUCK!” 

Eddie’s scream was more than just panic and fear. It was disbelief and pride, mixed with dread. Of course, Buck would be the one to willingly risk his life on such an impulsive decision without asking for help. 

In an instant Buck felt strong arms wrapped around his knees, locking him in place so he wouldn’t be pulled over the edge along with the car. He was somewhat thankful for his absurdly long legs at that moment, but mostly he was grateful that Eddie had known he would go over the edge in order to save that girl. He took a split second to glance out the back windshield to the road below. He could see almost straight down; nothing to slow his fall if Eddie let go. Sixty feet had never looked so high. He looked over at the little girl, still covering herself in the crash position. Buck’s heart ached from gratitude at her determination to follow directions.

“Hey, Princess,” he started calmly. “I’m here. I’m gonna get you out. Can you stretch your arms out? Can you reach my hands?” He extended his arms towards her, palms up, a gentle encouraging smile on his face as he waited for her to grab his arm. She reached out shakily with both hands, but her bleeding arm didn’t seem to be moving the way she intended it to. Buck thought it was probably broken, or maybe a dislocated shoulder. Buck gently grasped her good arm, pulling lightly as he helped her to her feet. “We’re gonna go back out through this window,” he explained calmly, but quickly. “We’re gonna go fast though because this car isn’t gonna stay still much longer. I know your arm hurts, but I’m gonna have to hold you pretty close to get through the window and it’s gonna hurt more. But just for a second, I promise! You’re gonna be fine.”

The little girl watched him cautiously, weighing his words in her shock-dulled mind. She looked back at his gentle smile and nodded slowly.

“You ready,” he asked, making sure she was as prepared as she could be. She nodded again, tears slowly falling from her eyes. Buck turned his head back to call out the window. “Eddie, get ready to pull, we gotta get outta here!” 

He turned back to the little girl.

“What’s your name, honey?” She stared at him for a moment, sniffling quietly as the car shifted and groaned under them.

“Jessica,” she answered shakily. Buck squeezed her arm comfortingly.

“Jessica, I’m Buck. We’re gonna go on the count of three okay? You’re being really brave. I need you to turn around. I’m gonna hold your back up against me and I want you to let your legs kick out in front of you. Got it?”

She thought for a moment before slowly turning away from him and stepping back so he could wrap his arms around her shoulders, holding her back securely against his chest and tucking her head in under his chin. She winced as his arm gripped around her bad shoulder and he could feel her trembling against him, but she refused to cry out. 

“You’re being so strong, Jessica,” Buck reassured her. “Alright, here we go. Make sure you let your legs kick out. Ready? One…Two…”

On three Eddie pulled, hands moving up to Buck’s thighs to allow for better leverage. Buck clenched his core as he pulled himself back, cantilevering his torso against Eddie’s grip on his legs. He cleared the window with Jessica in his arms, her legs dangling in the gap of the broken glass as Buck tried to get his feet under him again. Eddie’s hands climbed to Buck’s hips, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise (even through the fire coat and pants) and he yanked the man backward, losing his own balance in the process. He fell back, dragging Buck with him. It was just what they needed to clear the girl from the car. The three toppled in a heap, Eddie cushioning Buck’s fall just as Buck cushioned Jessica’s. 

“You’re good, Jessica. You did so good,” Buck assured her, running a hand over her hair soothingly. He was grateful to see Hen rushing over to take the girl. He could just see the mother being loaded into the ambulance behind her. 

In the next second a loud snap of metal pierced the air and the chain finally gave way. The car careened over the edge of the ramp, falling silently for what felt like an eternity until the roar of crushing metal sounded from the road below. 

The 118 stared silently at the empty space where the car had been. Buck collapsed back against Eddie, adrenaline crashing sharply with the descent of the car he had just been hanging out of. 

“You good, Buck,” Eddie asked quietly, his lips practically against Buck’s ear. Even amidst the chaos, the huff of air ghosting across his skin sent a shiver down Buck’s spine. Eddie’s free arm wrapped around Buck in an unwieldy half-hug, his hand settling over Buck’s heart. He didn’t know if Eddie was being supportive or checking his heart rate, but either way he felt safe there with Eddie’s arm around him, his body under him keeping him grounded. 

Buck blew out a shaky breath as Chim and Bobby rushed over to check on them. 

“You two are either insanely lucky, or insanely good,” Chim lauded disbelievingly. Bobby, however, looked less amused. 

“That was an incredibly dangerous maneuver you two just pulled,” he scolded. 

“Hey that was Buck’s idea, I just jumped in to help when it got dodgy,” Eddie countered guiltily. Buck turned his head slowly to glare at the man under him. 

“Traitor,” he hissed with a stern glare. Bobby gave them a strange look at that. It wasn’t outside of their usual banter, but something must have sparked in the captain’s head because the knowing look he fixed them with was far more of a warning than the reprimand had been. 

“You’re both lucky _you_ made it out of there. But risking that girl on top of it,” the captain started angrily, “Well, maybe that is something to say for your skill.” The sudden change in tone threw Buck and Eddie. They had been preparing for a talking to, but the cap seemed genuinely impressed that they had gotten the girl out, even if it was through less-than-regulation methods. Buck grinned up at the captain, always the proud puppy when Bobby commended his work. 

“Get that grin off your face Buckley. You got through that one by the skin of your teeth. If Diaz wasn’t there to catch you, you’d be in the middle of that heap down there.” 

The smile faltered on Buck’s face as he sunk into Eddie further, feeling fully chastised. Chimney watched the exchange like a tennis match, eyes flicking between Buck and Bobby, gauging every word.

“That being said,” Bobby continued softer, “You did save that girl’s life. Just don’t do it like that again!”

Buck took the win for what it was and released another exasperated breath. Eddie slapped proudly at his chest from beneath him.

“You wanna get off me now, Buckley,” he asked with a hint of mischief in his voice. “You’re not exactly a lightweight.”

Buck blushed as he rolled off of him and jumped to his feet. He reached down to help Eddie to up before pulling him into a tight hug. Eddie stumbled against him; his arms pinned at his sides. Buck nuzzled his face against Eddie’s neck, swaying slightly from the headrush of getting to his feet so quickly.

“Thank you,” Buck breathed against Eddie’s skin. It was sincere. He knew that he, or Jessica, or both, would have gone over the edge had Eddie not caught him. Eddie’s arms tried to hug back, but Buck’s grip was too strong. He didn’t want this to be misconstrued as a romantic hug. This was purely gratitude and recognition of Eddie’s efforts to keep him safe. Buck released him as quickly as he’d pulled him in and timidly straightened his jacket before side-skipping over to the ambulance. 

Eddie stood still for a moment watching Buck check on the girl. Her arm was being wrapped in a sling and there was a cool pack on her head, but she looked otherwise unscathed. The mother was finally regaining consciousness behind them. Eddie’s heart clenched at the warm smile Buck shined down on the girl as he tussled her hair proudly. He could just hear him complimenting her again on her bravery. Buck was the one who had been stupidly brave though. He had jumped into a falling car to save that girl, knowing that he might end up falling with her. Eddie was constantly surprised by how giving Buck was, how frivolously he offered his life to whoever needed it. Eddie decided right there that he was going to make sure Buck realized how special he was, and how much more he deserved. Their date wasn’t for another 14 hours, but he had an idea of how to reward Buck for his selflessness and bravery.

\----

Eddie was unusually quiet on the ride back to the station. He kept watching Buck, the way his eyes seemed to smile at the world and the sun seemed to shine from within him even though it was night, the way his body relaxed effortlessly against the leather seats after such a dangerous incident. Eddie was steeling his nerves. He didn’t want to jinx their date by inviting Buck over to his place that night, which meant he would have to reward him at the firehouse. The thought terrified and excited Eddie. 

As the truck pulled into the open bay, Eddie jumped to his feet, eager to scout out a private enough location to surprise Buck. After a brief search, he found a closet full of outdated equipment waiting to be decommissioned. It wasn’t ideal, but it would work for what he needed, which was basically privacy. 

He wandered back to the showers as Buck was just stepping out, towel wrapped around his waist with droplets of water trickling down his chest. The barest hint of bruises peaked over the top of the towel. Eddie recognized that they were from him all too quickly. His mouth went dry as he watched Buck saunter over to his locker and rip the towel off, completely immodest. Eddie tore his eyes away and rushed to hang up his fire suit and boots before Buck could finish getting dressed in his civilian clothes. He couldn’t let him leave. Not yet. 

Eddie stripped his coat and pants off in record time, but was tripped up by his boots. By the time he got them off and started to run back to showers, Buck was rounding the corner and nearly crashing into him in his haste. 

“Woah, where’s the fire,” Buck teased, reaching a hand out to steady him. Eddie’s eyes rolled involuntarily, but he shook his head fondly.

“You know that joke is never going to be funny in a firehouse, right,” he goaded, but Buck just grinned back at him, still clearly amused at his own bad joke, or maybe the exasperated reactions it got. Eddie was lost in the light of Buck’s smile for a moment, amazed that the man could be so cavalier after nearly dying, again. He was so beautiful. 

“Hey, I need to talk to you for a minute,” Eddie announced suspiciously, shaking himself from his thoughts. Buck eyed him cautiously, trying to determine if this was to be a good talk or a bad talk. However, Eddie didn’t give him the chance to figure it out. He grabbed Buck by the collar and spun him around, leading the way to the storage closet. Buck followed without resistance, but one hand reached out absently to rest at the back of Eddie’s hip, like a child following their parent through a crowd, afraid to lose contact. Eddie delighted in the fluttery feeling of excitement from the intimate touch. 

As they reached the door to the storage closet, Eddie spun to check that no one had noticed their disappearance before pushing Buck into the dark room without warning. Buck was startled by the abrupt motion, but he trusted Eddie and simply waited patiently for an explanation. Eddie followed him in and closed the door, careful not to let it slam and give away their position. 

He turned to face Buck as he flicked the light on and finally allowed himself to really take him in. All day long Eddie had had to avert his gaze to make sure his eyes didn’t linger too long and give them away. They weren’t ready to announce themselves yet. But being around Buck all day, finally allowing himself to admit how damn good Buck looked in uniform, how thick his strong, toned arms really were, how hot he was with a smudge of soot on his cheek and sweat running down his temples – it was too much to take. Eddie had felt even more on edge over the last 24 hours than he had the night he had first kissed Buck. 

Buck watched Eddie carefully, trying to piece together the clear avalanche of thoughts racing through his mind. He reached out to soothe him, but aborted the gesture in favor or giving Eddie the space and time to sort out his own thoughts. 

“So,” Buck started hesitantly after another tense moment of silence, “I didn’t even know this closet was here. How’d you find it?” He was grasping at straws, but he was giving Eddie the space to collect himself. Buck’s expression shifted from cautious optimism to cautious defeat, clearly expecting the conversation to turn south at any moment. Eddie had to do something, quickly.

In place of answering the question, Eddie reached for Buck’s shirt again and yanked him down into a scorching kiss. Buck’s surprise changed to enthusiasm almost immediately. He kissed back, licking into Eddie’s mouth, melting into the taste of him. Eddie sucked Buck’s tongue between his teeth and bit down, just hard enough to get a reaction. He swallowed down the whine that trickled up from Buck’s throat and his hips jerked forward, bumping roughly against him, mindlessly seeking friction. 

Eddie pulled back quickly, releasing Buck entirely. Buck watched him with a predatory glare, cheeks flushed with heat, eyes wide with need. Eddie adjusted himself subtly; his dick had reacted to Buck’s whine a little too eagerly. But this wasn’t supposed to be about him, this was about Buck. 

“You were pretty reckless today,” Eddie said casually. Buck was struck by the unexpected change in tone. He watched Eddie warily, waiting to see where he was going with that thought. “A little too reckless actually. If I hadn’t realized you were slipping, what would you have done?”

Buck’s gaze fell to the floor guiltily. 

“You didn’t think about that, did you,” Eddie asked quietly, closing some of the distance he had put between them. “What do you think it would have done to me if you had gone over that edge? What do you think it would have done to Christopher? To lose his Buck?”

Buck’s eyes snapped up, fear and shame etched in his expression. 

“To lose _my_ Buck,” he continued, voice dropping possessively on the last two words. He hadn’t even registered until just then how panicked _he_ had felt seeing Buck dangling from the edge of the car. 

Buck looked away deflated, his expression breaking to expose the pain Eddie’s words had caused. Eddie didn’t want to hurt him. He just wanted Buck to know he couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. 

“Buck.” 

Eddie waited for the man to look at him. But Buck was still lost in his self-admonishing thoughts. 

Shit. 

“Buck,” he said again, louder, reaching a hand out and placing it gently on Buck’s jaw, tilting his head up, forcing him to meet his eyes. Buck’s eyes dragged up to meet him, shame still fixed across his face. “I’m not mad, Buck. You were a hero today. You saved that girl’s life. I didn’t even see her in the back of that car. If you hadn’t been there, she would’ve fallen to her death before we even knew she was there.” Eddie couldn’t help comparing the situation to the tsunami, to the drastic lengths Buck had gone through to protect Christopher.

Buck’s eyes searched Eddie’s face, looking for hidden disappointment or anger.

“I am so proud of you.” Eddie’s voice was sincere, full of admiration. Buck’s shoulders shook slightly as he sucked in a trembling breath, tears welling up in his eyes. Eddie sometimes forgot how desperate Buck was for acceptance, how far he would go to get the smallest shred of approval. “Even though it was reckless, you were right to do it. And I will always come to save you, when you do. Just, next time, could you give me a heads-up?” 

Buck laughed at Eddie’s exasperated tone and Eddie swallowed that sound down too as he reignited their kiss. Buck lips seemed to be stuck in a smile against Eddie’s. They kissed for a long moment, working in all the unspoken words between them, the fear of losing each other, and the relief of being safe. Eddie’s hands started to rove over Buck’s chest, thumbs flicking mischievously over his hard nipples, fingers teasing at his sides, eliciting a manic giggle and stern warning look from the younger man. His hands continued their search down Buck’s stomach, massaging the hard muscle underneath the warm skin. He paused for a moment where he knew the bruises had set into Buck’s waist, his fingers caressing the skin so gently Buck could barely feel it. Finally, he found what he was looking for. His fingers set to work, gracefully unbuckling Buck’s belt and gently unwinding the leather from the belt loops. Buck breathed a sigh of want into Eddie’s mouth as he popped the button open and firmly rubbed the outline of Buck’s growing erection. 

A crazy idea suddenly sprang into Eddie’s mind. He pulled back, grabbing both of Buck’s hands in his own, and wrapped the leather strap around his wrists. Buck’s eyes widened as Eddie tightened the belt over his wrists, pinning them together helplessly. 

“You okay with this,” Eddie asked with a breathless voice, tentatively tightening the loop of leather around Buck’s wrists. Buck nodded stiffly, eyes blown black with desire. Eddie pulled the loop tighter, relishing the gasp it pulled from Buck’s lips as the leather bit into his skin. Eddie secure the end through a loop to keep it taut and let Buck’s arms fall between them. However, Buck’s bound hands reached up immediately to stroke Eddie’s face, checking that this was real. Eddie turned into the touch, placing a soft kiss into the warm palm of Buck’s hand. 

His fingers wrapped around the leather and moved Buck’s hands up, directing his fingers into his hair. Buck looked confused for a split second, until Eddie slowly sank to his knees and understanding widened Buck’s eyes again. 

“Eddie,” Buck moaned wantonly, “Are you sure you want…you know you don’t have to…” Eddie smiled up at him lasciviously through dark lashes. 

“I’m not gonna pretend I’ve had a lot of practice at this,” Eddie warned, “but I need you to feel how proud I am. So yeah, I’m sure I want to do this.”

Eddie’s hands ran up Buck’s long legs, grasping at the backs of his thighs to stabilize him, a mirror to the hold he had used earlier. Buck hissed out an extended _fuuucckkkk_ as Eddie used his teeth to lower the zipper holding back his nearly fully-erect dick. Buck’s dick sprung free immediately. It was the first time Eddie had actually looked at it, on purpose, with intent. How had he never realized how enormous it was? Maybe it didn’t look as big when you weren’t planning to shove it down your throat.

“Kinda presumptuous to not wear underwear, don’t you think,” Eddie teased. Shaky fingers clenched Eddie’s hair, not forcing him to do anything, but definitely suggesting. Eddie glanced up and was startled to see the ferocity of Buck’s gaze staring back at him. Without breaking eye contact, he reached one hand up and wrapped his long fingers around Buck, guiding him to his open, waiting mouth. 

Buck seemed even bigger now that he was about to swallow him down. He shifted his jaw experimentally, trying to adjust to the immense girth waiting at his lips. Eddie gave a testing lick to the underside of the head, earning him a gasp from Buck. His eyes fluttered shut as Eddie wrapped his lips around the head, sucking gently until he tipped his head back and his lips popped off. Buck whined above him, head lilting backwards absently, lost in the feeling of Eddie. Growing braver, Eddie readjusted himself and opened wide, curling his lips over his teeth and descending on Buck’s dick, taking in as much as he thought he could handle. Fuck, he wasn’t even halfway down yet. He pulled back off with another pop, accidentally grazing the head with his teeth.

“Ahh,” Buck hissed above him, hips jerking back protectively. 

“Sorry,” Eddie apologized earnestly. “I told you I don’t have a lot of experience here.” Buck looked down at him fondly.

“Don’t try so hard. Just watching you like this is enough to make me want to come,” Buck assured him. “Use your hand with your mouth. You won’t have to take in so much at once.”

Eddie was vaguely embarrassed that Buck had to direct him on how to give a blowjob, but another, larger part of him preened at the idea of taking orders from the younger man. 

“Sir, yes, sir,” Eddie whispered back seriously. Buck gave a shudder of interest at the words. 

Hmmm, that was something they would have to explore later. 

Eddie returned focus to Buck’s dick, carefully wrapping his lips around the head and bobbing slowly, stroking his hand up to meet his mouth. Buck sucked in a breath, fingers tensing against Eddie’s scalp. With renewed vigor, he attempted a different strategy. He pulled off completely and licked a broad, dripping wet stripe along the underside of Buck’s dick. His hand twisted around the shaft, stroking slowly to spread the spit and ease some of the friction. He could see tiny drops of precum already leaking from the tip and bent down, curious to taste it. Buck jerked against his tongue, clearly becoming more sensitive. Eddie took advantage, licking a quick stipe up his slit, the bitter salty taste coating his tongue, before descending on him again. With his confidence building, he took more of Buck into his mouth, his hand still working quickly to cover what he couldn’t handle yet. He rolled his tongue along the shaft as he began to bob his head more quickly, finally hitting a rhythm. But Buck’s hips suddenly thrust forward involuntarily, his dick stretching Eddie’s throat as a groan of pleasure shook through his body. Eddie choked out a cough, spit dribbling down his chin from the unexpected obstruction. Gentle fingers soothed him, raking through his hair apologetically. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Eddie,” Buck swore above him, “I didn’t mean to do that. It’s just…God, I’ve literally dreamt of you doing that to me with that fucking tongue.”

Eddie moaned against Buck’s hip, his own dick twitching in his pants, aching for friction. Buck seemed to notice the strain and licked his lips in anticipation. 

“Eddie, look at me,” Buck commanded. Eddie’s eyes snapped up immediately, shivers running down his spine from the tone of Buck’s growl. “Touch yourself.”

A manic laugh escaped his throat as his hips jerked expectantly at the command. He released himself quickly, gasping at the feel of the cool air on his throbbing dick. He licked has palm and gave a few quick tugs, relishing in the build and release of tension. Buck continued to stare down at him hungrily, only making him harder. 

Eddie felt like he wasn’t going to last long with Buck looking at him like that. He decided to try to finish Buck off so he could finish himself after. This was supposed to be for Buck after all. 

His hand returned to Buck’s dick, giving a few slow and loose strokes, then a few fast and tight. He wrapped his lips around the head and rolled his tongue against the skin, swallowing as much of Buck as he could take. Buck writhed under his touch, a near constant stream of curses peppering the air. 

Eddie opened his throat as much as he could and swallowed Buck down, fighting the urge to gag. Buck moaned above him, hands pulling at Eddie’s hair wildly. Eddie let go of his control, allowing Buck to use him how he wanted. 

“Jesus Christ, Eddie,” Buck cried out as his hips began to snap forward and back, fucking into Eddie’s mouth with abandon. Eddie choked around Buck’s thickness, eyes tearing as his lungs screamed for oxygen. But he made no move to stop him. He didn’t need to. Buck pulled out completely, allowing Eddie to catch his breath. 

“You good,” Buck asked genuinely, panting from restraint. Eddie didn’t trust his voice to work, but he nodded eagerly. “Fuck, I’m so close Eddie. Can you take a little more?”

Eddie didn’t know whether he meant more face-fucking or more of Buck’s dick, but he wasn’t about to deny him either. He nodded again, licking his lips hungrily, eyes locked onto the engorged dick in front of him. 

“God, you’re beautiful,” Buck sighed as he pressed forward again, passing through Eddie’s lips easily. “I know it’s a lot, but can you….” Eddie tensed, awaiting whatever request Buck was going to make. But Buck’s voice changed suddenly, shifting from timid to commanding in an instant. 

“Suck,” he ordered. 

Eddie moaned around him, his own dick twitching with want at the command. He did as he was ordered, sucking around Buck’s girth, hollowing out his cheeks as the Buck fucked into his mouth uninhibitedly. Buck’s head fell back as moans filled the air from both of them. His hips began to stutter, rhythm breaking as he approached his release. 

“Touch yourself,” he ordered breathlessly, forcing Eddie to finish himself off with Buck’s dick still in his mouth. Eddie complied straightaway, his hand working feverishly as heat pooled in his stomach and his orgasm roared to the surface. 

Buck’s hips snapped forward one last time, as his orgasm erupted from him, shooting hot and sticky down Eddie’s throat, his dick fully engulfed by the delicious wet heat of Eddie’s mouth.

Eddie gagged at the full sensation, but moaned as he felt the hot liquid running down his throat. That was all it took to push him over the edge, his own orgasm spurting out onto the floor between Buck’s feet. 

Buck pulled out of Eddie’s mouth carefully, his bound hands sliding down Eddie’s face, massaging the aching muscles of his jaw and throat. Eddie leaned into the touch unapologetically. 

“God, you are amazing,” Buck breathed out as he fell to his knees in front of Eddie. He surged forward, licking into Eddie’s mouth, chasing the taste himself on Eddie’s tongue. 

Eddie moaned against Buck’s tongue, the sound ragged from his shredded throat. Buck pulled back, alarmed by the roughness of the sound. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry Eddie,” Buck rushed out, realizing immediately why Eddie’s throat was so sore. “I should’ve stopped. You even told me you’ve never done this and I didn’t think – Fuck, I’m just so sor-” 

Eddie held a hand over Buck’s mouth, stopping him from spinning into another self-flagellating cycle. 

“I said I didn’t have a lot of experience in this,” Eddie corrected him hoarsely, “Not that I didn’t have _any_.”

Buck stared back at him blankly. What was Eddie saying? Had he done this before?! Eddie laughed at the surprised look on Buck’s face.

“I was in Afghanistan for 3 years, surrounded by guys. Things happened to relieve stress. I don’t want you to get a big head or anything, but you just happen to be quite a bit bigger than anything I’ve experienced.”

Buck’s brain was still shorting out, trying to frantically process what Eddie was telling him. 

“Have you been bisexual this whole time?!” Buck blurted out in disbelief. 

Eddie choked out a laugh at Buck’s bluntness. Honestly, he hadn’t thought about it before. In Afghanistan it literally just felt like a ‘bros helping bros’ type situation. But once he thought about it deeper, there were only some ‘bros’ who participated, a number of whom had secret boyfriends waiting at home. Huh.

“I…maybe?” Eddie was not always as articulate as he’d like to be. “In the army it was just stress relief. But I guess it was a particular set of guys that participated. I was never really into any of the guys seriously, and I only tried a this,” he gestured vaguely between Buck’s softening dick and himself, “once or twice out of curiosity. But I guess I was one of the guys doing it.”

Buck studied Eddie for a moment, merging this new information with the research he had done earlier in the week. He didn’t want to force Eddie out of the closet, but it definitely felt like he was shifting closer to center on the Kinsey scale. 

“Well, I’m a little sad to not have been your first,” Buck admitted jokingly, “But also really glad because I can imagine you were just awful the first time.”

Eddie feigned indignation, which was hard to do when they were both still completely exposed in the supply closet. Realizing that his now-flaccid dick was still hanging out, Eddie tucked himself back into his pants and stood up to stretch and reintroduce blood-flow to his knees. 

Buck remained on the floor, staring up at Eddie deferentially. The look sent butterflies to his stomach; Buck on his knees, hands still bound, exposed to the world, but looking to Eddie for direction. 

He shook the thought from his head. They were lucky enough they hadn’t been caught after the first round, they couldn’t risk a second. He reached down to bull Buck to his feet, pushing him back against the racks to steady him. Buck made a move to pull up his pants, but Eddie stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder. 

“I got you,” he replied easily, as if dressing your best friend while his hands were bound was a perfectly normal thing to do. Eddie leaned down and shimmied Buck’s pants back up slowly, enjoying the view of Buck’s strong, muscular legs along the way. He wondered absently why Buck didn’t have any tattoos below the waist. 

He paused for a moment just below Buck’s waist to breathe in one last scent of him before carefully adjusting Buck’s soft, but still unbelievably large, dick back behind the safety of his zipper. Eddie was sure he heard a whimper from Buck’s throat as he let go of him to button his pants, but his face gave nothing away. He pushed the edge of Buck’s shirt up, placing a soft kiss to either side of his waist where deep purple bruises bloomed to the surface, before standing again. 

Buck held his arms up to allow Eddie easier access to unbind him. But Eddie threw the hands around his shoulders and ducked in for a quick kiss instead. 

“You’re an amazing person, Buck,” he whispered adoringly against his lips. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he teased back, pulling Eddie in for another quick kiss. “We still on for tomorrow afternoon?”

Eddie had briefly forgotten their first date was still scheduled for the next day. They were really doing this relationship thing backwards. He yanked at the waist of Buck’s pants, pressing their bodies flush against one another, and placed a gentle kiss just under Buck’s jaw.

“You’re damn right we’re still on.” With a quick, playful bite to his jaw, Eddie slipped out from under Buck’s arms and finally unwound the belt holding his wrists together. Angry red marks were revealed as he unwrapped the leather. He ran his thumb over the damaged skin, cursing himself for not checking that it wasn’t too tight after he started. “Why didn’t you tell me it was too tight?” 

Buck looked away for a moment, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he tried to come up with a better answer than the truth. But his mind was too blown from what had transpired and he decided the truth was the best he could offer. His voice was meek when he answered, barely audible.

“I liked it.” Blush spread across Buck’s cheeks, painting his face a nice rosy shade. 

Eddie looked up at him, astonished and aroused. That was definitely something they would have to look into later. 

“You are shameless, Evan Buckley,” Eddie chided, placing gentle kisses to the warm, leather-burned skin. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever called me Evan before,” Buck admitted quietly, more to himself than Eddie. 

“Well, maybe you haven’t _needed_ to be full-named before,” Eddie retorted, still massaging Buck’s wrists in his hands. 

“Oh, well if that’s what you’re going for,” Buck started again playfully, happy to keep the argument going, “then I’m afraid you’re still one name short, mi amigo.”

Eddie watched the grin unfold across Buck’s face, cheeks still flushed, eyes still shiny from happiness. Although he thought he knew everything about Buck, apparently there were still things he could learn. 

“I guess we have something to talk about on our date, then,” Eddie countered, ending the argument in its tracks. Buck’s face lit up even further, excitement practically radiating from his whole body. 

“I guess we do, Edmundo. I guess we do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, it was a little hard to start this chapter with all that's going on in the world, and with the twitter/insta nonsense earlier this week. But, writing is therapeutic to me and if reading helps you shut down your minds for a few minutes of relief, I wanted to give you something to help. 
> 
> Stay safe and stay healthy, everyone.


	4. The First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an overzealous start to their new relationship, Buck and Eddie had decided to slow down and try out a real date before moving on. They knew they were compatible as friends, and they had found out they were compatible physically, but they had yet to explore the unknown depths of a 'romantic relationship'. They were both eagerly awaiting their first date to see whether or not their relationship could stand on its own without getting physical.

Eddie was waiting not-so-patiently in his kitchen for Buck to arrive. He had just gotten a message that he was on the way, and logically Eddie knew that it would take at least 15 minutes for Buck to get there, but the excitement coursing through him ignored that fact. He was buzzing with eager anxiety. He had woken early again, after a fitful night’s sleep. For some reason his dreams had been filled with images of Buck’s long legs hiked up over his shoulders, wrapped around his waist, or tied down with silk ropes. Eddie was still a little shocked by how easily he could conjure the images and how much he really didn’t mind them. In fact, he had woken up rock hard three different times during the night. He was proud he hadn’t managed a full-blown wet-dream (which hadn’t been an issue since his teen years), but he couldn’t deny his pants had felt somewhat damp by the morning. 

On top of his first date nerves, he had made the mistake of making coffee, which was normal for his morning routine, but the caffeine on top of the nerves made him feel like he was shaking apart at the seams. 

In just a few more minutes he and Buck would be on a real date; a romantic date, not just as friends who hang out way too much. The idea was still terrifying. He trusted Buck; that wasn’t the issue. The issue was himself. He knew he got in too deep too quickly. He had done it with Shannon, multiple times, and he didn’t want to rush things with Buck. Hell, he’d already made the man come twice and they hadn’t even gone on a date! It was like once he had acknowledged the attraction, it was all he could think about. But today he wanted to hold back. He wanted to do their first date right; take it slow, take it easy, and just get to know each other. 

The problem was that they already _knew_ each other. 

As _friends_ though. He had to keep reminding himself of that. Buck had become his best friend so naturally, he could barely remember what his life was like without him. And they definitely knew each other as best friends and partners. But he had never done anything to intentionally hit on Buck or proposition him, until the past week. This was a new kind of relationship, this had intent laid out ahead of time. He had to get to know Buck as a romantic partner instead of just a work partner. 

“Fuck me,” Eddie groaned as he got up to straighten the few items he had on his counter. He was psyching himself out and he knew it. He was capable of controlling himself and he would be fine. Nothing would happen today except a date. 

A date with Buck. As his date. A smile kissed his lips for the briefest moment until a sharp knock at the door startled him into dropping the spoon rest he had been fiddling with. 

Buck.

Eddie practically skipped to the door, slowing at the last second to appear less giddy. He hated describing himself as giddy, but he had no other word for it. He opened the door casually, stepping back as daylight flooded the floor at his feet. Buck was standing in front of him, silhouetted by the sun, a chipper smile on his boyish face. He looked like an angel, haloed in ethereal light, and smelling of roses. 

Wait. That wasn’t Buck’s scent. That was _actual_ roses. 

Eddie looked down where Buck’s hands were nervously wrapped around a bouquet of flowers. It was enormous, definitely bigger than any bouquet Eddie had ever bought. It was filled with unique plants and flowers Eddie had never seen. It was a surprisingly masculine mix; every shade of green and texture of leafy plants, something that looked like spindly branches, big hearty flowers in deep oranges and blues, with white roses mixed between. It was wrapped in brown paper with a twine bow that Buck’s fingers were absently fiddling with. The roses were the only thing Eddie recognized. 

“Uh,” Eddie stammered eloquently. Buck’s feet shifted under his gaze and his hands twisted around the paper wrapping. 

“Hi,” Buck stammered back, equally at a loss for words. “It might be a bit much,” he gestured with the flowers, “but I’ve never gone on a date with someone I know so well, so I wasn’t sure what the expectations were.” 

Eddie finally tore his eyes away from the flowers and really looked at Buck’s face. His usually carefree smile was smaller, less confident. His eyes were frantic looking, as if waiting for some kind of reaction so he would know how to respond. Eddie smiled up at him peacefully.

“You know,” Eddie started genuinely, with just a slight teasing tone to his voice, “I don’t think anyone has ever gotten me flowers. I feel kind of deprived now.”

Buck’s smile widened and he stepped over the threshold, moving into Eddie’s space at last. 

“Well, let me be the first then,” Buck stated dramatically, dropping elegantly to one knee and presenting the flowers to Eddie in an exaggerated gesture. “My dearest Edmundo,” Buck monologued even more dramatically, “would you please accept this gift and accompany me to LA-AX on this fine afternoon?”

Eddie genuinely considered knocking Buck over and locking the door on him. But in the end, the ridiculousness of the situation wore him down and he barked out a real laugh. He hadn’t felt light enough to laugh like that in a while. Buck shimmied his shoulders and smirked up at Eddie, arms still presenting the flowers to him. 

Eddie grabbed the bouquet and cradled it in his arm, equally theatrically, and wandered into the kitchen to look for something that would work as a vase. He watched from the corner of his eye as Buck shakily stood up from the ground. His bad leg still wobbled a bit when he was worn out and their last shift had been pretty taxing.

“You good,” he called out nonchalantly as Buck straightened his shirt back down.

“I’m fine, quit worrying,” Buck assured him flippantly. He walked over determinedly, stopping right behind Eddie and reaching over his shoulder to the top of one of the cabinets. 

Eddie’s breath stopped in his throat. Buck’s entire torso was pressed against his back. He felt warm and solid, and so firm. Eddie melted back, just enough to feel wrapped up in Buck, but not enough to alert him. His eyes drifted shut as he breathed in the scent of Buck surrounding him. 

Buck cleared his throat behind him and Eddie’s eyes snapped open. He was holding a pitcher directly in front of his face, and apparently had been for a while. Eddie shook it off, reaching for the pitcher as embarrassment heated his face and neck. 

“Thanks,” he grunted, trying to clear his suddenly tight throat. He knew his face and neck were turning red; they always did when he was embarrassed. 

Buck chuckled at Eddie’s obvious discomfort and leaned down to place a chaste kiss to the back of his neck. Eddie bristled at the touch, hair standing up as a shiver ran down his spine. 

“I may have done that on purpose,” Buck whispered against his ear before pulling away suddenly with a laugh. Eddie would never admit how badly he missed the warmth of him in that moment. 

“You think you’re real cute, don’t you,” Eddie hissed back. Buck’s confident smirk faltered for just a second, thrown by the harsh tone. Eddie couldn’t help the thrill of power that jolted through him knowing that his words could affect Buck so easily. They might have to explore that at some point. 

Buck continued to study Eddie’s face cautiously. But Eddie took pity on him and flashed him a fond smile. He didn’t want to start their date so tensely. 

“Well, you are cute, so I guess you’re right,” Eddie admitted begrudgingly with a half-hearted tap to Buck’s cheek. Buck flushed under his touch, or maybe it was the admission that Eddie found him cute, or maybe it was just Eddie. 

“You’re pretty cute too,” Buck responded bashfully, eyes dropping from Eddie’s gaze to his lips hungrily. 

Eddie’s stomach clenched at the look on Buck’s face. At this rate they wouldn’t even make it out of the house. He was relieved that at least Buck felt as reckless into this as he did. But they _needed_ to slow down. His therapist had been harping on ‘feeling your feelings and not just plowing through them’ for so long that Eddie actually _did_ want to sit with the feeling of this being relationship being new and unknown for a while. 

“Alright,” Eddie started, pulling Buck’s eyes back up to his own, “I think we should establish some ground rules.” Buck watched him eagerly, hanging on his words, ready to obey.

Fuck, that was distracting. 

“Uh,” Eddie stammered, lost in Buck’s expression for a moment. 

The memory of Shannon flashed to his mind; the way that they never really reconnected because all they could do well together was sex. He wanted more than that with Buck. He had wanted more than that with Shannon, if he was honest, but there was nothing that could be done about that now. He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes with Buck. He couldn’t risk losing him.

“Right,” Eddie started again, trying to clear his mind. “We…uh…no sex,” he settled on clumsily. 

It wasn’t his most comprehensive list of rules, but at least it got the point across. Buck’s reaction was half humor and half disappointment. 

“Ever,” Buck asked quietly, his eyes pleading as he waited for Eddie’s response. 

“What? No,” Eddie backtracked quickly at the hurt look. “I meant today. I think we should try a real, normal date without getting…distracted.”

Buck contemplated the proposal for a moment, his mouth twisted into a thoughtful grimace. 

“You know,” the younger man started impishly, “I don’t know about your generation, but my generation tends to have sex on the first date.” Eddie glowered at him, unimpressed by such a blatant attempt to break his rule already. It had only been thirty seconds, for god’s sake. 

“First of all, Buckley, you are not that much younger than me.” Buck stifled a laugh as Eddie stepped closer menacingly. “Secondly, we have done enough already. You can keep it in your pants for ONE day.”

Buck laughed out loud at that and pushed Eddie away playfully.

“You know I’m messing with you,” he spat out around his laughter. “I’m fine with taking it slow. I’m Buck 2.0, I am king of taking it slow.” Eddie considered him for a moment. If this was reserved Buck, he couldn’t imagine what kind of mischief he’d have gotten into by now with so-called Buck 1.0. 

“Alright,” Buck agreed as he caught his breath, “No sex today. Now can we go? We have a reservation.” He motioned towards the still open door with a tilt of his head. 

Eddie still couldn’t believe that axe-throwing places were a thing, let alone a reservable thing. He rolled his eyes at Buck’s impatience, but started gathering his things anyway. He suddenly realized that his own nerves had finally settled. He wondered vaguely if Buck’s presence was always that calming to him.

“Alright, alright,” he finally agreed, throwing his phone into his pocket and motioning for Buck to lead. “You do know where you’re going, right?”

Buck scoffed at Eddie’s lack of faith and hop-skipped out the door ahead of him. Eddie paused for a moment to enjoy the view as Buck led himself up into his jeep. He was eager to see what the day held for them, even if he had begrudgingly taken sex off the table.

\-----

The ride to LA-AX was relatively comfortable. It actually didn’t seem much different than any other ride the two had shared. The only difference being that Buck was overly aware of every movement he made. He was so tense, so wound with anticipation, that every turn of the wheel and tap of the brakes felt harsh and jerky. He wasn’t a bad driver. If he could handle a fire engine in LA traffic, he should be able to handle anything. But having Eddie so close, on the way to their first _date_ had his nerves on edge. His eyes had flickered to Eddie so often he was amazed he hadn’t hit anyone. 

Eddie, meanwhile, looked infuriatingly calm in the passenger seat. Why couldn’t he look as anxious as Buck felt? Although the ‘no-sex’ decree was probably a good idea, all Buck wanted to do was touch him, to make sure that this was really happening. His hand was right there, resting on his knee, all Buck had to do was reach out and take it. 

He tore his eyes away and focused back on the road, his knuckles white from gripping the wheel. Eddie’s surprise in the supply closet the day before had been a shock, but a welcome one. Buck had thought about him all night; how he could repay him, how much he _wanted_ to repay him. He had spent a solid two hours researching and practicing oral techniques, just to be ready. But they weren’t doing that today. He sighed out a tense breath, mind stuck in a loop of ‘want to touch-can’t touch-want to touch-CAN’T touch’.

“Buck.” Eddie’s voice was amused, but concerned. Buck threw a glance over, taking in the smirk on Eddie’s face instantly. The bastard. 

“You can relax,” he suggested, “I’m happy to be here. You’re happy to be here. We can just be ourselves.”

Tension seeped out of Buck’s grip as a cautious smiled pulled at his lips. 

“Besides,” Eddie continued, “I can practically hear the steering wheel groaning.”

He did reach out then, but only to slap Eddie’s shoulder, pulling a laugh from him. To his surprise Eddie caught his wrist before he could pull it back. Without a word, he slipped his hand into Buck’s and pulled it back down to his knee. 

All of the anxious energy seemed to seep out of him at the touch. Buck tried, and failed, to not let on how happy the small gesture made him. But he was sure Eddie could tell based on his smug expression. 

“You should never play poker,” Eddie teased gently, “You are way too easy to read.”

“Maybe you just know me too well,” Buck argued back, squeezing Eddie’s hand tauntingly. 

“Could be that too,” Eddie admitted easily, “But I doubt it.”

Buck should have been offended, but he couldn’t muster the anger. He was too happy.

“By the way,” Eddie started again, abruptly changing the tone of the conversation, “Christopher wanted me to invite you to parent’s day at camp.”

Buck’s heart clenched at the idea. Parent’s Day? Was he even allowed? He wasn’t actually Chris’ parent, even though he loved the kid like a son (or at least how he assumed one loved a son). During the tsunami, when he thought he had lost Christopher – he had never experienced pain like that before (which was saying something considering he’d had his leg crushed by a fire engine before). They had become even closer after that, but Buck always had that spike of doubt in the back of his mind. This new confirmation that Christopher not only didn’t resent him, but thought of him as a parent had tears threatening to spill. He fought the urge to wipe his eyes. 

“Alright, you sap,” Eddie taunted, taking note of the situation, “I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll let the camp know.” His thumb worked slow, comforting circles into the back of Buck’s hand and a contented silence fell over the car; just two people who trusted each other completely, enjoying one another’s company. 

By the time they arrive at LA-AX, Buck almost felt normal again. His heart was still full at the idea of visiting Christopher for parent’s day, but it was a comfortable fullness, rather than the aching burst it had started as. Eddie was still absently rubbing his thumb gently over the back of Buck’s hand, and in that moment, Buck never wanted to let go. 

“Are you sure this is it,” Eddie asked, eyeing the dark warehouse they had just pulled up to. They were in a relatively industrial area of the city; lots of warehouses and distribution centers, but not so many small businesses. Most of the lots in the area were completely surrounded by 6-foot tall chain-link fences and a fair number of them had barbed wire on top. 

“Don’t be a baby,” Buck chided, watching Eddie’s nervous glance scan the area around them. “And yes, I’m sure, I looked it up in street view. Trust me.”

Eddie looked at him carefully. Buck withered a bit under the intensity of Eddie’s gaze, but he couldn’t seem to look away. 

“Alright. I trust you,” Eddie offered finally. 

Buck’s heart fluttered in his chest, heat creeping up to color his cheeks. The sincerity in Eddie’s voice was potent. 

A door swung open from the side of the warehouse as a gaggle of women crashed out into the parking lot, laughing and yelling and carrying on the way you do when out with a group of friends. Their cheery voices filled the air with chants of ‘Becks is the best!’ as one woman was buffeted around genially by her cohorts. As the group parted Buck noticed the woman in the middle of the group, Becks he assumed, was wearing a white sash and tiara. Had they come for a bachelorette party? That was awesome. 

He glanced over at Eddie who was also watching the crowd bemusedly. Buck didn’t know how he had never noticed how soft Eddie was at heart, or at least how soft he wanted to be. His body and mind had been hardened by war, but his heart had been hardened by something else entirely. Buck had only met Shannon a couple times; she had been nice. But he couldn’t help but think she’d played a major part in caging Eddie’s heart. 

And yet, there he sat, hand in hand with Buck, absently smiling at a woman about to enter into a contract Eddie had never gotten to enjoy while he was in it. As he watched Eddie, Buck could almost see his heart beginning to thaw; he was learning to be vulnerable again. Buck blushed at the idea that HE might have had something to do with that. 

He squeezed Eddie’s hand, pulling his attention away from the bachelorette party (who were now clambering into their cars, chants still echoing against the brick buildings surrounding the lot). Eddie looked back at Buck, his tender expression softening the usually harsh lines of his face. God, he deserved so much better than the hand he had been dealt. Buck was determined to make sure he had fun.

“Ready to give it a go,” he asked eagerly, heart jumping from the fondness in Eddie’s eyes. Eddie glanced back at the cars pulling out of the lot.

“I guess if they can do it, I can try.”

“That’s my man,” Buck cheered excitedly, “Let’s hit it!”

Buck squeezed his hand again before letting go and hopping out of the car, his excitement over throwing axes finally lapping his excitement over being with Eddie. He looked back into the car where Eddie was still frozen in place, watching him with a besotted look on his face. 

“You coming,” Buck asked impatiently, not registering what had frozen Eddie in place.

Eddie climbed down out of the jeep and appeared at Buck’s side without a word. Buck threw a protective arm over his shoulders and directed him towards the nondescript entrance, still oblivious to Eddie’s intense mood shift. 

Once inside they were bombarded by shouts of excitement and the heavy thunks of metal against wood. The scent of plywood and energy permeated the air. There were lanes set up along the entire perimeter of the room and people excitedly waiting their turns gathered in the middle. Buck was amazed by the mixture of the clientele; more groups of women clustered around the corner lanes, a couple groups of body builder types, too many bearded lumberjack looking guys to count, a couple on a date where the lady looked suspiciously pregnant, and at least three groups of university aged students screeching with joy whenever any of them managed to land an axe. 

The energy in the room was infectious. Buck dragged Eddie to the check-in, practically bouncing with every step. They were directed to the tutor who showed them how to throw safely and, after sensing their competitive spirits, introduced a few games to keep the activity interesting. She demonstrated a few throws and then encouraged each of them to try one. Both failed to get the axe to stick, but Eddie threw with enough force to have the axe bounce back at them, forcing all three to duck for cover. Their tutor wasn’t nearly as amused by the attempt as Buck was. She was a tiny woman. She barely looked bigger than Chris, especially compared to the two men with her. Buck was greatly amused that she was so much more competent than either him or Eddie. Eventually she sent them off on their own, with one final warning about technique over power, with an added glare at Eddie for emphasis. 

“I don’t think she likes you very much,” Buck teased as they wandered to their official lane. Eddie grumbled back something unintelligible, clearly annoyed that Buck had made a better impression, even though neither had actually done very well.

They improved some over their first few rounds, but neither was stellar. Eddie had rolled up his sleeves in a vain attempt to ‘focus’. Buck said nothing; he was too busy enjoying the view, watching the tension and release of muscle working through Eddie’s forearm. 

“How are we so bad at this? We use axes every day,” Eddie whined after his third failed throw that round. A thunk sounded from the lane next to them and cheers erupted. The pregnant-looking woman had just landed her fifth bullseye in a row. 

“Hey, speak for yourself,” Buck argued back, casually tossing his axe and barely making it on the board. Eddie grimaced back at him mockingly, but Buck was not dismayed. “Maybe I just handle an axe better. You may have a couple years on me, but I have been a firefighter longer than you.”

“You definitely know how to handle a tool,” Eddie quipped nonchalantly.

A spark of something shot through Buck, causing his hands to fumble his axe and nearly take out a toe in the process. Eddie wasn’t playing fair anymore. 

“You know,” Eddie continued, just as coolly, “I used to play a game like this in the army.”

Buck stopped breathing, eyes and ears intent on taking in everything Eddie said. He never talked about his time in the army.

“Oh yeah,” Buck asked calmly, trying not to pry, but still encouraging him to expand. This was the only part of Eddie he didn’t know about. Aside from what he’d learned in the supply closet, which still blew his mind. 

“We had a lot of down time, you know? Between missions and all? So, we’d come up with stupid games to play. But we didn’t really have a lot of equipment.” Eddie’s voice was flat, like he was trying to make sure no emotion crept in as he spoke. 

“What did you use,” Buck asked earnestly, already invested in the story. 

“Well,” Eddie chuckled to himself, “We all had knives.” 

Buck stared at him blankly. They played with knives? Eddie missed Buck’s puzzled reaction; his eyes were glued to the blade of the axe.

“We’d make up targets, sometimes on a tent post, sometimes on the ground, and basically play darts, but with knives. I actually got pretty good,” Eddie admitted darkly. Buck knew there was more to that statement, but he wasn’t going to push. Eddie was opening up for the first time and Buck was honored that he had chosen him to open up to. He would accept whatever Eddie was willing to offer, and nothing more. 

“Actually,” Eddie continued hesitantly, clearly mulling over whether he wanted to reveal the next part or not, “that’s how I got in with the guys I mentioned yesterday.”

Eddie had Buck’s rapt attention then, and he needed to know everything. Eddie glanced up and smirked at the intense stare coming from Buck. 

“Ant, or…Anthony, he bet on one of the games and didn’t have the money to pay when he lost. He offered up…something else.” Eddie shifted uncomfortably, but dove back into the story. “I was gonna let it slide, but he was persistent and refused to renege on a debt. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but I was…lonely…and bored. After that, it just became a thing. He was notoriously bad at the game and never had any money. It kind of became a welcome relief from all the boredom and stress.”

Buck’s mind processed furiously. He didn’t know what to react to first, though he definitely knew which part stuck out the most. The games Eddie was remembering somewhat fondly sounded wildly dangerous to Buck. But they were in a warzone, so danger was relative; he could let that go. But Anthony? Or Ant. Who was that guy? Was he into Eddie? Is that why he kept losing, just to be closer to Eddie? What arrangement did they have worked out exactly? It was definitely sexual in nature, but what kind? Hand only? Oral? …anal? 

An angry flame of jealousy roared to life in Buck’s chest. He wanted to press for more detail, but knew that it would shut Eddie down. He didn’t know how to control the possessive rage coursing through his veins. He didn’t know this Anthony person, and likely would never meet him, but part of him (a larger part than he wanted to admit) was furious that he had taken Eddie from him. It was a ridiculous thought and he knew it was nonsense (he hadn’t even known Eddie at the time), but that didn’t stop him from seething internally.

Eddie was watching him. Buck could tell he was looking for a reaction, but he didn’t know which one. He felt so many at once: anger over Ant using Eddie, jealousy over Ant being with Eddie, shame that Eddie had felt so lonely, pride that Eddie had been willing to confide in him, possessiveness over Eddie having been with another man. He couldn’t change anything about the past though. All he could do was ensure that Eddie’s present and future were happy. 

Buck swallowed down the jealousy and anger, and was left with pure desire; the desire to possess Eddie, to claim him (with his consent, of course). He sauntered over to Eddie with a smirk on his lips. He slowly wrapped one hand over Eddie’s on the handle of the axe. 

“Maybe you just need someone else to show you how to handle _this_ tool,” Buck purred into Eddie’s ear. 

Whatever reaction Eddie had been expecting, it wasn’t that. He pulled back, wide-eyed and flustered, clearly having expected a much less forgiving response. 

In an instant Buck spun him around and pulled him back against his chest. His other hand trailed down Eddies arm to join where their hands were clasped around the axe. He hooked his chin over Eddie’s shoulder, lips still dangerously close to his ear.

“It’s all about the _release_ ,” he hummed salaciously. He could feel Eddie shiver against him, his head slowly leaning into Buck’s cheek. Realizing how easily he could affect Eddie quickly turned the flame of jealousy into flames of lust. He lifted Eddie’s arms up slowly to position him for the throw. 

“You have to grip it _tight_ until you want to let it all go,” he whispered. His hands traced down Eddie’s exposed forearms, lingering against the damp skin. He pulled their arms back further, tracing the arc of Eddie’s previous throws. 

“Just as it comes back to the climax, you let go,” Buck instructed, with a quick thrust of his hips to emphasize his point. 

Eddie’s elbow crashed back into his ribs almost immediately and Buck cackled as the breath was knocked out of him. Eddie’s face was feverishly flushed as he glared back at Buck severely. But Buck was still trying to catch his breath through his laughter. He could see the embarrassment coloring Eddie’s ears, but he wasn’t sure if it was from shame or want. Eddie turned away in a huff and tossed the axe one-handed. 

*Thunk* 

They both watched incredulously as the axe embedded itself into the wood, perfectly centered on the bullseye. Cheers erupted around them as their neighboring lanes celebrated Eddie’s success. The red in his cheeks deepened, definitely from embarrassment this time. 

Buck stood up and clapped a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. 

“See? You just needed to relax,” he joked, still stifling some laughter as their audience continued to applaud. Eddie glowered back at him, but Buck could see the glint of amusement in his eyes. 

Suddenly a loud groan broke through the applause, followed by a piercing screech. 

Eddie and Buck’s heads whipped around, scanning quickly to locate the source. It had come from their neighboring lane; the one with the pregnant woman. 

“Fire and rescue, make a hole,” Buck shouted above the onlookers. 

He and Eddie pushed through the crowd quickly to get into the next lane. The, now obviously, pregnant woman was doubled over at the entrance, clutching her swollen stomach. 

“Ma’am, are you okay,” Eddie asked clinically, slipping into his first responder tone easily. Buck was always amazed by how quickly Eddie could turn it on. 

The woman waved him away and pointed behind her, groaning again as she folded in on herself. Behind the woman was her partner, clinging to the upper cage of the lane and staring down in horror at the axe sticking out of his thigh. Eddie moved back to check the man’s injury as Buck replaced him at the woman’s side.

Another scream broke the air as one of the onlookers fainted from the sight. 

“Catch him,” Buck yelled as the young man dropped to his knees. Two of his friends managed to keep him from face-planting, but they were left holding his limp body and staring wildly at Buck waiting for instruction on what to do next. Buck scanned the situation quickly, assessing the direst steps needed. 

“Lay him down behind the counter,” he directed the friends forcefully, “Get a wet rag and put it on his head. One of you stay with him. Make sure he’s still breathing.” The friends jumped into action, awkwardly dragging their buddy to the counter in the center of the room while another friend ran to the bathroom, unwinding her scarf to wet it in the sinks. 

“YOU,” Buck yelled out, pointing to one of the bearded lumberjack crew, “Call 911. Give them the address, tell them we have an axe wound and a woman potentially in labor. Tell them firefighters Buckley and Diaz are here to stabilize the patients, but we have no supplies.” The man nodded stiffly and fumbled in his pocket for his phone. 

“Eddie,” he called back over his shoulder, doing his best to imitate the cap, “How’s our friend in the back there? What do you need?” 

“It’s definitely embedded, pretty deep, but I think he missed the bone. Bleeding is pretty strong. He might have nicked the femoral,” Eddie rattle off quickly. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t anything they hadn’t dealt with before. “Anybody got a belt,” Eddie called to the crowd still watching. A woman stepped forward, unwound her belt in a flash, and offered it to Eddie. Buck watched as he quickly wrapped the belt high up around the man’s thigh.

“This is going to hurt, but it will stop the bleeding, okay,” Eddie asked the man patiently. The man nodded back absently, eyes desperately seeking somewhere to look other than his leg. Eddie cinched the belt tight in a flash.

The axe-throwing tutor emerged from within the crowd, ordering people back to their own lanes as she wove her way between their bodies. Two employees followed her, ushering people away as they approached.

“What do you two think you’re doing,” she screeched angrily. Eddie glared back at her disbelievingly. 

“Trying to keep this man from bleeding out at the moment,” he snarked back at her. She looked wounded for a moment, but readjusted quickly, ramping up to yell at them again.

“We’re fire and rescue, ma’am,” Buck headed her off. “Firefighters Buckley and Diaz, station 118. We’ve already called 911, but we’re trying to stabilize these two before the EMTs get here.”

The tutor seemed to deflate some as she processed Buck’s explanation. 

“Do you have a first aid kit? We could really use some gauze here,” Eddie called out sarcastically. The woman startled and motioned for one of her employees to fetch it.

“There’s a guy over by the counter who fainted earlier,” Buck informed the woman. “Can you go see if he has regained consciousness?”

The tutor nodded and whisked away in a flurry, eager to assist. 

Buck leaned down to check on the pregnant woman, still wrapped around her belly, grunting in pain. “Ma’am is this your first pregnancy?”

She gave him a jerky nod, breathing in slowly through her nose. 

“Okay. Have you been having contractions long,” Buck continued, assessing need as he went. 

“No,” she grunted out. “Well, sort of…I had…contractions last night…but they were too far apart…This one is way worse.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Buck regarded her for a moment, waiting for her breathing to even out a little more before continuing. Finally, she looked back up at him expectantly. He kept his voice calm and reassuring as he spoke. “I think you’re going into active labor. What you had last night were probably Braxton Hicks contractions. They get your body ready for real labor…Which is what you’re approaching right now.” 

She stared back at him, panic flooding her eyes. Buck reached out to comfort her, but paused just short of contact.

“Do you mind if I touch you,” he asked sincerely. She shook her head no as Buck placed a hand on her shoulder gently. “You’re going to be fine. This is all totally normal. Though I imagine it’s more painful than anything else you’ve felt.”

The woman laughed, wincing from the pain it caused in her stomach. Buck smiled back down at her.

“I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but I have some idea. My leg was crushed under a fire engine last year. It was definitely the most pain I’ve ever felt and I would not wish that on anyone. But I know just how amazing the human body is, and I know you’ll get through this.” 

The woman looked up at him, recognition dawning on her face.

“I saw you on TV,” she said shakily. Buck nodded reassuringly back at her, a gentle smile still plastered on his face. “That was a horrible accident. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Buck felt a real smile replace the clinical one he had been wearing. 

“That’s very kind of you to say. But how about we worry about you for now? Do you think you can stand?” 

The woman nodded again and slowly straightened back up. Buck could practically hear her bones creaking with the effort. Pregnancy was crazy. 

“My name’s Buck,” he announced belatedly, “What’s yours?”

“Melisa,” she answered, sucking in a sharp breath as another contraction started. 

“It’s great to meet you, Melisa,” Buck said genuinely. “Why don’t we get you to a chair?”

Buck ushered her to the waiting area in the center where there were chairs. He kept her hand in his, directing her slowly, allowing her to adjust to the pain with each step. 

“The EMT’s will be here any minute and they will take great care of you,” he assured her as he lowered her into a chair. “I’m gonna stay right here until they get here. Eddie will take care of your husband, so just focus on breathing. Sound good?”

She nodded stiffly, squeezing down hard on Buck’s hand as another contraction hit. Buck watched the employee rush back to Eddie with the gauze. He could only really see the top of Eddie’s head, but he was still amazed by the calm determination he saw. Eddie was always remarkably calm in emergency situations. That probably had a lot to do with his time in the Army. 

“Buck,” Melissa groaned as her contraction loosened. 

“Hey, what’s up, Melisa,” he asked, redirecting his attention to the woman in front of him. 

“Is Marc going to be okay,” she asked, voice breaking from unshed tears. Buck stroked her arm gently.

“He’s gonna be great, Melissa. He’ll be right there with you at the hospital and they’ll be able to stitch him up in no time. Don’t even worry about it.” He glanced back over at Eddie who caught his eye and gave him a quick smile. There was something about seeing Eddie, in the thick of it as always, but out of uniform that was really testing Buck’s resolve to adhere to the no-sex rule he had set. Buck tried his hardest not to blush. “He’s in the best hands right now.”

Melisa sighed out a breath, letting the tears settle. A faint siren started echoed in from the parking lot.

“Hear that,” Buck asked excitedly. “They’re almost here. You’ll be out of here and welcoming your new baby in no time.”

The siren grew louder until it seemed to burst into the room with the EMTs. 

“Woman in labor over here,” Buck called out, raising his arm to be seen. “Man with an axe wound over there.” Eddie’s hand shot up as Buck continued. “Man suffering from syncope over by the counter.”

The EMTs stared for a moment, unused to being debriefed so efficiently at a call, before jumping into action. 

“What’s syncope,” Melisa asked him as the EMTs rushed over to her. Buck grinned back at her.

“Fancy word for fainting,” he admitted. “I figured he wouldn’t want to be known as That Fainting Guy.”

Melisa chuckled at him as the EMTs surrounded her.

“We can take it from here, firefighter.”

Buck started, suddenly forgetting that he wasn’t actually on the call.

“Right. Uh, this is Melisa. This is first kid, so take good care of her,” he instructed the new EMTs. They nodded at him gratefully as he pulled his hand back and let them get to work. 

“Thank you, Buck,” Melisa called after him as he walked back over to where Eddie was standing, waiting for his own set of EMTs to transfer his patient. 

“Don’t even think about it, Melisa. Go get them!”

Eddie met him halfway, bumping his shoulder into Buck’s as he approached.

“Well this has been one hell of a first date,” he said amusedly as Marc and Melissa were loaded onto stretchers. Buck grabbed his hand and pulled it up to his lips, heart fluttering with pride and joy. 

“You are truly amazing, Eddie.” 

Eddie smirked back at him, squeezing his fingers gently.

“You’re pretty amazing yourself. How do you even know so much about pregnancy?”

Buck laughed to himself.

“The full moon,” was his cryptic reply.

\-----

Their date ended shortly after the incident with Melissa and Marc. Eddie’s hands and clothes were covered in blood and the adrenaline crash made both of them feel much more worn out than they had when they’d arrived. Buck had driven Eddie home and dropped him off without incident. He even walked him to the door like the gentleman he was. They had hesitated there for a minute before deciding that if they both went inside, they would definitely break the no-sex rule. And so, Eddie said goodbye from one side of the doorway, and Buck from the other, breaking the plane just long enough to kiss Eddie’s cheek before he left. 

Eddie was surprised by how much it hurt to watch him leave. He didn’t really want Buck to go. But he knew they were both too hotheaded and repressed at the moment and it would only end physically if he stayed, and they needed to see whether this was a real, deep connection, or just excited exploration. 

That didn’t make it hurt any less though. 

He shuffled inside as Buck’s jeep pulled away and smiled at the sight of his flowers, proudly vivifying his kitchen. Buck really was a sap. And yet, the flowers had brightened Eddie’s day, and now they got to brighten his home too. It was like part of Buck was still with him.

He trudged to the shower, kicking off his shoes on the way, but not bothering to take off his clothes. He turned on the showerhead and stepped in, letting the warm water soak through his stiff, blood-caked shirt. He had been able to wash his hands at LA-AX, but there had been nothing to do for his clothes. He was worried he may have gotten blood in Buck’s jeep, but Buck hadn’t seemed concerned about it. He let his head fall forward, allowing the water to wash over the length of his body as he lost himself in thought. 

It had been a decent date. Eventful, at the very least. Buck had been, well, Buck, but even more so. He had watched Buck playfully flirt with women before, but being on the receiving end was something else entirely. He didn’t know how any of those women were ever able to get him out of their minds afterward. The serious flirting had been a whole other level, much more thrilling and much more dangerous. Eddie was suddenly reminded of Buck’s lips pressed against his ear, whispering salacious instructions while he thrust his hips against him. His dick gave a twitch of excitement at the memory. 

“Get it together, Diaz,” he reminded himself, pulling his head out from under the stream of water. He peeled his wet clothes off and let them fall to the floor of the stall. The way his clothes clung to his skin reminded him of Buck’s hands gripping at his arms. It felt great to get the blood off of him, but Buck’s fingers digging into his muscles had felt infinitely better. 

His dick was nearly half hard as he turned off the water with a sigh. He was the one who instigated the no-sex rule, but he was really starting to regret it. He pulled a towel down and gave himself a cursory pat down to dry off before flopping down onto his bed. He should have gotten dressed, but he couldn’t be bothered. His mind was replaying the date over and over: Buck bringing him flowers; holding Buck’s hand in the car; Buck calling him ‘my man’; Buck being so close at all times, feeling so familiar; Buck helping Melissa and keeping her calm in a way Eddie knew he would never be able to; Buck holding his arms up over his head, caging him in with his body. A shiver ran over Eddie (from the thoughts bouncing in his head or the cool air against his naked body, he couldn’t be sure). 

His phone rang out, startling him from his thoughts. He reached lethargically across the bed to find it without looking. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone, but swiped to answer anyway. 

“Hey,” Buck’s voice echoed out of the receiver. Eddie’s eyes snapped open as he covered himself with the towel self-consciously. 

“Hey,” he stammered back, too aware of the way his dick jumped eagerly at the sound of Buck’s voice.

“So today was fun, right” Buck asked genuinely, blissfully unaware of Eddie’s situation.

“Yeah, it actually was,” Eddie agreed, determinedly ignoring the sensation in his gut. “I think that last bullseye may have even put me ahead of you.”

Eddie laughed at Buck’s audible scoff.

“You know that was because of me! Don’t even try to act like you managed that on your own,” Buck argued vehemently. Eddie smiled against his phone, continuously amused by Buck’s energy.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, Buck,” Eddie teased, enjoying the fluttering feeling in his stomach.

“Oh, we are definitely going back there. I will prove that I am the superior axe-man,” Buck challenged. Eddie smirked at the phone as Buck continued to rant about his superior skills, the barest hint of humor in his beligerent voice. Eddie’s mind drifted to the image of Buck with the axes earlier that day. It wasn’t particularly sensual, especially after seeing Buck wield fire axes daily, but something about the way his hands moved over the handles had been hypnotic. 

Eddie’s hand drifted downward as Buck rambled on, trailing soft touches across his stomach until he reached his now swollen erection. He gave it a gentle stroke, barely any pressure, like he was testing it, teasing it. A shaky gasp escaped his lips before he could stop himself.

Buck’s ranting came to an abrupt halt. 

Fuck. Had he heard him?

“Eddie…” Buck’s voice was quiet, but deep; the rough tenor tone rumbled through the phone speaker, sending sparks of desire dancing across Eddie’s skin. 

“Yeah,” Eddie responded just at quietly, afraid to say more and be found out. His dick throbbed between his legs in anticipation.

“So, you said we shouldn’t have sex on our first date, right,” Buck asked, already aware of the answer. Eddie agreed, hating himself a little more for the misguided attempt at slowing them down. 

“Well, technically it’s not sex if it’s your _own_ hand. Right,” Buck continued, his voice dropping even lower. 

Eddie stared blankly at the ceiling, terrified. Buck had definitely heard him.

“Eddie,” Buck started again, “do you want me to listen to you touch yourself?”

Eddie swallowed the whine that threatened to spill from his lips before answering, his dick standing fully at attention.

“Buck, please,” he begged. He didn’t know what he was begging for or what he wanted. He just knew his dick was aching for friction and he needed to keep listening to Buck’s voice.

“Do you want me to stop,” Buck asked quietly, a faint breathless quality to his words.

“…no…”

Eddie could practically hear the rapacious grin through Buck’s next words. 

“Take off your pants,” Buck ordered. Eddie stiffened further at the bluntness of the command.

“I’m not wearing any,” he admitted feebly, his chest heating from embarrassment.

“Oh? And you call me presumptuous,” Buck trilled back. “What are you wearing?”

“Nothing.” 

Eddie should have been embarrassed; he should have felt heat flooding his face from the confession. But instead he felt bold because he could feel Buck’s surprised gasp on the other end of the line. He did feel heat then, but not in his face.

“That’s my man,” Buck purred. Eddie arched his back into the mattress, basking in the feeling of being claimed by Buck. 

“Touch yourself,” Buck commanded suddenly, and Eddie’s hand shot down to his dick. He started slowly, just two firm strokes from base to tip. 

“…fuuck..” The word escaped him before he could even think.

“You’re so good,” Buck whispered encouragingly, “You sound like you’ve been wanting to do this all day. Did you touch yourself this morning? Did you try to settle your nerves by unloading yourself all over your hand?”

Eddie’s hand moved faster as his legs spasmed involuntarily. The rhythmic sound of his hand slapping against his thigh bounced against the bare walls of his bedroom.

“Damn. I can hear how much you’re enjoying this, Eddie,” Buck purred. “All those little gasps and shallow breaths…fuck…do you have any idea what that does to me?”

Eddie couldn’t think, his mind was fully wrapped up in the sensation of Buck’s voice reverberating through his body as he urged himself to orgasm. 

“Stop.” 

Eddie froze instantly, his hand still gripping his pulsating dick, precome leaking over his fingers. His breathing was ragged, shallow like Buck had said, but now pained from the need for satisfaction. He listened closely, waiting for Buck’s direction. 

But it didn’t come. Instead, he heard tiny moans mixed with the slick slap of Buck’s hand working his own erection. Fuck, that should not be so hot. Eddie wanted desperately to continue, to feel that telltale pull in his gut that would give him just a brief respite from the world around him. 

“Buck,” he whined into the phone, “please?” 

He knew exactly what he wanted that time. Buck did too. 

“Go ahead,” Buck said breathlessly, and Eddie dove back in, his cock trembling with relief. 

“Slower,” came Buck’s next command, and Eddie acquiesced. His hand slowed to a gentle, but consistent pace. His breathing slowed with him and he could suddenly hear Buck’s moans much more clearly through the phone.

“God,” Buck hissed out, his voice raw, “It’s not enough. It’s just not enough. This will never feel as good as your mouth…your tongue…your throat…” Heavy panting punctuated Buck’s words and Eddie could finally feel that telltale pull. He was barely stroking himself anymore, enthralled by the sultry sound of Buck’s words. 

“Fuck, Eddie,” Buck continued, voice cutting in and out as he went. “Now that I know…now that I know what it feels like…to have you…swallow me down…” His words cut out again, replaced by wanton sounds and the cadenced slap of his hand. He was moving much quicker than he had allowed Eddie to. 

“God, I’m almost there,” Buck whined, “Don’t let me get there alone.”

Eddie waited. He knew what Buck meant, but he refused to move faster until Buck said the words. 

“Come for me, Eddie,” Buck moaned into the phone, heavy panting practically devouring his words. 

That was all Eddie needed to hear, and he knew how to get himself there quickly. He let the phone fall to his pillow as he turned it to speaker. Buck’s panting and moans punctuated the air of Eddie’s room, filling him with want. He reached his other hand down and slowly took hold of his balls. He could feel them tensing already in anticipation of release, but he massaged them anyway as his other hand stripped his dangerously slick erection fast and hard. Heat pooled in his stomach as every nerve seemed to sing to life at once. 

“Eddie,” Buck’s voice groaned out of the speaker, thick with desire and need. “I want you to fuck me so bad.” 

“FUCK,” Eddie screamed as his orgasm roared out of him. His stomach was coated as his dick pulsed through waves of pleasure. 

Buck’s satisfied groan ricocheted against the walls of Eddie’s bedroom, piercing through the echoes of his moans. His heavy breathing settled to a normal pace as the mess Eddie had made cooled against his skin. 

“Christ, Buck, are you trying to kill me,” Eddie grumbled, not sure if Buck could even hear him. 

“Careful,” Buck’s exhausted voice warned through the speaker, “or I’ll make you finger yourself until you come again.”

Eddie choked on his response as his dick attempted a beleaguered twitch of interest. Buck’s laughter exploded into the room.

“You’re so easy,” he jeered. Eddie continued to stare at the ceiling, lost in bliss. 

“Besides,” Buck added nonchalantly, “I wanna be the one to work you open.”

“You really are shameless,” Eddie admonished him. Buck was the new one to this whole experience, and yet Eddie already felt like the younger man was far more prepared than himself. Buck’s responding chuckle was barely audible.

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck called out gently, “I really like you.”

It wasn’t a declaration; it wasn’t even really an admission because Eddie already knew Buck liked him. But somehow hearing those words, immediately following what they’d done, felt different, heavier. This wasn’t Buck the Best-friend talking; this was Buck the Potential Boyfriend. Eddie had been right about liking the sound of that. His whole body sung back to life, every nerve firing with satisfaction. 

“I really like you too, Buck.”

“That’s good to know, buddy,” Buck answered cheekily. “Hey, I’ve gotta meet up with Maddie tomorrow. So, I guess I won’t get to see you again ‘til work, yeah?”

“Sounds good.” Eddie refused to be jealous of Buck spending time with his own sister. “Enjoy your day off.”

“You too,” Buck replied, a new warmth to his tone. “And Eddie?”

Eddie waited patiently for Buck to continue.

“You’re not allowed to come again until I make you. Have a good night.”

With that, the line went dead and Eddie was left blinking in disbelief. Part of him was bitter that Buck thought he could mandate something like that. But a much more vocal part of him thrilled at the chance to prove himself, to show how well he could obey. He desperately wanted to show Buck that he could be good for him, to get his blessed approval.

Fuck. He was falling way too fast. Again.


	5. A Day of Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Eddie spent the day after their phone call separately, each collecting and sorting their thoughts. Buck had a breakfast date with Maddie and then a full day of work with Eddie to get through before they could really talk again. Will they be able to work through the torrent of old and new emotions? 
> 
> (I'm so bad at summaries. I'm sorry. Haha. This one got a little longer because it covers a couple days and a lot of emotional ground. This definitely gets more explicit, so fair warning.)

“I’m coming, I’m coming! Hang on,” Buck hollered down the stairs as the sounds of insistent knocking echoed around the apartment. He had been peacefully asleep just fifteen minutes earlier, until Maddie had called and rudely startled him awake. Now she was standing outside his, pounding on his door, probably waking all of his neighbors too. 

It had been a mad dash to make himself presentable since she had first called. Embarrassingly, he hadn’t really bothered to clean up after his call with Eddie the night before, meaning he’d had to frantically straighten up and wash his sheets before he could even think about jumping in the shower to wash himself. Needless to say, he wasn’t having the most relaxing morning. 

“This is why you should just give me a key already,” Maddie’s muffled voice echoed faintly up the stairs as Buck threw a shirt over his still-damp skin. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled to himself amiably as he pulled on the pair of pants closest to him and skipped down the stairs. He rummaged through his junk drawer for the spare key he had made for her weeks ago, figuring he wouldn’t get a better opportunity to give it to her.

He couldn’t believe how frantic his morning had become. He had planned to have breakfast with Maddie days ago, but had somehow forgotten to set the alarm the night before. 

Actually, he knew exactly how he had forgotten to set an alarm, and his mind helpfully supplied him with the memory of Eddie’s needy whines and breathless panting. He really hadn’t meant for that to happen when he’d called; he just wanted to check in and see how Eddie was feeling about their changing relationship, because even though it was new to him, Buck was on board with the whole ‘dating’ and ‘boyfriends’ idea. But then Eddie had made that _noise_ and Buck’s mischievous side just took over. He wondered how Eddie was feeling about it in the light of day. Though they talked about everything as friends, they had never actually discussed preferences in sexual relationships. Buck had been exploring his own preferences for a while, easily alternating between taking the lead and taking a back seat in the bedroom; he didn’t really have a strong urge to be either _every_ time. However, with Eddie, his dominant side definitely seemed to slip out a bit more readily. There was something about Eddie’s desperation to follow orders that just intrigued Buck, and Buck truly enjoyed watching Eddie wait patiently for his commands. It made him feel powerful, yet unbelievably trusted.

And yet, Buck was sure that his heated confession the night before was also true – he did want Eddie to fuck him. He could admit that he was still nervous about the prospect, but he had also spent most of his recent downtime exploring how to make it happen. The thought of Eddie working him open tenderly and sliding into him until they were as close as two people could ever be had Buck openly blushing. 

He attempted to clear his mind as he finally pulled the door open to face Maddie, holding out her copy of the key to distract her.

“It’s about ti-,” Maddie started, almost convincingly exasperated, but her words fell short at the sight of Buck. “Are you sick? Your face looks really red?”

Buck turned away quickly, blush deepening upon his indecent thoughts being so easily read on his face. Maddie took the proffered key, but she still scrutinized Buck’s face, her medical training quickly running her through all the reasons Buck might be flushed.

“I’m just hot. I was…cleaning,” Buck offered lamely as he ushered Maddie inside and leaned against his counter, pretending to be disinterested by the comment. “Running around the apartment. You know?”

Maddie glanced around the rooms, taking note of the dirty glasses and plates scattered next to the sink and the magazines and books tossed everywhere in the living room. She eyed Buck suspiciously. 

“Was there someone here when I called,” she asked apprehensively, still eyeing him, waiting to catch his tell. 

“What? No. Why?” Buck’s gaze shifted awkwardly, avoiding Maddie’s eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was safe to look Maddie in the eye yet; she could read him far too well for that. Maddie didn’t call him out for his evasive gaze, but instead gestured at the messes in the kitchen and living room. 

Oh, right. That. Why would he be red in the face from cleaning when his whole first floor was still a mess? Maddie’s eyebrow flicked up accusingly. 

“I thought you were done with the whole playboy fireman routine,” she reproached, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring up at him. She was significantly smaller than him, but it didn’t make her any less imposing. Her palpable disappointment stung Buck’s pride, but the unsurprised tone hurt more far more than he wanted to admit. He had been so good for a full year. He was reformed. He was a one-woman guy…or a one-man guy…now. 

“I am. I have _been_ done,” he argued back indignantly, not quite hiding the dismay in his voice. Maddie clocked the tone immediately and regarded him for a moment. She stepped closer and put a consoling hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“Are you okay,” she asked genuinely. The sincerity of the question stung even more than the disappointment had. Ever since Maddie had returned, the two Buckleys seemed to have taken turns in breaking down. As she looked up at him with her sad, doe eyes, he realized she was already preparing herself for his next turn. But he wasn’t breaking down. He was actually, finally, in a good place. He just wanted to enjoy his happiness while he could. He took in a slow, steadying breath before answering.

“I’m good,” he assured her. “Actually, I’m great. It’s just been kind of a whirlwind week. I forgot to set my alarm and ended up rushing when you called. I’m good. I promise.”

Maddie studied his face a moment longer before nodding a quick acceptance of his explanation. 

“Good. I like it when you’re good.” She smiled up at him, eyes brimming with genuine, familial love (the kind he had been missing in his life for so long).

Buck’s heart sang at the soppiness of the situation. He and Maddie had started keeping much closer tabs on each other since the situation with Doug. He had been ecstatic when she and Chimney had finally given themselves a real chance. Even though it meant he was left behind more often, he was genuinely thrilled that Maddie had bounced most of the way back. But it still felt rare for either of them to be stable and happy, let alone both at the same time.

“Thanks, Mads. I kinda like it too,” Buck admitted bashfully. He shook the sentiment from his tone and grabbed his wallet off of the counter. “Now let me buy you breakfast.”

“I’m definitely not going to turn that offer down,” Maddie teased as she headed for the door. Buck fell into step behind her. It was such a familiar habit, to follow Maddie’s lead; he had done it so naturally as a child (though it was a little bizarre to have to look down at her now instead of up). Still, he had always felt comfortable with Maddie. He knew she wouldn’t lead him astray.

 _I need to tell her about Eddie._

The thought surprised him, but it felt right. If there was anyone he could turn to for a judgement-free opinion, it was his sister. Maddie would be able to help him sort out his feelings better than he could manage alone. And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried to help her with her own relationship issues (her slew of false starts with Chimney came to mind). He just wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. 

So, he didn’t.

They walked in comfortable silence to their breakfast spot: a small café around the block from Buck’s apartment. There was barely even room to stand inside the storefront, but there were always a few tables scattered out front. Without a word of planning, the Buckley siblings set about their standard breakfast roles: Buck collected his thoughts as he went inside to grab food and Maddie held down their usual table. 

His nerves were starting to eat at him. He truly wanted to tell Maddie, but that didn’t make it any less daunting. He knew she wouldn’t forsake him or anything like that, but the fact that it was Eddie he was seeing – that was going to cause trouble. Not serious trouble, but he was already trying to calculate exactly how long she was going to lord it over him. He could practically hear her future-self still teasing him during her toast at their wedding, laughing it up with Chimney and Hen as she goes on and on about knowing long before Buck did that he and Eddie were meant to be. 

Woah. _What?_

Buck froze in place, the tray of pastries and coffee in his hands jostled by his abrupt stop.

Where the hell had that thought come from? He and Eddie had nowhere near that kind of relationship. _Yet._ Buck’s subconscious was moving way too fast.

Maybe Eddie was right to suggest they slow down. 

He blew out an exasperated breath as he placed the tray on the table and flopped into the seat beside Maddie.

“Ok, seriously, what is up with you today,” she pried expectantly. “That was the heaviest dramatic sigh I’ve heard from you in years. What is going on?”

Buck stared at the tray, unsure of where to begin. Should he come right out and say he was dating Eddie? Should he come out in general first? His stomach was twisted into so many knots he couldn’t imagine actually trying to eat either of the pastries he’d bought. He still wasn’t even sure what to say he was. His research had presented a few options that seemed appropriate, but he was currently stuck between bisexual and pansexual. Although he wasn’t sure they were right either, because he wasn’t really into any other guys sexually, except for Eddie. Could he still claim he was bi? He wracked his brain for other male outliers in his history. Sure, he flirted with guys when they flirted with him, but had his motivation ever actually been serious? He swallowed uncomfortably around the nervous lump that had appeared in his throat. His nerves were so frayed he felt like he was being electrocuted slowly.

“Buck, you’re starting to worry me,” Maddie said calmly as she placed a hand on his forearm. Buck jumped at the unexpected touch. How long had he been silent?

“Sorry, I was just…thinking,” he apologized weakly. His whole body was tensed, every nerve on edge. 

“Thinking about…” Maddie encouraged gently. He could tell she wanted to help, but didn’t want to push him too hard. Her voice was calm, confident, but gentle. He understood why she was so good at her job. Well, if she wanted to help, all he could do was be honest with her.

“Can you be bisexual if you’re only really into one other guy?”

Maddie leaned back, surprised by the unexpected turn in conversation. 

“Uh…I…I’m not,” Maddie stammered in response, trying to process and answer simultaneously. “I’m probably not the best person to answer, but I don’t think there’s really a quota.”

An incredulous laugh bubbled out around the lump in Buck’s throat. That had not been the answer he expected, though it was a classic Maddie response

“That sounds…fair,” Buck agreed cautiously. He looked up at Maddie, reading her expression as best as he could. She didn’t look disappointed or upset. Actually, she still looked startled more than anything. 

“So,” Buck started again, more confidently, “I guess I just figured out that maybe I’m bisexual.”

Maddie sat conspicuously still for a moment. Then, slowly, a broad smile stretched across her face, lighting her eyes as she pulled Buck into a tight hug. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, surrounding him with love and warmth. 

“Buck, I am so proud of you,” she whispered against him as she tried to squeeze her support and affection into him. 

Buck’s face broke into a relieved smile as he melted against her, tension and nerves evaporating instantly. 

“I didn’t know until now,” Buck admitted quietly. “I didn’t even realize it was an option.” 

“Oh, Evan,” Maddie cooed gently against him, stifling a laugh. “You are the sweetest, but most oblivious person I know.”

Buck pulled back, confused and a little upset by the comment. 

“Wow, that’s how you’re wanna be,” he asked accusingly. Maddie just laughed back at him apologetically. 

“I’m sorry, you’re right. That was rude,” she admitted easily. “But Buck, you’ve had crushes on at least three other guys in your life.”

Buck stared at her in disbelief, an incredulous scowl on his face. Maddie’s amused expression quickly shifted to confusion. 

“Buck. Are you serious? Joey? Malcom? Griffin?? Really?!” Maddie’s astonishment was palpable, but Buck was still stuck at confused. 

“What about them,” he asked blankly, still not seeing the connection. 

“Sweetheart, you were obsessed with them! You talked about them non-stop,” Maddie explained exasperatedly. Buck scoffed at her assertion, but his subconscious began to review his past. 

Joey had been his best friend in middle school. They were close, but so were all middle school best friends. Joey had been the first friend he’d had that he actually wanted to invite to sleepovers. But that had been because they clicked, not because he liked him. Hadn’t it?

Maddie watched him patiently, tracking the shift in his expression as his mind tried to catch up.

Malcom had been a friend in high school. He and Buck had been in a lot of the same classes, so they had become decent friends. Malcom was on the soccer team and, as good friends did, Buck had gone to support him at nearly every game…including the overnight away game that he’d had to ‘borrow’ (read: steal) his parents’ car to get to. Huh.

Buck looked up at Maddie, her expression supportive, if still a little mocking. 

Griffin had been in college. They ran with the same crowd and had kissed a few times at parties: only when drinking, and usually on a dare. The girls had gone crazy for it at the time, so neither of the boys had seemed to mind the attention boost. But thinking back, Buck realized he hadn’t minded the attention from Griffin either. Shit.

“Have _I_ been bi all along,” he shouted, eyes wide with shock. 

A laugh burst from Maddie’s lips before she could stop it.

“I just thought you didn’t need to put a label on it. Why did you think I introduced you to Josh?” 

Her amusement was beginning to irritate. Apparently, she had known this particular detail about Buck FAR longer than he had and he felt more than a little bitter about it.

“He’s your friend,” Buck argued back. “I introduced you to my friends! It’s what siblings do!”

It was hard for Buck not to take Maddie’s uncontrollable giggling personally. He had never felt stupider than he did in that moment. His face crumpled as he threw his head down on the table, propped up by his folded arms, like a child hiding in plain sight. 

“I’m an idiot,” he mumbled into his sleeve. Maddie’s hand soothed his shoulders gently, a concerned frown wrinkling her brow. The lump in his throat had returned in full force, and he could feel tears of embarrassment prickling at the corners of his eyes.

“Buck, you’re not an idiot,” she assured him sincerely. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed. I genuinely thought you knew. You’ve always loved so easily and so fully. I assumed you had realized it didn’t really matter who the person was.” 

It was almost comforting the way Maddie said it. As if he was just a brilliant shimmer of love waiting to be shined on whoever needed it. Rather than an idiot who hadn’t even realize he had been crushing on his guy friends all along. 

At least Maddie didn’t seem bothered by it. 

“Evan,” Maddie started again quietly, still soothing his shoulders with slow strokes, “I really am proud of you. I realize now that this was not the easiest thing for you to recognize, but I am so proud that you have. You’re amazing.”

He lifted his head slowly and Maddie immediately wrapped him in another hug. 

“You are so brave, little brother,” she praised openly. Buck just sat, wrapped in arms, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume, for a long moment. The conversation had not gone how he had expected at all. The roller coaster of emotions he’d felt in the past five minutes had worn him out more than his entire date the day before.

“So,” Maddie said cautiously, loosening her grip just enough to allow Buck to look at her, “I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I assume Eddie is the guy?” 

Buck looked away defeated. If she thought him not knowing he was bi was funny, she was going to die laughing about Eddie. But still, he wanted her to know. He nodded, almost imperceptibly, still not looking her in the eye. 

“I like Eddie,” she stated simply. “I think he’s good for you.”

Buck sat up further, surprised by her candor. Was she really not going to give him shit for it? 

“What,” she asked innocently at the quizzical expression on Buck’s face. “You’re always happier when you two are together. He’s got baggage, but you already know about all of it, and he _let_ you know about it. You’re good for each other.”

Buck was surprised that Maddie had come to such an easy, yet astute, assessment. 

“Plus, his son is adorable, and you love him, probably even more than you love Eddie,” she teased. 

And suddenly, there it was, in words: _You love Eddie._ His heart ached at the sentiment. He knew it was true, he just couldn’t define the extent of that love just yet. 

“That reminds me,” Maddie started conspiratorially, “I have some news as well. Although I probably shouldn’t share it just yet, I can’t imagine holding it back after you were brave enough to tell me about all of this.”

Buck eyed her expectantly, unnerved by her caginess. She turned him to face her fully and took in a deep breath. Buck waited anxiously, not sure his emotions could take much more. 

“You’re going to be an uncle.”

“WHAT?!”

\---

Buck was still buzzing with excitement as he arrived at the station the next day. Maddie was pregnant. She and Chimney were having a baby. 

He wanted to congratulate Chim, but Maddie had sworn him to secrecy. She had said it was too early in the pregnancy to tell people, but she didn’t want to hide it from him. And yet, he couldn’t help but feel ecstatic. He was going to be an uncle. He was going to have a tiny baby to pour all of his affection into. His face was starting to hurt from smiling so much. 

“What are you so cheery about,” Chim asked as he stepped into the locker room and began to change into his uniform. 

“Chim,” Buck yelled, a little too loudly. He lowered his voice and tried to school his features. “Nothing. Not cheery about anything. Just having a good day.”

Chimney eyed him warily.

“Did you get lucky or something,” he asked jokingly. Buck couldn’t help by smile.

“No, but I hear you did.” Buck winked at him, hoping Chimney would catch on that he knew. Instead Chim stopped dead and turned to face him with a horrified look.

“Do you have any idea how bizarre that is to hear when I’m dating your sister?”

Oh, right. Buck’s smile faltered as he stared straight ahead and tried to come up with an appropriate response.

“Wait,” Chimney interrupted urgently. “Did Maddie talk to you?”

Buck froze, unsure of whether he would be betraying Maddie by saying yes. 

“Oh my god, she did,” Chimney declared. His voice wasn’t angry exactly, more vindicated. “I knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it from you! Yes! You just earned me twenty bucks.”

Buck hissed out the breath he had been holding, joy replacing the anxiety that had started to take over. 

“Oh, thank god, I thought she would kill me if I told,” Buck confessed. He walked over and wrapped Chimney in a quick hug, completely enveloping his smaller frame. “Congratulations, man. I couldn’t be happier for your guys.”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Now get your gorilla arms off of me,” Chimney whined as he batted Buck away playfully.

Eddie had unhelpfully chosen that moment to enter the locker room. He quickly took in the scene before him; a half-dressed Chimney fighting off a half-dressed Buck. 

“Didn’t we just have harassment training,” he asked with a long-suffering sigh. Buck jumped at the sound of Eddie’s voice. He had been so distracted by Maddie and Chim’s news that he hadn’t even talked to Eddie since their phone call. 

Chimney eyed Buck’s reaction skeptically, but chose to answer Eddie instead of questioning him.

“Sure did, Diaz. We were just reviewing,” he answered flippantly. He turned to walk out, pausing just for a moment next to Eddie to add, “Jealous you weren’t invited?” 

Buck coughed out a laugh at Chimney’s boldness. He could practically feel Eddie’s glare on his back. 

\---

The rest of the shift was less entertaining. The afternoon was filled with fender benders and a couple brush fires in public parks; nothing particularly strange or exciting. But during the early hours of the morning, after a relatively quiet night, they were sent to an elderly woman’s apartment. Her son had been trying to get ahold of her to no avail and had contacted 911. 

When they arrived on the scene, police had already forced entry, after receiving no response from the owner. The apartment was dark save for one table lamp in the corner, as if the tenant had just been shutting down for the night. They found the old woman prone on the floor, a large bruise covering half of her face, her coffee table overturned from an apparent fall. 

That was the first hint that the call was not going to end well. 

Eddie and Hen rushed to her side to check her vitals and tried to stabilize her as much as possible. Her pulse was week, but present, and she had a large gash obscured by her hairline. Her pupils were uneven and unresponsive. As they shifted her carefully to attach a collar, Eddie’s hand dipped into a cool puddle of blood under her neck. 

That was the second sign. Eddie began checking for further head injuries as Chim and Hen secured the open wound that had caused the puddle. 

Buck’s phone rang, distracting him from the scene unfolding before him. It was Maddie.

“Hey, Maddie, I’m at a call right now,” he whispered urgently. It felt wrong to speak too loudly. 

“I know,” Maddie responded quickly. “Did you find Martha? Is she okay? I still have her son on the line.”

Buck eyed the woman on the floor warily. They had definitely found her, but she was in bad shape. Eddie glanced up at Buck, eyes dark and solemn. He shook his head, only a fraction of an inch, but it was enough. Buck hesitated before answering.

“We found her,” he finally said, “But it’s not good.”

“Dammit,” Maddie groaned. “Her son has been trying to reach her all day. He said he knew something was wrong when she didn’t answer. They had just started to reconnect after ten years.”

Buck grimaced at the thought. He knew the feeling of being estranged from parents all too well, but at least he knew his were still alive and healthy. Or he assumed they were. He couldn’t imagine reconnecting just in time to lose them all over again. 

“Cap, she’s lost too much blood,” Hen’s voice called out clinically through the silence, her hand still pressed to the woman’s throat, gauging her pulse. “I don’t think she’s even going to make it to the bus.”

Chimney’s and Eddie’s heads hung low in agreement. In the next moment, Hen pulled her hand away slowly, shaking her head. Martha was gone. 

“It looks like she may have had a stroke. Her pupils are unevenly dilated and her facial muscles look loose on the left side,” Chimney offered up soberly. “She probably got dizzy and fell. She would have cracked her head on the table and passed out. I don’t even think she would have felt anything.”

“Buck, what’s happening,” Maddie’s strangled voice rang out. Buck’s uneven breath echoed back into the phone. 

“She didn’t make it,” he announced slowly, his eyes still locked on Eddie and the woman. “Chim thinks she had a stroke and fell. Probably passed out immediately and bled out from the fall injury.”

“Oh my god,” Maddie whispered, voice heavy with guilt and sorrow. “I’ll let her son know.” Buck hated hearing that familiar pain in his sister’s voice. She had dealt with enough of her own pain over the last year, she shouldn’t have to deal with so much of other people’s. 

“Do you want me to tell him,” he offered without thinking. 

“Oh, Evan,” she sighed back appreciatively, “Don’t worry. I can handle it. I talk to people in crisis all day long, and they don’t all end with a heroic rescue from cute firefighters. But, thank you for offering.”

The line clicked off and a hushed silence fell back over the room. The rest of the 118 set to work loading Martha onto a gurney to transport her to the hospital. Morgue runs were always a depressing affair, but this one hurt more than any of them expected. 

The ride back to the station was tense, everyone lost in their own thoughts. Cap was at the helm, alone in the front seat as Chim had opted to ride with Hen in the ambulance. Eddie and Buck were in the back, sitting closer than necessary so their knees bounced together after every bump in the road. It was close, but comfortable. 

“She was no older than my abuela,” Eddie whispered, almost to himself. 

Buck looked up at him, heart breaking at the lost look in Eddie’s eyes. He hadn’t even thought about what Eddie must be feeling. His grandmother had been in the hospital just that last year after a fall while watching Christopher. If Chris hadn’t been there, what would have happened to her?

Buck reached over slowly and placed his hand, palm up, on Eddie’s knee. He knew Eddie didn’t like to talk about his feelings, but he could tell he was hurting, and probably falling into a spiral of negative thoughts. 

He left his hand there for a long moment, waiting patiently to see if Eddie would take the comfort, or brush him away. If they were at home, either of their homes, Buck was sure Eddie would take his hand. But this was still work and Eddie always felt like he needed to stay strong at work. The crew knew some of Eddie’s past, but they had no idea how it affected him. They had no idea the kind of pain, and doubt, and self-loathing he carried inside of him all the time. 

But Buck did. And so, he waited. 

Slowly, Eddie’s hand crept forward, barely shuffling a millimeter at a time. As soon as his fingertips reached the center of Buck’s palm, Buck wrapped his own fingers around them. He could feel Eddie’s shoulders loosen some at the touch. His breathing evened back out from the shallow, pained sips he had been taking. His gaze stayed fixed on the floor under their boots, but his fingers slowly entwined themselves with Buck’s until their hands were palm to palm, warm and comforting.

Buck couldn’t believe Eddie was brave enough to reciprocate. It was barely more than a friendly handshake, but Buck knew how serious of a gesture it was for Eddie. Eddie always presented a strict veneer at work; he could laugh and joke with the rest of them, but actual fear, or sadness, or weakness – he wouldn’t show. The fact that he was actively seeking comfort was startling. But Buck was oddly comforted by Eddie’s trust in him; it even made his own thoughts of abandonment subside. 

They rode the rest of the way back to the station like that, hands locked together, without a single word spoken. 

By the time they got back, the next shift was already starting to arrive. Buck didn’t even bother showering at the station. He just wanted to go home and sleep off the funk the last call had put him in. 

But as he was closing his locker, he felt an tense presence hovering just behind him. He turned to find Eddie standing there, his hands nervously toying with the bag he held in front of him, and his eyes fixed on Buck’s feet.

“Uh, hey man, what’s up,” Buck asked as cheerfully as he could manage. Eddie’s eyes flicked up nervously, then dropped back to the floor. His expression was so timid, Buck hardly recognized him. He waited patiently for Eddie to speak, until eventually he did.

“Can I come ho-…Can I come over,” he rushed out anxiously. The unease in his tone was surprising; as if Buck had or would ever deny him. 

“Of course,” Buck agreed easily, hoping his cheery tone would alleviate some of Eddie’s apprehension. “I was gonna stop and grab something to drink. You wanna just head over and let yourself in? You have your key?”

Eddie nodded, but there was still an anxious set to his shoulders that made Buck hesitate. 

“Or,” Buck tried again, “I could go right home and hope I still have something in the fridge.”

Eddie wouldn’t admit that he preferred the second option, but his shoulders softened just enough to give him away. Buck smirked down at him, proud of his own proclivity for reading Eddie’s body language. 

“Let me just grab my stuff.” 

\--

Twenty minutes later Buck and Eddie were sitting in almost comfortable silence on Buck’s couch. Buck had managed to scrounge up a couple beers from the back of the fridge, but neither had even bothered to open them yet. Eddie was still frustratingly lost in his thoughts and Buck was beginning to worry that he wasn’t going to be able to do anything to help him. 

“So, you doing okay over there, Edmundo,” Buck asked as placidly as he could. Eddie glanced at him briefly, but didn’t respond. “You wanna watch a movie? Or talk? Or do anything that isn’t sitting here in awkward silence?”

Eddie almost laughed at that, but still refused to respond. Buck wasn’t sure where to go from there. Why had Eddie wanted to come over if he was just going to sit silently on the couch? Maybe he just needed more time. 

What Buck needed was a drink. He leaned forward to grab his unopened beer, his arm grazing against Eddie’s leg in the process. Before he could even reach the table, Eddie’s hand grabbed onto his forearm, holding him in place. 

Buck stayed still. He wasn’t sure if Eddie was upset, or angry, or just annoyed by his pestering, but he figured he would be fine if he just didn’t move. Or blink. Or breathe. 

“Buck.” It was the first Eddie had broken the silence since the station. 

“Yeah, Eds?”

Buck watched closely as Eddie’s eyes drifted shut and an almost indiscernible smile pulled at his lips. It wasn’t a nickname per say, but Buck knew he was the only one to called him that. Apparently, Eddie was rather fond of the name.

“Could you,” Eddie started again, his words hesitant and his voice broken. “Could…you just…could you…hold me…just for a minute?”

Buck’s heart ached. Not so much from the words themselves, but from the pitiful sound of Eddie’s usually confident voice so small and fractured. He was so used to holding everything and handling things himself that such a small request had taken him nearly ten minutes to put into words. 

Buck pulled his arm from Eddie’s grasp and laid it across his shoulders, shifting himself closer on the couch until their sides were completely pressed together. He could feel the worry melt away from Eddie’s stiffened muscles with each breath as he settled further into the warmth of Buck’s body. Buck couldn’t place the emotion he was feeling at that moment, but it felt like it was somewhere between pride and misery. Eddie’s pain was so visceral that Buck couldn’t help but feel it with him. But he was also so proud of Eddie for asking for something he so desperately needed. Buck cautiously moved his hand from Eddie’s shoulder to the top of his head, nudging him just enough to be a suggestion.

A broken sigh slipped from Eddie’s lips as he finally let go and buried his head against Buck’s chest. He breathed in a shaky breath that seemed to rip at Buck’s heart. 

“It’s okay, Eddie,” Buck whispered, his lips pressed against the crop of short hair on Eddie’s head. “You don’t have to hide from me.”

Apparently, Buck had hit the nail on the head, because in the next moment Eddie’s hands were clutched into the front of Buck’s shirt as he openly sobbed onto his chest. Buck’s heart felt like it had fallen through his stomach at the sound of the first wretched sob. His arms were both wrapped around Eddie, holding him close, stroking his back as Buck whispered a string of reassurances into Eddie’s skin.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. You need to let it out. I’m here for you. I want to help you carry this weight. I love you. I’m so proud of you.” 

The words happened without thought. So much so that Buck didn’t even realize what he’d said until Eddie’s sob came to a gasping halt. It’s not that it wasn’t true, it just wasn’t when he had expected to figure it out. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said embarrassedly, releasing his grip on Buck’s shirt and leaning back to a normal seated posture. Buck kept one arm over his shoulders, unwilling to let go just yet. “I don’t know why this just hit me like this. I didn’t know that woman. I’ve lost people on calls before. I just…every shitty thing that has happened this year just came crashing back. What if that had happened to abuela? What if Christopher hadn’t been there to call for help? What if he had died in the tsunami? What if _you_ had died?”

Buck pulled Eddie closer again, hoping more contact would help him siphon out some of the emotional agony boiling under Eddie’s skin. Eddie allowed himself to be repositioned without a fight.

“Buck, I’ve lost so much already.” Eddie’s voice was thick with bitterness and anger, but his eyes just showed pain. “I can’t keep pretending it’s okay.” 

“You don’t have to. Not with me,” Buck reassured him, turning his head to face him fully. “I know you Eddie. And…” 

He decided in that moment to say it for real. 

“I love you, Eddie. I see you for all that you are. You don’t ever have to pretend with me.”

Eddie surged up and slotted his lips over Buck’s, his hands grasping at his face. Buck welcomed him eagerly, sucking his tongue into his mouth and tasting the bitter salt of tears. They kissed slowly and easily for a moment, simply enjoying the comfort of each other. Eddie leaned back gradually and laid himself out on the couch. His hands pulled Buck forward until the entire length of his entire body weighed down on him. 

Buck couldn’t help the slight twinge of excitement he felt in his pants as the hard mass of Eddie’s body wriggled beneath him, adjusting to the weight of Buck’s body. He kissed him again, with a renewed fervor. He didn’t expect anything from Eddie tonight, that wasn’t his goal. He just wanted Eddie to feel how proud he was and how much he loved him.

The realization had been a bit of a shock, but Buck was sure of it. He had loved Eddie for months. Maybe not in the same way he did now, but just as earnestly, and just as significantly. 

Eddie’s hips rolled beneath him and Buck finally noticed the hard line swelling between Eddie’s legs. He had heard death could be an aphrodisiac, but he didn’t think that was Eddie’s thing. But being told he was good, that he was safe and loved? That sounded very much like it would be Eddie’s thing. 

Buck’s lips traced down Eddie’s jaw, leaving a scratchy trail of burns against his skin. He bit down against the hard muscle of Eddie’s neck, pulling a hiss of excitement from his lips. Eddie’s hips stuttered forward, seeking the friction of Buck’s body. But Buck pulled back suddenly, hovering his entire body above Eddie’s from chest to knee. He felt uncomfortable taking advantage of Eddie in such a vulnerable state of mind. 

“Eddie, we don’t have to do this,” Buck warned him. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. I don’t want you to regret this.”

“I will never regret you, Buck,” Eddie admitted openly. “You are the only thing in my life that makes me feel whole again.” 

Buck lowered himself back down, rolling his torso to slowly reconnection their bodies, starting with the chest and working down. His hands crept up under Eddie’s shirt as he claimed Eddie’s lips again, working into them all the unnamed emotions he still had in his heart.

“Buck,” Eddie gasped between kisses, “Tell me what you want from me…Anything at all…Just name it.”

“I told you before,” Buck answered back between teasing touches and biting kisses. “I want you to fuck me.”

“Jesus,” Eddie swore on a sigh. His skin shivered under Buck’s hands, goosebumps springing up wherever his fingers trailed. “Are you sure?”

Buck paused for a moment, pulling back to look Eddie square in the face. 

“I’m positive.”

The lost and broken look in Eddie’s eyes disappeared completely as lust and desire overtook them. His pupils were blown wide, turning his eyes almost entirely black as he leered up at Buck.

“Bed, now,” Eddie growled as he pushed Buck up and off of him, springing up from the couch seconds later to lead the way. Buck followed dutifully. A dazed smile hung from his swollen lips and his eyes delighted in tracking the way Eddie’s ass moved as he took the stairs two at a time. 

Eddie froze at the top of the stairs causing Buck to crash into him as he took the last three steps in a leap. 

“Shower first,” Eddie decided out loud. He pulled Buck forward and pushed him towards the bathroom, pulling his own shirt off in the process. Buck undressed in record time without a shred of modesty or shame. Eddie followed just as quickly, pushing Buck into the shower as he kicked on the water. 

Steam filled the room as Eddie pulled Buck into another crushing kiss, his tongue lapping at Buck’s swollen lips. Buck reached blindly for his soap and loofah, lathering it up and scrubbing it down Eddie’s body as they continued to kiss. The warm stream of water felt like dozens of fingers caressing every inch of his skin, setting it aflame as it danced down his body. Eddie wrestled the loofah from Buck’s hands and made quick work of washing him down, scrubbing every inch of his body from the soles of his feet to the space between his legs. 

Buck jumped as he felt Eddie’s fingers trail down his spine to the tight ring of muscle between his cheeks. 

“Is this okay,” Eddie asked quietly, stilling his hand as he waited for Buck’s permission. Buck couldn’t find his voice, but he nodded, granting Eddie full reign of his body. Eddie’s middle finger stroked at his hole, circling the muscle with soap-slickened pressure. Buck keened as Eddie’s hands kneaded the soft muscle of his ass, his finger still poised at the rim of his hole. Eddie leaned up then, licking into Buck’s mouth for a scorching kiss. Buck melted into the kiss as Eddie’s finger slide into him.

“Ah,” Buck gasped into the steam of the shower, Eddie’s teeth catching his lips as he breathed in a shaky breath. His whole body felt like it was adjusting to the intrusive feeling of someone else being inside of him. Eddie wiggled his finger experimentally, pulling another gasp from Buck’s lips. The pressure was more than he had expected. It didn’t hurt, but it still felt foreign. Eddie’s finger slipped out with a pop and Buck instantly missed the pressure of his presence. 

“Let me try something,” Eddie announced, taking in Buck’s discomfort. He dropped to his knees, spinning Buck around in the process so he was facing away from him. “Put your hands on the wall.”

Buck followed the direction without comment, taking note of the eager twitch in his dick. Apparently, Eddie wasn’t the only one who liked being ordered around. 

Eddie spread Buck’s cheeks gently, letting the water cascade over his exposed skin. Suddenly, Buck felt something firm and wet undulating against him. He craned his neck back to see Eddie’s face buried in his ass, his tongue rolling against the tight ring. This was a different sensation entirely. His legs shook as ripples of pleasure pulsed through him from Eddie’s masterful tongue. Fuck. When had he learned to do that? Buck leaned forward, resting his forehead against the cool tile and tilting his hips back to present himself to Eddie. 

“Atta boy,” Eddie commended him, biting down hard on the plumpness of Buck’s ass for his efforts. 

Buck’s hips jolted forward, startled and more than a little turned on from the sharp pain of Eddie’s teeth. He felt another finger pressing at him, seeking entrance. Or maybe it was a thumb. It felt wider and shorter as he accepted it into his body easily. It didn’t feel as foreign the second time. In fact, it started to feel kind of good as Eddie slowly worked it in and out, pulling at the rim every so often to stretch him. Buck closed his eyes, focusing on the push and pull, the pressure and release as Eddie continued to work him open. He was startled as Eddie reached around with his free hand to give Buck’s dick a cursory stroke, as if testing whether he was enjoying it or not. The combination of sensations brought moan from his throat.

“Think you can take more,” Eddie asked, his voice rough with desire, but his movements as controlled as ever. 

“Y-yeah…I think so,” Buck answered shakily. The heat from the shower was starting to make him dizzy. Or maybe it was the undivided attention from Eddie. Either way, he wasn’t about to let it ruin what was happening. Eddie removed his thumb slowly and Buck whined at the loss. But he didn’t have long to mourn, because Eddie was back at it in an instant, two fingers now pressing at his entrance. 

It hurt a little that time, and Buck couldn’t stop the yelp that escape him. The stretch was so quick. Buck hadn’t been expecting it to feel _so_ different. 

“Shit,” Eddie swore at himself. “I’m sorry. I should’ve waited. Do you have lube?”

“By the bed,” Buck whined as Eddie removed his fingers. 

“Let’s get to the bed then. I don’t want this to hurt you.”

Buck kicked off the water and grabbed two towels from the rack. He gave himself a quick once-over, noting the way his ass still felt loose, even though Eddie was no longer in him. He wondered vaguely how long that feeling would last after he had Eddie’s dick in him? 

“On the bed,” Eddie directed him urgently, “All fours.” 

Buck skipped to the bed and clambered on inelegantly, his nerves and excitement getting the better of him. He barely had a moment to steady himself before Eddie’s hands were back on him, massaging the backs of his thighs, his ass, his lower back, digging in his fingertips until all of the muscles sang to life. Eddie’s tongue was on him again as his fingers continued to dig into the soft flesh of his cheeks. He laved at the knot of muscle, working his tongue into a point and plunging it in and out, wiggling it inside of Buck and sending shock waves of electricity through his body. He replaced his tongue with a slick finger without warning. 

“Shit,” Buck gasped at that unexpected presence. It didn’t hurt at all anymore. The slick slide in and out actually felt good, especially knowing it was because of Eddie. 

“Still good,” Eddie asked quickly, a soothing hand splayed across Buck’s tailbone. 

“Good. I think I can take more. I’m getting used to it.”

Without another word, a second finger wriggled in beside the first. The pressure inside of him was definitely more noticeable, but it still wasn’t painful. He took that as a good sign. His body adjusted quickly as Eddie slowly worked his fingers in and out, twisting and scissoring them along the way to prepare Buck more quickly. On one particular twist, Eddie grazed something inside of Buck that seemed to light fireworks under his skin. 

“Fuck,” he cried out, his back arching at the sensation. Eddie pulled out entirely then and Buck thrust his hips back, seeking the feeling again. Slick fingers were suddenly wrapped around his dick and his hips bucked forward on their own, driving his dick into the delightful pressure. Eddie stroked him slowly, teasing him with varying pressure and grips, pulling mewling sounds from Buck’s throat with every change.

Buck’s skin felt like it was vibrating. The delicious pressure of Eddie’s hand was driving him wild. It felt amazing, but it wasn’t enough and he could feel himself winding up, tension rising in his gut. Eddie’s fingers returned to Buck’s hole as his other hand continued to stroke absently. Buck hissed out a breath as the pressure returned to his ass, stretching him even further as Eddie worked three fingers into him. Eddie was methodical in his technique, moving slower than before, allowing Buck time to adjust to every millimeter. 

Buck’s breath turned to ragged, shallow pants, as he tried to un-tense every muscle in his body, swallowing Eddie’s fingers deeper than ever.

“God you are so hot,” Eddie said, almost as if he meant to just think it, but slipped up and said it out loud. 

Buck was wound too tightly. He couldn’t take much more teasing. 

“I need you in me,” he gasped out, legs twitching from overstimulation. Eddie released him instantly and Buck groaned aloud at the loss. 

“Relax, just breathe.” Eddie’s words were calm and collected, but Buck could hear how tense his tone really was. He turned to glance at him and was met with a glistening, red-faced, fully erect Eddie eyeing him like a piece of meat. Somehow the objectification worked for him. He got off on being desired, and there was not a shred of doubt in his mind about how much Eddie desired him in that moment. He locked eyes with Eddie as he reached between his legs to pick up the strokes Eddie had stopped. A moan of ecstasy slipped from his lips as he bucked into his own hand, Eddie’s eyes widening with urgency. 

Buck watched with rapt attention as Eddie slipped on a condom and slicked up his erection messily. He was vaguely confident he was ready for it; it didn’t look like it could be more than three fingers wide.

“Eyes forward,” Eddie commanded as he batted Buck’s hand away from himself. Buck turned and braced himself. “Breath in.”

Buck did as he was told, sucking in a deep breath and filling his lungs, holding the air in anticipation as Eddie knelt on the bed behind him and lined himself up. He could feel the head of Eddie’s cock teasing his entrance, pressing gently, but insistently. Buck’s nerves fired on all cylinders, anticipation and tension and want burning through his stomach and chest. 

Eddie placed his hands on Buck’s hips and pressed forward, pressure building and building until…

“Let go,” Eddie directed him. Buck didn’t know if he meant his breath or his control, so Buck released both. He hissed out the breath he had been holding and let himself relax. As soon as he exhaled, his hole opened to welcome Eddie.

“Christ,” Eddie growled as his head was swallowed by Buck’s ass. He didn’t push any further yet, allowing Buck to adjust, and Buck was grateful he did. It may not have technically been bigger than three fingers, but Eddie’s dick felt immensely more filling than his fingers had. Buck shifted uncomfortably, willing himself to relax as Eddie pressed forward as slowly as he could. Buck’s back arched as Eddie filled him, a slight burn accompanying the intense feeling of fullness. Buck’s mind was blank, his only thoughts trapped in the feeling of Eddie filling him. 

Eddie let out a shaky breath, his fingers clenching onto Buck’s hips, belying the control he was trying to display. He pressed forward the final centimeter until his hips were flush against Buck’s backside and Buck bit into his hand to stop the wanton moan that bubbled up in his throat. It still hurt a bit, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of Eddie being a part of him. 

“God, you feel incredible,” Eddie confessed, fingers twitching absently against Buck’s hips as he allowed him a final moment to adjust. “Are you good?”

Buck waited a moment, reveling in the feeling of closeness before answering. 

“I’m good,” he whispered, almost believably confident. “Now fuck me.”

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He pulled back halfway and thrust back in, slamming his hips into Buck’s and jolting him forward on the bed. Buck gasped in surprise, but was astonished that it hadn’t hurt nearly as much as he’d expected. There was a minor burning, but the motion actually quelled a lot of the flame. He was finally ready. 

“Quit messing around and fuck me, Diaz,” Buck ordered. 

“Yes, sir,” Eddie snarled as he pulled almost all the way out and drove back into Buck. He didn’t even get a chance to react before Eddie was pulling back and thrusting in again. 

Eddie set a punishing pace; pulling back until he was almost unsheathed and crashing forward without warning. Buck was edged further up the bed with every thrust. It was as if Eddie was trying to fuck the pain out of his system using Buck. His whole body screamed out in desire as Eddie fucked into him, but his dick ached from inattention. He reached back in an attempt to ease the swollen appendage, but lost his grip and faceplanted into the pillows. Eddie whistled with delight at the new view; Buck’s ass presented to him while the rest of his body was splayed across the bed. 

“Fuck, you are beautiful,” Eddie hissed as he drove himself into Buck again and again from the new angle. 

It didn’t _hurt_ , but it felt different. From the new angle it felt like Eddie was trying to escape Buck rather than crawl into him. 

Eddie seemed to sense the change in Buck’s demeanor because in the next instant he was wrapping himself over Buck’s splayed out frame, covering Buck’s sweat-slick back with his equally-damp chest. It was as much skin contact as they could possibly have and Buck basked in the feeling of being wrapped up in Eddie. 

Eddie gave an experimental roll of his hips and Buck cried out in pleasure. Stars flashed behind his eyes as a jolt of electricity shot through him. 

“Fucking hell, Eddie, don’t stop doing that,” he whined, his hips canting backwards to urge Eddie forward. Eddie notched his chin over Buck’s shoulder so his lips were right against his ear.

“Yes, sir,” he whispered, biting down on the soft lobe as he slowly pulled his hips back and jerked forward. 

“Fuck,” Buck cried out, fingers twisting into the sheets. “Just…fuck me!”

Eddie complied quickly, reestablishing his punishing pace, but this time sending sparks of pleasure through Buck’s entire body with every forward thrust. 

The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the apartment as Eddie consumed him. 

Ragged panting breaths escaped Buck’s lips as Eddie drove into him over and over, forcing out every last doubt of his worthiness. His body was aching for release, his dick dribbling precome onto the sheets below him. He couldn’t even be bothered to reach for his dick, his mind and body too blown on the intense pressure of Eddie’s dick. 

“Ah, Buck,” Eddie panted behind him, “I’m so fucking close, Buck…Will you come with me?”

Buck grumbled an attempted reply, his mind not quite able to work out words. He was completely lost in feeling. The feel of Eddie’s dick pounding into him, the need Eddie felt to keep claiming him, the lighter-than-air feeling of being so unabashedly desired, mixed with the physical feeling of fullness and emptiness shifting so quickly he could hardly keep up. 

“Buck,” Eddie tried again, kissing up Buck’s spine to bring him back to earth. He reached a hand between Buck’s legs then, gripping onto his dick and stripping it fast and hard, miraculously in time with his own thrusts. 

“Ahh,” Buck moaned loudly, hips shifting to thrust into Eddie’s grip. The motion made him realize he still had some control over Eddie’s dick as well. He began rocking his hips wildly, thrusting back onto his dick, then bucking forward into his hand. He used his body in an attempt pull every last drop of self-hatred and shame from Eddie's mind. But the sensation was too much. Pleasure and pain, tension and release, full and empty. He wasn’t going to last much longer. 

“Christ, Evan, you are going to be the death of me,” Eddie moaned into Buck’s ear as his hips stuttered against Buck’s wild thrusting. The sound of his name, his real name, falling from Eddie’s lips in such a wanton way set him over the edge.

“Eds,” Buck cried out as he came. He would have collapsed to the bed if Eddie hadn’t still been holding him up. Eddie’s hips slammed forward one final time with a cry of _Evan_ and Buck took pride in feeling Eddie’s dick pulsating through his orgasm while still inside of him. 

Buck did collapse then, pulling Eddie down on top of him in the process, his dick still firmly buried in his ass. 

They laid that way for a long moment, breathing in the scent of sweat and lust and musk. Buck noted the strange, conflicting, sensations of cooling come beneath him and of Eddie slowly softening inside him. It was an odd mix, but he felt satisfied knowing that he’d had a hand in both. 

Eventually Eddie slipped out of him and peeled off the condom. Buck did not whine, but he genuinely thought about it. He could still feel the ghost of Eddie’s raging erection hammering into him. He thought he liked it. 

Eddie flopped down next to Buck on the mattress as he knotted and tossed the spent prophylactic into the trash. Eddie’s arm dropped onto the pillow above Buck’s head and Buck turned over lazily to snuggle into him, his back and legs aching from being in one position for so long.

Eddie pulled Buck into his chest, his hand absently stroking his damp, curly hair. Buck absently leaned into the touch, the gentle tickling sensation sending shivers down his sweat-dampened, exposed body. 

“You called me Evan,” he accused offhandedly, still nuzzling into the feeling of Eddie’s nails scratching against his scalp. Eddie chuckled. 

“It _is_ your name,” Eddie countered quickly. “Besides, I like that no one else calls you that. It’s like you save it, just for my use.” 

Buck liked the idea of only Eddie using his real name. It felt right. The only other person who called him Evan was Maddie, like his name was reserved for family. Eddie was family. 

“You said you loved me,” Eddie announced, just as offhanded as Buck’s comment had been.

Buck stiffened for a moment, nervous that Eddie was going to tell him it was too soon for that kind of talk, too early in their relationship. But as he was frozen, he noticed that Eddie’s fingers never stopped moving. He wasn’t mad about what Buck had said, he was just bringing it back to the table for Buck to decide whether or not he wanted to claim it.

“I do love you,” Buck asserted quietly, his hand absently caressing Eddie’s chest as he spoke. “I mean, I’ve loved you for a while, but now…I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

His heart was racing. It was one thing to say it in the heat of the moment, but this confession was something else entirely. This was cool-headed and serious. But he didn’t want to hide it from Eddie. He had told Eddie he didn’t need to pretend with him, all he could hope was that Eddie would grant him the same. He waited patiently for Eddie to react. His fingers were still toying with Buck’s hair as he inhaled a breath to respond. Buck couldn’t even breathe as he waited.

“I think I’m in love with you too, Evan.”


	6. What Comes Next?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their first official night sleeping together, Eddie and Buck have to wake up and deal with the consequences. Perhaps opening up to each other may have opened more emotional floodgates than they are prepared to handle. But hey, at least they're talking!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is a short chapter, but another will be posted in the next couple days to make up for it. I had too many ideas/tones happening in one chapter to allow it to flow, so it will be two shorter chapters instead. Prepare for some major feelings and a lot of blue balls. These two chapters will take a short break from Buddie being allllll over each other. But I PROMISE Chapter 8 is going to be WILD.)

The next morning Eddie woke with the sun, gradually, and peacefully. The soft light of daybreak filtered in through his shuttered eyelids, casting a gentle hazy glow over his vision. It was rare for him to wake so casually, pulling from sleep naturally rather than startling awake at his alarm. It was much calmer than he was used to. He even _felt_ more comfortable than usual nestled into the soft sheets of his bed, more at peace than he had felt in years. For some reason his bed was softer that morning, like it was hugging every line of his body in a way that almost felt sensual. He still hadn’t opened his eyes, but his body was begging to be move, to luxuriate in the suddenly comforting feel of his bed. He arched his back off of the mattress, stretching deeply with a slow breath in, and let his muscles wake with him. 

His sleep-drunk mind noticed two things simultaneously: one – his legs and back felt far tighter than they usually did after a shift, and two – it wasn’t just the mattress hugging the lines of his body. Eddie blinked his eyes open, squinting against the wall of windows flooding the room with light. 

Wait. His bedroom didn’t have a wall of windows. He scanned the room quickly, placing it from his memory after a moment. Buck’s place. But not the living room where they usually hung out; this was Buck’s bedroom. He was in Buck’s bed. Which meant the person clinging to him must be…

Eddie turned his head slowly and was graced with a sight that made his heart jump. Buck’s helpless, peaceful face rested on the pillow next to him. A slight smile was etched on his lips while the tiny shadows cast by his lashes danced across his cheekbones as he dreamt. His mussed curly hair stuck out at odd angles with one errant curl was smushed against his forehead, perfectly framing the dark birthmark above his eye. Eddie felt a sudden urge to kiss the striking spot. But he held back, unwilling to disturb Buck just yet. His naked body was completely curled toward Eddie; an arm draped across his chest and an ankle hooked over his leg, as if, even in sleep, he was trying to keep Eddie from slipping away.

The memories from the night before came crashing back: the unguarded way Buck had talked him out of his breakdown, the consoling way he had held him, the passionate exchange on the couch, followed by a much more passionate exchange there in the bed. Flashes of vignettes faded into his sleepy mind: Buck pressed up against the shower wall; his fingers carefully working in and out of him; Buck kneeling before him, presenting himself; his dick completely consumed by Buck’s body; the blinding orgasm that had wracked through him and blacked out his vision; and finally Buck’s naked body tenderly molded against him. Eddie watched Buck serenely for a moment, matching his breath with the rise and fall of his shoulders. He tried to place the feeling that was gripping at his heart. 

He wondered vaguely when they had fallen asleep and whether Buck had clung to him the whole night, not that he actually minded. It felt remarkably natural to have Buck so close, like they were always meant to merge into one. Eddie considered Buck for a moment, a half-conscious smile playing at his lips. Although Buck cut an impressive figure on any average day, he looked so vulnerable in bed, so exposed. The sheets were draped at his waist, piled against the soft swell of his ass, leaving his entire top half completely bare. Eddie’s gaze raked over the sharp angles of Buck’s shoulders where the smooth skin hugged the ropes of muscle in his back. For a wild moment, Eddie felt inadequate looking at the inherent strength Buck’s body held. Eddie was sure he could hold his own against him, but seeing the way Buck’s body, even when relaxed, seemed to ripple with cords of muscle hidden beneath the skin was intimidating. It was also more than a little arousing. 

His eyes drifted back up to Buck’s face, still distracted by the deep red patch of his mark. Eddie secretly loved Buck’s birthmark; it made him unique – it made him Buck. The urge to kiss it rose again, but Eddie pushed it back down, turning it into an anxious buzz beneath his skin. Buck liked to joke that his birthmark made him look tough, but Eddie thought it must weigh on him at times, especially having to explain it away over and over again. Eddie had a birthmark too, but not one nearly as conspicuous or inviting as Buck’s; he wasn’t even sure Buck knew about it, actually. He made a mental note to tell Buck just how much he liked the patch of velvety skin.

His muscles ached from keeping overly still and he realized with a pang of guilt that he needed to get up and move, to stretch, to do something with the nervous energy that was buzzing through him. But Buck was too serene to disturb. Eddie realized with a sudden jolt to his gut that Buck wasn’t just peaceful; he looked _happy_. 

Buck wasn’t depressed (at least, Eddie didn’t think he was), but the past year had put a strain on him that had significantly dimmed his light. Even when Eddie was furious with him for pulling the lawsuit stunt, he still ached at the sight of Buck, so lost and afraid, so gray. The few times he had been able to see him, he could practically see the light in his eyes growing darker. It was the only thing that had kept Eddie from actually hitting him at the time. Thinking back, he was ashamed that he had ever considered hurting Buck. But it had become his go-to fix for any kind of emotional pain, and the threat of not being able to see Buck again had definitely been the most significant of the pains he had been feeling. 

Buck shifted against him and Eddie’s attention immediately jumped back to his face. He smiled as Buck’s nose crinkled and his eyes squinted against the light framing Eddie’s face. 

“Hey,” Buck said cheerfully as his lips twisted into a grin, his voice still scratchy with sleep. 

“Good morning,” Eddie replied easily. Buck either didn’t notice that he was still clinging to Eddie, or he just unabashedly didn’t care. He stayed precisely where he was and just gazed into Eddie’s eyes between sleepy blinks, his expression deliriously content. 

“I like waking up with you here,” Buck admitted easily, piercing Eddie’s heart with the sincerity of the sentiment. Truthfully, Eddie liked it too, but he was nowhere near as confident in expressing it out loud. He had admitted that he was falling in love with Buck the night before, and had felt like he might pass out for an hour afterward. Eddie was not great with words. Instead of saying anything, he opted to lean over and kiss him. 

Buck laughed into the kiss, the hand that had been on Eddie’s chest creeping up into his hair as he kissed back eagerly. Buck was much less bothered about expressing his desires. His leg stretched up and over Eddie’s waist, pulling him closer until he could feel the heat of Buck’s half-swollen length against his hip. It was Eddie’s turn to laugh then. 

“You are insatiable,” Eddie teased between chaste kisses. Buck didn’t even have the decency to pretend to be ashamed. He simply winked and rolled his hips against Eddie’s side with a smirk. Eddie retaliated by placing even softer kisses all over his face, peppering his nose, his chin, his cheek, and finally the two dark spots of his birthmark. He pulled back to wait for Buck’s reaction, but his breath was sucked out of his lungs by the severe look on his face. 

“You okay? Did I do something wrong,” Eddie asked quickly, vainly attempting to hide the mild panic in his voice. Buck said nothing. Eddie didn’t think Buck was that self-conscious about his birthmark, but Buck just continued to watch him closely, the same intensity in his eyes that seemed to cut through him. Eddie could feel Buck’s chest heave as his breath quickened, a deep red coloring his face. 

Suddenly, Buck broke his gaze and turned to bury his face into the pillows, obscuring himself completely. He pulled his arm and leg back and tucked them under himself, curling into a ball of sorts. Eddie watched panicked and unsure of what to do, or what he had done wrong. He reached out cautiously and smoothed a hand over Buck’s shoulders, quickly detecting the tremulous shiver that ran over his skin.

“Buck, what did I do,” he tried again, more desperation leaking into his voice than he would have liked. Buck shook his head, burying it further into the pillow, his shoulders visibly shaking as he wept.

Fuck. Eddie refused to let Buck close down like this, especially after all the crap Buck had given him about being more open with his feelings.

“Evan,” Eddie demanded. He felt Buck stiffen under his hand. At least he had his attention. “Look at me.”

Slowly, Buck turned to face him, his arms still tucked under his chest. His expression was painfully broken and innocent.

“Did I hurt you,” Eddie asked evenly, dropping into his clinical first-responder voice. Buck looked confused for a moment before vigorously shaking his head. Okay, that was at least progress.

“Are you upset,” Eddie tried again, wishing that Buck would just speak. He could triage any number of physical injuries, but he was terrible at handling emotional pain. 

Buck stared back at him, eyes flitting back and forth between Eddie’s, his mind obviously trying to work out how to say what he needed to. Eddie slid his hand up Buck’s neck and rested it against his face, completely covering his damp cheek. He could feel Buck fighting the urge to nuzzle into the touch. 

“Evan, please talk to me. What’s going on,” Eddie said gently, his tone soft. Buck sucked in a breath between his teeth as a single tear escaped. “No judgement, alright?”

“I…y-…you kissed my birthmark,” Buck stated seriously, as if that somehow explained his behavior. Eddie continued to watch him, his expression unguarded and expectant. 

“I did,” Eddie confessed, still expecting a more satisfactory answer. “And that was…bad?”

Buck closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath through his nose. Eddie was beginning to worry that he had crossed some hard, invisible, line. 

“No,” Buck finally whispered out, his eyes shut, hiding him from Eddie’s expecting stare. “It…they’ve just always been a sore spot.”

Eddie had surmised as much. He _did_ know Buck pretty well, after all. 

“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly. “I won’t do it again…if that’s what you want.”

Buck opened his eyes, years of self-conscious pain pouring out of him; mixed with just a tinge of…disappointment?

 _Oh._

Eddie understood. He urged Buck forward to kiss him again, gently this time, patiently, lovingly. Buck melted into the kiss, but Eddie could feel a quaver of tension holding him back from committing all the way. Eddie pulled back and looked into Buck’s tormented gaze.

“You are beautiful. And I mean every…single...inch of you, Evan.” He leaned up and placed a chaste kiss to the two marks framing Buck’s eyebrow. “There is not a single thing about you that doesn’t amaze me.”

An embarrassed grin broke out over Buck’s face as he surged forward and attached himself to Eddie’s lips. His hands roved over Eddie’s body, as if he could physically embed his appreciation directly into his skin. Eddie kissed back just as eagerly, thankful that he had found the right words for once in his life. 

They parted after a moment, both smilingly happily, and just staring at each other. Buck sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, a mischievous glint reignited in his eyes. 

“So…how many of my _beautiful_ inches do you think you could take,” Buck asked cheekily with a leering grin. 

Eddie froze for a moment to process Buck’s words before pulling the pillow out from under his head and smacking him in the face with it. Buck’s muffled giggles erupted into the room as Eddie climbed out of the bed in a huff. Buck pulled the pillow away from his face making his laughter echo even louder against the wall of glass.

But suddenly, it stopped altogether. A low, loud, wolf-whistle replaced it, echoing through the entire apartment. Eddie looked down at himself and realized he was still completely naked, much to Buck’s apparent delight. 

Oh well. If Buck could walk around completely shameless, then so could he. He threw a sultry look over his shoulder and sauntered to the closet to find something to cover up with. He took an exorbitant amount of pride from the surprised and excited expression on Buck’s face. 

Once hidden in the closest, he dug through Buck’s clothes, looking for something he could reasonably wear. Pants were probably out since Buck’s legs were laughably long compared to Eddie’s. He settled on a pair of running shorts and scrounged up an extra pair for Buck, just to make sure he was less of a temptation. He ignored the excited thrill that ran through him as he shimmied into Buck’s shorts. They fit him better than he expected, which sent another thrill through him; the second traveling decidedly south. He really need to get himself under control. 

Eddie emerged from the closet to find Buck splayed on the bed seductively, watching him. His hands were tucked behind his head and he had one exposed knee propped up invitingly. Somehow the sheets had shifted so that they casually covered his crotch, and nothing else. Eddie kept his expression blank, but his mouth watered at the sight of the long, lean lines of Buck’s body so clearly presented for him. The faintest hints of bruises were visible at his hip, where Eddie’s fingers had dug in to hold him up the night before. He had been serious when he said every inch of Buck was beautiful, he had just forgot how many damn inches that was. He could feel a growing pressure in the front of his shorts and knew he needed to get away before things got out of hand. Without a word, he threw the spare shorts in Buck’s face and bolted for the bathroom. Buck’s delighted laughter followed him as he slammed the door shut. 

“I’ll go start breakfast,” Buck’s voice called out a moment later. Even through the door Eddie could hear the smugness of his tone. Unfortunately, even that smugness didn’t lessen his growing weakness for the man.

Buck listened to the soft thumping of Eddie’s feet as he descended the stairs a few minutes later. The sound felt so normal to him, as if the patter of Eddie’s steps had always echoed through his space. Eddie joined him at the counter, his face dripping from the water he had apparently splashed there. Buck couldn’t resist teasing him before, but if he was honest with himself, he had only been half joking. Now that he had a little more experience in what sex with a man could be, he was eager to try everything with Eddie. And if Eddie’s reactions were anything to judge by, he just might let him.

“Welcome back,” he said innocently, placing a quick kiss to Eddie’s temple, as if he hadn’t just chased him out of the room with his teasing. Eddie glared back at him, unamused. 

“What are you making,” Eddie asked, resolutely changing the, apparently sore, subject. Buck sighed at Eddie’s stubbornness. He really thought Eddie had gotten more used to being open with him. Baby steps, he supposed. 

“Bacon and eggs,” Buck answered plainly as he placed the bacon into a frying pan. “I’m too worn out to do anything complicated.” It wasn’t a lie. His legs were still tight and sore from the night before, and his ass alternately burned or ached like there was part of him missing. It wasn’t painful exactly, just uncomfortable.

Eddie chuckled beside him. Buck wasn’t sure what he was laughing about, but at least he wasn’t holding a grudge about the teasing. He could count that as progress. The sizzle of meat and the salty, smoky scent of bacon permeated the silence surrounding them. 

After a moment, and to Buck’s utter surprise, Eddie sidled up behind him and rested his forehead between Buck’s shoulders. His arms slowly wound around Buck’s bare stomach until his hands were splayed across his hips. He held him there for a moment, simply taking him in and syncing up their breaths. Buck basked in the feel of Eddie’s skin against him, blanketing him in a warmth and security unlike anything he had known before.

“You can be a real shit, you know that,” Eddie accused humorously, his breath tickling Buck’s skin as he spoke. “But you’re a man of your word, and I respect that.”

Buck wracked his mind, searching for what ‘word’ Eddie was talking about. He must have given himself away because, not even ten seconds later, Eddie took pity and filled him in.

“You said I couldn’t come again unless you made me.” Eddie’s voice had dropped low and dangerous.

Buck’s face heated instantly, blush spreading across his skin like wildfire. He _had_ said that, hadn’t he? Or at least his more mischievous and confident side had. A devious spark of pride ignited in his chest, overshadowing the heat of his embarrassment. Not only had he brought Eddie to ecstasy all on his own, but Eddie had actually waited for him to do it. Buck took a moment to thrill over the power Eddie had given him. Now he only had to decide whether he should keep that power to himself or share the wealth.

“You hoping to make that a habit,” he asked Eddie seriously, pressing himself back against Eddie’s hips playfully, pulling a small whine from the other man’s throat. Eddie took his revenge quickly; biting down tersely onto Buck’s shoulder blade and digging his fingernails into his hips, practically on top of the bruises he had already left. A tremor of want and excitement shivered through Buck. He hiccupped as he felt the semi-hard line of Eddie’s dick thrust forward against him. 

“Only if you’re up for it,” Eddie admitted quietly, releasing Buck’s skin from between his teeth, his tongue flicking out to soothe the mark. Buck would swear he could feel every swipe of that tongue along his dick. 

But he stopped that thought to consider Eddie’s suggestion seriously. Buck knew he enjoyed taking charge in a relationship, but he had never been assigned that position permanently. Or if he had, it had been a short enough relationship that he didn’t mind. But with Eddie…he felt like they were in it for the long haul, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to lead all the time. He had never been with someone who could manhandle him the way Eddie could, and he had not overlooked how much that possibility turned him on. 

“What if,” Buck started cautious, picking his words carefully as he went, “What if I want _you_ to…do that to me, every so often?”

Eddie lifted his head from Buck’s back and spun him around so they were face to face. He stared up into Buck’s eyes, searching for any reservations Buck may be hiding about the idea. Buck watched him breathlessly, afraid that any movement might convince Eddie to say no. But instead, his lips slowly spread into a grin. 

“I think I could take you.” 

Buck was immediately transported back to a similar comment, made with the same man, in that exact kitchen, with the same severity in his eyes. Dammit, Maddie. She told him he’d been flirting with Eddie all along and he hadn’t seen it. But the memory definitely hit differently now.

“I guess we’ll just have to explore that later,” Eddie decided as he looked around Buck’s shoulder to the stove. “I think you’re burning our breakfast.”

“Shit!”

***

By mid-afternoon Eddie was waning. The strain of a 24-hour shift, capped off by more emotional vulnerability than he’d shown in years, which was then followed by…intensive physical activity, and an early wake-up on top of it had worn him out far more than he had expected. He knew he should have gone home after breakfast, but Buck had casually suggested they watch a movie, and that was all it had taken to convince him to stay. They had been sprawled out on the couch since. 

Eddie was neatly tucked into his corner of Buck’s couch, lounging comfortably in nothing but his borrowed shorts. Buck was dressed to match and the dark lines of his tattoos stood out enticingly against his fair skin. Eddie had the strange realization that the feel of Buck’s couch under him was as familiar as his own. He even discovered he had a characteristic position on said couch: his legs kicked up on the coffee table and an arm stretched across the back of the couch. Although he had stayed under the guise of watching a movie, he honestly had no idea what it was they were watching. His attention had been completely focused on the man next to him for the last half hour. Buck had started out on the opposite end of the couch, but for the last thirty minutes he had been moving incrementally closer to Eddie. He was now barely an inch away from the invitingly open curve of Eddie’s body. His legs had also been propped at an opposite angle, but after shifting closer and closer, they were now pressed against Eddie’s from ankle to thigh. Eddie genuinely wondered if Buck even realized he had moved. 

Another five minutes passed, but Buck still hadn’t closed the miniscule distance between them. Eddie’s skin hummed from anticipation and he felt like he might float away at any second. He wanted nothing more than to have Buck lay into him and ground him. But Buck just wouldn’t move that last damn inch. 

Eddie braced himself and lifted his arm from the back of the couch. In one quick movement he draped it across Buck’s shoulders and pulled him against his chest. Buck immediately melted into his side peacefully with a soppy look on his face. 

“You could have just started here, you know,” Eddie told him amusedly, trying to cover the wave of affection flooding his chest. Buck didn’t respond. Instead he nestled down into the space of Eddie’s body and let his head fall back against his shoulder. He let out a contended sigh as he reached for Eddie’s hand and wound their fingers together. 

It was entirely too domestic. Eddie didn’t think he’d felt so relaxed with another person since…

Huh. 

As he scoured his memory, it slowly dawned on him that he had _never_ been that comfortable with another person. That…was something to think about…later. For the time, he simply closed his eyes and allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of being _with_ Buck. Just spending time together. Same as always. 

And yet, so, so different. 

Eddie’s exhaustion finally caught up with him shortly after. The warm weight of Buck leaning into him, coupled with the familiar comforts of Buck’s place lulled him to sleep almost immediately. 

When he woke, he glanced down to find Buck still nestled into him, snoring gently against his shoulder. He chuckled at their lameness. One wild night of passion and they were already an old married couple, napping through the day together.

The thought was equally validating and terrifying. The idea that they could just be together and be happy in each other’s presence was incredible. But the immediate comparison to an old married couple was way too serious. They had only been together for five days!

Eddie glanced down at his watch. 5:12pm. Maybe he could round it up to six days…

Buck snorted against him, startling himself awake. He sat up quickly, embarrassed and disoriented. 

“That was attractive,” Buck murmured self-deprecatingly as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. 

“For sure. Almost as hot as your snoring,” Eddie said seriously. Buck turned to stare at him with a horrified expression. 

“I do NOT snore,” he asserted angrily. Eddie laughed at his indignation.

“Okay, Buck. Must have been my imagination.” The fondness in his voice was obvious even to himself.

Buck’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, but softened almost as quickly. 

“Do I really snore,” he asked self-consciously. 

“Buck, everybody snores. I snore,” Eddie assured him. 

“I hadn’t noticed,” Buck said thoughtfully, more to himself than Eddie. 

“Don’t worry. I’m sure you will,” Eddie said simply. “It gets pretty bad when I’m really tired.”

“Are you asking me to sleep with you again already,” Buck flirted awkwardly. 

Eddie pushed him away with a laugh. His hand lingered over the tattoo on Buck’s shoulder, but for a totally reasonable amount of time.

“You really are insatiable, aren’t you,” Eddie asked, exasperated with Buck’s incessant flirting. If Eddie was honest, he loved the flirting. He loved the feeling of being so desired. He loved that this man, who could literally have anyone he wanted, continually, and enthusiastically chose him. 

But that didn’t mean that the constant teasing was any easier to handle. His body was for too quick to react seriously to Buck’s jokes, and it was getting hard to get himself settled back down. Buck leered back at him, his eyebrows wiggling temptingly. 

“Alright, down boy,” Eddie said jadedly, pretending to be more exasperated than he was. Buck’s eyebrows shot up into a surprised, yet delighted, expression. His whole body seemed to wiggle excitedly at the half-hearted command. A large part of Eddie wanted to delve into that reaction and see how far Buck would go to please him, but he knew they needed to settle down. They were acting like college kids in their first serious relationship; all sex, all the time – real world consequences be damned. 

“So,” Eddie started, his voice mildly irritated (at himself) as he spoke, “I think I should go home tonight. We need a chance to actually rest.”

Buck deflated some, but Eddie could see the faintest glimmer of appreciation behind his eyes. Maybe Buck was more exhausted than he let on. They had _both_ just fallen asleep in the middle of the day, after all. 

“Besides, tomorrow is the parent’s day thing at camp, and I know Chris will want you as energetic as normal.”

Buck perked up immediately and Eddie’s heart clenched in his chest. Buck’s outright affection for Christopher may just have been the most attractive thing about him.

“So, if you don’t mind me borrowing these shorts, I think I should head out.” Eddie had to practically force the words out. So much of him wanted to stay right where he was, wrapped up with Buck, not a care in the world. 

But he did have cares, and he had a whole other world to think about. He needed to get himself into the right headspace before seeing Christopher. If he stayed with Buck that night, he knew that Christopher would be an after-thought, and that was unacceptable. Buck thankfully seemed to follow his train of thought.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Buck agreed after a momentary hesitation. “I need to run out and get Chris something anyway.”

Eddie frowned at him.

“You know you don’t have to buy him off with stuff. He already loves you.”

Buck looked down at their hands. A small, private smile on his face. God, he really had no idea how much the Diaz boys cared for him.

“I’m not trying to bribe him. I promise,” Buck explained. “I just want him to have something to share with his new friends.”

Eddie huffed out a breath, amused by Buck’s selflessness. Even with Christopher, all Buck thought about was what he could give him to give others. He genuinely hoped Chris inherited Buck’s generosity and compassion. 

“Fine. But you spoil him. I’ll pick you up at 8 tomorrow morning,” he said finally as he got up to stretch. Buck followed him anxiously as he gathered his things. 

“Um…,” Buck started nervously as Eddie headed for the door, “Hey Eddie?”

Eddie turned to face him, expression blank, but open. Buck blushed and his eyes flickered to the floor for a moment before looking back up into Eddie’s eyes.

“I’m really happy we decided to try this out,” he confessed quietly. Eddie’s heart clenched at Buck’s earnest admission. He stepped into Buck’s space and wrapped his free hand behind his neck before kissing him tenderly. It hadn’t been long since they’d last kissed, but Eddie was still surprised by how _right_ it felt, how natural it was to lose himself in the taste of Buck’s mouth. He pulled back suddenly, stopping them from getting too carried away.

“I’ll admit, I’m pretty happy about it too,” Eddie admitted. “See you in the morning.”


	7. Parent's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second half of what would have been a ridiculously long chapter, had I not split them up. Still playing with that family feel throughout, so strap in for some heartfelt shit!

Buck woke at 6:00am on parent’s day. It was the earliest he’d ever gotten up on a day off, but he wanted to make sure he had time to get himself ready. It wasn’t that parent’s day was a formal event by any means, but Buck felt extra pressure to make a good impression. He loved Christopher more than the world and he had recently learned that Christopher loved him too, but everything felt so different now that he and Eddie getting closer. Buck was more than ready to accept Christopher as part of the deal; he already thought of him as family. But he had to keep reminding himself that it wasn’t the right time for them to tell Chris. Chris deserved to enjoy his time at camp without worrying about things going on at home. They would talk when he came back. Buck just didn’t like hiding things from Christopher. He didn’t want anything as inconsequential as a lie of omission to ruin the relationship they had already worked so hard to build. 

Out of his need to keep things smooth between them, Buck _had_ gone out and gotten a gift, even though Eddie had told him he didn’t need to. He’d managed to convince himself it wasn’t a bribe by consciously deciding not to wrap it. Besides, wasn’t getting gifts from home part of the fun of parent’s day at camp?

He spent most of his morning getting showered, shaved, and dressed. He wanted to look like himself for Chris’ sake, but he was also going to be spending the entire day with Eddie and wanted to present his best self for him. Eddie had seen every version of Buck over the past two years, but now that they were together, he wanted to put forth effort, to make sure Eddie would never have to guess about how much Buck cared for him. He eventually settled on dark jeans and a white tee-shirt, that even he had to admit hugged his arms and chest a little too tightly to be subtle. He paired it with his red plaid button down, to create some illusion of modesty. He was still struggling with which shoes to wear (white sneaks always looked great, but what if they were out in the dirt and sand?) when he heard a knock on his door. 

“Shit,” Buck yelped as he stuffed his feet into plain brown boots and bolted for the stairs. He really needn’t have rushed since Eddie was already letting himself in with his key by the time Buck got to the upper landing.

Buck was struck by how effortlessly handsome Eddie looked in his tight black jeans and denim button down. His sleeves were rolled up to the elbow, perfectly framing his strong arms and calligraphic tattoo, and just a hint of bare chest peeked through his open collar. The scene left Buck breathless. Eddie felt completely at home in his apartment, to the point that he had no qualms about letting himself in. Buck stared at the torqueing, twisting muscles of Eddie’s forearms as he finagled his key out of the lock and shut the door. He was possessed by an almost incontrollable urge to push him up against the door, pin those delectable arms over his head, and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe.

“Good morning.” Eddie’s voice lilted through the open apartment. Buck barely stopped short of crashing into him as he thundered down the stairs. His skin thrummed with a yearning to hold him. But that was not the goal today. He shook the thought from his mind and tried to ignore the static charge of his desire.

“You finally get to catch up on your sleep, grandpa,” Buck jeered instead. Eddie rolled his eyes, but otherwise ignored Buck’s comment and headed for the coffee machine on the counter, leaving Buck alone on the landing to wallow in his nervous energy. Buck remained frozen at the foot of the stairs, eyeing Eddie as he casually pulled two travel mugs from the cabinets (without even having to search for them first) and made them coffee. 

Eddie probably wasn’t mad if he was making him coffee, right? 

Eddie rummaged through the fridge and cabinets to gather ingredients before carefully added cream to both cups, and a spoon of sugar with a dash of cinnamon to Buck’s. He popped the lids on and turned to face Buck, presenting his coffee to him like a peace offering, one eyebrow cocked up expectantly. Buck approached him skeptically, trying to figure out what the odd feeling that hung in the air was. As he reached for the proffered cup, Eddie’s other hand caught his wrist and yanked him forward into a hungry kiss. Buck didn’t even have time to process what had happened before Eddie’s lips were working over his, practically bruising them from the pressure. Eddie licked a quick stripe up Buck’s mouth then pulled back without warning, smirking up at his dazed expression.

“I am definitely feeling recharged now,” Eddie purred up at him, his ravenous eyes completely darkened. Even though Buck had the height advantage, he somehow felt two inches tall under the intensity of Eddie’s gaze. It was the most imposing expression he had ever seen him wear. Buck’s stomach flipped under the scrutiny. However, Eddie simply took a sip of Buck’s coffee, checking that it was made to his liking, and handed it to Buck, as if he hadn’t just made Buck half hard in a matter of seconds. It was a trivial gesture, drinking Buck’s coffee, but Buck’s stomach fluttered at Eddie’s meticulousness. He swallowed down the new bolt of lust that spiked in him, spurred on by the fantasy of Eddie’s attentiveness being turned on him, sagaciously predicting and thoroughly satisfying his every extravagant desire. He grabbed the coffee with a shaky hand and took a sip to clear the burning lump of need that had lodged in his throat. 

Dammit. It was absolutely perfect. Somehow it always tasted better when Eddie made him coffee; he swore he could taste Eddie in it. 

“Good,” Eddie asked with a shrewd wink. Cocky clairvoyant bastard. 

“It’s alright,” Buck answered aloofly, refusing to stroke Eddie’s ego, but still distantly fantasizing of stroking a different part of him. Eddie grinned back at him perceptively. 

“We should get on the road,” he announced, succinctly changing the mood. Although, Buck’s body didn’t get the memo as quickly as his mind. “Go get the gift I know you got Chris, even though I told you not to.”

Buck grinned back at him and skipped into the living room to grab the bag, thankful for the distance to get himself under control. Eddie watched him fondly as he scurried back, a shopping bag proudly held in front of him. 

“You’re hopeless,” Eddie chided warmly. “Get in the truck.”

Feeling suddenly playful from his excess of unspent energy, Buck stuck a tongue out at Eddie and sprinted to the door. He threw it open, stepped outside, and immediately tripped over a package. 

_Oh, right._

He had completely forgotten placing the order, but seeing the package suddenly at his feet reminded him instantly. He picked it up and rushed back into his apartment, turning away to hide his face. Eddie jumped out of the way as Buck bustled past him and up the stairs, half-hiding the package in his shirt. 

“What are you doing,” Eddie called up the stairs concernedly. 

“Nothing. Just forgot my phone,” Buck lied quickly. He couldn’t think about the package right now; it would have to wait for later. He scampered down the stairs a moment later and pulled Eddie out the door. “We gotta go, right? So, let’s move!”

Eddie somehow managed to pull the door shut as Buck yanked him through it. He knocked Buck’s hand away quickly, however, and rummaged for his key to lock the door behind them. Buck stopped and considered him for a moment, another twist in his gut at the domesticity of it all. Eddie turned to meet him and without thinking Buck leaned down to give him a quick, chaste kiss, his chest flooding with butterflies as he did. 

“Thanks. You’re too good to me,” Buck whispered gently against Eddie’s lips. Without waiting for a response, he bounced away and climbed into the front seat of Eddie’s truck. 

The trip to the camp seemed shorter than Buck had expected. Although, it might have been Eddie’s lead-foot that actually made it so quick. Buck spent most of the drive surreptitiously watching Eddie from the passenger seat. He spent a solid twenty minutes studying every inch of Eddie’s scruffy face and muscular neck, then his strong shoulders and broad chest, then, finally, the bare, tanned skin of his forearms and work-roughened hands that just beg to hold Buck down... Every single part of Eddie felt perfect to Buck. Beyond the scorching physical connection they shared, everything else about him felt like the home Buck had been desperately seeking since he left Pennsylvania. 

The few times Eddie caught him staring, Buck covered by spouting a random fact he had learned recently. It was a habit of his anymore, researching obscure things and peppering them into his conversations. He liked to learn new things, even if they weren’t particularly useful things. 

_Did you know there was a Polish unit in World War II that saved and trained a bear to help them? His name was Wojtek and he ended up a corporal by the end of the war._

_Napoleon was once attacked by a thousand rabbits that were released during a celebration hunt after a successful battle._

_Did you know the patent for fire hydrants was ironically lost in a fire?_

“Buck, are you nervous or something,” Eddie asked seriously after the last random fact broke the silence. When Buck didn’t respond immediately, Eddie tried again. “Evan…” 

A shiver of need ran down Buck’s spine as his name left Eddie’s lips. He didn’t understand how it could sound SO different coming from Eddie than from anyone else.

“Sorry,” Buck finally said lamely. “I’m just having trouble shutting down my brain.”

Eddie glanced over at him with a confused look. Oh god, he was going to have to spell it out. 

“I’m super happy that we’ve been…getting closer,” Buck started, trying to ignore the burn of mortification roiling in his chest, “But now, that… _closeness_ is occupying most of my thoughts.” Buck was relieved to see Eddie’s face deepen a few shades as his words sank in. 

“So, I’m _trying_ ,” Buck continued, his voice strained, “to distract myself from how…utterly fuckable you look in that outfit.”

The car jolted as Eddie’s foot slammed on the brake, throwing Buck forward against his seatbelt. He glanced behind them quickly, but fortunately, they were alone on the road.

“Jesus Christ, Buck, you can’t just say shit like that,” Eddie hissed through his teeth. “I’m barely holding it together here.” 

Buck took a strange amount of pride from that comment. At least he wasn’t the only one who felt like he was fraying apart at the seams. 

“Today is for Chris,” Eddie started again, voice stern, but Buck could still hear a hint of longing in his tone. 

“I know,” he agreed solemnly. “I’m just trying to get my head right. And I wanted to be honest with you about why that’s so hard right now.”

“…fuck…don’t say hard,” Eddie whined, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. A delightedly shrewd expression slowly fell over Buck’s face and Eddie made the mistake of looking at him. 

“Knock it off Buckley,” Eddie said forcefully. “As I said, today is for Chris, not us.”

Buck was mildly startled by his severity, but he schooled his features and faced forward, nodding once in acknowledgement of Eddie’s mandate. 

“However,” Eddie continued, much less forcefully and with a hint of mischief to his tone, “Tonight will be for us.” He reached over then and squeezed Buck’s thigh, digging his fingertips in a little harder than necessary. 

It was Buck’s turn to wriggle uncomfortably in his seat. Eddie’s grip felt practically identical to the one he had used to hold Buck up while thrusting into him two nights before. 

“You’re an asshole, you know that,” Buck accused bitterly as he adjusted himself in his pants. However, he made no attempt to remove Eddie’s hand. Eddie’s pleased laugh echoed through the car. 

“Don’t worry,” Eddie assured him. “As soon as we see Christopher, we’re not going to be able to think about anything else.”

Buck knew Eddie was right, but at the moment, all he could think about was the irritating pressure of his zipper against his aching dick. 

“Easy tiger. I promise to make it worth it.” Somehow, Eddie sounded confident enough to convince Buck to believe him. 

As they pulled into the parking lot of the camp, all thoughts of sex went right out the window, just like Eddie had said. Chris was sitting at the welcome table waiting for them, a blazing smile plastered on his face as he waved at his father’s truck. Buck tucked the present into his back pocket as Eddie parked and hopped out as soon as the engine cut off. Chris’ smile went supernova when he saw him.

“BUCK!” Chris was hobbling to his feet in no time, racing forward to greet him. 

“Oh, I see how it is,” Eddie grumbled as he came around the front of the truck to join Buck. 

“DADDY,” Chris’ screech of delight was deafening. Buck let Eddie take the lead, since he was Chris’ actual father. 

Chris stumbled into Eddie’s outstretched arms, giggling manically as Eddie held him close and swung him in a circle. Buck’s heart swelled at the sight. It was so reminiscent of the first time he met Chris, after the earthquake during Eddie’s first week with the 118. He smiled fondly at the display, privately touched that he was invited to witness such tender family moments. 

As soon as Eddie put Chris down, he turned to make his way to Buck.

“Hi, Buck,” Chris cried as he threw his arms around Buck’s waist. “I’m so happy you’re here!”

Buck pretended not to notice the sickeningly fond expression on Eddie’s face as he watched them. He also pretended not to feel the joyful tears prickling at his eyes as he held Christopher against him. His heart was bursting with unconditional love for the boy. 

“Have you been having fun, buddy,” Buck asked, trying to hide the crack of emotion in his voice. He was so overcome by a sense of belonging, he thought he might actually explode. Chris looked up at him, glasses askew with a broad smile stretching his lips over mismatched teeth.

“I’ve had so much fun,” Chris started eagerly, wiggling with excitement, tripping over the words that were coming faster than his lips could form them. “I get to go swimming every day! And I rode a horse! And climbed a mountain! And a rock wall! And I learned to cook too. Now even I’m better than daddy!”

A laugh burst from Buck’s chest. Chris was the most innocently shady kid he had ever met. He glanced at Eddie’s outraged expression and laughed even harder. 

“I guess you’ll just have to start making the meals at home,” Eddie teased gently, squatting down to meet Chris at his level. Chris turned to beam at him. 

“Buck can teach me even more. He’s a good cook,” Chris decided suddenly. Eddie smiled at Chris, his eyes darting between his son and Buck’s honored expression. 

“He sure is, bud. Have you made some friends this week,” Eddie asked genuinely.

“Oh! Yeah, you have to meet Sophie and Jeff!” Chris started to lead them away from the parking lot and towards the sign-in table. “And Paul,” Chris called back as he made a beeline for the man at the table. 

Buck surveyed the unfamiliar man quickly. The man was obviously tall; even seated, it was pretty clear that he was at least Buck’s height. He had a short crop of curly black hair and his dark skin seemed to glow from within, in the way that could only be achieved by hours of outdoor activities. His camp uniform clung to his surprisingly toned body giving him an overall menacing appearance, but he wore a soft expression as Chris clambered back towards him.

“This is Paul,” Chris announced. “He’s the best counselor. He taught me to rock climb!”

Paul smiled shyly at Chris’ praise. 

“Thanks, buddy. But you only think I’m the best because I get to work with you, and you’re the best camper.” His voice was deep and rough, but his speech was calming and languid. Buck was taken by the earnestness in his words. He reached out a hand to introduce himself, forgetting for a moment that Eddie should probably be introduced first.

“Hey, I’m Buck,” he said warmly, gripping Paul’s surprisingly gentle hand. Paul looked up at him with a blinding smile, a glint of – something Buck couldn’t place – in his eye. His easy smile was nearly as bright as Chris’ had been. Paul squeezed his hand meaningfully, his grip strong, but calculatedly so. His fingers stroked gently against Buck’s skin, sending a spark of interest from Buck’s hand to his gut.

Well, that was new. Buck smiled back timidly, suddenly self-conscious, as Eddie loudly cleared his throat next to them. Buck dropped Paul’s hand instantly and watched as the counselor’s eyes shifted knowingly between his and Eddie’s faces. 

“You must be Mr. Diaz,” Paul said confidently, reaching for Eddie’s hand. Buck stuffed his own hands into his pocket, chastened by the heated look on Eddie’s face. He had never known Eddie to be jealous, but then again, he had never actually been Eddie’s before. 

“That’s right,” Eddie said coldly as he took Paul’s hand. Buck could see the excessive strength Eddie used as he shook Paul’s hand once and dropped it brusquely. “Christopher is ou-, my son.” 

A pang of guilt shot through Buck, mingled with an overwhelming wave of realization. He felt guilty making Eddie jealous, even though he hadn’t intended to, but more than anything he felt a rush of validation from Eddie’s slip. He had almost called Christopher _their_ son. Buck’s heart leapt into his throat, his stomach twisting and flipping like it was performing a gymnastics routine. Christopher simply stood between them, beaming up at all three men, completely oblivious to the tension. 

“I…see,” Paul said quietly, ducking his head away from Eddie to hide his chuckle. He gathered name tags and schedules for them and handed the stack to Eddie with a vacant, customer-service smile. Eddie took the papers cautiously, clearly unnerved by the sudden change in demeanor. “We have a breakfast set up in the mess hall, and there will be a welcome presentation at 9:30. After that, you’ll be free to either follow Chris through his normal daily schedule or visit each of the activity centers using the schedule on the back of this paper,” he flipped through the papers in Eddie’s hand, ignoring Eddie’s obvious discomfort with the gesture, “Each one will give a small demonstration so you can both see what your son has been up to. Any questions?”

Eddie just stared blankly at the stack of papers in his hands. Buck was positive that Eddie had been so taken aback by Paul’s brazen attitude that he hadn’t heard a word he said. He stepped forward, placing his hand on Eddie’s shoulder to usher him away. 

“We’ve got it,” Buck assured Paul, pushing Eddie towards the mess hall as he spoke. “Thanks for your help, Paul!”

Paul made a quick gesture towards Eddie and gave Buck a big thumbs-up and a wink. Buck _really_ didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“Uh…thanks,” he stuttered out as he hurried to catch up to Eddie and Chris. He glanced back at Paul one more time only to catch him watching them warmly as they walked away. That was weird, right?

The rest of the morning was a whirlwind of activity. Christopher took them through the mess hall to his dorm and introduced them to his new friends, Sophie and Jeff. Most of the kids at the camp had some kind of physical disability, but all seemed to be in high spirits as they maneuvered the parent-crowded hallways. 

Jeff was a little older than Christopher and was missing a leg below the knee. He used the same kind of crutch Chris did to get around which was why they started talking. Sophie was a little younger than the boys and had CP like Chris. But she was in a motorized wheel chair that looked fancier than Eddie’s new truck. It took Buck a moment to get used to her hesitant speech, but once he did, he realized that she was even shadier than Chris!

“Oh man, Sophie, I can already tell you’re gonna teach this kid some bad habits,” Buck teased as Sophie laughed at the expense of one of their counselors. Apparently whichever counselor was named Ray was not the bravest when bees appeared. 

“He…just…left us…there,” she reiterated with a smile. “How…was…I…sup-supp-supposed to…run away?” Chris and Jeff’s responding giggled were infectious.

“I’m just glad no one got stung,” Eddie said seriously. Buck was not surprised to hear the concern in his voice over a counselor abandoning the kids.

“I tr-tri-tried to…tell Ray…they…were…b-bumble bees. They d-don’t…sting!”

“He wouldn’t believe her,” Jeff tagged in. “He kept swinging his arms all over and running in circles. It was hilarious.” Jeff re-enacted Ray’s reaction for them, using his crutches for added emphasis. 

Christopher practically fell over laughing at that point, and even Eddie had to loosen up and smile at the story. Okay, maybe Ray wasn’t so irresponsible after all. 

“Sophie knows everything about animals,” Chris interjected between giggles, still wobbling slightly from laughing too hard. Buck helped him back onto steadier legs as he turned to tell Sophie about Wojtek. However, he suddenly remembered the present he had brought for Chris.

“Hey Chris, I brought you something,” he announced excitedly. “I thought you could use it with your friends here.” Buck pulled out the package and held it up for Chris to see. 

“What is it,” Chris asked excitedly, trying to grab for the box without losing his crutch. Buck opened the box for him and handed him a mini polaroid camera. 

“It’s a special kind of camera,” Buck explained. “It can print the picture right when you take it so you can all have pictures to take with you!”

The kids all gathered closer, excited to see how it worked. Buck glanced up at Eddie, ready to give him a quick ‘I told you so’ face. But Eddie was already watching him with a soft smile, his eyes unwaveringly enamored. He mouthed something to Buck that nearly bowled him over.

_I love you._

Buck’s eyes went wide. He never imagined Eddie might be brave enough to say something so publicly, even if he didn’t actually say it out loud. A contented smile replaced his surprised expression as warmth flooded his chest. 

“Take a picture,” Jeff shouted suddenly, breaking Buck and Eddie from their daze. For a frantic moment Buck thought the kid was calling him out, mocking him for staring at Eddie for so long. But he quickly realized the kids were all just excited to use the camera.

“Can I,” Buck asked Chris before taking the camera from him and positioning the three campers together. He squatted down to get a better angle and made sure all three kids would fit in the frame. “Big smiles!”

Three equally bright and excited smiles greeted him as he snapped the shutter. The three campers gathered around as the blank picture was spit out. 

“Where’s the picture,” Chris asked dejectedly. 

“Give it a minute, son,” Eddie assured him with a hand on his shoulder. Buck smiled up at him, thankful for the support. 

Slowly, like magic, the picture appeared; three gregarious kids posing happily in the camp hallway, each smiling face shining like the sun. 

“Can I keep that one,” Jeff asked quickly, eyeing the picture keenly. Buck was worried that Chris might be upset if the first picture on his camera went to someone else. But he should have known better.

“Sure,” Chris agreed easily. “Buck, can we take another one for Sophie?”

How could he have forgotten how selfless this kid was? 

“Absolutely,” Buck agreed easily. “Silly faces or serious?”

Five pictures later, each of the kids was clinging to their own set of pictures: one silly and one serious. Buck stayed crouched, amusedly watching the three campers as they enthusiastically compared photos, challenging each other to point out the minor differences in each. Eddie only watched Christopher, a fond look of admiration lighting his face. 

“I was right to hope he’d inherit your generosity,” Eddie leaned down to whisper to Buck as the kids chattered. 

Buck stared back at him, too many emotions bubbling to the surface to parse them right away. When had Eddie determined that Buck was generous? Was it okay to feel **this** proud about an offhanded compliment? When had Eddie started to hope _any_ of Buck’s traits rubbed off on Chris? How long has Eddie been counting him as part of the Diaz crew? How was he supposed to react to that when his heart felt like it might literally explode?

The flash of the camera brought him back to the hallway. He turned to see Chris holding the polaroid and beaming at him. 

“I took a picture of you,” Chris said excitedly. Eddie reached for the print as the camera spit it out. 

“How about you take one where we’re actually looking,” he suggested, pocketing the first print. To Buck’s surprise, Eddie crouched down next to him, closer to Christopher’s eye level, and threw an arm over his shoulders. The added weight pushed Buck off balance and the kids all laughed as he cartoonish-ly started to fall. He threw out a hand to steady himself, grasping at Eddie’s waist for balance. With Eddie’s help, and after a moment of wobbling on the balls of his feet, he re-centered himself and started to pull his arm back. But Eddie caught his hand before he could move it and held it determinedly on his hip. Buck could feel the barest hint of skin where his arm rested across Eddie’s back. The contact was electric and he couldn’t help but beam at Eddie’s new daring attitude. To Buck’s sheer delight, Eddie beamed right back at him.

“Smiiiile,” Christopher called out, trying to balance the camera in his hands, on top of his crutches. They both turned to face him, equally radiant smiles lighting their faces. 

Christopher cheered excitedly as the picture printed. Jeff and Sophie gathered around him to watch the picture develop, still fascinated by the process. Meanwhile, Eddie and Buck fumblingly helped each other to their feet. 

“Whatcha doing, Soph?” A new woman approached them familiarly. Sophie grinned up at the woman (whose nametag actually named her as ‘Sophie’s Mom’). 

“C-Chris…got a…cam-camer-camera,” Sophie explained, pointing at the picture in Chris’ hands. The woman looked at the picture, then up at the two men in front of her. 

“Oh wow,” she whispered to herself, but not quite softly enough for Buck to miss. 

“This is my dad,” Chris announced, pointing at Eddie proudly. The woman extended her hand gracefully.

“I’m Michelle, Sophie’s mom,” Michelle added, clearly used to identifying herself as such.

“And this is my Buck,” Chris continued moving close to man towering over the group.

“Nice to meet you,” Buck said as he took Michelle’s hand. His throat felt unbelievably tight from the way Chris introduced him.

“Looks like these three have formed quite the little group here,” Michelle commented quietly as she stepped through the hall to join the other adults. “Would you mind if Chris gave Sophie his address? She wants to keep in touch once camp is over, and I think it would be great hand-writing practice for her.”

Buck’s whole body jolted upright, vindication oozing from every pore, as he turned his head slowly to stare at Eddie. 

“Looks like Chris is gonna have some penpals after all,” Buck whispered with a singsong tone. 

Eddie refused to look at him, but Buck could see him struggling to keep a neutral face, refusing to give Buck the satisfaction. 

“We can absolutely get that to you,” Eddie assured Michelle. He still stubbornly refused to look at Buck, but did deign to punch him hard in the arm when he started laughing. Buck laughed even harder at that, even though his arm felt nearly numb from the hit. 

They ended up following Michelle and the kids for most of the day. They had all opted to follow the kids’ normal schedules rather than taking the mini-tour, so they got to see firsthand how much the kids were enjoying themselves. Chris turned out to be a remarkable swimmer. Buck beamed with pride as his boy swam from one end of the nearly-Olympic pool to the other. Eddie was more relieved that there was an aide with Chris the whole way, making sure he didn’t capsize the float he was using. Sophie was put in a swim chair that allowed her to float easily in an upright position in the shallow end. Jeff stayed with her, playing some made-up game with a beach ball, as Chris did his lap. It was heart-warming to see the kids accept each other’s abilities so easily. The fact that nearly all the kids used aids of one kind or another must have leveled the self-consciousness playing field. 

Lunch was accompanied by more tales by Sophie, interrupted frequently by Jeff and Chris’ color-commentary. It was incredible that the three had formed such a strong bond so quickly. After lunch Jeff’s dad and older sister, Kenny and Ashley, showed up to join them as the kids tackled the rock walls. Jeff’s father watched in awe as his one-legged boy climbed the wall just as fast as the adult counselors had demonstrated. Chris took a longer, but was making solid progress every time they looked. Sophie stayed on the ground for rock climbing, but even she was helping anchor the boys’ ropes as the climbed, calling out encouragement the whole way. 

All of the adults watched their respective kids with pure love and wonder. Buck had been taking so many photos of Christopher, he felt like his phone gallery was probably close to capacity. The adults exchanged addresses and phone numbers to help the kids stay in touch and then the conversation quickly turned to random discussion about ailments and what it was like to care for a kid with a physical disability. Michelle shared that getting a shower chair for Sophie had allowed her much more independence in the bath and they were even thinking ahead to plan how they might outfit their car for her to drive when she hits sixteen. It was still a long way off, but Michelle was very proactive. They learned from Kenny that Jeff’s leg had only been amputated for a little over two years. He and his mother had been in a car accident that had pinned him in his car seat when he was just seven. His mother had nearly died, but Jeff had come away relatively unscathed, minus one leg. His father was nearly in tears as he spoke about the rescue crew that had saved his family. It was a reaction that was all too familiar to Buck. 

“That medic, she saved their lives,” he choked out. His daughter clung to his arm to comfort him. “I will never forget her, for as long as I live. EMT Wilson. She kept my family together.”

Buck and Eddie’s heads whipped around excitedly. EMT Wilson had to be Hen! They would have to ask her about the accident during their next shift. Maybe they could pass on Kenny and Jeff’s info so she could call and check up on them. 

The rest of the afternoon went by too quickly. Between rock climbing, a cooking demonstration (featuring one fully ecstatic Christopher), and a camp-wide baseball game the counselors had set up for parents to watch, it was practically dinner time before they blinked. The parents and families were graciously thanked for coming as the kids gathered around to say their goodbyes. 

Chris shuffled over to where Buck and Eddie were sitting, his camera dangling from his wrist. Buck silently applauded himself for finding one with a strap. 

“We have to take a family picture before you go,” Christopher announced urgently. 

“You got it, bud,” Eddie said eagerly. Buck could hear in his voice just how much he didn’t want to leave. 

“Here Chris, I can take the picture,” Buck offered helpfully, but Christopher batted his hand away sharply. Buck pulled back, mildly hurt by the rebuke. 

“You have to be IN the picture too,” Chris clarified urgently. “Jeff, can you take a picture of me and my dads?”

Buck froze. He couldn’t be sure that Chris had meant to say that; he added S’s to the ends of words all the time. But even so, just hearing the words out loud – it felt like a damn had broken inside of him. All the walls he had built around himself after years of feeling out of place and abandoned melted into a tidal wave of acceptance and absolution that threatened to take him apart completely. He looked to Eddie, nerves completely shattered, his face clearly showing his panic and cautious optimism. 

But that was a mistake. Eddie stared back at Buck, his eyes brimming with tears. He wrapped Chris in a crushing hug, lifting him from the ground completely and burying his face into his hair. Chris squeaked in surprise, but didn’t fight him. Buck threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around his boys. Maybe if he hugged them well enough, they would feel how much he loved them. 

*Flash*

Jeff handed the camera back to Chris and skipped away to join his dad and sister. Eddie slowly released Chris and Buck took the cue to let them both go. The picture printed and developed agonizingly slow. But eventually the image became clear: the three boys wrapped up in each other, Chris’ crooked grin and glasses peeking out between Buck and Eddie’s arms, Buck’s face beaming with joy as he rested his head on top of Eddie’s, who was kissing the top of Chris’ head. Composition-wise, it left a little to be desired. But emotion and energy-wise, it was perfect. 

“Thanks,” Chris said genuinely, clutching the picture to his chest. “Now I have you with me all the time.”

Eddie coughed out a broken sob, his expression painfully tender. Leaving Chris for another week was going to be harder than they thought. 

“Hey, can I get a picture with my phone,” Buck asked quickly, trying to lighten the mood. Chris beamed at him and Eddie took the momentary distraction to wipe his eyes and catch his breath. Eddie glanced over Chris’ head and mouthed a _Thank you_ to Buck. Buck just smiled back at him. He knew Eddie was finally allowing himself to feel things, and figured the last few days had probably left him extra sensitive, so he was happy to give him a moment to pull himself together again. At least he wasn’t hiding from emotion altogether anymore. 

“Ok, silly picture first,” Buck announced, crossing his eyes and leaning down to position himself next to Chris’ face. Eddie leaned in too, clutching Buck’s shoulder in another silent ‘thanks’. “Three, two, one! Say cheddar!”

One brief photo shoot later, Chris was ready to head in for dinner. He squeezed Eddie and Buck tighter than normal as he said his final goodbyes. 

“Keep killing it here, bud,” Buck said in lieu of a goodbye. “I hope you have even more fun this next week. Take lots of pictures.” 

“I love you, Christopher,” Eddie said with a final kiss to his son’s forehead. But before Chris could pull away, Eddie reached a hand out to hold onto Buck’s arm, connecting the three of them for one more moment. “We love you.”

Buck fought to hold back the tears that had been threatening to spill for what felt like the entire day. Eddie finally released Christopher and watched him make his way to the mess hall, waving vigorously from the door before disappearing inside. 

Buck couldn’t hold back anymore. His head fell forward into his hands and the flood of emotions that had bombarded him that day came streaming out. Happy broken sobs fell from him and he tried to find places inside himself to hold onto all his new joyful feelings that had been missing for so long. He was so lost in his head that he didn’t even notice that Eddie had pulled him into a hug until he tried to lift his head and was stopped by Eddie’s hand holding him to his shoulder.

“I’m so glad you came today,” Eddie whispered into his hair. “Thank you, Evan.” 

The faint tickle of Eddie’s breath against his skin sent a tremor through Buck’s body. He collapsed further into Eddie’s arms, absorbing all of the relief Eddie had to offer. They stayed like that for a long moment; just the two of them lost in their own world, completely wrapped up in each other. Buck pulled back slowly, his eyes tracking Eddie’s face. He was even more peaceful than Buck expected. He had been sure Eddie would be the one to fall apart when they had to leave.

“You ready to head home,” Eddie asked calmly, his voice enviously even. 

“How are you so collected right now,” Buck asked incredulously. 

“Christopher is thriving here. I finally don’t have to worry about him and can just be happy for him. Besides, I still have you,” Eddie answered quickly, as if it was obvious. He leaned forward and kissed Buck full on the mouth, in the middle of a public space. He didn’t give him warning and refused to let him to pull away. Eddie’s courage had truly stepped up that day.

Buck realized he didn’t care who might see them. Eddie was the only person in the world who could bring him back to earth so easily and he was not about to let him live another second without knowing how much he appreciated him for that. 

Buck teased at Eddie’s lip until his mouth opened easily for him. Buck dove in recklessly, licking into Eddie’s mouth, pulling that taste of him from his tongue. God, he had wanted to do that all day. They kissed for a long moment, sloppy and unrefined, but passionate and filled with meaning. Buck tried to be careful – to not to let his hands roam too far – but before he could stop himself, he had rucked the back of Eddie’s shirt up, just to be closer to him, to feel the warmth of his skin. 

“Buck,” Eddie gasped out as he pulled back grudgingly. Buck stopped promptly and waited for Eddie to continue. “We should probably go before this gets…illegal.”

Buck laughed and ducked has head against Eddie’s shoulder.

“You definitely have a way with words, Eddie.” He pulled back again and looked Eddie square in the eye. “Thank you for bringing me today. I had somehow forgotten just how much I love that kid and today was an exhaustingly touching reminder.”

Eddie smirked at him, one hand coming up to rest on his shoulder, gaze locked on Buck’s grateful expression.

“I told you,” Eddie teased. Then he said added something that made Buck’s heart completely impode. “He loves his dads.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed my foray into emotional scenes because the next chapter...will be all smut. I promise/warn you now.


	8. Parent's Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an emotionally draining day, Buck and Eddie finally have the night to themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you smut, and I shall deliver.
> 
> PSA: DO NOT DO THIS IN A MOVING CAR! ESPECIALLY IF EITHER OF YOU IS DRIVING!
> 
> That being said, enjoy!

The drive home from the camp was quiet, but peaceful. Even though they had been focused on communication lately, neither was particularly eager to speak. They were both mentally exhausted from the near-constant onslaught of emotions they had endured over the afternoon, but each had miraculously arrived at a contented place. Instead of talking, the serene hum of tires on asphalt sustained them for majority of the drive. Until they reached the edges of LA and Buck’s hungry stomach finally broke the silence. 

“Do you want to order some dinner when we get back to your place,” Eddie asked casually, smirking at the chorus of grumbles coming from Buck’s gut. 

“Ooh, yes,” Buck replied with enthusiasm, rubbing his hands together eagerly. “I’ve been trying to think of what I have in and I’m drawing a total blank. You’re sticking around tonight, right?”

“Can’t get rid of me that easily,” Eddie replied instantly.

Although his answer was flippant, the question had almost hurt. The thought of leaving Buck alone after the day they’d had seemed unbearably cruel. How could Buck think he would abandon him after all that? Buck’s chest swelled with relief in response and a private smile pulled at his lips. Eddie was consumed by a sense of validation. 

He was constantly amazed by how innocent and vulnerable Buck could look when he was lost in his own thoughts. He’d looked so small, so cautious as he’d asked him to stay; as if he wasn’t allowed to want Eddie’s company. He made a mental note to make change that. But for the present, he could think of a quicker way to show Buck how much he wanted to ‘stick around’.

“So, you have any other plans this evening,” Eddie asked alluringly. Buck grinned at the question, but then paused to think for a moment, regarding Eddie cryptically as he did. Suddenly, _something_ popped into his mind. It was something significant based on the way his eyes went wide and hungry before he whipped his head away. Although his face was hidden, Eddie could still make out the blush coloring his ears. Equally intrigued and amused by Buck’s response, Eddie pressed harder.

“I know you’re thinking about something. Spill it, Buckley,” he demanded. Buck still refused to face him, but he at least sucked in a slow breath to answer. 

“I got some things in the mail today that I kind of wanted to test out,” Buck finally answered cryptically. Is that what Buck had rushed back in with before they’d left that morning? 

“And,” Eddie supplied, urging Buck to reveal whatever it was that had him so cautious.

Buck sighed and threw his hands up in defeat. He turned to face Eddie, his whole face flaming red. 

“I got some restraints, okay?” But once he started, it was like he couldn’t stop; the words tumbled out as quickly as he could form them. “I was on the computer looking stuff up about, you know…,” he gestured between them to signify their new male-only relationship, “…and it led me down a rabbit hole into an area of the internet that I had not visited since puberty and it sparked a whole lot of questions and soul-searching, and I ended up ordering a bunch of stuff to see what it might mean…for me…now.” He watched Eddie carefully after his outburst. He had clearly not meant to divulge as much as he had, but Eddie was glad he had. 

Eddie’s gut twisted keenly, captivated by the idea of a restrained Buck. He had also done some research over the past week. He knew what he liked with women, and what he had disconcertingly liked from Anthony, but his relationship with Buck was wildly different than any of his past experiences. This new information about restraints had him intrigued. He vaguely wondered if that query had occurred before or after he had surprised Buck in the supply closet. 

“Did you get anything else,” he asked calmly, trying to parse out what exact rabbit hole Buck had fallen down. ‘Restraints’ definitely brought a specific idea to mind, but Eddie wanted to be sure before jumping on board. Buck squirmed in his seat, out of embarrassment or discomfort, Eddie wasn’t sure. When he spoke, it was barely a whisper.

“…some silk ties…and a paddle…and a couple different…,” he sighed heavily, turning away again before finishing, “…cock rings.”

Eddie jerked upright, his dick jumping in interest right along with him. He had never fully understood the appeal of bondage, but his mind was furiously combining the pieces into a vividly tantalizing scene. He pictured Buck strapped to a bed, face-down, a ring of metal keeping his hard dick trapped and aching under him as Eddie _spanked_ him raw. He could see himself taunting Buck by recklessly shifting between hard and soft stikes, watching the jiggle of Buck’s ample cheeks as he rained down on him with the paddle. He imagined the lurid, stinging heat of Buck’s abused ass slamming against his hips as he fucked into him completely uninhibited. He could already picture how hard Buck would be, how thick and angry his dick would look with that rigid ring gripping him proudly. Fuck, he progressively liked the idea more and more as his imagination provided him new fodder. 

But a hand teasing up his thigh jolted him back from his imagined tryst. He looked down and was surprised to see the solid line of an erection straining against his tight jeans. Buck’s hand was inching closer, twitching with the desire to offer relief. 

“Eddie…,” Buck asked quietly. A question and an offer all in one. 

Eddie’s mind must have still been halfway inside his imagination because what he did next was for more irresponsible than he had ever imagined he could be. 

His right hand dropped from the steering wheel and settled over Buck’s, linking them together. He then dragged Buck’s hand up and over and rubbed it, hard, against his erection. The pressure and friction, mixed with the anonymity of who it was coming from was intoxicating. Feeling even bolder, Eddie urged Buck further and began manually guiding his hand, leading him to jerk him off, all while he was driving. 

“Fuuuck.” 

It was more of a hiss than a word and neither was sure whose lips it had fallen from. Eddie’s eyes fluttered as his hand directed Buck to stroke harder, dipping down between his legs to grind the tense fabric if his jeans into his balls, then back up to stroke along the length pressing into his leg. He ached from the pressure of their combined hands, but the friction merely teased him. It wasn’t even close to the kind of friction he longed for. A small whine of frustration escaped him as Buck tried to tease his head through the thick denim. But even Buck was unsatisfied with the situation.

“Unbutton,” he ordered quickly, his voice so confident and commanding that Eddie couldn’t stop his reflexive response.

“Fuck yes, sir!”

Eddies fingers fiddled at the button of his pants frantically as Buck grabbed the wheel to hold them steady. He feverishly got the button open and lifted his hips to shuck his pants and underwear down until his dick was finally, blessedly, free. His erection stood proudly between his legs, pulsing in the cool air of the truck cabin. He reached to stroke himself, to finally give himself some fucking relief, but Buck’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Hands on the wheel. Don’t let go,” Buck said sternly. Eddie complied instantly, his hands gripping at the wheel like a drowning man to a raft. His eyes were locked on the road before him, but all of his attention was focused on the man at his side. Buck licked two wet stipes up his hand and wrapped it around Eddie’s length, squeezing tightly as he slowly stroked him from base to tip.

Relief flooded through Eddie’s body. Finally, he had what he needed: wet, tight, heat. His hips rocked forward, propelling his erection further into Buck’s welcoming hand. Buck took the hint and began stroking faster, his hand teasingly loose as he stroked up only to squeeze tight and slam down hard against Eddie’s abdomen.

Eddie’s fingers tightened around the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white as his breath stalled in his lungs. He was already so close. If it wasn’t so hot, it would be embarrassing how quickly Buck could get him off. He continued to roll his hips forward as his balls tensed under him, his orgasm building rapidly. 

He practically screamed when Buck released him without warning, letting his now-leaking dick fall to his thighs unceremoniously. 

“Buck,” Eddie growled angrily, his hips faltering to a stop at the loss of friction. There was no way he was leaving it there. Buck laughed darkly before reaching back down, completely bypassing Eddie’s dick to fondle under him and release his balls. Eddie hissed out a curse as Buck began to massage the tender skin. His dick pulsed between his legs, desperately seeking the sweet relief of Buck’s hand. 

Buck released him again, smirking at Eddie’s low growl, before restarting his teasing strokes. 

Eddie nearly cried with gratitude as his hips involuntarily resumed their rhythm. Buck’s thumb and forefinger tightened around the base of Eddie’s dick in a loose approximation of a cock ring and Eddie’s breath froze in his lungs, startled into silence as his dick throbbed angrily. With the tight pressure of Buck’s fingers holding him the throb was slower, each twitching ache dragging out much longer than usual. It would have been fascinating if his mind wasn’t practically delirious with need. Buck squeezed the ring of his fingers tighter and slowly dragged up the length of Eddie’s dick, imbuing fiery jolts pleasure into Eddie as he moved. He pulled off with a satisfied gasp. Eddie couldn’t risk looking down, but he felt the spurts of precome shoot from his tip as Buck released him. He felt like he had been ripped open, and every orgasm he’d ever had was trying to surge into his swollen dick at once. Eddie needed release; he needed fast and tight, wickedly forceful strokes to abuse the length of him. But instead, Buck lightly grasped his tip and ran his thumb over the slit, teasing it open gently. 

An inferno of desire and need consumed Eddie instantly. He jerked the truck to a stop as he pulled onto the shoulder of the road, and threw it into park. 

He started to release the wheel, to help Buck finish him, but Buck stopped him with a glare.

“Hands. On. The. Wheel.” Buck’s voice was more snarl than speech. Eddie slammed his hands back onto the steering wheel, his eyes wide and desperate as he stared into Buck’s dark, domineering expression. He squirmed under Buck’s hold, his hips wriggling anxiously, still frantically seeking release. 

Thankfully, Buck took pity. He resumed his original pace, using intense pressure, up and down, faster, then slower, then faster again. Eddie’s mind was falling apart by the time he realized he was nearly about to come.

“Buck, please,” he whined, voice thick with desperation. Buck smiled proudly as he shifted his grip to the perfect pressure and set a punishing pace. 

“Use your hips,” Buck instructed breathlessly, licking his lips hungrily as he eyed Eddie’s weeping dick. Eddie did what he could, but he wasn’t even sure he had control of his body anymore. Fire licked under his skin and electricity coursed through his veins as his orgasm thundered to the surface. His hips bucked forward with one final, forceful, pleading thrust. Come shot from his tip, splattering against the windshield in front of him as his body sang out in relief. His back arched forward off of his seat, his head thrown back, eyes snapped shut in total bliss as waves of welcome relief crashed over him. Buck’s hand continued to gently stroke him through it, pulling another surprise burst of come from him before he lost all control of his muscles. His bones seemed to dissolve into rubber as he slumped back into his seat.

“You are incredible,” Buck breathed out, but the words barely registered in Eddie’s fuzzy mind. He was floating in a sea of ecstasy: without care, without thought, weightless in a vast void. He felt like every muscle in his body had been stretched to the breaking point until all of them had snapped at once, leaving him limp and empty. He was swallowed by a calming darkness, pressing in at every angle, rooting him to this one fragile moment in time. 

He felt something press against his face, at least he thought it was his face – he couldn’t really feel most of his body, just pins and needles, and nothingness. He kind of liked the nothingness; it was calm. His mind drifted freely, unable to latch onto any substantial thought, just vague feelings of gratefulness and tranquility. It was like he was trapped in his body, but his body was somehow infinite and ever-expanding, like the universe. He felt a gentle breeze caressing his hollow body; winding inside and out, teasing into all the spaces he never allowed himself to acknowledge. It was…peaceful. It was more peaceful than anything he’d ever experienced. He felt like his body no longer exist, and yet, was precious and completely protected. The gentle breeze seemed to call out to him. _Eddie…Eddie…_ The wind knew his name. The sound was soothing, like a loving parent calling you home. 

“EDDIE,” Buck’s voice finally broke through.

Slowly, Eddie regained awareness. He tilted his head side to side, trying to shake himself awake. _Hey, he could feel his head again, that was progress._ He concentrated on the physical feelings: the weight held by his neck, the heat of the blood in his veins, the fingers resting on his cheek. _Wait. His head didn’t have hands._

“Eddie, can you hear me? Are you okay,” Buck asked frantically, pawing at Eddie’s face and neck with one hand while the other was wrapped around his phone, ready to dial 911. 

Eddie tried to answer, but his mouth wouldn’t listen to him. He tried to open his eyes, but they were still lost in the wind. He refocused on his neck and began isolating parts of his body, checking to see if they had returned to him. Buck’s hand drifted to Eddie’s shoulders and down his chest worriedly. And suddenly he had shoulders and a chest again. More progress. Buck’s touch was grounding him, pulling him back into his body. He opened his mouth to ask him to keep touching, to bring the rest of him back, but his voice was still lost. 

Buck’s hand returned to his face, his thumb drifting over Eddie’s lips and running down his neck, resting over his Adam’s apple. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized Buck was checking that he was breathing. 

“Buck,” Eddie croaked out finally, his voice having finally returned under Buck’s touch. 

“Jesus, Eddie,” Buck breathed out gratefully. His hand grasped at Eddie’s arm, and suddenly Eddie had arms again. “What the hell is going on? Are you okay?”

“Keep touching me,” Eddie whispered with a far-away tone. He was coming back to himself, but there was still something pulling him away. “I can’t feel my legs.”

Buck’s eyes widened in horror. His hands raked down Eddie’s chest, grasping at his thigh, running over his knee and down his shin. 

“Come back to me, Eddie.”

Eddie let out a thankful sigh as his legs returned to him, but Buck was still watching him, terrified. As Eddie’s consciousness returned to his body, he was suddenly overwhelmed by the pride and satisfaction pulling in his gut. 

“Buck,” he sighed out, lifting an arm with great effort to search blindly for the man next to him. Buck’s hands wrapped around Eddie’s, clutching onto him, anchoring him to the earth again. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, rolling forward as he tried to remember how to see. Buck’s worried face filtered into view. He was holding something in front of himself, and it took Eddie a long moment to recognize that Buck was holding his hand. 

Gradually the truck cabin came into view around them, then the windows, then the road and sky outside the windows. They were pulled onto the shoulder of one of the backroads in Buck’s neighborhood. When had that happened?

“Eddie, please talk to me, man. What the hell is going on?” Buck tried to keep his voice even, but there was an unmistakable edge of panic to his tone. 

“I’m good,” Eddie assured him. And he was good, although he wasn’t sure how he **knew** that he was good. He just knew. Buck still eyed him skeptically.

“Eddie, you just blacked out for three full minutes,” Buck told him nervously. 

What? He hadn’t blacked out; he had been floating. And it couldn’t have been three minutes. Three minutes seemed far too long, and yet, an infinitesimal amount of time to account for his experience. 

“I…don’t know what happened,” Eddie confessed quietly. “I was…floating…like I wasn’t in my body anymore. I couldn’t _feel_ my body anymore. But I could feel something…It was peaceful.”

Buck watched him, his expression still alarmed, but there was an air of intrigue as well. He was still clutching Eddie’s hand to his chest, his thumb gently caressing the skin between his knuckles. The gentle sensation somehow rooted Eddie and filled him with confidence. 

“I heard you,” he admitted finally. “I thought it was the wind calling me, but it was you. You brought me back to myself.”

Buck’s expression was unreadable, but if Eddie had to name it, it looked to be part confusion, part pride, and part shock. Eddie tried to smile at him to ease his obvious discomfort. 

“We need to get you home. You need to lay down,” Buck decided unilaterally. “Can you move now? We need to switch seats. There is no way I’m letting you drive like this.”

Eddie didn’t argue. He was back in his body, but his bones still felt limp. He wasn’t even sure he _could_ move, but he nodded anyway. Buck released his hand with a final squeeze and hopped out of the car. He appeared at Eddie’s window a second later and opened the door. He checked Eddie over quickly, but his gaze froze on the base of the steering wheel, a blush blossoming on his cheeks. Eddie looked down to where Buck’s gaze was frozen. 

Eddie’s now-flaccid dick was still exposed, gracefully displayed over his half-shed pants. He should fix that. And yet, he couldn’t convince his arms to do anything about it. He looked at Buck pleadingly. He should have been embarrassed or ashamed, but he was with Buck; Buck would take care of him. And he did. Buck gently shimmied Eddie’s pants back up and carefully tucked his dick back into his underwear. Eddie hissed out a gasp from the sharp sting of over-stimulation as Buck touched him and Buck’s eyes were on his face in an instant, checking for signs of distress. 

“Just tender,” Eddie assured him, lifting his hips as much as he could to let Buck pull his pants back up to his waist. Once he was zipped in, Buck grabbed his knees and gently turned him to face the door. All he had to do was slide out and land on his feet. 

He tried to. He really did. But his legs wouldn’t hold him yet. Fortunately, Buck was ready to catch him as he started to fall. 

“Sorry,” Eddie apologized seriously, “My legs feel like Jell-O…though to be fair, I think it’s your fault.”

Buck’s head whipped around to glare at him.

“How can you joke about this? I thought you were having a stroke,” he said angrily. Though the irritation was an obvious façade to hide his worry, Eddie still felt sufficiently chastened and didn’t respond. He did wonder how he was supposed to get to the other side of the car however, especially without his legs. 

Was this how Christopher felt?

He didn’t get to ponder the issue for very long because, without warning, Buck leaned down and threw Eddie over his shoulders: the textbook fireman’s carry. 

“How appropriate,” Eddie chuckled manically as Buck carried him to the passenger side and dumped him into the seat. Even after dropping him into the truck with excessive force, he was gentle as he turned him to face forward. He reached into the back to grab one of the water bottles Eddie kept and handed it to him. 

“Drink,” he ordered shortly as he closed the door. Somehow the command from Buck convinced Eddie’s arms to work far better than Eddie’s mind had been able to. He had downed half of the water by the time Buck jumped into the driver’s seat. “Slow down!”

Eddie stopped instantly. A visible shudder ran through him as he sucked in a breath expectantly. Buck turned to look at him, realization dawning on his face.

“Eddie, look at me,” Buck instructed flatly. 

Eddie’s head snapped to Buck’s face. The look of realization deepened. 

“Buckle up.”

Eddie’s hands immediately reached for the seatbelt, clicking it into its latch before he even realized he’d moved. Buck’s eyebrow quirked up. He reached out to stroke Eddie’s buzzed hair, his hand shifting back to rest on the back of Eddie’s neck. 

“You did so good for me, Eddie,” Buck hummed, “I’m so proud of you.”

It was like a switch had been flipped in Eddie’s mind. His whole body sparked back to life, until he was hyper-aware of every minor sensation in his body. It was like every nerve had woken up and was singing Buck’s praises. Eddie shivered where Buck’s touch burned into his skin, melding them into one. 

“There’s my man,” Buck said proudly, eyes watching Eddie’s expression closely. 

Another shiver ran down Eddie’s spine at Buck’s greedy tone. But much to his dismay, Buck released his neck right after. Eddie was man enough to admit that he actually did whimper at the loss of contact that time. 

“You’re so good,” Buck praised him quietly, suddenly much calmer. He let the words hang in the air, allowed them to really sink in, and somehow, they did comfort Eddie. Buck restarted the car, handed Eddie his phone, and instructed him to look up some strange term he had never heard of. 

“Subspace,” Eddie asked curiously. Buck nodded, a small, almost hidden, smile pulling at his lips as he pulled the truck back onto the road.

Ten minutes later, they were parked in front of Buck’s apartment and Eddie was staring slack-jawed at the phone screen. 

“Does that sound like what happened,” Buck asked calmly, not quite looking at Eddie. Buck knew talking made Eddie anxious, so he was careful to remove the anxiety of being watched and expected to answer. 

But Eddie couldn’t answer. He was too lost in thought. Every account he read was different, but each had a thread of similarity to his own experience. There was too much overlap for it to be coincidence. 

“Am I a bottom,” he finally asked dubiously. Buck couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I’m sorry. I just love that _that_ was your takeaway,” Buck confessed amusedly. “Honestly, I’m not a professional or anything here, but no, I don’t think slipping into subspace makes you a bottom. I don’t think the…positions are as strict as people think.” 

Eddie closed his mouth, frowning at Buck’s not-very-concrete answer, but he kept staring at the phone in his hands, stuck on one paragraph of the personal post.

_It’s like I’m floating. The whole world disappears around me. All I can sense is my top, and myself. It’s like a magic bubble just for us. And it’s incredible._

“Eddie?” Buck’s voice was so soft, it was alarming. But it successfully pulled Eddie’s attention away from the phone at last. “I’m sorry.”

Eddie stared at him blankly. What was he apologizing for? According to all of the accounts he’d just read, you can only achieve subspace with a trusted and caring _top_. (He was really going to be stuck on that for a while.) Buck was the only person he’d ever been with that could even have allowed him to experience it.

“I should have figured out what it was sooner,” Buck clarified. “I could have pulled you back better, or at least stayed with you through it. I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone, especially without knowing what was happening.”

Again, why was _he_ apologizing? Sure, it had been a little startling to not be able to pull out of it, but it was still the most serene sensation Eddie had ever felt. 

“How do _you_ know about it,” Eddie asked suddenly. The question had popped into his head and he couldn’t stop himself from asking. Buck smiled coyly for a moment before answering.

“I may have some prior experience in the area,” Buck admitted cautiously, the coy smile gone. “Not for a long time, but I read up on it when I-, when it was happening.” He almost sounded guilty. Eddie hated it. 

Buck watched him carefully as he confessed his self-perceived sins, but Eddie showed no signs of jealousy or anger. In fact, he was suddenly **much** more interested in the concept. 

“Could you go there with me,” Eddie asked innocently. He was still new to the whole concept, but all of the posts mentioned their _top_ being in it with them. As nice as the feeling had been alone, he could only imagine how much better it would be **with** Buck. 

Buck’s eyebrows shot up; shock written across his face. His mouth hung open for a minute as he tried to figure out how to answer.

“I’m not sure how,” Buck finally admitted dejectedly. “But…I’d really like to.”

Eddie paused for a moment, thinking back on the posts he’d just read. He wondered if he was prepared to relinquish all control to Buck in order to bring him into the ‘subspace’ with him. It wasn’t as if he didn’t trust Buck implicitly; the drive home was enough to convince himself of that. But it was something else to go into it _intentionally_ ; knowing that he would be completely vulnerable and that he might not come out of it without him. 

But then a different thought fought to the forefront of his mind; one he hadn’t even thought to consider until that moment as something Buck had said finally sunk in. Eddie suddenly wondered if he might he be able to get _**Buck**_ into a subspace? Buck had evasively admitted to having experienced it before, so it might not be out of the question. At the very least, he definitely seemed more knowledgeable about it than a novice. Then again, Buck always had such odd bits of knowledge to share; it was one of the things Eddie found most endearing about him.

“Eddie?”

Buck’s concerned tone broke him from his spiraling thoughts. He looked over at Buck slowly, drawn in by the genuine compassion in his eyes. 

“Do you trust me,” Buck asked seriously, an anxious quirk to his brow, as if he was steeling himself for a negative response. 

Eddie didn’t answer right away. He could tell from Buck’s tone that this was of paramount importance and he would not diminish it with a superficial response. His eyes drifted away from Buck’s expectant gaze as he considered the question.

He thought back over the past two years, all the calls they had barely made it through, all the times Buck had been the one to pull him from the edge of darkness. He thought back to Buck’s support when Shannon re-entered his and Chris’ lives, how Buck had been there to lean on through it all. He thought of all the times Buck had been injured or beaten down and _still_ fought to help him, to be there for him, to encourage and celebrate him. He thought of the tsunami and Buck fighting for hours to find Christopher, driving himself nearly to hospitalization because he refused to give up until he was literally too exhausted to function. Buck had always been his number one support and comfort, and now he was Chris’ too. He also bitterly remembered the lawsuit and not being _able_ to have Buck with him at all times. His blood still boiled when he thought about being forcibly separated from Buck, especially when it was ultimately Buck’s doing. But he had forgiven him for that. He had tried to stay icy, tried to keep that hard exterior he’d had to develop when Buck was taken from him. But Buck wouldn’t even let Eddie be mad at him. He had cracked Eddie’s walls with one blink of his broken, puppy dog eyes. He hadn’t even wanted Eddie’s forgiveness for his own sake, really; Buck somehow knew how much it had been hurting **Eddie** to hold onto that anger. He thought about everything that had happened in the past week, everything Buck had done to show him how much he cared, how much he treasured him. 

Eddie was satisfied that he had his answer at last. He looked back up at Buck, determination etched into every line of his face.

“I trust you with my life, Buck. I trust you with my son. I trust you with my mind and body.” Eddie spoke slowly, fortifying every word with **all** of the solemn love he felt for Buck. “And from now on, I trust you with my heart.”

The smile that broke out over Buck’s face was unlike any Eddie had ever seen. It was still Buck’s, still blinding and sincere, but it almost seemed to extend to the rest of his body. Every inch of Buck gleamed back at Eddie, graciously accepting the love that Eddie had painstakingly poured into his reply, glowing brighter with every second. Buck practically crawled over the center console to pull Eddie’s face into his own. His kiss was electric. Everything Eddie had ever hoped a kiss could be was shattered by the emotion flowing into him through Buck’s lips. Eddie’s face felt hot under Buck’s broad hands, but it was nothing compared to the burning sensation flooding his lungs and heart. 

He realized suddenly that it was love. Love was literally burning him inside out, clearing away the husks of heartbreak and pain to create new space to fill with everything Buck meant to him. It should have been terrifying. It should have been _horrifying_ to realize that he had held onto so much pain and anger for so long that it felt like his entire body was being burned out to start fresh. And yet, knowing that Buck was the reason why, that Buck’s love was going to fill all those open wounds and make him stronger and happier than he had ever been – it made it all worth it. 

Eddie tenderly wrapped his fingers around Buck’s wrists, gently locking his hand’s in place, keeping them connected as his entire soul rearranged itself to welcome him. As Buck kissed him, breathing life and love back into his broken body, Eddie finally felt alive for the first time in years. It felt like he had already lived a dozen lifetimes with the amount of baggage he had been carrying with him, but in that moment, under the soft touch of Buck’s fingers and the taste of his tongue, Eddie felt reborn. The cleansing fire within him was doused by the cooling, calming essence of Buck. Every crevice that had been burned so painfully was gently soothed by his all-consuming love. 

Buck pulled back slowly, still holding Eddie’s face, but giving him space to catch his breath. His eyes shone with a kindness that Eddie couldn’t possibly deserve, but avidly wanted.

“I want to take you there again, and I want to stay with you this time,” Buck revealed honestly. “Will you let me try?”

Eddie stared back at him, completely absorbed in the intense depth of his crystal blue eyes. There was something about them, something in the way he looked at Eddie, that made it impossible not to trust him. Eddie would never say no.

He nodded once in response; slowly, but dripping with resolve. He felt Buck’s hands move with the motion, graciously supporting Eddie’s decision without pressuring it at all.

“Please,” Eddie whispered. It was the only word his mind could manifest. 

***

“God, you are perfect.” 

Buck’s quiet reverence drifted into Eddie’s ears like a prayer, but he couldn’t quite place where the words had come from. 

He wouldn’t bother opening his eyes to find him; the cool silk scarf tied over them was far too efficient at blocking his sight. The smooth fabric pulled tight against his eyes, its gentle caress cooling the excited heat in his cheeks. Eddie’s skin tingled in anticipation. The loss of his sight left him even more vulnerable to Buck’s teases and Eddie found it extraordinarily invigorating.

A chilled stream of air wafted over his exposed stomach causing his entire abdomen to tense defensively. A matching breeze drifted up his chest causing his overly-sensitive nipples to stiffen painfully. Eddie craned his head from side to side, desperately trying to feel, or at least hear where Buck was. 

Buck had barely touched him since he had finished buckling Eddie’s wrists and ankles into the cuffs he’d attached to his bed. Even through his unexpected enjoyment of being confined with the restraints, Eddie had to admit the system Buck had ordered was kind of ingenious. All of the cuffs and straps were connected in an extended X shape, and the center of the X was placed under the mattress so the cuffs extended over the corners. Once Eddie was buckled in completely, he and Buck had tested the straps, making sure he wasn’t uncomfortable, but was still effectively immobilized. Eddie had assured him he wasn’t stretched to his limits, but the position the restraints pulled him into left him far more exposed than he typically liked to be. 

And yet, Eddie couldn’t bear to admit out loud how much he enjoyed the feeling of being spread eagle and bare across Buck’s soft sheets, but he thought Buck might have figured him out. Buck had left him to wriggle and test the straps out for a full five minutes before returning with the silk blindfold. When he’d returned, he’d made a not-so-subtle remark about how Eddie was already half-hard without even having to be touched. But Eddie refused to be embarrassed by it because he knew the truth of the situation. He wasn’t half-hard because of the restraints themselves; he was half-hard because he knew that being restrained meant that _Buck_ was the only one who could get him off, and Eddie knew just how seriously Buck took that duty. He was half-hard from imaging all the ways Buck might try to pull him apart. 

Eddie bucked at the unexpected feel of soft, wet lips, kissing up his hip. Buck’s tongue dipped out to lick a long, lingering stripe up his abdomen, teasing the point along the groves of Eddie’s still-tensed abs. Although Eddie could feel the welcoming heat drifting off of Buck’s body, the only actual contact made was from Buck’s wicked tongue. He shifted eagerly, hoping to feel more of him somehow, but Buck pulled back too fast.

“Ah-ah,” Buck admonished with a dark tone, “I get to touch you, not the other way around. That’s what you agreed to. Right?”

Eddie grumbled under his breath, annoyed at Buck’s sudden interest in adherence to rules. However, a quick pinch to his inner thigh pulled him right out of his frustration.

“Yes, sir,” Eddie yelped helplessly. The pinch didn’t hurt _that_ bad, but it had startled him a lot more than he expected. He could just make out the menacing chuckle rumbling through Buck’s chest as he leaned down to kiss the spot gently. Another soft breeze of cool air teased over his skin, but this time it was aimed at the heat of him, drifting down from the head of his dick all the way to the tight pucker behind his balls. The sensitive skin of his hole fluttered from the sensation and Eddie’s hips lifted from the mattress invitingly. 

Until recently, Eddie had never paid his ass much attention. Even in the army, with Anthony practically begging to pry him open with his tongue, he’d never let it happen. He genuinely hadn’t thought it would do anything for him. But, boy, had Buck proven him wrong. Before he had strapped Eddie onto the bed, he had walked him through douching. _Just in case I want to taste you_ , had been Buck’s exact words. Although the idea of douching embarrassed him, the heat in Buck’s words had wiped all the hesitance away. Even he didn’t understand why sticking his fingers and tongue in Buck’s ass had made him squirm less than doing anything to his own. But Buck had patiently guided him through it, explaining every step of the way before helping Eddie position and insert the nozzle. It hadn’t hurt at all, which Eddie was still surprised by. The feel of warm water rushing into him had been…interesting. He felt full and sloshy while he’d held it in, but the splash and relief of releasing it had been tantalizing. All the way through the process Buck had been there, running comforting fingers through his hair and whispering gentle words of encouragement. He felt like he was still glowing from Buck’s constant stream of praise. He was right to trust Buck.

Back on the bed, fingernails slowly dragged up Eddie’s legs, barely touching, leaving a trail of goosebumps everywhere they tracked. Eddie’s skin bristled under the feather-light touch, but he ached for real contact, to the point where any contact would do.

“Harder, please,” he whined out, mildly aware of how needy his voice sounded. “I’m not gonna break, Buck.”

“Is that so,” Buck purred as his nails traced back down the same tracks, digging into the skin and leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Eddie tried to sit up, startled by the intense change, but the cuffs bit at his wrists and held him back. His shoulders hovered mere inches off of the mattress; it was all the further his restraints would allow. 

He hadn’t even laid back down before there was a pressure sinking into the mattress between his legs. Without warning, Buck’s mouth was wrapped around the head of Eddie’s dick. His tongue lapped at the slit, sending addictive shocks of pleasure up Eddie’s spine. He fell back against the mattress then, lost in the wet heat of Buck’s mouth and the teasing strokes of his tongue. A slow, pleasant, fire flickered to life in his belly. Buck’s long, slickened fingers wrapped around the length of Eddie’s dick and began stroking slowly. 

When had Buck gotten lube out?

The question fell away as quickly as it sprang to mind as Buck’s mouth sank down onto Eddie’s dick even further. Eddie’s head thrashed back as Buck hollowed out his cheeks and warm flesh pressed in on all sides of him. Buck’s tongue wrapped around his head, undulating in a torturous wave, pulling whimpering moans from Eddie’s throat as pleasure prickled through his veins. 

But as quickly as he’d started, he stopped. 

“Nooo…,” Eddie cursed under his breath as Buck pulled off of him. He thrashed against his restraints, pulling from every angle, but the cuffs held him firmly in place. Buck hummed happily, clearly impressed by the efficacy of his purchase. Eddie’s dick twitched impatiently, leaking precome onto his stomach. 

Buck took mild pity on him. His slick hands grasped onto Eddie’s legs and massaged their way all the way up the front of him. He kneaded into the tense muscle of Eddie’s thighs and abs, teasing up Eddie’s sides with whisper-soft touches, sending Eddie writhing against the cuffs from the panicked tickling sensation. He thumbed over Eddie’s painfully-hard nipples, circling them with his thumbs before moving up to massage the tight muscle of Eddie’s shoulders. He knelt forward, balancing on his knees to hover his entire body over Eddie’s. 

Buck’s desire was practically palpable as it radiated from him into Eddie’s skin. The mattress sank around him as Buck planted his hands on either side of Eddie’s head. He dipped down and placed a chaste kiss to Eddie’s lips before leaving a trail of kisses across his cheek, over the sharp cut of his jaw, finally ending at his neck. Eddie drew in a nervous breath as sharp teeth pinched at the skin of his throat. Buck sucked the skin between his teeth, laving at it with his tongue until a deep red bruise began to bloom. Eddie shuddered at the thought of Buck marking him, declaring his possession of him for all the world to see. Those tender, wounded spaces inside of him that had recently been cleared for Buck sang to life under his kiss. Even with a blindfold Eddie felt like he could see the light of Buck’s love shining from within him under Buck’s hand, like a beacon calling out to him, begging him to claim him. 

Buck’s teeth released Eddie’s throat with a grunt. The weight of one of Buck’s hands disappeared from the mattress and Eddie strained to hear where it was moving. He was delighted to catch the soft moan trapped in Buck’s throat, thick with lust and want. 

“Ah,” Buck gasped out, his hips dipping just low enough for Eddie to feel his massive erection drag across his hip. 

“Buck, let me…,” Eddie started to offer, but he stalled, unsure of what he could offer. The stiff ache of his shoulders reminded him that his hands were trapped in the cuffs. But then a sudden thought occurred to him. He wasn’t sure it would work, but he wanted to try. “Buck. Let me try something?”

A gentle hand soothed down his face and rested against the juncture of his neck and shoulder, right next the spot he had bitten into him moments earlier. Eddie tried not to lean into the touch too obviously. 

“What is it you want to try, soldier,” Buck’s voice rasped out huskily. Eddie couldn’t stop the gasp that rushed out of his lungs. He had been called soldier by hundreds of people over the past decade, but hearing the word fall so devotedly from Buck’s lips was something else. He was transported back to his first week at the 118 when Buck had been desperately trying to rope him with the nickname GI. Maybe he wasn’t the only one with a bit of a military kink. He’d have to get his fatigues out some day and see how Buck reacted. 

Buck’s thumb rubbed gentle circles into Eddie’s skin as he waited for a reply. It was more of a soothing gesture than one of impatience and Eddie was distracted by the motion, reveling in the tender touch. 

“Can you…I don’t know how to say it,” Eddie admitted exasperatedly, still lost in the feel of Buck’s fingers massaging into him lovingly. 

“Try using words,” Buck teased, but his voice was shockingly flat, lacking his signature snark. Eddie stiffened at the new intensity in Buck’s words; he must have been painfully aroused to be so short with him. He swallowed down the nervous laugh that almost slipped, sure that Buck would not be amused. 

“Can you kneel above my head,” Eddie asked, still trying to work out the logistics in his mind. Not being able to see the space was making him second guess the layout of the room. To be fair, he had been rather distracted the last time he was in Buck’s bed, so maybe it wasn’t so surprising that he couldn’t remember the dimensions of the room.

Buck’s fingers stilled against Eddie’s skin as he considered Eddie’s proposition. Eddie hoped Buck would figure out where he was going, because he could not figure out a sexy way to say it. It seemed like everything Buck said in the bedroom came out excruciatingly erotic; it was upsettingly enviable. Buck’s weight shifted across the bed as he climbed off, letting go of Eddie’s neck slowly, but dragging his fingers across his skin covetously. 

“Do you want to use your mouth or do you want _me_ to use your mouth,” Buck asked astutely. Thank god he’d figured out where Eddie’s mind had gone.

“ _I_ want to make you feel good,” Eddie responded slowly, putting as much passion as he could into the words. He was nowhere near as comfortable with the dirty talk as Buck was, but he still thrilled a little inside at his own bravery. Buck chuckled deeply from somewhere nearby, close enough that Eddie could feel it. 

“I can get on board with that.” 

Eddie’s body was tossed about helplessly as Buck climbed into the new position. Although he couldn’t actually see Buck, he could tell it wasn’t his most graceful maneuver. The fumbling dips of the mattress around him and the clunk of the headboard being repeatedly hit were strong giveaways. Eventually the movement stopped and Eddie waited with bated breath, although it didn’t feel like Buck could be in the right position yet. 

“…fuck…hang on, Beautiful,” Buck murmured, almost to himself again, as he climbed off of the bed for the third time in five minutes. 

Eddie’s chest immediately filled with butterflies. It was a much sappier nickname than Soldier, but he almost liked it more. He had no doubts that Buck was attracted to him physically, but Beautiful held a deeper meaning; it was an admiration for _who_ he was instead of just what he was. 

Suddenly, the straps holding Eddie’s legs slackened drastically. His legs were being pushed into the air. But he still felt the mattress below him. What?

With a small grunt of effort, Buck lifted the end of the mattress and spun it so that Eddie was strapped sideways across the bedframe, clearing the headboard completely out of the way. Eddie giggled internally with the motion. He felt like a child, being lifted and spun around by such strong arms. 

“Oh my god, Eddie. What was that,” Buck asked delightedly. 

Heat flooded Eddie’s cheeks as he realized his laughter may not have been as internal as he’d thought. He desperately wanted to hide his face in his hands, but one tug at his wrist reminded him he couldn’t. 

“That was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” Buck laughed back, his tone unbelievably light. “Just know, that as of right now, I am making it my mission in life to hear that again.”

Eddie didn’t get a chance to threaten him back because Buck was already crawling up the bed and happily licking into his mouth. The full weight of Buck’s body pressed into him, his remarkably still-hard dick digging into Eddie’s hip. He couldn’t stop himself from keening under the pressure, his own dick twitching eagerly from the fiction. Maybe he would giggle more often if this was the result. 

“You’re too fucking good for me,” Buck confessed, his teeth nipping at Eddie’s lips as he smiled into the kiss. Eddie’s mind ground to a stop. That was the second time Buck had said something like that; that Eddie was too good for him. He didn’t like it. Eddie pulled back as much as he could and pressed his lips shut. Buck stopped in his tracks, but Eddie could tell he hadn’t pulled back because Buck’s breath ghosted across his lips with every exhale. 

“You okay,” Buck asked attentively. One hand had drifted to Eddie’s head as they kissed, and Buck used it to scratch lightly against his scalp. Tremors of pleasure shivered down Eddie’s skin from the touch. He didn’t know how Buck had figured it out so quickly, but Eddie was…there was no better way to say it…he was a huge slut for anyone who played with his hair. It’s why he had grown it out in the first place. But he shook off the tantalizing sensation and tried to focus his attention on where he assumed Buck’s face was. His adrenaline spiked as he worked up the nerve to say what he needed to.

“Evan, I need you to stop saying I’m too good for you. Honestly, I’m not good _enough_ for you.” Buck started to argue, but Eddie cut him off, adrenaline fueling him. “I am thrilled that you have chosen to be with me, and I am still amazed by you daily, but I need you to know that I will never be good enough for you. Nothing will.” Eddie sucked in a breath, ignoring the way his whole body shook from nerves. Buck needed to know, he needed to recognize his own worth. Buck meant the world to Eddie, and there was no way Eddie could live up to that. 

“You deserve the world, Evan,” Eddie said seriously. “I can’t give you that. But I can give you my world and hope that it’s enough to keep you by my side.” Buck remained suspiciously quiet as he spoke. Eddie wasn’t sure if it was out of respect or if he was upset, but he didn’t care. Buck was going to hear what he had to say. Even though he had told Buck he would let him take charge, he HAD to get it off his chest. 

“I don’t ever want to hear you doubt your worth again. Understood?”

“…Eddie…” Buck’s voice was so soft, nearly broken, as he whispered the name.

Warm hands grasped at either side of Eddie’s face, pulling him up into a desperate kiss. Buck’s hips rocked forward, grinding his erection against Eddie’s skin. Slick fluid spilled from the tip, easing the friction of their gyrating bodies. An urgent need burned in Eddie, prickling in his mind and pulling at the tension in his gut. He needed Buck in him now, one way or another. 

“Now sit on my face,” Eddie choked out between kisses, secretly proud that he got the direction out in one go. The laugh that barked from Buck’s throat was all Eddie needed to convince himself he could handle it.

“Not gonna argue with that,” Buck teased as he rolled off of Eddie and repositioned himself over his head. “For the love of god, Eds, tap out if you need a break! Or air. Or for literally any other reason. I refuse to call 911 because I suffocated you with my ass.” 

Eddie chuckled at Buck’s lack of decorum. It was never quite unexpected, but it was still always amusing. He could feel the heat of Buck hovering above him and his musky scent flooded Eddie’s senses. He tilted his head up, nosing at the air above him, his mouth hung open, trying to find where Buck actually was. 

“Help me out, Buck. Can’t see, remember?” 

“Oh shit, sorry. Um, which part do you want?” 

Eddie hadn’t actually considered that.

“Surprise me.”

Buck lowered himself so slowly Eddie could practically feel the sparks of desire jumping from his skin before he finally made contact. The salty taste of sweat danced across his tongue as he prodded and explored, mentally mapping the surface. He quickly realized he was suckling at Buck’s balls. He could handle that. He sucked the sac into his mouth, teasing it between his teeth and rolling the weight of it on his tongue. Buck fell forward with a gasp, hands clutching at Eddie’s stomach for balance. 

Good. Eddie wanted Buck to lose control. He released the sac and nosed forward, towards the base of Buck’s dick. He was eager to feel the throbbing heat of it against his lips, but was surprised to feel something rubber, or maybe plastic, first. 

Oh.

“Jesus, Buckley,” Eddie hissed out in disbelief. His tongue wound round the object, laving at the warm, taut skin on either side of it. His own dick jumping eagerly as he tongued the cock ring wrapped firmly at the base of Buck’s dick. Buck sat up, leaning back on his heels to give Eddie more reach, his lungs panting from exertion and arousal. Gratefully, Eddie nosed up the swollen member, sucking wet kisses into the skin along the way. He moved slowly, taking in the heat and the pulse, the throb, of Buck’s erection. Fuck, he felt even harder and, somehow, bigger with the ring on. Eddie felt a sharp tug in his gut and his hips jumped up off the mattress involuntarily. “Did you think you weren’t big enough on your own?”

Buck hissed out a breath as Eddie sucked the head into his mouth without waiting for an answer

“Gah…I just…wanted to last…for you,” Buck choked out through broken gasps of air. Eddie preened at Buck’s wrecked tone. _**He**_ had done that to him. He tilted his head back and took more of Buck into his mouth, swallowing around the length of him as he did. 

“Fuck, Ed,” Buck moaned as Eddie’s tongue worked him, lapping up the droplets of precome leaking from his slit. Eddie tapped Buck’s thigh, signaling for a break to stretch his aching jaw. Buck removed himself carefully from Eddie’s mouth, his breath hissing out of him Eddie caught the head between his teeth. “Be caref-, oh GOD!”

Eddie ran his teeth over the sensitive skin, nipping gently at the ridge of flesh before releasing him completely. 

“Christ, Eddie. I need to be in you, NOW!” 

“I’m all yours,” Eddie crooned back confidently as Buck practically threw himself from the bed. 

Eddie listened as his bare feet frantically pattered around the room. He heard a thump as something was thrown onto the bed and felt the dip of the mattress announce Buck’s reappearance.

Without warning, slick fingers were wrapped around his dick and a wet heat descended on him. Buck swallowed Eddie down to the base without a moment’s hesitation. He began to bob over Eddie’s dick before he could even process what was happening. Tremors of pleasure ran up and down his spine as he shuddered against the delight of Buck’s mouth. A litany of Buck’s name filled with broken words fell from Eddie’s lips reflexively. 

“Buck…ah…Buck…god, you’re so good to m-…ok, Fuck…Buck…”

Suddenly a finger was pressed against Eddie’s hole. 

He had tried to prepare himself for this moment as much as he could, but he was still nervous. Buck’s finger traced the ring of muscle, adding the tiniest amount of pressure. Eddie sucked in a breath in anticipation, but suddenly Buck’s mouth was sinking down over his dick completely, pulling him into his throat and swallowing around him. The pressure and sensation of Buck’s throat muscles pulling at Eddie’s dick was intoxicating. Buck’s finger slipped inside of him without any resistance then and it was like nothing else existed, just the heat, and pressure, and love of Buck’s body, wrapped around him, over him – in him. 

Eddie fell. Back into that delirious subspace, floating through the universe, with nothing but the suction of Buck’s throat tethering his soul to his body. The gentle stroke of Buck’s finger rocked inside of him, milking moans from Eddie with every twist and turn. _Buck was with him!_ He had brought Buck along, just like he’d hoped. 

Eddie tried to reach out, to wrap his arms around Buck and hold him to his chest, but something stopped him. His wrists were still shackled. Shit. He felt a stronger pressure as Buck added another finger, his mouth still working over Eddie’s erection. It was too much, and not enough at the same time. Every sensation seemed to reverberate through the space, seeping out of Eddie slowly only to crash back in with full force a moment later. He couldn’t feel the bed, or the cuffs, or the straps, but he knew they were still there because all he could do was writhe under Buck’s touch. A hand clawed at his chest, running sharp fingernails down the skin, pulling an audible gasp of pleasure from Eddie’s lips.

Suddenly the heat of Buck’s mouth was gone. 

No. That wasn’t what Eddie wanted. He wanted all of Buck. He realized with a pang of regret that Buck’s fingers were missing from inside of him as well. 

“Buck! Come back,” Eddie whined. He wasn’t sure if he said it out loud, but he hoped Buck had heard him regardless. A gentle hand nestled against his cheek, focusing all of his anxieties under its palm and melting them away.

“I’m right here, baby. Are you ready for me?” It sounded like Buck’s voice. But it sounded far off, like he was speaking from another room. Eddie nuzzled into the hand resting against his face and he knew then that it was Buck’s; he knew Buck’s hands better than his own. He nodded against Buck’s palm, confident he could take all of him as long as it brought them closer again. 

“Use your words, Soldier,” Buck ordered, though much more gently than he had earlier. 

“I need you, Buck, please,” Eddie moaned into the infinite space around them, his skin singing with the need for touch. “Evan…Please!”

Lips attached to Eddie’s mouth for a moment as a much more substantial presence pressed against his hole eagerly. Buck broke the kiss and leaned back, lifting Eddie’s legs at an odd angle. 

Wait, hadn’t he been tied down? Eddie rolled his ankles experimentally and felt nothing tethering him, aside from the strong hands holding him from under his knees. Buck’s hands again. Buck had released his legs. He moved them up further, hooking Eddie’s calves over his shoulders. Eddie’s muscles ached from being restrained, but the new position felt glorious. That deep, pleasant burn of a good stretch itched up his legs and across his back. Buck’s hands massaged at the sore muscles, digging into the backs and inner sides of his thighs, lighting the muscles on fire as he kneaded them. The burn was even more delectable when it was brought on by Buck. God, Eddie loved him. 

The presence pressing at his tight hole entered him slowly. It burned at first, the stretch too quick – too intense. Flames licked up Eddie’s stomach and back, screaming as his hole was stretched wide around Buck’s dick. But Buck didn’t move right away. He waited, allowing the burn to subside before inching forward slowly, then pulling back out. His fingers massaged at the tight ring of muscle, working something slick into the burn before pressing back in. And just like that, the burning stopped. Instead, Eddie felt like he was being expanded as the constant steady mass pressed into him. Buck’s hands moved to Eddie’s hips, holding him still as his own hips pushed forward. 

“My god, Eddie,” Buck cried out as he inched forward, “I have never…felt…anything…as good as you.”

Eddie lay still, torn between the floating feeling, and the intense pressure of Buck driving into him. And yet, somehow, Buck was still pressing in! How was he not fully seated yet? The pressure in Eddie’s abdomen was driving him wild. He felt like he might actually explode. But then Buck’s hands were soothing at his sides, rubbing gently at the muscles, pressing down on his stomach to feel his own hard length filling Eddie up. 

The added pressure of Buck’s hand pressing down, as his dick pressed out at all sides, finally broke Eddie. He cried out, losing all sense of time and space as his entire being became Buck. It felt like Buck was literally crawling into him, filling every inch of him from the inside out, like he was wearing Eddie as a suit. Eddie thrashed against him, rocking his hips wildly to feel more of Buck, to give him full access to his body, his mind, and his soul.

“Eddie,” Buck whined breathlessly, his hands stilling Eddie’s hips. “I’m here. I won’t let you go anywhere without me. But I don’t want to hurt you. Can you take more? I’m almost there.”

“Yes,” Eddie hissed out, still lost in the sensation of Buck’s soul replacing his own. But then Buck pressed forward the last inch and Eddie nearly blacked out. He fell back limply into the void. But someone held him back up. Buck’s hands were wrapped around Eddie’s waist, holding him at an angle, his knees still tucked up over Buck’s shoulders. It took him a moment to realize he was finally fully impaled on Buck’s girth, filled to the absolute breaking point. 

“Fuck, Eddie, I’m not gonna last. I’m so sorry,” Buck moaned apologetically. He took in a shaky breath before continuing. “I’m going to move now. Tap out if you need to. I don’t want to hurt you.” Eddie nodded, vaguely aware that Buck was talking to him. “Eddie, please. Words.”

“I...G-…Do it,” Eddie finally managed to spit out, giving Buck the permission he had still required even though Eddie had given him free rein from the start. Buck pulled his hips back, dragging out of Eddie achingly slow. It felt like he was being drained, like all of those spaces Buck had filled were now retreating, leaving him empty again. 

But before he could cry at the loss, Buck pressed back in; quicker, but just as carefully. And suddenly Eddie and he were one again. Buck readjusted Eddie’s legs as he bottomed out again and Eddie screamed.

“FUCK!”

“What’s wrong,” Buck asked frantically, afraid to move. “Are you okay?”

Eddie’s dick throbbed against his stomach. Buck had hit something inside of him that had shattered him. Every throbbing ache, sizzling pleasure, and tortuous caress crashed into him simultaneously. His hips bucked up, dragging the head of Buck’s dick into the spot again, and again, and again. Miraculously, his words returned to him just in time.

“Finish it, Buck,” he moaned wantonly, still gyrating his hips over Buck’s erection. “Fucking hell, touch me.”

Buck kept one hand planted on Eddie’s hip, but the other quickly wrapped around his dick and began stroking him hard and fast. Eddie’s leg slipped off of Buck’s shoulder, repositioning him just enough for Buck to find that spot on his own. 

“Let go,” Eddie cried out impulsively, and Buck released him completely, pulling out halfway in the process. Eddie whined at the absence, but he had a mission. He shifted his legs down to wrap around Buck’s waist and pulled him forward, using his own feet to push Buck inside of him, impaling _himself_ on Buck’s throbbing cock. The rubber ring around the base of Buck’s dick pulled at Eddie’s skin tauntingly as he ground his hips against Buck’s. 

Perfect.

“Now fuck me,” Eddie ordered, pulling Buck forward again to restart where they had left off. 

It took Buck a moment to find his rhythm, but before long his hips and hand were working perfectly, striping at Eddie’s dick in tandem with his quick, deep thrusts. Eddie wouldn’t let him pull out more than a couple inches, before driving him back in and rolling his ass against Buck’s hips, stirring his insides with Buck’s dick. 

The sensations rolled over Eddie like crashing waves. He could barely catch his breath. His lungs burned as he panted against Buck’s ministrations. His dick pulsated in Buck’s hand, sparks of pleasure and desire firing across his stomach as Buck worked him towards orgasm. He was so fucking close.

But then Buck’s hips jerked out of sync, plunging his dick into Eddie until he was fully swallowed by his hole. A whispered _fuck_ was all the warning Eddie got before Buck’s orgasm poured into him. Eddie keened as the hot liquid pulsed into him, propelling him across the weightless void. He held Buck against him with his heels, refusing to leave him behind. However, Buck was too strong. He pushed back, completely unsheathing himself, and lowered Eddie’s hips down. Tears prickled in Eddie’s eyes at the cold dismissal. But then Buck’s mouth was on his dick again, swallowing him down, fluttering his throat around the head, teasing the leaking precome out of him. Eddie moaned openly. He was being pulled apart from every direction. He ached from the emptiness inside of him, but his stomach churned with need as Buck sucked the soul straight out of him through his dick. 

Buck pulled off with pop and dropped down to suck Eddie’s ball into his mouth, teasing it the same way Eddie had done earlier. Eddie could barely process the change before Buck’s fingers returned to his hole, keeping him open, working in and out of him, filling him back up. Buck’s come dribble out of him, coating his fingers as he teased him open again. Eddie’s mind went blank as Buck brought his come-coated fingers back to his dick, using the sticky fluid to work his aching dick fast and loose. Eddie’s legs kicked out involuntarily, urging on the orgasm that was screaming to the surface. He used the straps still attached to his wrists as leverage to lift his hips up off the mattress as Buck continued to jerk him to completion. 

“Buck,” Eddie screamed as his balls tensed, his hips thrashing wildly as the heavenly sensation of release flowed from deep in his gut. 

Just as his orgasm surfaced, Buck swallowed him down again. With a crafty flick of his tongue he had Eddie coming down his throat, welcoming his bucking hips without concern. 

Tears streamed down Eddie’s face as the sensations swallowed him. It was as if Buck had flayed him alive and left him to wither. His stomach was twisted in knots from the strength of his orgasm and every inch of his skin was burning and icy cold simultaneously. Sparks danced between his nerves as his bones turned to air and he floated away, completely empty, but completely satisfied. 

And then, there were hands pulling him back to earth. The familiar scent of Buck covered him like a blanket, warming him and comforting him all at once. 

“There’s my man…you are amazing…I love you so much…You were so good for me…my little Soldier.” 

Buck’s voice drifted into his mind, pulling him back faster. He realized then that it wasn’t just Buck’s scent blanketing him; he was actually pressed back against his chest. Buck’s arms were wrapped around Eddie’s, his hands gently rubbing the sore red spots where the cuffs had dug into his wrists. The contact grounded him even faster. The floating feeling drifted away as Eddie leaned his head back onto Buck’s shoulder, basking in the feel of so much of Buck’s skin being pressed against him. 

“Eddie, you are so perfect…you’re incredible…so brave…so strong…”

“Buck,” Eddie croaked out, his hands absently swatting at Buck’s fingers. His body wasn’t as limp as it had been the first time, but he still couldn’t do much to control it. Buck’s fingers were twisted into Eddie’s in an instant, squeezing gently, reassuringly. 

“Hey, beautiful. How do you feel,” Buck asked calmly, his lips pressed to Eddie’s temple. 

“…good. So good,” Eddie admitted in disbelief, his voice still raspy. He knew he would be sore later, but at the moment, he was so damn content it was shameful. 

“Here,” Buck offered, tilting a water bottle to his lips, “I need you to drink something. For me.”

Eddie sipped at the water, silently thankful for the cooling effect against his ravaged throat. He let his head fall back again before tilting it over to smile at Buck. 

“That was, pretty amazing,” he admitted softly, grinning up at the younger man. Buck leaned down to kiss him before agreeing. 

“You handled it a lot better than I thought you would,” Buck confessed bashfully. “I did not think you’d be able to take me all the way down.”

Eddie smirked up at him. 

“I told you I could,” Eddie answered flippantly. “I’m your soldier, I do what I’m told.”

Buck unwound his fingers and laid his hand flat over Eddie’s heart.

“Eddie, I appreciate the hell out of you, but please don’t ever do anything you don’t want to with me. Whether I tell you to do it or not. I need to know you are fully onboard every step of the way.” 

Buck’s tone was serious, but the way his fingertips seemed to clutch at Eddie’s heart, like he could shield it from the world, was far more telling.

“You don’t have to worry,” Eddie assured him. His voice sounded thin, but sure. “I trust you completely, and I know you won’t purposefully hurt me. And,” he continued quickly, cutting off Buck’s rebuttal before he could start, “I thank you for offering me tap outs along the way. But you have to trust me too. If I ever need to use them, I will.”

Buck’s hand softened against Eddie’s chest, gently soothing the muscle instead of clutching it protectively. 

“You’re pretty fucking amazing, Eddie. You know that?”

“I’ve been told,” Eddie answered slyly. He turned to burrow into Buck’s chest and wrap his arms around his waist. “But you could always tell me again.”

Buck wrapped his arms over Eddie’s shoulders, drawing him further into him, before placing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

“You’re kind of an asshole, Edmundo. You know that,” Buck teased sarcastically. Eddie laughed, his shoulders shaking as Buck’s heavy, muscled arms squeezed him into his chest harder.

“I’ve heard that one too,” he admitted self-deprecatingly. “But you wouldn’t love me any other way.”

Buck rested his lips against Eddie’s head, still rocking him gently in his arms as he came back up from his subspace. Eddie had never felt more secure or loved.

“Can’t argue with that,” Buck admitted easily, but his tone quickly shifted to his usual snark before he continued. “What can I say? I love assholes.”

Eddie giggled hysterically against Buck’s chest. 

“There he is,” Buck crooned proudly as he stroked Eddie’s quivering back. “I’m never gonna get tired of that.”

Eddie let out a contended sigh, still snug between Buck’s arms. He never wanted to let go. Finally, after years of feeling inadequate, he felt fulfilled. There was a serene warmth emanating from inside of him, radiating satisfaction. 

That is until his stomach growled loudly, breaking the tranquil trance that had fallen over the room. A silent chuckle rumbled through Buck’s chest as Eddie suddenly realized he was _ravenously_ hungry.

“So, how about that dinner?”


	9. Life is Full of Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitor to the firehouse puts Buck and Eddie's relationship on edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gets pretty angsty in the middle, heads up! I promise it won't stay there.

Buck woke the next morning happier than he’d felt in years. The past few days with Eddie had been a roller coaster – scratch that, they’d been like TEN rollercoasters, the kind that go upside down and sideways and propel you forward at 100 miles an hour only to go backwards halfway through the ride and drop you straight down – but it felt like he and Eddie had finally reached a contented place, and he didn’t want to stop basking in it just yet.

If he was honest, he would admit that he had been anxious when he’d first realized just **how** quickly he was falling for Eddie. Thinking back now, he had been all-in by their first actual date. He couldn’t admit it at the time because he knew it was way too soon for something like that, but it turned out Eddie had been keeping pace. It was hard to believe they’d barely been together a week; it felt like a lifetime. In the peaceful haze of early morning, Buck was looking forward to the lifetime that lay ahead of them. 

The sound of an incoming message chimed from Buck’s phone. He stretched languidly, pulling his tense, overworked muscles from sleep as he aimlessly grasped for the phone. There was a picture message from Eddie: his face half buried in his pillow and a satisfied look in his eye. 

_From: Eddie (7:45am)  
Are you as sore as I am? I feel like I might snap in half if I try to sit up too quickly._

_From: Eddie (7:45am)  
…also, good morning_

Buck smiled at the messages. He understood Eddie’s pain, though he genuinely hoped it was just sore muscles and not sore…elsewhere. If he had been able to convince him to stay over the night before, he was sure he wouldn’t be in such pain. Buck would have massaged every inch of his body to work out the kinks and strains of the day. But Eddie had been firm in his decision to sleep in his own home. 

Buck’s arm absently ran over the empty space in his bed. Eddie had happily filled that space the evening before. A small pang of regret began to settle in his gut, but he squashed it immediately. He had said from the beginning that he wasn’t going to force Eddie to do anything he didn’t want to. He just wished sleeping in his bed wasn’t one of the things Eddie didn’t want to do. 

His competitive nature stirred as he looked over Eddie’s picture again. The sleepy expression was, frankly, adorable, but the heat in Eddie’s gaze was intoxicating. Buck decided he needed a **better** picture of himself to send back. He scooted up until his shoulders were propped against the headboard and held the camera low at his waist, aiming up to catch his face. The sun cast deep shadows over the peaks and valleys of his chest, making his abs stand out deliberately. Perfect. He wasn’t too proud to admit that he looked _damn good_. He attached a quick message and hit send before he lost his nerve.

_To: Eddie (7:48am)  
you are definitely one hell of a workout ;) _

_From: Eddie (7:49am)  
Jesus, Buck…that right there is definitely why I’m sore._

_To: Eddie (7:49am)  
hope you still feel like i was worth it when youre riding in that bumpy wagon later_

He barely had time to stumble out of bed before his phone chimed again.

_From: Eddie (7:49am)  
Buck. We talked about this._

Oh, right.

He wasn’t supposed to doubt his worth anymore. It wasn’t how he’d meant the message to be read, but he was privately thrilled that Eddie had been serious about his declaration. He hadn’t just said it in the moment; he really meant it. Buck felt ridiculous smiling down at the message on his phone like it was some precious treasure, but he couldn’t help himself – Eddie _truly_ loved him. 

It was an exhilarating feeling. 

_To: Eddie (7:50am)  
i appreciate that eds but i meant i hope your ass isn’t too sore to work today :P_

_From: Eddie (7:50am)  
…Menace_

_From: Eddie (7:50am)  
I will have you know that my ass is perfect!_

_To: Eddie (7:51am)  
no arguments there ;)_

The responding picture was an extreme closeup of Eddie’s angriest eyebrows which forced Buck into an involuntary fit of laughter. He caught his breath slowly, savoring the static-y sensation of happiness buzzing through his chest. Only one thing would have made him happier in that moment. He resolved to be bold and tell Eddie. 

_To: Eddie (7:55am)  
i wish you had stayed last night_

Even after everything they’d gone through, voicing something so small still felt incredibly intimate. It was a true statement, Buck just wasn’t used to asking for what he wanted. 

He had nursed Eddie back to some semblance of normalcy by the time their dinner had arrived the night before, though they’d made little effort to make themselves presentable for the driver who dropped it off. They’d sat at the counter to eat, wearing nothing but Buck’s sheets, and had fallen into easy, comfortable conversation. Every so often one of them would eye the other up and down and make some lecherous comment, resulting in blushing and laughter. It was the most relaxed Buck had ever felt with someone after sex. Eddie wasn’t just some other person he was sleeping _with_ , it was like he was a part of Buck, himself. It was a new feeling that Buck was still adjusting to, but he was equally enchanted and terrified by it.

His phone vibrated in his hand, startling him. He looked down, surprised to see an incoming call with Eddie’s name flashing across the screen. His stomach twisted into knots as he answered. Was Eddie going to be upset that Buck had contradicted himself? Was he moving too fast? Did Eddie need more space? Space was the last thing Buck wanted. Hell, he would be happy to be touching Eddie forever. Was he going to be lectured about not respecting Eddie’s wishes? 

“Hey,” he answered as casually as he could muster, ignoring the nervous itch rising in his throat. 

“Good morning, Evan.” Eddie’s voice purred through the speaker.

That…was confusing. He usually reserved Buck’s first name for serious matters, but his tone was completely playful. Buck wasn’t sure how to respond to the mixed signals. Eddie didn’t wait for him to.

“I agree,” Eddie said quickly. His tone had turned ominously serious. “I should have stayed last night and I’m sorry. Yesterday was just…a lot, and I got in my head and needed some space to think. I thought you might want need some too.”

Buck’s heart sank into his stomach. There was that dreaded word: space. He had pushed Eddie too hard. He had forced him into subspace twice in one day, encouraged him to ‘bottom’, pushed him to the emotional (and nearly physical) breaking point. And now Eddie was pulling back; he was going to push Buck away. It ate at him, his blood turning to poison in his veins. He couldn’t lose Eddie so soon. If it meant keeping Eddie around, he would never ask him to bottom again. They could assign hard and fast roles and never step outside of them again. It didn’t matter how amazing it had felt to have Eddie completely wrapped around him, Buck could go the rest of his life without that feeling as long as he still had Eddie by his side. Fuck. He had _just_ allowed himself to admit how badly he needed Eddie, and now he was going to be cut loose. Again.

“Buck, you still there?”

Buck’s panicked mind couldn’t stop the words that spilled from his throat.

“Please don’t leave me. You never have to bottom again, I promise. Eddie, I can’t live without yo-“

Buck’s rambling pleas were cut off by a vicious bark of laughter, freezing the air in his lungs. He had never imagined Eddie would be cruel enough to laugh at him.

“While I appreciate that offer, you can take that one off the table. I actually did enjoy myself, quite a lot. Although I am definitely a little more sore than I’d like to be,” Eddie confessed, his tone remarkably light. “I don’t know why you think I’d leave you, because I’m pretty much in the exact opposite camp right now. You’re never getting rid of me.”

Wait. What? 

“Buck, rewind whatever loop your mind was just stuck in because I want to ask you something, and I need to know you’re fully awake and consenting before you answer.” Eddie’s voice was steady and firm, but the tone was still cheerful. Eddie wasn’t going to leave him. Buck could still trust him after all. “Use your words, Buck.”

A manic giggle bubbled out of Buck’s throat. It was oddly encouraging to have his own words thrown back in his face. 

“I’m good,” he assured Eddie, taking in a steadying breath as he did. “What’s up?”

“Would you like to spend the night at my place after work?”

Buck’s heart floated into his throat. Not only was Eddie not leaving or pulling back, he actually wanted to spend _more_ time together, _in his house_. They hadn’t been back there together since their whole…thing had begun. That was Diaz-family space, and Buck evidently counted as Diaz-family. 

“That, uh, that sounds nice,” Buck confirmed, a broad grin splitting his face as he spoke. Eddie’s relieved exhale echoed through the speaker. 

“Oh, and just so you know up front, I’m not expecting anything other than sleep,” Eddie clarified. “We’re about to do a 24-hour shift, so sleep is fine with me. I just…want to be with you.”

Buck’s heart ached gratefully from Eddie’s earnest confession. Buck was so proud of him for being brave enough to admit what he wanted. 

“That’s all I want too,” he admitted quietly, as if saying it too loud would break the spell that had allowed them both to be bold enough to divulge what they actually wanted.

“Alright,” Eddie replied gently, his smile obvious in his tone. “Then, I guess I’ll see you at work in a few.”

“I look forward to it,” Buck flirted back. Eddie’s amused chuckle warmed his heart as he hung up.

***

As usual, Buck got to the station before Eddie. The locker room was empty as he got himself dressed for his shift. He could hear the last shift shuffling to the showers wearily, eager to head home. Chim and Hen’s voices drifted down from the loft where they pestered Bobby about what was for breakfast. Buck lost himself in thought as he propped his foot on the bench to lace up his boot. It was comforting to hear such normality around him. It felt like the whole world had turned upside down over that past week. But evidently it was just Buck’s world that had been thoroughly changed. He was pretty sure he liked it better that way. 

A quiet whistle of gratitude broke him from his reverie and he suddenly realized, with a significant blush, that his position left his backside on full display to anyone who came into the locker room.

“That is one hell of a greeting there, Buck,” Eddie’s sensual voice drifted into Buck’s ear. 

Of course, it was Eddie. 

“Think you’re real cute don’t you,” Buck quipped amiably, tossing a cool glare behind him as he finished knotting his laces. Eddie smirked back.

“You’re the one trying to distract me before I can even drop my bag off,” Eddie retorted, genially shouldering past Buck to get to his locker. 

So that’s how it was going to be? 

Buck puffed himself up to his full height and turned to face Eddie. One hand grasped his belt buckle enticingly as he stepped fully into Eddie’s space and looked down into his deep brown eyes formidably. 

“So, what you’re saying is, you find me distracting?” 

Eddie turned away to hide the smile pulling at his lips as he swatted Buck away, pretending to be unimpressed by the macho display. 

“Man, get out of here, and let me get dressed,” Eddie said through a laugh, pushing Buck towards the door and stubbornly ignoring his half-hearted protests. 

“But I like watching you get dressed,” Buck whined petulantly as Eddie pushed him out into the engine bay. Buck smiled at the exasperated huff that echoed behind him. 

“You two better get up here if you want breakfast. It looks like Chimney’s eating for two today,” Bobby called down from the loft. 

His voice fixed Buck to the spot. For a moment he had forgotten anyone else was even in the station – which was worrying enough for someone involved in a clandestine relationship with a coworker – but it was Bobby’s words that shot the tiny dagger of guilt through Buck’s heart. Maddie was actually eating for two. Chimney was going to be a dad! With all that had happened in his own life, he hadn’t even thought about his sister’s news over the last few days. Should he tell Eddie? Was that Chimney’s place to tell him? Should they wait for Maddie to do it?

“Ahem, you wanna move, Buckaroo?” 

Eddie’s wrapped his hands over Buck’s waist, pulling gently in an attempt to clear the doorway. Buck tried not to melt into the touch, but his skin felt like it was electrified under the grip of Eddie’s fingers. His memory plied him with an image (one not even 12 hours old yet), of Eddie impaled on the length of him, his thick legs wrapped closely around Buck’s waist, head thrown back in pure ecstasy. Even at such an early hour, his dick gave a half-hearted twinge of interest. Eddie didn’t wait for Buck to respond before kneeing him sharply in the back of the thigh. 

Buck yelped and jumped forward reflexively, turning to glare at Eddie as he passed, even though he was secretly grateful to have been pulled from that particular train of thought at work. Eddie’s face remained deliberately blank as he casually walked past Buck. His hips, however, seemed to swagger in a conspicuously seductive manner as he made his way up the stairs. It slowly dawned on Buck just how hard it was going to be to keep himself in check at work. Every time he so much as looked at Eddie, his heart jumped, and his dick tended to follow. 

It was going to be a long 24 hours.

***

Somewhere around the 12-hour mark of their shift a surprise guest arrived at the station house. 

The 118 had just returned from a standard pile-up on the 605, their fourth of the day so far. It was nothing special: multiple injuries, a couple totaled cars, but no fatalities. There had been a minor fire issue as one of the cars in the center of the pile-up’s gas tank had ruptured in the crash. Fortunately, they managed to get everyone out before the flames had engulfed the wrecks. Buck was still proud of himself for not salivating at the sight of Eddie, skin damp from sweat, face covered in soot, gracefully bridal carrying one of the victims away from the flames. He had only stopped to admire the view for a split second before jumping back into the twist of metal to break another passenger free. (It had given him the idea to make a “Firefighters of the 118” calendar filled with pictures of Eddie in different compromising positions though.)

“Buck, Chim, hose down the bus and wagon. I can still smell gasoline on one of them,” Bobby barked out as he climbed down from the engine. His mood had gotten progressively worse throughout the shift. “Hen, Eddie, restock the bus before we forget. I have a feeling there are going to be more accidents today. It’s like everyone suddenly forgot how to drive overnight.”

“Maybe it’s a full moon tonight,” Buck joked loudly, shedding his turnout gear deliberately as he caught Eddie’s eye. The slight blush that bloomed under Eddie’s soot-covered cheeks at the sight of Buck disrobing thrilled him. 

“Enough with the moon, Buck,” Bobby retorted tiredly. Even though the captain’s voice only seemed mildly irritated, Eddie threw Buck a warning glance anyway. They were all wary of putting the captain in a worse mood. Bobby was usually slow to fall into a mood, but he was damn near impossible to pull out of one. It was better to just avoid making him upset. 

Buck was a breath away from apologizing when Bobby’s attention was completely diverted away from him. 

“Can I help you,” Bobby asked to someone Buck couldn’t see. It wasn’t unusual for people to walk by the firehouse and want t a quick peek inside, but Bobby’s tone sounded more guarded than his typical ‘dealing with nosy civilians’ voice. A thin, cautious drawl answered him.

“Good afternoon, sir. I’m looking for Edmundo Diaz. I was told this is his unit.”

Buck’s ears pricked up instantly. Eddie didn’t have any male relatives in the area, and he didn’t really have friends in LA outside of the 118. So who was this guy? Someone from the fighting circuit? Buck’s defenses shot up as he rounded the engine to get a look at the intruder, stretching up to his full height and letting his broad chest puff out imposingly for good measure. 

The man standing by Bobby clocked him immediately. His shrewd, deep-set eyes flashed onto Buck for less than a second, assessing him with a single glance. Buck wasn’t as quick a study. 

The visitor was shorter, but still looked surreptitiously strong. He reminded Buck of a soccer player: lean from constant cardio, but with a considerable strength hidden underneath. He was striking to look at even though his clothes were as plain as possible. There was a sharpness to his face that lent itself to intensity and a carefully constructed coif of dark hair rose over his head like a wave. His weathered skin was a deep bronze, but Buck couldn’t place if it was a natural shade or just the result of being outside a lot. (Honestly, that was a constant challenge in California.) The man didn’t look dangerous, but he wasn’t exactly non-threatening. The only defining part of his look was the dark tattoo wrapped across the side of his neck, which reminded Buck of the few fighters Eddie had introduced him to. He carried himself with a sense of rigid determination that had to be trained into you. Buck inched closer to Bobby, hovering behind his shoulder in support.

“Who are you,” Buck asked formidably over the captain’s shoulder. Bobby turned to shoot him a disapproving look, clearly disappointed by Buck’s aggression. But Buck didn’t care. Eddie had a very checkered past; every time any other part of it had reappeared, it had not gone well for him. Buck wasn’t about to let another mistake destroy Eddie’s happiness. 

The man looked back at him then, gauging Bobby’s reaction and Buck’s deliberate ignorance of it. He looked back at Bobby as he answered, a clear dismissal of Buck as a threat. 

“Name’s Torres, sir,” he responded pointedly to the captain, snapping his heels together as he answered. “Anthony Torres.”

Alarms buzzed under Buck’s skin. Something about that name seemed familiar and he frantically racked his brain for the connection. 

Anthony held a hand out to Bobby in greeting.

“Diaz and I served together in Afghanistan,” he clarified as Bobby took his hand.

Buck’s eyes widened as realization hit him like a tidal wave. _**Anthony.**_

Anthony from the army. Anthony who had tasted Eddie before Buck. Who had repeatedly been with Eddie to ‘pay off his debts’. Anthony who had _taught Eddie how to give a blow job_. _**That** Anthony._

Buck had never considered himself to be a jealous person, but seeing that man, knowing the sordid history he shared with Eddie – knowing how big of an impact he had on his life – was too much. A venomous surge of jealousy overwhelmed him. His whole body tensed in an effort to keep his face blank, but bitter vitriol flooded his chest. The familiar military precision of the man’s posture suddenly made sense. He _had_ had that sense of determination trained into him. And he had used it to take advantage of Eddie when they were trapped in an active warzone. Buck’s arms twitched with an almost uncontrollable desire to punch the man in front of him. He must have been radiating ferocity because Bobby turned to scowl at him as soon as he dropped _Anthony’s_ hand.

“Torres,” Eddie’s voice called out disbelievingly from across the engine bay. Buck tried to contain the envy that ballooned in his chest as Eddie’s elated face as he came into view. _Anthony’s_ face mirrored Eddie’s, a wide smile softening his sharp features as he raised a hand to greet him. Eddie rushed forward, ignoring the proffered hand, and effortlessly pulled him into a hug. They held each other tightly for a moment, swaying into the familiar comfort of the other’s arms. Buck couldn’t believe his eyes; Eddie seemed genuinely happy to see his _abuser_. 

The envy in Buck’s chest deflated rapidly, replaced by icy rage that froze him to the spot. Every impulse in his body was either telling him to flee or destroy the man standing in front of him, holding **his** Eddie like he was permitted to. 

“Why are you here,” Buck spat out coldly, stepping closer to the men, not even attempting to hide the glower on his face. Eddie pulled back from the hug, shock coloring his features as Buck’s irate expression registered. _Anthony_ looked between the two of them, piecing together a secret puzzle that made Buck even more furious. _He_ didn’t get to know about their relationship. _He_ didn’t deserve to know that it was Buck who made Eddie so irrationally happy that he would benevolently welcome an abuser back into his life. _He_ didn’t deserve to know that Eddie loved Buck so deeply that he would imploringly _beg_ to be fucked by him. _He_ didn’t even deserve to know who Buck was, only that Eddie now belonged to **him.**

Bobby stepped in front of Buck, blocking _Anthony_ from his view. His expression was partially curious, but mostly commanding. 

“You need to take a walk,” Bobby ordered quietly, the threat of reprimand barely hidden behind his words. But Buck couldn’t be bothered with reprimands, he needed to find out why _Anthony_ had shown up all of a sudden. Eddie was finally happy. **He** was finally happy. He wasn’t about to let a ghost from the past ruin it. He side-stepped around Bobby and sidled up to Eddie’s shoulder, practically bumping him out of the way to bring himself face-to-face with _Anthony_.

“What do you want with him,” Buck asked insistently, towering over the man, venom dripping from his words. He could feel Eddie trying to push him away, to move him back, to break his attention in any possible way, but Buck planted himself firmly in front of _Anthony_ and continued to glare down at him. 

To his credit, the smaller man didn’t seem threatened in the least. His eyes raked over Buck’s body ardently. One of his eyebrow’s quirked up appreciatively as he tilted his chin up to smirk at him.

“We gonna have a problem here, big boy,” Anthony drawled back, unimpressed. Buck’s mind faltered. That was not one of the responses he had predicted. The words, yes. The coquettish tone, no.

Anthony watched him appreciatively for a long moment before flashing him a cheeky wink and a flirty grin, biting down on his bottom lip alluringly. Buck’s confusion must have shown on his face because in the next second Anthony was doubled over in laughter as Eddie practically tackled Buck out of the away. 

Eddie looped his fingers into Buck’s belt and forcibly dragged him to the locker room, ignoring his flustered protests the whole way. The sound of Anthony’s laughter echoed through the station behind them, broken only by Bobby’s voice asking him polite questions about his time in the army. 

Buck winced as Eddie threw him onto the hard bench inside the changing room. His hands reached out reflexively to steady himself. Eddie paced the floor before him, radiating anger at Buck. But Buck couldn’t understand why. _Anthony_ was the intruder there; Buck was the one trying to protect Eddie from another painful mistake. 

“What the hell was that,” Eddie fumed at him, his hands raking over his short hair frustratedly. Buck stared up at him, disbelievingly. Buck could not place where Eddie’s anger was coming from.

“You’re mad at me!? I’m trying to prot-…that’s the guy! The one you told me about, from the knife-game, thing,” he argued back. He didn’t want to feel defensive, but Eddie’s exaggerated reaction gave him the sick feeling that there may have been more to his relationship with Anthony than he’d let on. Eddie glared back at him, incensed and barely restrained.

“What’s your _fucking_ point, Buck?” Eddie voice was more growl than words. “Are you seriously that jealous of something that happened years ago!?” 

Eddie looked like he was wound tight enough to snap. Though based on the tone he’d just taken, Buck thought that maybe he already had. A new anger blossomed to life in Buck’s chest, one he had never expected to feel; one that was directed at **Eddie.**

“He practically molested you, Eds! Repeatedly,” Buck hissed out bitterly. “Am I just supposed to let that slide?”

“I don’t need you to protect me, Buck,” Eddie hissed right back. He bent down to look directly into Buck’s eyes, their noses nearly touching. “And don’t you dare say he molested me. I don’t know what story you’ve told yourself, but _everything_ I did with him was consensual.” The sick feeling in Buck’s gut grew exponentially at Eddie’s words. “Do you really think I would have let you put your dick in me so quickly if I had been molested by him?”

Buck stopped breathing. He had never been on the receiving end of Eddie’s ire. Anger and frustration, he had had dealt with in stride, but they had been nothing like this. Eddie’s words buzzed through his mind, violently rearranging the puzzle of Eddie’s past that Buck had thought he’d figured out. Had he really _never_ considered Eddie’s agency in the situation with Anthony? A sour thread of guilt snaked through his stomach. Maybe he **had** invented a predatory personality for Anthony. Maybe he had wanted Anthony to be a bad guy because it made _him_ feel more special to be Eddie’s real first. The acrid taste of shame flooded his mouth as Eddie stepped back and fixed him with an even more excruciating look. Eddie was starting down at him, a pained look plastered over his features.

“Did you really jump into sleeping with me after thinking I was broken this whole time?” Eddie’s voice was barely a whisper, but the untrusting anguish in his tone destroyed Buck. His heart turned to lead and dropped straight through the floor.

He felt like the air had been physically punched out of his lungs as his stomach churned hot shame throughout his body, heating his skin and tearing at his insides. He would never – he could never hurt Eddie like that. How could Eddie ask him that? And yet, it made sense for him to interpret his actions that way, which destroyed Buck all over again.

“Eddie…” he begged breathlessly, anxious to explain. He couldn’t quite breathe as he sat there under Eddie’s disdainful stare. He leaned forward and reached for Eddie’s hands, desperate to apologize, to clarify that he was right; it _had_ all been an excuse he’d concocted to let himself hate Anthony for no real reason. But Eddie pulled away from him, his eyes significantly glossier than they had been a moment earlier. 

“Just stay away from me, Buck. I need some space right now,” Eddie professed hurtfully as he fled the room, leaving Buck to wallow in every negative thought his mind could create. 

There is was again, that damned word: space.

Buck couldn’t move. His limbs were cemented to the spot as his entire soul imploded in his chest. He had fucked up. So badly. He didn’t know where to go from there. He knew trying to force Eddie to talk to him before he was ready was never going to work in his favor, but he **needed** his forgiveness or he might actually die right there on that bench. Hot, angry tears burned in his eyes, tracking down his cheeks as a silent sob wracked from aching his lungs. Eddie had looked horrified by the idea of Buck willfully taking advantage of him. But Buck was appalled by it. Eddie had trusted him with every piece of himself, and Buck had managed to ruin it with one stupid, jealous comment. 

Buck spiraled. He hadn’t meant to hurt Eddie. He had never thought of him as broken. Eddie had been dealt more than one raw deal in his life, but he was the strongest person Buck knew. But it was all too easy to follow how Eddie had interpreted it that way. A knife of guilt twisted into his gut. How could he let Eddie walk away thinking that Buck had intentionally used him? 

Another knife stabbed at him as he considered a horrific idea: what if Eddie had been right? Maybe he _had_ subconsciously thought Eddie was broken. Maybe Buck was only happy because he’d found someone as broken as himself. Maybe he had wanted to feel like the one person who could fix Eddie after learning about his past. Had that been his true intention all along? Was he really that deceitful? That manipulative? He thought back to the primal sense of dominance he felt whenever Eddie gave him control – every time Eddie had gleefully followed his directives without question – every time Eddie had given himself over willingly, allowing Buck to take whatever he wanted. Had that been Buck’s way of fixing him? By forcing him into a submissive state and taking away his agency? 

Was _he_ the predator after all? 

“Oh fuck,” Buck wailed quietly, wiping the tears from his face. The sharp grip of self-hatred burned through his veins and his lungs ached from trying to hold back his cries. He felt worthless. He didn’t even feel human. He felt like an animal, abusive and vile. Bitterness rose in his throat again as his stomach roiled to a tipping point. He had to move, now. 

He bolted for the bathroom and threw himself into the one of the stalls just in time to heave the entire contents of his stomach into the bowl of the toilet. His muscles abandoned him as he collapsed to his knees against the hard tile floor, his shoulder crashing into the wall beside him. Another pang of revulsion brought a new wave of nausea. Buck heaved until there was nothing left to lose. But his body decided that wasn’t enough and a cold sweat broke out over his skin as his stomach cramped spitefully.

The devastated look in Eddie’s eyes flashed to his mind again. How could he have been so insensitive? How could he have allowed Eddie to think he could use him like that? How could _Eddie_ think he could use him like that? It had just been Buck’s overactive mind. He hadn’t really believed the story he’d created; he had just selfishly needed a reason to dislike the man who had awakened Eddie’s sexuality because he was crushed that it hadn’t been him. 

His head throbbed painfully, sending shooting pains all over his body, as if he could punish himself out of the situation he’d created out of his own stupidity. Eddie was going to leave him, just like everyone else. 

A final rush of shame bubbled out of his throat and into the toilet. His felt like he had swallowed a cactus. Everything part of him burned, and itched, and ached. He coughed up the last bit of bile his stomach could throw at him and collapsed back against the door, silently thankful that they mopped those floors daily. He curled in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest and pushing himself back into the corner of the stall, trying to disappear into the void of self-loathing that was his mind. 

Fuck. He still had half a shift to get through and he couldn’t even lift his head without getting dizzy. At least his stomach had settled; not that there was anything left in it to upset. He let his head fall back against the door as pained tears fell freely from his eyes. 

“Buck?” A gentle voice called into the bathroom, ripping him from his misery. He couldn’t let anyone else see him like that. He quickly wiped the tears from his face and struggled to his feet. 

The voice called again.

“Buck, are you okay?”

He waited as heavy footsteps cautiously make their way into the room, stopping just on the other side of the door. 

“Are you not feeling well? I told you not to breathe so deeply around all those gas fumes.” Hen’s concerned voice wrapped around Buck’s heart like a warm blanket. He didn’t deserve her worry. 

“I’m good, Hen,” Buck lied, overtly aware of how wrecked his voice sounded. 

“Buck, can you open the door,” Hen asked softly, somehow sensing how fragile he was at the moment. 

“Seriously, Hen, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a bit. It was…the fumes,” Buck lied again. He couldn’t imagine facing the rest of the team for another 12 hours. He was just hoping they would miraculously not have any more calls that day so he could stay hidden in his little cocoon of self-loathing. But Hen was having none of it.

“Evan Buckley, you open this door right now,” Hen barked at him, slipping into her angry-mama voice far too easily for his liking. He was not a child, nor did he need another lecture. 

And yet, he felt his arm reaching for the lock without his consent. The door swung open to reveal Hen standing in his way, hands on her hips and an impassive scowl on her face. Fortunately, one look at Buck’s miserable expression changed her tune in an instant. 

“Come here, sweetheart,” she said supportively as she pulled Buck forward and wrapped her arms around him. She didn’t even know the situation, she just saw her Buck in pain and acted instinctively. 

He would never, ever, in a million years, dare to call Hen matronly, but in that moment, the wave of love and warmth that exuded from her collapsed his walls. He crashed into her, dropping his head onto her shoulder, and dissolved into heaving sobs. She held onto him tightly, not allowing him to think for even a second that she would let him go back to suffering alone. 

He really didn’t deserve Hen. He didn’t deserve her comfort or support. 

“What’s goin’ on, Buck? I’ve never seen you this upset before,” she asked genuinely, soothing a hand over his shoulders as she spoke. Her sincerity cut him all over again. 

Buck didn’t even know if he could tell her: he and Eddie weren’t exactly out to the team yet. He wasn’t even sure that would be an issue much longer because Eddie hadn’t even been able to look at him when he’d abandoned him at the lockers. 

“Did something happen between you and Eddie,” Hen asked astutely. Buck bolted upright, unsure of how she had nailed it in one guess. Hen smiled up at him kindly. “Baby, you think I can’t tell how gone you two are on each other? I remember that feeling. Trying to keep it all quiet, the secret thrill of stolen glances. Besides, I know you Buck. You are not exactly a closed book.”

Buck almost laughed at that. He should have known that Hen would be the one to figure them out. Too bad they wouldn’t be a ‘them’ much longer.

“I’ve just been waiting for you two to say something,” she clarified, her hands still planted on Buck’s shoulders. “It’s not my place to force either of you.”

“I don’t even know if I’ll get to tell anyone else now,” Buck said miserably. Hen tilted her head curiously, but didn’t press him further. He sighed out a breath, wincing at the taste of bile on his tongue. “I think I screwed it up already.”

“What makes you say that?” Hen clearly refused to let him go back to moping in a toilet stall alone; she kept him upright and talking. Buck realized that if anyone, other than Eddie, could break him out of his funk, it was probably Hen. He took in a slow breath and everything came spilling out.

“We just got together recently, like barely a week ago, and it has been incredible. Hen, I have never fallen so hard or so fast, but he is just everything I have ever wanted or needed and he’s been here the whole time, and I feel like a fucking idiot for not realizing sooner. And yeah, it has taken some figuring out, but we were good together and we liked being together and, shit, I love him. Hen, I finally figured out that _I love him_ and he loved me back. But then _this guy_ shows up,” Buck motioned to the engine bay exasperatedly, “and I got all defensive and over-protective and…” 

He wasn’t sure how to continue. He didn’t want to reveal Eddie’s past, but it was kind of the keystone of his current situation. Hen just waited patiently for him to continue. 

“Anyway, Eddie wasn’t thrilled and got really pissed. He told me he doesn’t need me to protect him and to stay away from him, and now I think he may hate me again.”

Hen fixed him with her patented no-nonsense look. 

“Buck, when has Eddie ever hated you,” she asked seriously. “That boy has been head over heels for you since his first day here.”

“He has not,” Buck argued self-consciously. Eddie hadn’t liked him that whole time, had he? Regardless, “what about that day in the grocery store? You were there. He practically wanted to fight me on sight!”

“He was _angry_ , Buck.” Hen was not letting Buck go any further into his self-loathing spiral. “That lawsuit you started, ripped us away from you. But it also ripped you away from him! His wife had just died and his best friend was legally not allowed to be around him. That’s not hate, baby, that’s…that’s grief. He was grieving the loss of his wife and you at the same time. When you showed up, it was just a reminder of everything he had lost.”

Buck stared back at her. It was hard to admit, but her words kind of made sense. 

“Right now, how do you feel about Eddie,” Hen asked earnestly. Buck didn’t even have to think to answer.

“I love him. I don’t want him to leave me. I can’t live with the thought of him throwing me away like everyone else has and I need him to forgive me.” Hen smiled serenely at him.

“Now you know how he felt. Love makes you feel everything so much more than you ever did before,” she said wisely. “That boy has done nothing but love you, in his own way, for two years, Buck. One comment is not gonna undo all of that.”

Buck threw his arms around Hen and pulled her into a crushing hug. It was like she had taken a weight from him and he was so happy, he felt like he was floating away. He still needed to talk to Eddie and set everything straight, and beg for forgiveness, but he was much more optimistic after talking to Hen. She had never been wrong before and he had to believe she was right about them too. 

“Alright, alright, you blubbering fool,” Hen taunted genially, “Get your gorilla arms off of me. Go talk to your man.”

Buck released her, feeling infinitely lighter. 

“I don’t know that I can right now,” Buck admitted dejectedly. He would have liked nothing more than to run into Eddie’s arms and beg for mercy, but that wouldn’t going to happen with Anthony around. “I don’t think he wants me around his army friend.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that, sugar,” a voice drawled mirthfully from the doorway.

“For the love of god, Ant,” Eddie chastised as he stepped into the light of the bathroom. Buck couldn’t stop the hopeful feeling that bouyed him at the sight of Eddie’s face. He didn’t even look that mad anymore. “Buck, Hen, let me introduce you to this inappropriate mess of a person, Anthony Torres. We served together in Afghanistan.” 

Anthony didn’t seem perturbed by the description. He simply gave a slightly flourished bow and shot them a playful wink. Hen pulled away from Buck, amused by the theatrics, and crossed the distance to the entryway to shake Anthony’s hand. 

“Pleasure to meet you,” she said easily. “You must have known a very different Eddie than the one we’re used to.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Anthony crooned knowingly, “I imagine that one there knows the same Eddie I do.” He nodded at Buck as he spoke and recognition flashed through Hen’s eyes. Eddie’s head dropped frustratedly onto his chest. Apparently, he had a habit of attracting impulsive people who didn’t know when to shut up. 

“Thank you, Anthony,” he murmured angrily under his breath. He turned to Hen then with a genuine smile on his face. “Hen, I’m assuming you may have figured this out, but here’s your official notice: Buck and I are dat-, we’re together.”

Hen placed a consoling hand on Eddie’s shoulder, an amused smile playing on her full lips. 

“Don’t worry, honey. I figured out that would happen before you two had even met. Experience is a hell of a teacher.”

Anthony snickered behind Eddie’s shoulder as Eddie blustered at Hen’s confidence. 

“Soo, is this the full rainbow coalition at this station, or is the whole crew marching in the parade,” Anthony joked, quickly picking up on Hen’s meaning. Maybe there was something to the whole experience theory. She gave him a knowing smirk and looped her arm into his, pulling him away as she started in on the history of their squad. Hen’s voice drifted further away as she led Anthony out of the bathrooms.

“We actually do all march in the parade! Why don’t we go meet the rest of the team and let these two children talk? I should warn you though,” Hen added conspiratorially, “some of the crew only marches in support. But they’re pretty decent for straight people.” 

Silence filled the room as they rounded the corner and headed to the lofted kitchen. Eddie was still standing stock still, completely taken aback by what had just transpired. 

“Did Hen just steal my friend,” he asked aloud bewilderedly, his eyes fixed on some invisible spot in the middle distance. 

“Did you just tell Hen and Anthony that we’re together,” Buck asked equally bewildered. “As in present tense, like we are still together? I didn’t mess everything up today?”

Buck could hear how pitifully hopeful he sounded, but it didn’t matter. He needed to confirm that Eddie had actually said it out loud, to other people. They were together.

Eddie’s eyes slowly turned to focus on him. His expression shifted rapidly from confusion to anger, to worry, understanding, and finally to fondness in a span of three seconds. That last expression lifted another weight off of Buck’s shoulders. If Eddie was still able to look at him fondly, then he couldn’t have screwed up too badly. Maybe he would be able to forgive him. Buck was still afraid to initiate the conversation thought; he didn’t want to put his foot in it again so soon.

“What happened in here,” Eddie finally asked, taking in the paleness of Buck’s face, the sweat on his brow, and the dried tear tracks on his cheeks. Buck looked down at his shuffling feet self-consciously. His fingers toyed with the folds of his pants as he deliberately avoided Eddie’s gaze.

“Buck,” Eddie growled anxiously, “Are you okay?”

He did look up then, just for a second to see where Eddie’s expression had settled. He looked more concerned than anything. Buck smiled to himself as he lowered his gaze back to the floor.

“I’m fine,” he answered shortly. But it wasn’t nearly enough to explain what he really felt. Eddie seemed to realize as much and said nothing, opting instead to wait for Buck to finish getting out whatever it was he needed to say. “I’m just…ashamed, okay? I’m sorry that I made you doubt my intentions. I’m embarrassed that I reacted so stupidly to Ant showing up. He actually seems like a cool guy. I’m disgusted with myself for being so jealous and making up a whole history just to justify my own brokenness. I’m repulsed by how predatory I came off to you and devastated that you couldn’t even bear to look at me. I’m sorry for ruining your reunion. I’m pissed off that I got so jealous. I’m angry that you had to fucking lecture me like a kid, but I’m even more pissed that I deserved it. I’m just…I’m so fucking stupid.”

Buck turned away, fighting against the fresh hot tears of shame pooling his eyes. What was wrong with him? He hadn’t cried this much in his life. It was like everything he felt was just too strong for his body to handle and it was trying to get rid of all of it. Buck wasn’t used to feeling everything at once. He could handle happy, or sad, or angry, or bitter, or whatever he needed to, but he had never had to feel all of them at once. Was this what Hen had meant about love? That it made feeling anything unbearable? His head throbbed from the effort to conceal his tears while his eyes burned and ached from abuse. 

Suddenly a hand was gripping his shoulder and spinning him around. Eddie was barely a breath away, staring up into Buck’s face, his eyes open and compassionate. His other hand came to rest on Buck’s cheek, gently wiping away a stray tear with his thumb. Buck turned into the touch instinctively and let his eyes close. He breathed in a stabilizing breath, reveling in the scent of Eddie’s skin. 

“Buck, you are not stupid,” Eddie disagreed gently. Buck kept his eyes screwed shut, holding back the fresh tears of relief that begged for release. Even after he had acted so immaturely, so insensitively, Eddie was still more worried about him doubting himself. “Evan, look at me.”

He tried. He tried to open his eyes and stare down into the eyes of the man he loved, but something in him was still telling him he didn’t deserve it. Although he desperately craved Eddie’s forgiveness, he couldn’t dare hope to receive it. 

Eddie’s weight shifted in front of him and suddenly, soft, pleading lips were pressed into his. His face was bracketed in Eddie’s hands as he kissed him with everything he had to offer. Buck’s arms hung limply at his sides, unsure what to do or how to react. Part of him, a rather significant part, was elated to have Eddie’s lips on his. It wasn’t true forgiveness, but it felt like absolution. 

But that last little part niggled at him, jeering at his silly belief that Eddie could ever forgive him for so callously preying on an abused, broken soul. 

Eddie pulled back suddenly, but his hands stayed firm on Buck’s face.

“Stop it,” he ordered seriously. Buck’s eyes flashed open in an instant. “I can feel you still berating yourself. Knock it off.”

“But,” Buck stuttered back, trying to put into words the horrific thoughts that stabbed at his heart. “Eddie, how can you just…pretend that I didn’t hurt you?”

Eddie sighed deeply and let his hands slide gracefully down Buck’s neck to settle on his shoulders. He leaned his forehead against Buck’s collarbone for a long moment, letting himself sway with the rise and fall of his breath. 

He didn’t look up as he spoke, but his thumbs worked slow, comforting circles into Buck’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie started, his voice a barely audible mumble. “I shouldn’t have said that. I got angry, but I wasn’t really hurt. I know you better than that and you would never, ever take advantage of someone. I was angry and panicked, and you getting defensive made me panic even more.” He blew out an anxious breath to center himself before continuing. “You may have noticed Ant is not the most subtle person in the world. I actually kind of envy him for being so shamelessly himself all the time. You two are kinda similar that way…you’re actually kind of similar in a lot of ways. I just thought if you kept trying to… _protect_ me, he’d catch on to what we have and make a scene. I didn’t want to out us like that. I think we deserve better than that.”

Buck didn’t know what to say back; Eddie genuinely wasn’t mad at him. Relief flooded through him. All of his muscles untensed as he finally allowed himself to wrap Eddie into his arms. He held tight for a long moment, counting their breaths, measuring the rise and fall of Eddie’s shoulder’s as he breathed against his chest. It was grounding. 

“I’m sorry too,” Buck whispered, his lips pressed against Eddie’s hair. “I shouldn’t have reacted based on my own made-up theories. I just didn’t want to press when you told me about the army, and I guess I didn’t realize how deep the story went.”

A question wriggled into Buck’s throat, burning with an intensity he couldn’t stop. He spit the words out as flatly as he could.

“Did you love him?”

Eddie didn’t breathe for a moment, but Buck kept his arms firm around his shoulders. A sick desperation spread through him. He **needed** to know. He couldn’t face Anthony again without at least this one foundational piece of the puzzle. 

Eddie’s shoulders began to shake under Buck’s arms as he dissolved into a silent fit of laughter. Buck’s hands shifted to his shoulders and forced him up to face him. He watched his face closely, trying to piece together what had been so funny about the question. Slowly, Eddie regained his composure and met Buck’s concerned gaze with a smile.

“Buck, I didn’t know what real love was until Christopher was born,” he said seriously. “I loved my family, in the way that you’re supposed to love your family. I loved my unit, in the way you have to love the people keeping you safe every day. I loved Shannon, in the way you tend to love your first real relationship. But I can confidently say that I have never experienced anything in my life that compares to the love I have for you.”

Buck’s heart swelled in his chest. The nagging voices of doubt disappeared in an instant, drowned out by the raucous noise of every thought in his mind screaming in pure elation! He ducked his head down and planted his lips against Eddie’s, working every ounce of delight and gratitude and love he felt into the kiss. Eddie returned his kiss eagerly, taking time to smooth his hands up Buck’s firm neck to twist his fingers into his tight curls. He licked into Buck’s mouth without warning and began to ravenously massage his tongue, when the subtle, bitter taste of regurgitated bile seemed to register in his mind. He pulled back slowly as Buck looked away, mortified. 

“Shit, Evan. I didn’t realize you were _that_ upset. I’m so sorry. I should’ve known,” Eddie admitted, crestfallen. Buck didn’t respond. Instead, he stepped away and rushed to the sink to rinse his mouth out. 

“I told you I felt stupid,” he said between gulps of water. “I got really into my head and everything just crashed in on me at once. The thought of hurting you…losing you…was too much.”

Eddie shifted closer and draped himself over Buck’s back. His arms wound around his stomach tenderly as he rested his cheek against Buck’s shoulder. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie promised warmly. He sounded miserable for having put Buck through so much. Buck shut the water off and let himself melt back against Eddie, absorbing every drop of love and comfort he could from his touch. Wrapped in Eddie’s arms was the closest Buck had ever been to feeling at home. They stayed that way for a long moment, wrapped up in each other with no thought beyond themselves.

“It feels right to have you in my arms,” Eddie mused absently, leaning into his warmth a little harder. Buck’s heart clenched at the unexpected confession. He felt the exact same way.

He spun around to face Eddie, his eyes shining with adoration, and leaned down to kiss him, channeling every expression of love he could manage into the kiss. Eddie refused to stand by placidly. A happy moan rumbled in his chest as he licked at the corner of Buck’s mouth teasingly. Buck couldn’t believe his luck. Not only was Eddie not going to abandon him, he wasn’t even mad anymore. In fact, based on the way he was kissing him, Eddie was actually pretty damn far from mad. Maybe he had a secret thing for broken souls in need of repair. Not to be outdone by Eddie’s eagerness, Buck sucked his lower lip into his mouth and bit down, pulling a needy whine from Eddie’s throat. He pulled back slowly, releasing his lip and stared hungrily into his dark eyes. 

“You never actually answered my question about Anthony,” he posited impishly. Eddie’s eyes flashed dangerously as he blew out an exasperated breath. It was apparently far too soon to joke about that whole situation. But instead of chastising Buck, he fisted his hands into his shirt and pulled him down into a new scorching kiss. 

All of the gentle caresses of tenderness and compassion were gone; this kiss was pure dominance and hunger. Eddie pressed forward, knocking Buck’s legs back against the sinks, as he devoured his mouth. Buck groaned into Eddie’s mouth, his mind delirious with desire. All he wanted was for Eddie to take him, to claim him, to punish him. All thoughts of shame and self-loathing had been replaced by the overpowering need to feel Eddie’s absolution wash over him, into him. One of Eddie’s knees worked its way between Buck’s thighs just as his hands found their way to his ass. Buck keened as Eddie’s fingers dug in and pulled his hips forward, using his thigh to grind up against his dick. His teeth latched onto Buck’s collarbone, sucking a deep red bruise into his fair skin. 

“Eddie…” The sound rumbled from somewhere deep in Buck’s chest. It was deep enough that the vibrations rocked through him, teasing his rapidly swelling dick as Eddie continued to writhe against him. “We can’t…not here…not now…” Buck was frantically trying to remind himself why it was a bad idea for them to fuck in the middle of the firehouse, but his mind was coming up short.

But then suddenly, Eddie was gone. Buck blinked at the empty space where Eddie’s entire body had just been pressed against him. His gut clenched impotently as his half-hard erection gave a feeble twitch of annoyance. 

“Let me ask _you_ something, Buck,” Eddie drawled deviously, sounding uncomfortably similar to Anthony. “Who is standing here with me, packing an 8-inch hard-on, right now?”

Buck stared blankly back at him as his gut clenched and unclenched keenly. Was that a trick question? Eddie just watched him, expectantly.

“I don’t know that eight inches is a fair measurement,” Buck muttered petulantly, “But uh, me?”

A cunning grin broke out across Eddie’s face.

“Very good,” Eddie purred, congratulatory. “And do you think I would be in here with you, making you rock hard in the middle of a shift, if Ant was the one I wanted to be with?”

Again, Buck felt like the question was rhetorical, but the intensity in Eddie’s eyes forced him to answer. 

“…no,” he replied sheepishly, his hips stuttering slightly as his still-swelling dick rubbed against the stiff fabric of his pants. He had no idea why he was still so turned on, but he had a strong feeling it had something to do with the mischievous glint in Eddie’s eyes.

“Bravo,” Eddie replied facetiously. He stepped forward then, right into Buck’s space, his face tilting up until their lips were a mere hair apart. “But since you want to play jealous so badly, I’m going to leave you here, just like this.” He grabbed Buck’s waist and pressed their hips together, rocking his hips down just once to roll over the sensitive swell of Buck’s erection. A soft moan of longing escaped Buck’s lips, but Eddie swallowed it down with a kiss. “You might want to take care of _that_ before you join us for lunch,” he glanced down at the aching throb in Buck’s pants, then back up to burn his gaze into Buck’s eyes. “I know for sure that Ant would never let something that… _big_ go unnoticed.”

An incredulous laugh bubbled up in Buck’s chest, but he refused to let it surface. If Eddie wanted to be a tease, well, two could play at that game. Buck stared back at him, just as attentively, and slowly reached under the waist of his pants to wrap his fingers over his pulsing length. A hiss of relief escaped his lips as he gave himself a slow, tender stroke. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and bit back the moan that waited in his throat. Eddie’s eyes were wild with lust as he watched him.

“You sure you don’t want to lend a hand,” Buck taunted as he flicked open the button and loosened the fly of his pants. Eddie swallowed hard, his eyes darting from Buck’s lips to his eyes raptly. Eddie’s fingers twitched as Buck pulled himself free of his pants and began to stroke himself in earnest, right in the middle of the communal bathroom. Eddie watched him greedily, but refused to touch.

Buck’s breath shortened, bursting out in ragged puffs of air as sparks of pleasure lit inside of him. But his eyes stayed firmly locked on Eddie’s gaze. Eddie licked his lips hungrily, his eyes flicking down to where Buck’s hand was stripping his dick with wanton abandon. The faint chatter of the 118 drifted down from the loft every so often, but the fear of being caught somehow made it all the more riveting. Eddie smirked up at Buck as his panting became erratic, signaling the end of the road. Buck’s entire body tensed as he worked himself fast and hard, urging his orgasm to come. His eyes glazed over, still locked on Eddie’s ravenous expression, until…

A sudden calm overtook Eddie, his expression falling flat and serene as Buck’s hips jerked wildly seeking release. A look of pride filled Eddie’s eyes as Buck’s breath stalled in his lungs, his hand still moving methodically towards climax. 

“Let it out, Buck. Finish it,” Eddie coaxed, his voice thick with lust. Buck could practically feel the vibration of Eddie’s voices ricocheting through his body. His panting filled the room as Eddie finally touched him. He pressed his hand against Buck’s cheek and ran his thumb covetously over his slick, swollen lips. “That’s my man.”

The pride in Eddie’s eyes, mixed with the desire in his voice, and the dominant declaration of his words were all too much. Buck bit down on his lip hard as his orgasm erupted out him. He curled inward with the force of it, reaching out to catch his release before it could sully Eddie’s uniform as he rode out the wave of pleasure.

Eddie ran his hands through Buck’s hair, over his neck and shoulders, and down his back, massaging his approval into him. One hand hooked under Buck’s chin, tilting it up to face him as he placed a quick, chaste kiss to Buck’s lips. Somehow it felt more intense than his tongue had. 

“You love being good for me, don’t you,” Eddie purred delightedly. “Now, clean yourself up. I want to formally introduce the man I love to one of the only friends I still have.”

With that, Eddie spun on his heel and walked to the door. He turned just before leaving to add one final thought

“Maybe later, I’ll make it up to you for real.”

Buck was locked in place, his dick in one hand, come in the other, left to flounder as he watched Eddie’s perfect ass retreat. Maybe Eddie was the one using _him_. Either way, he was suddenly much more eager for the rest of their 24-hour shift to be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that got WAY more angsty than I expected. However, you can probably guess how they're gonna make up in the next chapter.


	10. What Happens Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Buck work through the fallout of their misunderstanding over Anthony. A timely call gets them thinking and Eddie decides to open up for real. Buck finally asks for something he has wanted for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have gotten a little sidetracked on this one, but I promise there is a payoff! These two idiots need to talk through some shit and figure themselves out before they can move on. I had to do it.

Hen had already made introductions by the time Eddie rejoined the team in the loft, and to his surprise, Anthony was a major hit with the rest of the 118. He had easily charmed the crew with his confidence and sense of humor while he'd waited for him to return. Eddie sat in his usual spot at the table, which happened to be in the empty chair next to Anthony. He tried not to be bothered by Anthony unwittingly taking Buck's spot.

Buck joined them a few minutes after, as Anthony was in the midst of telling a ridiculous story about an embarrassing game of strip poker and his admitted lack of poker skills. Chim’s eyes were lit up excitably at the possibility of inviting another easy target to his and Maddie’s poker night. Hen, however, was glancing between Ant and Eddie with an amused and entirely too-knowing smile. Even Bobby had softened to Anthony’s presence, although he did watch Buck carefully as he threw himself into a chair a little harder than necessary, poised to pounce if another altercation broke out.

Eddie watched the scene bemusedly. He was still impressed that Anthony had retained his easy-going nature after multiple tours of duty. That wasn’t to say Ant didn’t suffer form his own demons; he had mentioned them often to Eddie in their sporadic correspondences over the years. But Ant seemed to have tamed his demons and somehow lived with them, harmoniously. Eddie didn’t think he would ever get to that point. Although, looking at Buck’s flushed face and mischievous smile as he sat down across from him did seem to soothe something in his mind. At least Buck thought he was worthy. 

Honestly, that might just be enough.

“So anyway, our sergeant comes into the tent, and her face goes white as a sheet in seconds,” Ant recalls boisterously. He has the group hanging on his every word. “Diaz is sitting there with just his pants on,” Eddie had the good sense to at least look semi-embarrassed, “I’ve got nothing but one sock on, Dustin’s down to his briefs and tank, and Sarah’s sitting there with ALL of our collective clothes hanging off of her. She looked like a kid that fell into a laundry hamper, it was hilarious!”

“I still don’t know how she wasn’t dying,” Eddie added, an unmistakable chuckle of disbelief in his delivery, “It was at least 90 degrees that night and she had on three pair of pants! She made herself a footstool out of all our boots.”

“I forgot about that,” Anthony cackled as he doubled over and slapped the table jovially. “She was crafty as hell, that one.” Eddie nodded in agreement with a nostalgic look in his eye. “So’s sarge comes in, takes one look, and reams Sarah out for starting a harem in the barracks.” He bumped Eddie’s shoulder conspiratorially. “And you remember what Sarah said to her?”

Eddie closed his eyes with a fond, exasperated look on his face. 

“It’s two for one ladies’ night, if you want to take a couple back to your tent.”

Anthony slapped Eddie in the back as he redoubled his raucous laughter. Hen hid her smile behind her hand, but Chim was practically matching Anthony in volume and exuberance. Even Eddie had to laugh a little. 

“I can’t imagine that went over well with the sergeant,” Bobby asked cautiously. Ant and Eddie threw each other a roguish look before bursting out in more laughter. 

“Sarge made her sweep out all the barracks for the rest of the week,” Anthony said slyly, as if waiting for someone to catch onto the joke.

“Wait, weren’t you in the desert? In tents,” Buck asked before he could stop himself, surprisingly caught up in Anthony’s story against his will. Anthony’s delighted gaze landed on his face, a victorious grin on his lips. 

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner,” Anthony cheered. “Sarah was tasked with sweeping the sand out of the desert.”

A chorus of ‘Oh no’s and ‘oh my god’s’ and muffled, mirthful laughter made its way through the crew. 

“That poor woman,” Hen whispered to no one in particular. She looked genuinely upset for Sarah’s fate. 

“Don’t worry, Hen,” Eddie reassured her quickly, “We helped out whenever we could. So long as the sarge didn’t see us. She didn’t really care since the job was impossible to finish, she just needed everyone to see it to save face.”

“That’s a bold attitude to take with your crew,” Bobby chimed in disapprovingly. 

“Nah, sarge was great,” Ant said defensively. “She may have been a little harsh just because it was Sarah who said it and not one of the guys, but she had a hard enough time getting people to respect her, being a female officer and all. She couldn’t let something so blatantly disrespectful go unpunished. I think it’s different in the military. No offense to y’all, but you really can’t have people stepping out of line like that.”

Eddie looked down at his hands, an odd kind of shame coloring his face. He had definitely become more disobedient since joining the 118. Buck seemed to notice the change in his demeanor immediately and soon Eddie felt a foot nudging against his leg comfortingly. He flashed Buck an appreciative smile. Fortunately, Bobby seemed to notice too.

“Well I can’t speak for the military,” Bobby chimed back in, “but a little improvisation is what keeps people alive here.”

Eddie’s head lifted slightly, the shame shifting to respect for the captain. Anthony watched the change curiously. 

“So _that’s_ why you wanted this job, huh, Diaz,” Anthony asked interestedly. “And here I thought it was just for the eye candy over there.”

Anthony gestured across the table at Buck, whose face deepened at least three shades instantly. Hen couldn’t stop the snort that followed. Buck refused to look anyone in the eye for a long moment. Eddie felt a minor panic flare up in his chest; they hadn’t plan to let the whole crew in on their relationship yet, but if there was any inkling in anyone’s mind, Ant’s comment might just push them over the edge. 

“Hey, what about me,” Chim argued indignantly. “Am I not eye candy enough for you? I will have you know I was Mr. April in the firemen’s calendar!”

All eyes snapped to Chim’s face and Eddie silently thanked him for the misdirect. Anthony actually looked taken aback, unsure whether Chim was serious or not.

“And what about me,” Hen chimed in confidently, catching Eddie and Buck’s worried expressions. “I know I’m prettier than this mangey lot.”

Anthony smirked at that, finally catching on.

“You, my queen, are too beautiful to compare to any of these beasts,” he assured her with a dramatic flourish. “Diaz isn’t even worthy of looking upon your divine countenance.”

The crew broke into amused laughter again, but something stopped Buck from joining them. His eyes surreptitiously watched Eddie, waiting for some reaction to Anthony’s jab at his ‘worth’. Anthony probably had no idea what a touchy subject that was for Eddie, because god knows Eddie hadn’t talked about it with him. 

But Eddie was okay. He stretched out his leg to bump against Buck’s under the table; silently thanking him for his obvious concern and grounding him in the moment. Buck nudged him back with his knee; a silent acknowledgement of Eddie’s worth and courage. 

The moment was abruptly interrupted by alarm bells and the dispatch speaker announcing yet another multi-car pileup, but this time on the 210. The crew hopped up from the table in an instant, leaving Anthony to flounder in their wake. 

“Shit, we have to go Ant,” Eddie explained unnecessarily. He faltered for a moment before continuing. “You still in town tomorrow?” Satisfied with Ant’s nod of affirmation, he barreled on as he hurtled towards the stairs. “Great, we’ll meet up tomorrow for drinks. It was great to see you, man. I’ll call you later!”

Buck waited at the racks of turnout gear for Eddie to join them. His face broke into a relieved smile at the peaceful look on Eddie’s face as he caught up.

“We all good then,” Buck asked nervously. Eddie glanced around quickly to check if anyone was watching. Seeing no one, he leaned up and kissed Buck’s cheek quickly. 

“You know we’re good, Evan. But you are gonna have to deal with him tomorrow,” he warned abruptly, ignoring Buck’s disgusted face, “We’re meeting him for drinks, so you better play nice.”

With a wink and flourish of his turnout coat, Eddie disappeared into the back of the engine as Buck stumbled to the driver’s seat, confused and mildly annoyed. He caught Eddie’s gaze in the rearview before pulling out of the garage. Eddie swore Buck’s cheeks hadn’t been that red a moment earlier.

***

The end of shift finally brought a reprieve from the never-ending pileups. A mysterious call came in at 6:30am: an undisclosed person was trapped on the ledge of an apartment building. Little information was given beyond the location, which was odd because dispatch usually hounded people for as much information as possible. Even so, the 118 jumped into action, each of them secretly thrilled that they had something other than a car wreck to deal with. 

The sun was just beginning to break the horizon as they pulled up to the ten-story building. After a quick scan of the exterior, they found their victim six stories up. 

“Is that a kid up there,” Buck asked confusedly. The figure was so far up it was hard to tell, but the silhouette definitely looked to be smaller than an adult.

“Dispatch hasn’t been able to re-connect with the caller,” Bobby explained quickly as he assessed the situation. “Call came in from the victim. All he said was he was stuck on a ledge at this apartment and then the line went dead. There’s been no answer since.”

“How did he get _there_ though,” Eddie asked incredulously. It was a valid question. Somehow the boy was stuck on a part of the building that had no doors, windows, or fire-escapes nearby. 

“He must have crawled around and realized he couldn’t go any further,” Buck realized suddenly. 

There brick façade of the building had a ledge-like strip of decorative blocks between each floor. It was just enough to get make a toehold, but not nearly enough to balance forever.

“Alright,” Bobby announced authoritatively, “Buck you’re going up in the ladder. Eddie grab two harnesses, you’re on back up. Chimney, Hen, set up a crash pad just in case.”

The team set to work like a well-oiled machine. Hen and Chim had the pad inflating by the time the ladder was fully extended. Luckily it stretched just far enough to reach the kid. Eddie stayed below, ostensibly to man the ladder control, but he was also wearing the third harness and ready to jump in should anything go awry. 

“Be careful, Buck,” Eddie warned as Buck hooked onto the ladder and adjusted the spare harness thrown over his shoulder. He turned to shoot a grateful smile at Eddie before starting his ascent. 

The ladder shook slightly under his feet as he climbed, forcing him to pause every few yards. He had to remind himself they had the new engine; this ladder should be much more stable than the one that had fallen out from under him the year before. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t shake. Buck shook off his nerves and looked up to find his target. 

As Buck reached the fourth floor, he finally got a good look at the boy. He was young, but not as young as they’d originally thought. He had his eyes closed tight and his fingers were white from the death-grip he had on the wall. His clothes were disheveled, as if he had thrown them on too quickly, and there was an unmistakable mouth-sized bruise on the side of his neck. A vivid picture began to form in Buck’s mind of what had led to the boy’s current state. 

“Hello, up there,” Buck called out cheerfully. “How are you holding up?”

The boy turned to look down, clearly startled that Buck was already so close, but the motion nearly made him lose his grip. He scrambled to keep his footing as he turned back to face the wall. Even Buck could hear the panicked whine that escaped his throat as he found his fragile balance again. 

“Woah, just hold tight,” Buck warned seriously. “You’re gonna be just fine. Just keep holding that wall. You’re doing great.”

Buck looked back to where Eddie was waiting at the base of the ladder. Although he couldn’t quite make out the details of his face, Buck could read his body language well enough to recognize the anxiety radiating from him. A small crowd of early morning apartment tenants had started to gather around the truck and were watching eagerly. Sometimes Buck really hated the voyeuristic nature of the job; people were always inappropriately excited to watch accidents unfold. He refocused himself on the kid and the task at hand.

“So, hey, my name’s Buck,” he called out as he climbed closer. “Don’t try to turn around or look down at me, just answer where you are, okay? What’s your name?”

“Al-Alex,” the kid stuttered back, his nerves clearly starting to wear him down. 

“Alex, great. It’s nice to meet you Alex,” Buck replied comfortingly. “Don’t worry, Alex, I’m gonna have you down from here in no time. Just keep holding that wall. Alright.”

Alex nodded shakily, pressing himself as close to the bricks as he could. 

“So, Alex, how’d you end up out here, buddy?”

Alex took a long moment to answer; Buck was practically even with him by the time he spoke. 

“I was at my…friend’s place…but his parents didn’t know,” Alex explained slowly, measuring his words carefully as he spoke. “They’re really strict and they almost caught me in his room this morning. I tried to sneak out the fire escape, like in the movies, but his window didn’t have one. So, I ended up on this ledge thing. I thought if I crawled around the corner at least there’d be a ladder or something.”

“But there wasn’t,” Buck finished for him. At least he wasn’t suicidal. Buck didn’t know if he could handle another one of those calls yet. “So, this friend of yours didn’t think to warn you that there was no escape attached to his window?”

“…no, he did,” Alex admitted dejectedly.

“And you still chose to climb out the window!?”

Alex rested his head against the wall and let out shaky breath.

“His parents don’t like me cause I’m gay,” he admitted quietly. “I didn’t want to get him in trouble. So, I tried to disappear. But then I got stuck and dropped my phone when I called 911.”

“Oh, gotcha,” Buck replied in surprise, although he definitely felt like he understood the situation a little better. “Alright, Alex I’m here now, and I’m getting real close to you. Once I’m even with you I’m gonna put my arm around your waist and I need you to let go of the wall and grab onto me, okay? I promise you won’t fall.”

“O-Okay,” Alex whined against the brick. Buck stepped onto the last rung of the ladder and clipped the spare harness to the guideline. He reached out and wrapped his arm around Alex’s waist.

“Alright, now let go with your left hand and reach back to find me,” Buck instructed patiently. He could feel Alex trembling under his arm. “You won’t fall. You’ve been so strong and so brave up here, you just need to keep it up a little bit longer.”

He did as Buck asked. In one fluid motion he let go of the wall with his left hand and turned to loop his arm over Buck’s shoulders. 

“You’re doing great, buddy,” Buck assured him. “Alright, left foot now. Step out and feel for the platform; do NOT look down. It’s not a big target, but it’s bigger than the brick you’re standing on.”

Alex’s fingers dug into Buck’s shoulder as his foot stepped from the ledge. His whole body shook while he toed aimlessly towards the ladder, blindly seeking the platform. 

“There it is, you got it,” Buck said encouragingly. “Alright this is the scariest part, but you can do it. I need you to lean into me and step away from the wall completely. Think you can do that?”

“No,” Alex replied honestly. Buck stifled his amusement at Alex’s candor. 

“I know it’s scary, but your friend, what’s his name…”

“Rai.”

“Right. Rai’s gonna want to see you safe and sound, right,” Buck asked leadingly. Alex nodded. “And you wanna see Rai again, right?”

“Yes,” Alex whined with a pained voice. 

“I know how you feel,” Buck assured him comfortingly. “But you can do this. If you wanna be with Rai, you can’t live on this wall forever.”

“Okay…”

With a burst of determination, Alex flung himself from the wall into Buck’s arms. Buck grabbed on quickly, refusing to let the boy slip even a millimeter. The kid was already torn apart inside with guilt and anxiety; he wasn’t going to add near-death to the list. 

“Atta boy, Alex,” Buck cheered as he held him tight. Alex’s arms wrapped around his neck like a vise. Buck held him for a long moment, allowing him to finally catch his breath after nearly forty minutes of clinging to the wall. “You are one seriously brave kid, Alex.”

“No, I’m not.” Alex argued pitifully. “I snuck into my best friend’s bed and lied to my parents about why I was staying over. I tricked Rai into fooling around with me even though he’s not gay, and then I ran out on him because I’m afraid of his parents. I’m a coward.”

Buck stroked his back soothingly; mimicking the way Eddie had held him earlier. 

“Alex, it takes courage just to be who you are,” Buck assured him gently, pulling back to look at him. He ignored the slight blush that bloomed on Alex’s cheeks as he finally took Buck in fully. “Lying to your parents isn’t great, but I get it. And I don’t think you tricked Rai into doing anything. That hickey on your neck looks like it was pretty enthusiastically given, bud.”

“What would you know about it,” Alex huffed petulantly under his breath, ducking his head to hide the mar, and his embarrassment. Buck smirked down at him, all too familiar with the ‘oh no the firefighters are hot’ reaction on embarrassing calls. 

“Let’s get you in this harness and get back to solid ground,” Buck said abruptly, diverting the conversation completely. Alex stiffly followed instructions, only yelping twice as Buck strapped him into his own harness in seconds. His face was bright red as Buck pulled his hands away from the buckle at Alex’s waist. 

They started back down the ladder to a chorus of cheers from the ground. Eddie started up to meet them at the same time. Alex’s face slowly returned to a normal color as they climbed down, but his shoulders were tense as he carefully picked his footing through their slow descent.

“See that firefighter coming up the ladder,” Buck asked quietly, trying to ease Alex’s mind and distract him from his nerves. 

“Yeah,” Alex answered placidly. Buck was sure he was still embarrassed. 

“That’s Eddie,” Buck explained. “He is probably the best firefighter on our team, but don’t tell him I said that. He’s a trained medic, he’s crazy strong, mildly reckless, has the cutest son in the world, and is one hell of a partner.”

“Okay,” Alex answered skeptically. 

“Eddie is the best friend I’ve ever had,” Buck continued, unfazed by Alex’s skepticism. “And he has been for almost two years now. But you know what’s even cooler?”

Alex shrugged half-heartedly, still more focused on his footing than Buck’s story.

“Eddie is also my boyfriend.”

It felt so strange to say it out loud, to put a name to what they had become. It seemed too official, and yet, not nearly official enough. 

Alex stopped and turned to look at Buck again, understanding dawning on his face. Buck smiled brightly at Alex’s astonishment.

“Yep,” Buck confessed easily, “It took us almost two years to realize how we felt about each other, and we definitely figured it out at different speeds. But now? It’s the greatest feeling in the world, Alex. Give Rai a chance to work it out himself. I’m betting he won’t disappoint you.”

Alex slowly turned to watch Eddie expertly climb the ladder towards them. He was only a few yards away at that point and the color flooded Alex’s face again as he realized there were actually _two_ hot firefighters.

“Hey, kid, you’re doing great,” Eddie called up relieved. “Only a little bit further. Are you hurt at all? Buck, you good?”

Alex looked between them, his expression filled with hope and wonder. 

“Never better,” Buck replied happily. “Go ahead, Alex. Eddie will help you the rest of the way down.”

Alex stepped forward nervously, turning to glance back at Buck one last time. Buck waved him on encouragingly.

“Don’t worry, he’ll take good care of you,” Buck assured him. Eddie smiled up at him appreciatively. The fondness on Eddie’s face was not lost to Alex. 

“Oh my god. You two actually are dating,” Alex exclaimed. The look of shock on Eddie’s face was priceless.

“Seriously, Buck,” Eddie asked exasperatedly, “We haven’t even told Christopher yet?”

“It was something we all had in common,” Buck replied unapologetically. “Besides that’s why this whole situation happened, right Alex?” 

Alex stared back at him incredulously. 

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to out you, but please back me up here,” Buck added in a hushed whisper. 

Eddie’s head fell into his hands as laughter filled the air. 

“You are a walking disaster, Buck,” he teased. “Come on, Alex. No judgement here. I just need to check you over before the police talk to you.”

“Police?!” Alex looked back at Buck nervously.

“It’s just standard procedure, don’t worry,” Eddie assured him, loping his arm over Alex’s shoulders and ushering him down the last few meters of the ladder. “They just need to make sure you’re not hurt and you weren’t planning to hurt yourself. Although they will probably have to call your parents…”

“Great,” Alex huffed out. 

Buck couldn’t help but smile at the easy way Eddie took the kid under his protection. But it suddenly made him extremely embarrassed about his behavior with Anthony earlier. He should never have doubted Eddie’s judgement, and really couldn’t be jealous of Eddie’s past. It was just one more thing he wanted to make up to Eddie when they got off.

The call wrapped up quickly after that. The crowd of onlookers dispersed, most returning back to the apartment building. Buck thought he saw a Filipino kid, around Alex’s age, watching from the crowd with a worried expression. But the worry was completely erased when Alex happened to look over and smile at him. He had a feeling that Alex and Rai would turn out just fine. The police took Alex with them to the nearest station to take his statement and wait for his parents as the crew finished packing up their equipment. Buck didn’t envy the conversation Alex was likely to have when his folks picked him up, but he hoped they would just be happy that he was safe.

The 118 packed up their equipment with practiced efficiency and, within fifteen minutes, were on the way back to the station house. The open bay was a welcome sight after a long and tedious twenty-four hours. But an even more welcome sight was the next shift’s cars filling in the parking lot. If they were arriving for the next shift, that meant it was finally time to wind down. 

“So, how do you feel about coming over,” Eddie asked cautiously as he hopped out of the rig ahead of Buck. He had been suspiciously quiet the entire ride back to the station. 

“Oh,” Buck stammered awkwardly, searching for an answer. At the halfway point of their shift, his answer would have been an emphatic ‘No’. But now at the end, he felt like they _needed_ some time together. Whether that time was needed to work out confrontations, or pent-up frustrations, Buck wasn’t entirely sure. But time was needed. Eddie watched the debate playing out on Buck’s face dejectedly, until Buck realized he hadn’t actually answered the question. “I, uh, I’d still like to come over, if you’re okay with it…”

The relief that washed over Eddie’s face was all the answer Buck needed. 

“That’s great,” Eddie added unnecessarily. “Uh, you want to just meet me there?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. Want me to grab you something to eat,” Buck offered.

“Actually, that would be great. I’d kill for one of the breakfast burritos from Pancho’s cart over on Orchard,” Eddie responded with an enthusiastic grumble of agreement from his stomach.

“No problem,” Buck laughed back. “One breakfast burrito coming up. I’ll be over in twenty-ish.”

Buck rushed to strip out of his turnout gear and gather his things to head out, only to be stopped by Hen on his way out of the lockers. 

“Woah, Hen,” Buck screeched in surprise, “I almost knocked you out. Make some noise or something.”

Hen stared back at him, unamused, until Buck broke eye contact and stared at the floor humbly. 

“How are things with you and…” Hen drifted off, not wanting to alert anyone else to Buck’s undisclosed relationship. 

“Good…I think,” Buck answered honestly. “We talked some after you left with…you know.”

Hen met his white lie with a withering gaze, forcing him to look away guiltily. Again.

“Uh-huh, that’s what I thought,” she said superiorly. “Y’all need to talk for real Buck. That was way too much aggression and shame to just be swallowed down and ignored.” She looked up into his eyes, her face open and serious. “Trust me on this one. You want to settle this now, not later. Don’t let it fester because it will come back to bite you.”

Buck carefully considered Hen’s words before nodding his agreement.

“I don’t want to tell y’all how to be, but try to make sure you talk before you…do anything else,” she added amusedly. Buck smirked at her not-so-subtle innuendo. 

“Anything for you, Hen,” Buck replied genuinely. He gave her a quick hug before she could pull away, then headed for his jeep with a final wave. 

***

Eddie paced the living room anxiously as he waited for Buck to arrive. He had been exhausted from the monotonous day of car crashes when he left the station, but his nerves had perked him right back up once he’d stepped into his own home. 

Buck was coming over.

That, by itself, was not unusual; Buck had spent hundreds, if not thousands, of hours at the Diaz residence. But this time felt different. Buck hadn’t been back to Eddie’s house for more than a few minutes since that first night – the night where Eddie’s reckless impulsivity had finally brought them together. Eddie eyed his couch nostalgically. That was where it had all begun. Could it really only have been a week ago?

Eddie refocused his energy on the task at hand, which definitely required some psyching up. After the miscommunication that had caused the incident in the station with Anthony, Eddie had decided it was time to come clean to Buck. Completely clean. He was still determined to…ugh… _talk_ it out, but that didn’t mean he didn’t need to pump himself up for it. 

Words had never been Eddie’s strong suit. He was much more of an action kind of guy; words just didn’t come to him easily. But Buck _needed_ words. Practically all Buck ever did was talk; he relied on words. And although Buck had originally complained at length about his forced therapy sessions, Eddie knew that talking it over was the best way Buck could come to terms with his world. Hell, even Eddie could admit that therapy had done _something_ for him, no matter how excruciating the experience had been.

Eddie held onto that thought. Even if talking drained him more than the twenty-four-hour shift had, he _had_ to commit to it. He didn’t want another misunderstanding to ever come between them. The look on Buck’s face when he’d found him in the bathrooms mid-shift had destroyed him; partially because Buck had been **so** convinced that Eddie was done with him, but mostly because it had been his fault. In that moment he finally understood just how deeply Buck shared his own issues with self-worth, particularly when it came to relationships. Even more distressingly, it kind of made sense why Buck felt that way; he had been burned more times than Eddie wanted to think about. 

Eddie had vowed on the ride back from their last call to never let Buck suspect that of him again.

The sound of Buck’s jeep rumbled outside the front door, alerting Eddie that his time was officially up. His eyes scanned the room one last time, latching onto the slightly-wilted bouquet from their first date, which he still proudly displayed on his coffee table. An involuntary smile twitched at his lips. It was just one of the many ways Buck had shown Eddie how much he cared in the last week. 

Suddenly a conversation about love-languages he’d had in therapy flashed through his mind. And just like that, Eddie realized that Buck had figured out the best way to love _him_ right from the start. If Buck could adapt for him, he owed it to Buck to try speaking _his_ language...literally. 

“Knock, knock,” Buck announced lightheartedly as he entered without actually knocking. At least he was still comfortable enough to make himself right at home. “I bring gifts of food!”

He dropped his duffle inside the door and offered a bag of take-out up to Eddie with an exaggeratedly grand gesture, clearly trying to cover his nerves. 

Okay, maybe he wasn’t as comfortable as Eddie thought. For some reason that thought bothered him, a lot. Buck should never feel unwelcome in his home. He had a lot to make up for. 

Eddie let out a small sigh, dreading the talk even more, as he took Buck’s dramatic offering. Buck eyed him carefully, as if Eddie was one move away from telling him to leave. 

“Thank you for bringing food, Buck. I was seriously too distracted to even think about it,” Eddie said appreciatively as he led the way to the kitchen. “You want something to drink?”

“Water’s fine,” Buck answered apprehensively, following at a larger distance than usual. “Distracted by what, exactly?”

Eddie hesitated to answer. He did **not** want to start ‘the talk’ so soon, but Buck wasn’t going to settle in until he got it over with. He let out another long, centering sigh and tried to pick which thread to pull first.

“Eddie, do you not want me here,” Buck asked timidly. His voice was barely a whisper, but it felt like a slap. Eddie spun around and fixed Buck with a somber, apologetic look. 

“No, Buck. I never want you to leave,” he admitted unexpectedly. Buck’s face lit up for the briefest of moments, but quickly fell back to worry as Eddie continued. “Sorry, I’m just in my head. I think I owe you a better explanation about my past.”

Buck didn’t move. He didn’t even breathe. His face was determinedly unchanged as his eyes bore into Eddie’s seeking...something. Eddie shrugged off the severe look and waved Buck into the kitchen. 

“Come on, we can eat while we talk.”

Buck followed him warily, his hands absently fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Eddie handed him a glass of water and took a seat at the kitchen table. The smell of the burritos wafting out of the bag distracted him just long enough for his stomach to growl eagerly. He pulled his out, unwrapping it eagerly, and stuffed a third of it into his mouth. It was probably not his most attractive look, but the hunger gnawing at his stomach didn’t particularly care at that moment. 

“God these are so good. Thank you,” Eddie moaned around the enormous bite in his mouth. He glanced at Buck, who had yet to even take his food out of the bag. He was instead watching Eddie; studying him, like he was trying to map the lines and curves of his face, just in case he didn’t get to look at it anymore. 

Shit. The gnawing hunger was replaced by bitter guilt. Eddie put his burrito down and swallowed hard. He stared back at Buck, waiting for his striking blue eyes to land back on his. And finally, they did. Eddie held his gaze firmly, working all the severity he could into his own eyes to stop Buck from looking away. 

“First things first, I overreacted last night and I need to apologize,” Eddie started, ignoring the way his heart raced as Buck’s eyes bore into him unrestrained. Maybe forcing eye contact was a mistake. He could read Buck too well, and the intense despair exuding from Buck’s expression was like a punch to the gut. “I appreciate that you wanted to protect me from myself. And with how little I told you about my time with Anthony, I can see how you came to the conclusion you did.”

It wasn’t technically an apology, but Buck didn’t seem to mind. His eyebrows softened minutely and the crease between his eyes eased some. Eddie soldiered on.

“I’m sorry for getting mad and for what I said.” Eddie tried to keep his voice gentle and even, but a powerful current of self-hatred threatened to darken his words. “It was cruel and I knew it wasn’t true, and I hope you can forgive me for making you doubt yourself.”

Buck continued to watch him exactingly; taking in every twitch of Eddie’s eyes or lips, measuring every word against the look in his deep eyes. Eddie decided he could handle the scrutiny; he was just thankful that Buck hadn’t tried to respond yet. He would never get through it if he had to stop. 

“I know you haven’t had the best of luck in relationships,” he continued cautiously, picking his words slowly as to not offend. “You know I’ve had some disasters in my past as well. But, Evan, I need you to know that I will never leave you over a misunderstanding. I may get angry, I may shut down, and I may need space, and I’m sure we will fight over more small things in the future, and probably some big things…but I will always come back to you. You are the only person I care enough about to keep fighting for.” 

Eddie let out the tense breath he had been holding. He only had one more thing to say to tie that thread off; he just had to find the nerve to say it. He knew what he had left would leave all his cards on the table, if he could just manage to get it out. His knee began to bounce anxiously, a habit he had coincidentally picked up from Buck. He let his eyes drop to the table for a moment to steel his courage, but when he looked back up, he poured every drop of pride and affection he could muster into his gaze. 

“There is nothing you could do that would ever make me turn you away. You are the one part of my life that consistently, and overwhelmingly, brings joy.”

He didn’t know if Buck would grasp the full weight of his words, but _he_ did, and he meant them all, absolutely. Buck could destroy him, his life, his family, his world, and Eddie would still come crawling back. It should have disturbed him to commit so fully to someone, but he trusted Buck and knew he would never try to destroy him. He would only ever uplift and protect him. Buck was the one person Eddie didn’t have to work at loving. He loved Christopher more than life itself, but there were always struggles there: constant second guessing, constant worry over whether he was doing enough or providing enough. But with Buck, he could just…love.

Buck was still watching him, though his eyes seemed like they had glossed over some as he considered Eddie’s words. His mouth was hung open, silently reciting something as he processed the full meaning. Eddie wanted nothing more than to taste those lips, to feel the soft swell of them against his own, to breathe the love in his heart directly into Buck.

But he had to wait. There was still more to discuss. 

“Thank you, for telling me why you said what you did last night,” Buck started hesitantly, wringing his hands together to ground himself. Eddie’s stomach dropped at the distant quality in his tone. “And thank you, for telling me how you actually feel, about me.”

Buck paused for a moment before continuing and Eddie’s heart stopped altogether. He had laid himself bare, but he couldn’t predict how Buck would react.

“I’m glad that I now know why everything that happened last night happened. But Eddie,” Buck hesitated again, pulling his eyes from Eddie’s face to stare at his own hands. “What you said? What you did? You hurt me, Eddie. In a way that I have never been hurt before.”

Eddie’s mind ground to a halt as panic and humiliation flooded his system. He grappled frantically through his memory for all the ways Buck had been hurt in the past. Abby leaving him and coming back with a fiancé – Eddie had hurt him more than that. Earthquake girl abandoning him after he…fuck, after _he was thrown from a bombed firetruck and had it land **on** him while a kid threatened to blow him up_ \- Eddie had hurt him worse than that. Fighting through months of rehab and multiple surgeries to work his way back onto the team and being told ‘No’, that his whole life was not his to have anymore – Eddie had hurt him more than that. Bleeding out during a tsunami and practically killing himself to find Christopher, who he thought was dead – Eddie had hurt him more than all of it. He’d had no idea what kind of impact his stupid, angry, reckless words would have on Buck. His stomach turned to lead as his eyes drifted to Buck’s hand’s guiltily. 

“Buck, I…,” Eddie stopped suddenly. What could he even say? What could possibly be enough to apologize for the level of pain he had caused? Tears burned at his eyes. All this time he thought Buck was worried about Eddie leaving him, but maybe Eddie was the one to be left. A cold fear gripped at him, quaking through him from the inside out.

“Eddie, look at me,” Buck said forcefully. And Eddie did. Buck’s expression wasn’t hurt; there was no sign of pain or disgust, or even bitterness. Instead Eddie only saw resolve. “I can’t handle that again. I care about you probably more than is healthy, and I can’t handle the thought of you thinking so little of me. You mean too much to me.”

Buck’s voice broke on the last word, but he refused to look away. Eddie didn’t know how to react. He felt like there was a ‘but’ coming, though he couldn’t imagine where it might lead. Buck stayed quiet for a long minute, his fierce gaze still locked onto Eddie’s. Eddie couldn’t help but squirm under the pressure, until it became too much to bear. 

“What can I do,” Eddie pleaded miserably, “How can I fix this?”

The ferocity faded from Buck’s gaze, only to be replaced by despondency. 

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Buck’s voice was soft and low, but it clawed at Eddie’s heart with every word. “I want to be able to trust you, Eddie. I want to be able to let my guard down…but I don’t know if I can survive it if you hurt me like that again .”

“Buck…Evan, please…don’t give up on me,” Eddie begged. “I can’t apologize enough to make up for what I said, but please let me keep trying. I don’t want to just be another person in your life. I want to be _the_ person in your life. I want to be the one you can turn to, who makes you feel as safe and right as you make me feel.”

“Eddie, I want that too,” Buck admitted gently, his eyes brightening just enough to be noticed. “It’s not like I don’t expect us to ever fight. I know we’re both too stubborn for that to be realistic. But I need to believe that you _know_ me. And that you when you say something, you mean it, for real, and not just in the moment. I’ve had to wade through too many relationships where I didn’t actually exist as me; I was just their idea of me. I don’t wa-, no, I can’t do that again. I _need_ you to see **me.** ” 

“Evan, I do see you. God, I see all of you, and you are perfect,” Eddie rushed out frantically.

Eddie’s chest felt like it might burst. He was heartbroken by Buck’s admission, but elated that he might still have a chance to prove himself. He had to try. 

“But I guess,” Eddie started, praying that Buck would still listen, “A good next step would be letting you know me too. All of me.”

Buck leaned forward, rested his elbows on the table, and watched Eddie eagerly. 

“I’m listening.” 

Eddie took a sip of his water and stretched the last of the panic from his shoulders. He focused his eyes on the table between them, positive that he wouldn’t get through it if he had to watch Buck’s face. If Buck wanted to know him, he was going to get all of him. 

“Hi, my name is Edmundo Diaz,” he began, looking up with a half-hearted smile. Buck at least had the heart to smirk back at him. “When I was a teenager, I started to discover some thoughts and feelings that I didn’t know what to do with. I had been raised religious and I thought there was something wrong with me.” Buck’s expression shifted from confusion to understand as Eddie continued, but his attention never wavered. Eddie’s eyes drifted back down. “I started to act out because I was tired of feeling wrong. I ended up pretty angry, a lot. My parents were…not helpful. They pushed me really hard and made sure that I never felt like I was enough for them. When I told them I was going into the army instead of college, they were not happy. I met Shannon senior year and she was the first girl I’d met that ever really stirred anything in me. She could handle my outbursts and my stubborn rebellious streak. And she made me feel more normal. I guess that’s why I clung to her so hard.”

Buck waited patiently as Eddie gathered himself for the next part of the story. This was part he really needed to hear.

“When I entered basic training, I had to learn to shut myself off,” Eddie started solemnly. “It wasn’t safe to be me, not completely, so I just closed off that part of me and kept my head down. When I had leave, I’d go home and Shannon would be there. She was the only outlet I had and I guess that started to mean something more to me. We got engaged while I was studying to be a medic, but I guess I knew there was something off about the situation because I was always eager to get back to the job. I met Anthony during my second tour, it was his first. I know you weren’t his biggest fan yesterday, but I’m know you still noticed that his personality is pretty…disarming. He made life in a med-tent in the desert seem less miserable.”

“Eddie, you don’t have to tell me everything,” Buck offered graciously. Eddie’s voice had become remarkably strained as he had spoken. He had never admitted any of this out loud, not even to himself. Buck could tell how uncomfortable he was, and, being the caring soul he was, had offered Eddie an out. But Eddie shook his head. Buck deserved to know his history and why he had acted the way he did. 

“I never loved Anthony. I need you to know that,” Eddie continued stubbornly. He tried to ignore the tightness in his chest and throat. “Not real love, anyway…but I did feel something. I don’t think I would have agreed to his proposition if I hadn’t. The first time Ant…paid off his debt, I knew then that I was broken. Not because of what he did, but because…because of how much I liked it.” Eddie wrapped his arms around himself, feeling remarkably vulnerable. Buck still didn’t interrupt, but Eddie was too scared to look at him. “I never had sex with him, not real sex, not…what we’ve done.” A pang of nostalgia stabbed at Eddie’s gut. “But I let him do things to me, and he let me, or showed me how to do them back. I wasn’t great at it, but I wanted to try. It became routine almost, just stress relief and comfort. I never really developed strong feelings for Ant, but he was a lifeline in the desert that made me feel almost okay. I saved him once or twice, he saved me once or twice, it was just part of the assignment.”

Buck leaned back again, deliberately taking all of Eddie in. Eddie was sure his broken voice made him smaller than his defensive posture. 

“Every time I’d come home, I’d jump back into bed with Shannon. I thought it would somehow make up for what I was doing when I was away. She ended up pregnant halfway through my second tour, during a weekend visit for my abuelo’s funeral. I lucked out and my tour ended just in time for me to see Christopher’s birth. But I knew Anthony had another one to go, so I re-enlisted.” Tears spilled from Eddie’s eyes as he made the final confession that he had dreaded sharing with anyone. “I didn’t feel connected to Shannon the way I should have…or the baby. I only felt like myself when I was with Ant. It was stupid and selfish and I hate myself for doing it, but still I did it. It was like I was addicted to that sense of belonging, and I’d never found it anywhere else.”

“Eds…”

Eddie finally looked back up. To his surprise, he wasn’t the only one crying. Buck’s face was crumpled into commiserative agony from Eddie’s story. It broke Eddie’s heart that someone so pure could possibly grieve for him and his own idiotic life choices. 

“When I got back from my last tour, it was a struggle. Anthony went home to Georgia and I went back to Texas and tried to learn how to deal with a toddler with CP. We didn’t know for sure yet that that was what Christopher had, but we could tell he was different. I felt lost: Shannon and I were always at odds; I couldn’t handle Chris; my son didn’t even know me. It took a long time for me learn how to actually care for another person. But I did learn. I grew to love Christopher, struggles and all. And he grew to love me. That is the one thing in my life that I’m actually proud of; that someone as pure and innocent as Christopher could love me…and then I met you.”

Eddie locked his gaze onto Buck’s eyes and let his hands fall to his knees. A steady stream of tears spilled slowly from his eyes, but he didn’t care. Buck was the only person in the world he would willingly allow himself to cry to.

“You showed me that I was worthy of love, Evan. The real kind of love. The kind I had always needed, and always sought in the wrong places. I can’t even put into words how sorry I am for making you doubt that I love you. Because I do, Evan. I am fully, completely, 100% in love with you.”

He reached a hand out, laying it palm up halfway across the table. Buck had done the same thing on their first date, letting Eddie decide whether or not to jump in. Now it was Eddie’s turn. He had said his piece and Buck knew about everything else, so the ball was officially in his court.

“I love you, Evan,” Eddie finished, relishing the way the words felt on his tongue and lips just in case he never got to say them to Buck again.

Buck watched him impassively for a long moment and Eddie feared he had truly lost him. His heart hammered painfully in his chest and his eyes drifted shut as he bit back a sob. Buck deserved the option to back out, but he couldn’t stand to watch it happen. 

Slowly, so slowly that Eddie wouldn’t have even noticed if he wasn’t so keenly attuned to his hand, he felt Buck’s fingers brush against his. He held his breath, eyes still closed, and waited to see if Buck would commit to the gesture. 

Even more slowly, Buck’s fingers crept forward until he could curl Eddie’s fingers into his palm. Finally, Eddie reopened his eyes. Buck tracked his expression, mapping the shift from devastated to hopeful.

“Thank you, for telling me everything. I know you hated it,” Buck said genuinely. “I’m sorry to have projected the worst on Anthony. I think I may need to actually thank him, for keeping you safe, and awakening who you are.” He smiled at Eddie, an authentic ‘Dazzler #2’. “I had no idea you had struggled with this for so long. I assumed you were just as surprised as I was. And I realize now that was pretty self-centered of me.”

“No, Buck, don’t say that,” Eddie countered immediately. “You fell into this honestly. I’m the one who was hiding.

“Actually,” Buck started with a hint of amusement to his voice, “Maddie pointed out a rather telling trend from my teen years that suggest some part of me might have known all along. But it was never as strong as it is now.”

Eddied curled their fingers together tighter, squeezing gently in acknowledgement. Maybe it wasn’t as serious a confession as his, but it was still admirable.

“So where do we go from here,” Buck asked nervously. It was the path Eddie had prayed for, but now that it was before them, he didn’t have an answer.

“I think, right now, you need to eat something and I’m gonna take a shower and give you a chance to soak everything in without me staring at you,” Eddie said with a hospitable smile. “Then you’re gonna take a shower and I’m gonna start a wash. After that, if you’re up for it, I would love to just hold you in my arms, in my bed. Nothing else. I just need to feel you. And I need you to feel me.”

Buck considered him for a moment, weighing the option he had been given. 

“Counterpoint,” Buck retorted, “We both eat something. We both put our clothes in the wash. We both get in the shower and wash all of this pain off of each other. Then we spend the rest of the day in bed, _holding each other_.”

“Are you sure,” Eddie asked cautiously. His body practically vibrated with glee at Buck’s proposition, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up too high. Buck should need time to process. But the squeeze of Buck’s fingers against his own eased his troubled mind.

“I’m sure, Eds. I think we’ve both been hurt enough, and now we both know it. From here on out, we just need to be honest and open when something bothers us.”

Eddie sighed deeply. That meant the future held even more talking. But after looking up into Buck’s caring eyes, it felt worth it. 

“Deal,” he finally agreed. A new, unfamiliar optimism settled over him as Buck released his hand; it felt nice.

“Good. Now, you wanna pass me that Cholula you’re hoarding over in the cabinet,” Buck asked playfully. The easy tone did more to comfort Eddie than anything that had been said. 

***

Buck woke several hours later with a substantial weight across his chest. The morning’s conversation had been a lot heavier than he’d expected, but he was still relieved to have gotten everything out in the open. After hearing his whole past and fitting it into the unsolved Edmundo puzzle in his mind, his behavior made a lot more sense in context. Buck felt genuinely content in the reaffirmed knowledge that Eddie was just as recklessly in love as he was. 

So, what was the weight in his chest?

He opened his eyes slowly, squinting against the bright afternoon sun. Slowly his eyes adjusted to the light and an arm came into view, and then another, and then another. He turned to see the top of Eddie’s head buried into his shoulder. That would explain the third arm. Buck breathed into the space surrounding him, taking note of all the places Eddie was wrapped around him: the head against his should, the arm over his chest, the chest against his back, the thigh thrown over his hip, the line of Eddie’s dick against the swell of his ass, all the way down to the toes tucked under his leg. It looked like Eddie had gotten his wish; Buck was completely, perfectly, wrapped up by Eddie’s frame. And since neither had bothered to get dressed after their shower, it literally felt like he was wearing Eddie like a blanket.

He let out his breath slowly, feeling the weight of Eddie’s limbs sink back into him as his lungs deflated. It was a charmed feeling. It should have been suffocating, but instead, it felt secure. Buck felt cherished, precious…loved. It felt right again to be in Eddie’s arms.

“Morning,” Eddie grumbled, the words resonating deep in chest and through Buck. His breath tickled the sensitive skin over Buck’s shoulder blade and he couldn’t stop the full-body squirm that followed. However, Eddie’s fingers dug into his chest to still him almost immediately. It was at that point that Buck noticed that Eddie’s hips were no longer pressed against him. 

Curious. 

Buck wiggled his butt back, ‘innocently’ seeking Eddie’s warmth. Instead, he was rewarded with a hiss as he made contact with Eddie’s obvious erection.

“Buck,” Eddie growled, “I promised you sleep. Ignore it. It’ll go away. It’s just from being so close. Go back to sleep.”

“What if I’m tired of sleeping,” Buck asked impishly. “You know, there are other things we can do in bed.”

Eddie’s huffed laugh tickled Buck’s skin again, setting off a rapid chain of events. Buck squirmed from the tickle, which sent his hips thrusting back against Eddie again, which forced a pained moan from Eddie’s lips, causing an instantaneous flood of heat to Buck’s dick, which spurred him to then roll them both until he was suddenly on top of Eddie – straddling his waist, licking into his mouth, and rocking his hips up against Eddie’s erection.

Eddie kissed back eagerly, opening his mouth to welcome him as his blunt nails raked down Buck’s back. A shudder of pleasure ran through Buck’s entire body as he whined into Eddie’s mouth. 

“Harder,” he panted, pressing his shoulders up into Eddie’s fingers. He arched backwards as sharp tracks scraped down his back, leaving fire in their wake. “Ffffuck, yes.”

He dove back into the kiss, drawing Eddie’s lip between his teeth and gently gnawing on the soft tissue as Eddie’s fingers fluttered back up, soothing over the sizzling trails they’d made. A satisfied hum thrummed inside of Buck’s chest under Eddie’s touch. His tongue teased at the swollen lip trapped between his teeth as he rocked his hips back down, dragging himself over Eddie’s dick.

“Buck,” Eddie gasped as he ripped his lip from Buck’s mouth and arched his back up off of the mattress. The motion had deliberately pressed his entire body against Buck’s, the searing heat of his skin melding them into one. Eddie’s head was thrown back against the pillows, his face contorted by barely controlled restraint. It was quite the sight as Buck stared down at him hungrily. Eddie may show restraint, but that didn’t mean Buck had to. His head dipped down and he latched his mouth onto Eddie’s exposed collarbone, ravenously sucking and lapping at the smooth skin. 

“Eddie,” Buck whispered as he pulled back suddenly, a hint of whimsy colored his tone. “There’s something I want to ask you. Just know you can say no.”

Eddie looked up at him eagerly, his pupils blown wide, darkening his already deep brown eyes to an abyss of black. God, what an enchanting view. Buck forgot his request and dove back in to devour Eddie’s mouth once more. Eddie’s tongue forced its way into his mouth, tasting every part of him that it could reach. Buck moaned around it as his dick twitched in excitement. It was as if the feel of Eddie’s tongue in his mouth was sending phantom licks all over the length of him. Buck kissed his way down Eddie’s neck, sucking faint bruises into his skin. Eddie’s fingers tracked down Buck’s back again, settling against the firm swell of his ass. Nails pricked at his skin as Eddie thrust his hips up against Buck’s. The sharp pinch mixed with the delicious friction was mind-numbingly hot. 

“Oh god, do that again,” Buck moaned against Eddie’s chest. Eddie was more than happy to acquiesce. Sparks lit throughout Buck’s abdomen as Eddie thrust up against him again. His finger nails bit painfully into his ass, but the pain sent an entirely new set of delighted sparks jumping across his skin. 

“What was it you wanted me to do,” Eddie asked suddenly, still rocking his hips up against Buck’s dick. Buck’s mind faltered, lost in the heady sensations of pain and pleasure. Oh right! 

“I want you to spank me,” Buck bit out around clenched teeth as Eddie’s hips crashed into his again. 

Eddie’s fingers softened against his cheeks as he went completely still beneath him. He fell back against the mattress, allowing Buck’s entire weight to fall over him. Buck could feel Eddie’s heart rabbiting in his chest, but he wasn’t sure it if was from want or fear. He was afraid to look up at Eddie’s face. 

Buck had never been able to admit how turned on he was by spanking with any other partner. Had he been spanked before? Of course. But it was always at the other party’s whim, never of his own volition. He thought Eddie might be the first to take his request seriously, but he was also the first person Buck trusted to do it right. Eddie had the control to not seriously injure him, but he also had the strength to truly give make him squirm. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe things were still too tenuous after everything that had happened. But Buck had to ask; Eddie’s fingers digging into him had felt too good. 

He finally mustered the courage to tilt his head up and check Eddie’s reaction. To his delight a wide smile was stretched over Eddie’s lips, and suddenly Buck noticed the tremor of laughter rumbling through Eddie’s body.

“Is that a yes,” he asked cautiously. His bottom lip was pinned between his teeth nervously. If Eddie said yes, Buck knew it would be the first time he really got what he wanted from a spanking. 

“I’m just trying to figure out when you started reading minds,” Eddie admitted lightheartedly. 

Fuck, yes. Eddie was on board. Excitement rolled through Buck’s body. 

“I brought something that might help,” Buck added coyly. He crawled off the bed and trotted into the living room to grab his duffle. His eyes lingered on the coffee table by Eddie’s sofa for a moment, compelling him to a pause his mission. The flowers he had brought him on their first date were still displayed there, out in the open, a daily reminder of Buck’s love. Buck’s heart clenched at the sentiment. He smiled fondly at the flowers before digging through his bag to find the paddle he’d brought along. Even though Eddie had promised sleep-only, Buck was trained to be prepared. 

As he returned to the bedroom, he caught a glimpse of Eddie, eyes closed peacefully, sprawled out over his bed in a decadent display of satisfaction. The way the muscular lines of his tanned body contrasted starkly against the white of his sheets made Buck’s mouth water. The dark ink of his tattoo gripped his arm sensually and Buck had an uncontrollable urge to lick it. 

Eddie was a fucking snack. And Buck couldn’t stop himself from indulging.

He leapt onto the bed, re-straddling Eddie’s waist and pinning his wrists to the mattress next to his head. Eddie’s eyes snapped open, glaring up at Buck in warning. But Buck wasn’t fooled. He simply smirked back down at Eddie, winking for good measure. He leaned down slowly, smiling while Eddie’s eyes crossed as he got closer and closer. Just as Eddie let his eyes drift shut and his lips expectantly, Buck stopped. Instead, he made a quick nod and bumped his nose into Eddie’s gently. Eddie’s eyebrow’s furrowed in confusion as Buck turned away from his face and chose to place a gentle kiss to the forearm he had pinned next to Eddie’s head instead. Then he placed another kiss right next to it. Followed by another. As a fan of tattoos himself, Buck had always appreciated Eddie’s. But he had never _appreciated_ it like this. His lips continued to trace the dark ink slowly, breathing in the scent of Eddie’s skin between playful, teasing kisses. His own dick swelled and ached as he torturously teased Eddie’s skin. He gave a quick roll of his hips, inhaling deeply at the flashes of pleasure the friction drew. But Eddie remained still and quiet. It wasn’t until Buck placed an open-mouthed kiss over the ink and let himself lick a long strip over his skin that he finally got a reaction. 

Eddie gasped deeply as his hips jerked upward, driving his erection into the underside of Buck’s bare ass. Buck looked over to see Eddie’s dark eyes boring into him. He could easily throw Buck off if he didn’t want to be held down, but there was a desire in his gaze that begged for more. Buck smirked back at him before licking a longer strip up his arm from elbow to wrist, flicking his tongue up with a flourish as he reached the wrist his own hand was pinning down. Eddie continued to watch him hungrily, chewing on his bottom lip without even realizing it. Buck nosed Eddie’s fingers open and placed one, feather-light kiss to his open palm. 

“Buck,” Eddie whispered. Buck’s eyes fluttered back to Eddie’s face. There was a painfully fond, but also painfully needy expression there. “I thought you wanted me to tease _you_.”

Buck huffed out a laugh. He **had** asked Eddie to do that for him. He leaned up slowly, his abs tightening pleasantly as he was careful to avoid irritating either of their erections. He picked up the paddle he had brought from the living room and held it up for Eddie to study. It was nothing fancy. It was roughly the size of the ping pong paddles from the firehouse, but instead of wood and black rubber, it was deep red, supple leather. 

“That looks nice,” Eddie admired honestly. His eyes traced the curves of the paddle, down to the braided handle which even sported an anchor strap to wrap around his wrist. “I think I can work with that.”

Buck held the paddle out and beamed down at him. Eddie’s fingers wrapped around the handle like it was made for him.

“Have you ever done this before,” Buck asked curiously, biting back the jealousy that was ready to spark if the answer was yes. 

“Uh…not like this, no.”

Buck regarded him skeptically.

“If not like this, then how,” Buck asked. Eddie blushed and looked away from Buck’s intent gaze. He cleared his throat before answering. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard of hazing, Buck; you did go to college,” Eddie replied defensively. “The army isn’t that different than a frat.”

Oh. Right. 

Buck considered the new revelation for a moment. Hazing was typically more of a pain-for-pain’s-sake kind of situation. While there was some appeal to that, it wasn’t really what _he_ wanted. He decided to give Eddie a quick refresher. 

“Well, this will be a little different,” Buck coached quickly. “Yes, the point is to feel a bit of pain, but it’s not just about the pain. It’s about the burn and the ache and the connection. You can’t just wail away right from the start. You have to…warm me up, I guess is the best way to say it. You know, slow strokes, lighter hits, alternate sides, that whole thing.”

Eddie listened attentively, his expression completely enthralled as Buck instructed him. Something about that sent a thrill of excitement through him. 

“Once I’m ready, you can start getting a little rougher and mix it up,” Buck continued excitedly. He still couldn’t quite believe that Eddie was so on board. “This is where you typically set the pace. You can alternate constantly, or do four or five hard hits on either side, or ten quick hits, or mix up the strength of it, two hard one soft. You can play around a bit, make it less predictable. But try to keep it even, if you can.”

“How do I know what too hard looks like,” Eddie asked seriously, clearly intent on doing the job right. 

“Good question. I’m gonna flinch, so you can’t base it off of that. So, keep an eye on color instead. I’m pretty pale, so I’ll start to turn red pretty quick. If you see any lines, it’s too hard. But I probably won’t tell you.” Eddie’s eyebrows flattened into an angry line. “It’s not too hard, like it’s gonna kill me, Eds. It’s just gonna sting a lot longer…and possibly turn into a blood blister.” Eddie continued to stare at Buck, unamused. Buck sighed impatiently. “I want to get lost in this, Eddie. And I don’t know that I’ll always be in the right mind to correct you. I’m trusting that you can handle it without me coaching you the whole time.”

Eddie thought for a moment, weighing his restraint and observational skills against Buck’s confidence in him. 

“Oh,” Buck interrupted suddenly, “One last thing, don’t stick to one spot. There’s plenty of canvas to work with, even the backs of my thighs are free game. Just not my back. Spinal trauma and all that.”

Eddie watched him with an incredulous expression. 

“How are you so matter-of-fact about this,” he asked in disbelief. Buck refused to blush. He refused to feel guilty about it.

“I’ve wanted someone to do this for a long time. I just needed to find the right person,” he replied simply. “And I like to do my research.”

“Fair enough,” Eddie conceded easily. “Now get off me. I want you on all fours at the edge of the bed.” 

A shiver of anticipation ran up Buck’s spine as he threw himself to the side of the mattress and assumed the position. It was thrilling how quickly Eddie could flip from student to master. Buck waited anxiously as Eddie slowly clambered off the bed and moved behind him. The waiting was part of what made it fun, but it was its own kind of agony. Buck breathed in slowly, feeling his weight settle into his knees and wrists. He noticed, with a twinge of excitement, the way his dick hung heavy and vulnerable between his legs. 

A soft stream of air wafted over the exposed skin of his ass; his skin prickled at the unexpectedly gentle sensation. But it was followed immediately by a sharp slap of the paddle, right over the center of his cheeks. He lurched forward involuntarily, startled by the force. A dull, delicious, burn tickled where the paddle had struck.

“Good,” Eddie asked gently. 

“Fantastic,” Buck replied heavily. This was a good idea. 

Without warning Eddie struck again – two sharp blows to each cheek – harder than the first, but not too hard. Buck whined low in his throat, reveling in the itchy burn that blossomed over his cheeks. Eddie dragged the paddle over his skin, letting the supple leather caress the irritated spots he’d hit. It was a perfect blend of pain and relief. 

He pulled the paddle back and splayed his hand over the dip in Buck’s back, his fingers digging in just enough to be present. Buck lifted his hips, pressing into the pressure, and unwittingly presenting himself to Eddie. 

“Good boy,” Eddie purred salaciously before raining a barrage of blows to Buck’s ass. He was a quicker study than Buck had thought. 

Buck writhed as Eddie shifted effortlessly between fast-stinging slaps, and hard-throbbing wallops, fluctuating the sensations from pin-prickling pain to dull-pulsing ache, and back again. Buck mewled wantonly at the feeling, rocking back and forth on his knees with every strike.

Eddie painted his ‘canvas’ like a professional, tanning one side nearly to the breaking point, then seamlessly jumping to the other. Buck’s skin burned from the abuse, but the fire seemed to shoot straight to where his dick hung at his hip, achingly hard and heavy. 

“Oh god, Eddie,” Buck whined pleadingly through ragged breaths, “How…are you so…fuck…good at this?”

Gentle hands cupped Buck’s cheeks, soothing the inflamed muscle expertly. Buck gasped at the abrupt change. Somehow the gentle touch made the deep ache seem so much stronger.

“I’m a quick study,” Eddie teased. “Wait here. I need to get something. You stay. Just. Like. This.”

Buck had no intention of disobeying. He relished the throbbing ache in his thighs and the stinging burn over his ass, but the cool air dancing across his skin was a welcome relief. He looked down his chest to where his dick was hanging, red and angry, desperate for contact. 

Eddie wouldn’t be upset if he gave himself a tiny bit of relief, right? He _had_ told him to stay ‘just like this’, but it would only be a stroke or two. Eddie wouldn’t know. Buck’s dick twitched eagerly as his resolve broke. He reached back with one hand, quickly gripping the base of himself and stroking down. 

“Ugh,” Buck groaned at the intense sensation of satisfaction. His dick practically wept precome onto the sheets. The relief of blessed friction was bliss. Buck gave himself a few more slow, tight-fisted strokes; his hips dipping involuntarily to trust into the pressure of his own hand.

“AHH,” Buck screamed as a biting smack slammed into him. He fell forward onto his forearms, his weeping dick abandoned completely as a scorching sting flared over his cheeks. 

“I said stay still,” Eddie warned darkly. “I will be the only one to make you come today. No one else. Including you.”

Buck moaned into the mattress as he felt Eddie’s tongue lap at the blistering, tender skin he had just struck.

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Eddie, please,” Buck mewled mindlessly, completely lost in the sensation of Eddie’s tongue licking the pain from his skin. 

“That’s right,” Eddie hummed proudly against Buck’s skin, nipping playfully at the tender mark, “That’s my good boy.”

Buck preened gratefully at Eddie’s praise. He tried to prop himself back up onto his hands, to reset his position for Eddie to continue, but he was stopped by Eddie’s hand pressing down between his shoulders, holding him to the mattress. 

“No, I like you like this better,” Eddie decided adamantly. A wet, cool cloth kissed Buck’s skin, dragging up his thighs and over the swell of his ass until the ache of Eddie’s handywork was completely covered by the comforting relief of it. “There we go. Now, how do you feel?”

“Amazing,” Buck breathed out on a sigh. The cool dampness soaking into his scorched skin was all-consuming. He lost himself in the relief that washed over him. In fact, he was so lost in the feeling, he didn’t even realize Eddie had crawled onto the bed behind him until his nails were running up his sides and back, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their tracks. 

“Buck,” Eddie whispered, practically draping himself over Buck’s entire body to reach his ear. “I need to come. Will you let me?”

“Fuck, yes,” Buck moaned, his mind whirring back to life with a new idea. “Get the lube.”

“Buck, I’m not gonna fuck you,” Eddie warned seriously. “Neither of us prepared for that.”

Buck smiled at Eddie’s concern. They had learned so much, so quickly. 

“No, you’re not gonna fuck me,” Buck agreed breathlessly, losing himself again in the cooling-stinging sensations. “You’re gonna fuck my thighs. Now get the goddamn lube.”

“Yes, sir,” Eddie crooned. He leaned back, dropping off the bed to reach the bedside table. Buck supposed he should be thankful Eddie even had lube handy. It wasn’t like he’d had many partners since coming to LA. Somehow that knowledge made Buck’s chest swell with pride. 

Eddie returned a moment later, accompanied by the unmistakable sound of a cap snapping shut. Buck shifted his knees together to make sure he could give Eddie the friction he’d need. His thighs ached from being stretched and abused, but Buck refused to heed to them. He wanted Eddie to come for him. 

“You ready yet,” Buck asked impatiently. 

“Keep it up and I’ll stop right now,” Eddie grumbled. Buck could vaguely hear the squelch of lube being slicked onto Eddie’s dick. It sounded perfect.

“Eddie, please,” Buck whined. His dick was throbbing with need, but he wasn’t going to let himself get off until Eddie had. Eddie had jumped in whole-heartedly to Buck’s request and worked him better than he could have ever imagined; he deserved some thanks. 

The cool towel was dragged suggestively from Buck’s backside and a gentle breeze ghosted across his skin. More goosebumps sprang to life across his skin. But these bumps burned like the sun, teasing and stretching his battered skin delectably. He felt the mattress dip as Eddie adjusted himself behind his knees, and suddenly, a slick presence was pressing between his legs, massaging over the underside of his balls intoxicatingly. Electricity danced through Buck’s stomach, prickling over the sensitive skin of his balls and down his throbbing shaft. 

Eddie pressed forward slowly, forcing himself between Buck’s legs and dragging himself against Buck’s sac. The slick lube smeared into Buck’s skin easily, creating a perfect channel for Eddie to use him. 

“Oh fuck,” Eddie gasped wantonly. Buck’s erection bounced against his legs as Eddie pulled back and thrust forward again. The motion was infuriatingly teasing. 

“Jesus, Eddie, stop playing. Just…use me,” Buck cried out in irritation. He couldn’t handle anymore teasing. 

“Fine,” Eddie roared. His hands wrapped around the front of Buck’s thighs and he dug his fingernails into the soft flesh. He yanked back, pulling Buck’s entire body towards him as he pressed forward again. The slick path Eddie’s dick found was almost enough to satisfy Buck, but his pace was frustratingly slow. 

Fortunately, it didn’t take Eddie long to change that. Once he found his balance, he set a brutal pace, crashing his hips into Buck’s raw ass, sending delightfully excruciating waves of pressure into his muscles. 

“Buck,” Eddie moaned, “Jesus, Buck…your ass is…so….hot!”

Buck choked on a laugh. He forgot that Eddie couldn’t actually feel what he had been doing to him. The heat in his ass was old news to him, but for Eddie is was pleasantly new. 

“Thanks,” Buck quipped, “I’ve been told it’s pretty great.”

Eddie groaned at Buck’s attempted humor, but never lost his rhythm. The rocking thrusts began to reverberated through Buck’s body. The teasing strokes of Eddie’s dick against his balls became more intense, giving just enough friction for Buck to feel an orgasm pooling in his gut. 

“Holy shit,” Buck whispered out unconsciously. 

Was Eddie going to make him come untouched? That had _never_ happened to him before. 

“What,” Eddie asked nervously. His voice was laced with concern, but it was obvious he didn’t want to stop. 

“Just keep going,” Buck pleaded, “Harder. Faster. Please.”

Eddie complied, jerking his hips forward hard, slamming against Buck’s ass as his fingers dug sharply into his thighs. The renewed force had Buck’s dick swinging wildly, slapping into his thighs and stomach with every thrust.

It was just enough. It was really going to happen. 

Eddie picked up his pace, groaning as his orgasm approached. He thrust forward recklessly, forcing Buck further up the bed with every movement.

Buck’s ass screamed as Eddie’s hips ground against it, pulling at the sore skin, but massaging the aching muscles with every press. Too many sensations mingled in Buck’s body; the painful grip of Eddie’s fingers digging into him, the delicious slick massage of Eddie’s warm erection pulling at his sac, the teasing slap of his dick bouncing uncontrollably in time with Eddie’s pace, and the burn of his skin as Eddie pounded against him.

“Oh my god, Eds,” Buck cried out desperately. His orgasm was practically begging to be released; his stomach was tensed painfully, waiting for just the right moment. 

“Jesus, Evan,” Eddie moaned behind him, spitting the words out between thrusts. “It’s like every part of you was made for me. God, you are so fucking…perfect.”

Eddie collapsed over Buck’s back as his own orgasm overtook him. Buck felt the hot come burst from Eddie’s tip, coating the underside of his own dick with undeniable proof of Eddie’s love.

And there was his moment. 

“Eddie,” Buck screamed as he fell to the mattress, trapping his leaking erection in the sheets as come continued to dribble out. The soft fabric soothed his throbbing dick as it pulsed through the rest of his orgasm. Eddie’s boneless weight crushed down on him, pressing him deeper into the mattress; pressing his come into his skin. Buck's legs twitched from overuse and his ass burned from the friction of Eddie’s hot skin, but he didn’t care; he was too lost in the surreal awareness that Eddie had made him come completely untouched.

“Sorry,” Eddie groaned from on top of him. “That was…a lot.”

A wild laugh rumbled through Buck’s chest. Eddie had no idea how much _that_ had been. He peeled himself off of Buck’s back and flopped heavily onto the mattress beside him. 

“Want to finish in my mouth,” he offered sleepily, still hazy from his own orgasm. Buck appreciated the hell out of that man. 

“Thanks for the offer, but, uh, I’m good, actually,” he admitted, still mildly doubtful. 

Eddie propped himself up on his elbows and stared at Buck, confused. Buck smirked at him, his eyebrows jumping up in amusement.

“Not kidding, I’m good,” Buck assured him seriously.

“But, I didn’t even…I didn’t even touch you…” Eddie stared at him suspiciously and Buck laughed again, savoring Eddie’s confusion. 

“I know,” he replied proudly. “I have never, in my life, come untouched before. You’re a freaking wizard, Eds.”

Eddie’s eyes lit up proudly as a soft smile stretched over his lips. He reached out absently, as if he were in a trance, and stroked Buck’s face.

“You are incredible,” he decided aloud, fondly stroking Buck’s cheek as he spoke. Buck wrapped his fingers around Eddie’s hand and pulled it down to place another soft kiss to the center of his palm. 

“You make me feel incredible,” Buck replied happily as he released Eddie’s hand and crawled up the bed to lay next to him. He draped his arm over Eddie’s chest and threw his leg over his knees, winding their bodies together comfortably. The skin of his ass objected to the tight stretch the position forced out of it, but Buck loved the sensation; it reminded him of how attentively Eddie had paddled him, how thoroughly he had worked him over. Each strike had been an act of love, and there was nothing wrong with feeling the residual burn of Eddie's love. They laid there peacefully for a long moment, breathing in the scents of sex, and sweat, and each other. 

As he slowly drifted back into a contented sleep, Buck realized that he could happily stay there with Eddie for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - All smut. For real this time. :) Relationship is resolved now; they can have some fun.


	11. The Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Buck join Anthony at a bar to make up for their disastrous first encounter. But, knowing Anthony, there may be more disasters in store.

“Would you stop messing with it, you look fine,” Eddie groaned. 

Buck stubbornly ignored him and adjusted the hem of his borrowed shirt for what felt like the hundredth time. They were on their way to a bar to meet Anthony for drinks and, in true Diaz fashion, were running extremely late.

“I feel like I’m losing circulation,” Buck whined absently as he picked at the tight sleeves. He shuffled in his seat awkwardly, throwing a wary glower in Eddie’s direction. “Not to mention my ass is **still** sore, thanks to you.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes fondly at Buck’s theatrics. He knew his ass didn’t hurt _that_ much – he had slapped it to hurry him up while they’d gotten dressed and Buck hadn’t said a word about any pain then – he was just pouty because of the shirt. Personally, he thought Buck looked positively sinful wearing _his_ shirt. Sure, it was a little tighter on him – Eddie was man enough to admit that Buck was a bit broader through the chest than he was – but it hugged his muscles like it had been painted on, and that was something Eddie appreciated enough to let him suffer. 

“Are you sure we don’t have time to swing by my place to get one of my own shirts,” Buck begged feebly, still staring down at the taught fabric and sporting a full-blown pout on his lips. Eddie swallowed down the sudden urge to bite those full, pouty lips. 

“If you had bothered to get up and shower when I tried to wake you up the _first_ time, we **would** have,” Eddie said accusatorily. “But no, you wanted _another five minutes_ …six times in a row.” Buck had the decency to at least grumble in acknowledgement. “Then once you finally did wake up, _someone_ wanted to cuddle for another twenty minutes.”

“That was you,” Buck argued defensively with a frown, although his eyes finally held a sparkle of amusement. Eddie easily shrugged off Buck’s logic.

“I had to deal with you being all grumpy and half-awake for half an hour, I deserved _something_ for my effort,” Eddie argued back. Buck huffed a begrudging agreement. He wasn’t sure if Buck realized how spitefully irritable he was when he was woken up unexpectedly, but Eddie felt like a saint for not having smothered him with the pillows. 

“I’m just saying, I’m not the only reason we’re running late,” Buck mumbled petulantly as he crossed his arms over his chest. Eddie could practically hear the fabric of his shirt groaning under the strain. 

“Fine,” he conceded, “I may also be to blame. But I still think you look great. And if it helps, just imagine how good it will feel later tonight, when I get to peel that shirt off of you.”

Buck shifted in his seat again, this time to look out the window and subtly hide his face. If Eddie didn’t know any better he would think Buck was playing bashful. He reached out and placed his hand on Buck’s thigh, massaging it reassuringly until Buck turned back to face him. He expected a cheeky smile, but instead, Buck leveled him with an unimpressed glare.

“Really, Eds? You think I’m that easy to distract,” Buck snipped. Eddie was taken aback by the indignation of his words, but he didn’t miss the hint of mischief hidden in his tone. 

“Not at all,” Eddie replied loftily, retracting his hand quickly. “But…was it working?”

Buck snorted. Oh, and wasn’t that just a delightful noise. Eddie swore then and there to hear again before the night was through. 

“Is it so wrong to want to show you off,” Eddie asked as they pulled into the bar’s parking lot. He groaned at the flashing KARAOKE sign in the front window. Of course, Anthony had chosen a karaoke bar. Buck turned to glower at him while they parked.

“I want you to remember that excuse next time I take you to the beach and make you wear a speedo the whole day,” Buck threatened cheerfully. Eddie flinched at the prospect, but if he was honest, the idea didn’t bother him all that much – as long as Buck was there to look at him. 

The bar Anthony had chosen for them was nothing special. The entrance opened into the side of a dark main room, crowded with high-top tables to cram as many people in as possible, and edged by shadowy booths and neon beer signs. The room smelled exactly like every bar Eddie had gone to; vaguely of smoke, strongly of beer, and for some unexplainable reason, a hint of sawdust. Eddie couldn’t tell if the walls were covered with actual wood paneling or if it was fake, but either way, it gave off the ambiguous effect of a barn. There was a make-shift platform built up in the corner which must have been the ‘karaoke stage’ since there was a woman standing on it, clutching a microphone for dear life. The actual bar was tucked into the side wall next to the entrance, where a lone, weary, bartender stood cringing at the dissonant notes blaring through the karaoke speaker. The handful of barstools in front of the bar remained suspiciously empty; Eddie assumed the bartender’s personality might have something to do with that. 

They found Anthony standing in the middle of the high-top tables singing along heartily with the woman on the make-shift stage as they stepped into the dimly-lit room. Well, dimly lit wasn’t quite accurate. There were actually thousands of tiny bulbs strung up all over the ceiling, but even so, the light they cast was not particularly illuminating. Anthony’s face, however, practically glowed as he passionately belted out an unintended duet of _Total Eclipse of the Heart_. Fortunately, the woman with the mic seemed more than happy to have a singing partner and had started to give just as good as she got. 

“You know, it’s a real shame he’s such a shy guy,” Buck droned sarcastically as he watched Anthony dramatically gesticulate with his imaginary microphone. Eddie chuckled next to him. 

“I never said _he_ was ever ashamed of himself,” Eddie reminded Buck lightly. Eddie earned an elbow to the ribs for his attempt at humor. He coughed out a laugh as he hit Buck back lightheartedly. “We’ll just wait here ‘til they’re done...” 

The song wound down quickly with Anthony crawling after the woman singing in a high falsetto, _Turn around bright eyes…_

The small crowd interspersed among the tables and booths applauded amusedly as Anthony and his new singing partner took their excessive bows. But once he caught sight of Eddie, he immediately abandoned his new partner to enthusiastically wave them over to his table.

“So, how’d I do,” he asked breathlessly as he bounded up to join them at the high-top, throwing a companionable arm around Eddie’s shoulders and deliberately centering himself between them. To Eddie’s surprise Buck was the one to respond. 

“Even better than the original,” Buck replied facetiously. His tone read as almost overly friendly, like a telemarketer, or a nearly-homicidal retail worker. “I think you’ve found your calling.”

Anthony beamed at him excitedly anyway. He gave him a quick, friendly, slap on the shoulder with his free hand. 

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Anthony agreed jovially. “I’m happy to see you’ve lightened up since yesterday.” He gave Buck a quick once-over, his eyes widening in delight at the ridiculously snug shirt. “And I’m _really_ happy to see that you’ve decided to squeeze yourself into a children’s shirt tonight. Jesus, how big are your arms, boy?”

Anthony pulled his arm from around Eddie’s and shamelessly groped at Buck’s shoulders with a look of pure thirst in his eyes. Eddie scanned Buck carefully for any sign of annoyance, but was stunned to see him eyeing Anthony back, just as hungrily.

“Fuck, I’d let you choke me to death with these beasts,” Anthony sighed dreamily as he patted Buck’s biceps for emphasis, “And I’d probably come back asking for more.”

Buck smiled nervously. He looked unsure of whether Anthony had meant to even say that out loud, or if he should take it as a compliment if he had. But either way, he couldn’t seem to look away from the man fondling him. Eddie looked Anthony over quickly, trying to figure out what had Buck so transfixed. Ant didn’t look that different than he had the day before; same unassumingly blank shirt, same slightly-too-tight jeans, same boots, and the same expertly coifed hair – which Eddie secretly hated him for because he had never figured out how to control his own. But then something different glinted against his chest, reflecting the sea of twinkling lights above them. Anthony was wearing his dog-tags. Even the glittering chain seemed to stand out brightly against the dark ink of his neck tattoo. Eddie tracked Buck’s gaze again; those were definitely what had him so spellbound. 

That was…interesting. 

“So, what are you two gonna go up and sing,” Anthony asked with a devilish glint in his eye. Eddie’s concentration snapped back to Ant in an instant. His eyes showed his panic as he caught Buck’s equally startled gaze. An silent agreement flashed between their eyes, but Buck’s gaze quickly dropped back to Ant’s chest.

“Uhh, I’m not really a singer,” Buck mumbled distractedly, eyes drifting up the chain around his neck. 

Now, that was beginning to irritate Eddie.

“No one at karaoke is a singer,” Anthony argued dismissively with a wave of his hand. “That’s what makes it karaoke!”

“Ant, he said no,” Eddie cut in abruptly. He didn’t like the way his throat clenched around the words as he spoke, or the way his fingers had slowly curled into a fist as Buck had continued to watch Ant. He shifted further around the table, trying to interrupt Buck’s eyeline and stop him from ogling his old friend. 

Sensing that neither was up for singing, Ant threw his hands up in surrender. 

“Alright, alright. It’s fine. That just leaves more time for _me_ to go up and sing,” Anthony warned, “And I **will** choose the most inappropriate songs and sing them directly to you, Diaz.” 

“Uh-huh, sounds great,” Eddie said agitatedly, still craning his neck to get Buck’s attention. Anthony eyed him skeptically, but Eddie missed it entirely because Buck had _finally_ looked back at him. He mouthed a silent _What the fuck?_ over the table at him. Buck raised an eyebrow confusedly and stared back at him with a shrug of his shoulders. The innocent display would have been more convincing if Buck hadn’t also blushed harder than Eddie had ever seen, outside of their bedrooms. 

Anthony watched the exchange amusedly, his elbows on the table and his chin resting on has hands as he followed the silent conversation like a tennis match. 

“You guys are fun,” Anthony announced suddenly, breaking Eddie and Buck from their covert discussion. Eddie was thrown by the comment just long enough for Anthony to mock his confusion and saunter away to get a round of drinks. However, before Eddie could pick up the conversation, a dark figure approached their table, emerging ominously from the shadows surrounding them. 

“Buck?”

Buck turned at the sound of his name and a familiar smile lit his face as he threw his arms around the other man. Eddie couldn’t place whether he knew the other man, but looking at him up close, he didn’t exactly seem threatening. He was clean cut, pretty average build, and a little shorter than either of them. He did have devilish eyes, but they were paired with a kind face. Buck was also apparently pretty comfortable with him, seeing as one arm had remained around his shoulders as they chatted.

“Oh, right,” Buck exclaimed, catching the not-so-subtle glare from Eddie, “You guys haven’t really met. Eddie, this is Josh, Josh this is Eddie.”

The name did little to clear things up for him, but the revelatory look on Josh’s face spoke volumes. That was the kind of knowing look Hen had given them the night before. Eddie’s palms suddenly felt sweaty. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Eddie,” Josh offered, extending his hand formally. “I’ve heard a lot about you. From Buck, and Maddie.”

Maddie? 

It finally clicked. Josh was the dispatcher Maddie hung out with all the time. Buck _had_ mentioned him numerous times before, Eddie had just never had a clear picture to place with the name. 

“Dispatcher Josh, right,” Eddie asked, attempting to prove that he wasn’t completely obtuse. Josh smiled gratefully with a nod.

“I’m sure you were thinking the voice was familiar, but you couldn’t place the face. We get it a lot around first responders,” Josh admitted disarmingly. 

“It is kind of funny,” Buck added. “We get to know you guys by voice so well that it’s always a surprise to see who’s attached at the other end.”

The comment was innocent enough, but Eddie knew Buck’s history with dispatchers. He observed Buck carefully, checking to see if he was spiraling into painful memories of Abby. Eddie had only actually met her that one fateful time, but the part she had played in Buck’s life was burned into his memory – and it wasn’t a particularly fond memory. He could only imagine how conflicted Buck’s memories of her were. 

But Buck seemed okay – maybe a little nostalgic, but okay. Eddie noticed with a pang of gratitude that he wasn’t the only one gauging Buck’s reaction; Josh had also kept a surreptitious eye on him after his comment. Apparently, they had known each other longer than Eddie’d assumed.

“Well, now you’ll be able to picture two of the dozens of dispatchers you talk to every week,” Josh joked before attempting to redirect the conversation. “Did Maddie tell you about the call she took yesterday?”

Buck didn’t get the chance to answer because Anthony chose that moment to come crashing back into the table, arms laden with glasses and a sloshing pitcher of beer. 

“Well, hello,” he crooned, eyes locking onto Josh and taking him in with an obvious, lingering look. “Who’s your friend here, Bucky?”

Buck visibly bristled at the name. Eddie knew he hated being called Bucky by anyone other than Christopher, but he hadn’t had a chance to brief Ant on the issue. Buck brushed it off easily enough though and regained his composure as he caught on to the now-shared look of interest between Ant and Josh. 

“This is Josh, he works with my sister at emergency dispatch,” Buck introduced succinctly, turning the floor over. Josh reached his hand out again, though Eddie noticed he didn’t seem nearly as formal with Ant. He distantly wondered if he gave off an impression of arrogance to strangers?

“Absolutely delighted,” Anthony replied cheekily as he took Josh’s hand. It was a surprisingly gentle, but significant gesture; the kind you would seem scandalous in a regency drama. “I’m Anthony. What brings you here, Josh?”

It was hard not to notice the glint in Josh’s eyes as he returned Anthony’s lingering look. 

“I _was_ meeting someone, but he left. Now I’m here meeting you, which is much more interesting, if you ask me,” Josh answered confidently. Anthony smirked back at him with a wink. God, how could they be so forward? 

Eddie looked back over at Buck, amused that their two friends were so much better at flirting with each other than he and Buck were. But Buck’s eyes were just as focused on Ant as Josh’s, or more specifically, Ant’s chest. 

Okay, that was _really_ getting annoying. But Eddie swallowed down his jealousy. He really didn’t have the right to get jealous after his own reaction to Buck meeting Ant. Maybe catching up over drinks had been a mistake. 

“Don’t you have a song to sing,” Eddie asked in a transparent attempt to get Anthony away from the table for a minute. 

“Shit, you’re right,” Ant cried, nearly dropping the glass of beer he had just poured himself. His eyes flickered back to Josh. “You wouldn’t by chance be a fan of Ms. Paula Abdul, would you?”

“One of the original queens of my queer adolescence? It would be a crime for me not to be a fan,” Josh answered seriously. Anthony’s responding grin was partly from admiration, but mostly predatory. He reached out for Josh’s hand again, lifting their connected arms over Eddie’s head as he led the way to the stage. 

“We shall return momentarily,” he tossed over his shoulder. 

The crowd from earlier began to cheer excitedly, eager to hear Ant’s first official performance. The opening beat to _Opposites Attract_ echoed through the bar as the two singers picked up their mics and struck a pose. Another excited roar came from the, pretty-obviously drunk, crowd. Ant and Josh jumped into the performance with gusto, playing off of each other like they’d known each other for years. To Eddie’s mild annoyance, Buck’s eyes had been glued to them every step of the way. 

“You know what? I was wrong,” Buck admitted graciously, still transfixed by the act as wolf-whistles broke through the cheers, “Anthony really is electric. I get it now. And he and Josh seem to really be hitting it off.”

An hour earlier, even fifteen minutes earlier, Eddie would have been thrilled to hear Buck approve of Anthony. But in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to lock Anthony in the bathroom and take Buck straight home – he wanted to remind him, carnally, of who it was he had confessed his love to, repeatedly, literal hours before. He watched Buck with a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Your distraction has been noted,” Eddie conceded bitterly. “I guess I should have expected it. I mean, Ant _did_ catch my attention too at first.”

Buck turned to face him, his shoulders hunching forward guiltily, an embarrassed frown on his face.

“Eddie, you know I’m, like, 100% **with you** ,” Buck reassured him quickly. It wasn’t that Eddie doubted Buck’s commitment, there was just something unsaid in the silence that followed. 

“I guess I just realized that it’s natural for you to wonder about…other guys,” Eddie replied, trying to be understanding, but also duplicitously baiting Buck to admit the worst. “I’m the only guy you’ve ever been with, right?”

Buck looked like he’d been slapped. His brow furrowed angrily and his lips curled in disgust at Eddie’s insinuation. Oh shit. Eddie had read it wrong. So wrong!

“I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant,” Eddie apologized quickly in an attempt to walk back on his comment. “I just…you’ve been practically eye-fucking Anthony since we got here and I’m really trying not to be jealous about it. And am apparently failing, badly.”

Buck’s expression shifted oddly. He was obviously still annoyed, but it seemed like he was clinging to the annoyance to cover…something else. Eddie realized with an internal groan that they had to _talk_ about it. Again. Being upfront would be the better course of action – he just needed to keep himself calm enough to do it. He sucked in a deep, quieting breath. 

“Buck, are you attracted to Anthony?” 

Eddie asked it as composedly as he could manage. To Buck’s credit, he didn’t spout back with an immediate ‘no’. Instead, he took a moment to consider the question as Ant and Josh howled another chorus over a wave of cheers. Eddie held his breath, trying to squash the nerves that itched under his skin as he waited. Somehow, even through the nerves, he was struck by how good Buck looked in his shirt. It was a timely reminder that Buck was _wearing his shirt_ – as if Eddie was an actual part of him. He relaxed incrementally, still waiting for Buck’s response. The song crashed into the final chorus as they sat in contemplative silence. 

_It ain’t fiction, it’s a natural fact. We go together because opposites attract._

“He is definitely attractive,” Buck finally admitted over the cheers of Ant and Josh’s new fans. His words stabbed at Eddie’s heart, but he quickly added, “I just don’t know that I’m attracted to him. Well, beyond noticing that he is, you know, kinda hot.” 

It was an honest answer, which is what Eddie had wanted. He knew it wasn’t reasonable to expect Buck to not look at other people, but a part of him hated that he wasn’t enough to keep his attention. The song faded to silence as Ant and Josh rejoined their table, still panting from their lively performance. 

“You guys were great up there,” Buck cheered as they returned, abruptly dropping the conversation with Eddie. Josh bumped Buck’s shoulder appreciatively as he beamed at him, but Anthony’s attention was still completely absorbed by Josh. 

“You do put on quite a performance. I know I’d love to see more of you,” Ant said keenly with a quirk of his eyebrow. 

Eddie’s face grew hot on Josh’s behalf. He kept forgetting how direct Anthony could be. Apparently, the years outside of the army had only made him even more aggressively shameless. Eddie wished he could be more open like that. He wanted Buck to always know how much he wanted him. He also didn’t want to have to constantly question whether Buck would get bored with him. 

Josh didn’t respond to Anthony’s lewd remark, but his face turned bright red as he threw back the beer in front of him. Buck and Eddie watched Josh bemusedly, but Anthony’s face was pure lust. His wicked stare tracking the movement of Josh’s throat as he swallowed, his hunger evident. Josh slammed the empty glass down as he finished, gasping for air.

“Do you like Mariah,” he asked breathlessly, and a little too loudly to be considered casual. Anthony straightened, his face brightening exponentially.

“You mean _my_ queen,” he asked eagerly, placing a possessive hand over his own chest. “You ready for round two already?”

“Let’s do it.” It was Josh’s turn to drag Ant up onto the stage. 

A guitar intro floated through the air as Ant airily vocalized over it. Eddie had no idea what they were about to sing, but at least they were out of the way and he could continue his conversation with Buck. 

“So, is there another reason you’ve been staring at Ant all night,” Eddie asked without warning. Buck was so startled by the redirect that he almost dropped the glass he was holding. 

“I wasn’t staring at Ant. I was…I was starting at his dog tags,” he bemoaned shyly. “I didn’t think I was that obvious.”

Now _that_ was an interesting change of pace. Buck was too imposing, too big, too muscular to ever really look small. But shy and embarrassed? It was a shockingly good look on him. Hearing Buck admit that it wasn’t so much Ant, himself, as it was his paraphernalia that had entranced him so fully was also an overwhelming relief. Eddie was nearly overcome with the urge to hold him, to kiss him, to console him and tell him he never needed to feel embarrassed around him (no matter how cute of a look it was).

But instead, he pried deeper – because why _was_ Buck embarrassed?

“I don’t think he caught on. Maybe I just know you too well,” Eddie replied placatingly. “So, is it just Anthony’s, or is it all dog-tags that catch your eye?”

Buck turned away timidly, the tips of his ears glowing bright red. Eddie had a feeling he knew what was going on. He was just about to suggest something for them to try later when Ant and Josh prowled down off the stage and surrounded Buck. Buck’s eyes went wide and anxious for a moment, but he soon broke into uncontrollable giggles as Ant and Josh began to serenade him. They fawned over him dramatically as they sang, each dropping to the floor and bouncing on the balls of their feet seductively before slowly weaving their way up Buck’s body, stroking at his arms and chest, dancing against him as they belted out the chorus in ridiculous, matching falsettos.

_Touch my body. Put me on the floor.  
Wrestle me around. Play with me some more.  
Touch my body. Throw me on the bed.  
I just wanna make you feel. Like you never did._

Eddie thought he remained remarkably calm as the two men used Buck as a stripper pole. Buck’s squeals of amusement and delight were enough to ease his jealousy, but it was the joyous abandon in Buck’s expression that was truly intoxicating. He had fully let go of any worry or shame and was just enjoying the moment, with two men grinding against him as they sang Mariah Carey to a room full of strangers. 

And Eddie was totally cool with it. Would _he_ like to be the one grinding against Buck at that moment? Of course. But he had wanted Buck to experience being around _other_ men who liked men, men who were like him – men who were like both of them. It had only taken about a month after Shannon died for Eddie to finally realize that Buck was the one he had been searching for all along. He’d had his exploration phase in the army, and his dutiful husband phase with Shannon, so he was confident when he realized that Buck was what he actually wanted. But he still felt guilty that Buck had never gotten the chance to explore all of his other options. And so, he was fine with one of his oldest friends, and a man he barely knew, fondling his boyfriend in public. He was totally fine with it.

Until he wasn’t. 

He had kept his cool longer than he thought he would, but then Ant (because of course Ant would take it too far) had decided to peel up the hem of Buck’s borrowed shirt and run his fingers all over his bare torso. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the motion had revealed the deep blush that was spreading not only over Buck’s face, but over his entire chest as well. It was a downright appetizing sight, but that was a blush that was meant to be seen by Eddie, and Eddie alone.

Eddie slammed his glass down, startling the other men from their tantric dances. Josh backed off immediately, throwing Eddie an apologetic look as he dance-stepped back to the stage. Ant, however, did **not** back off right away. He looked Eddie square in the eye as he pulled his hand out from under Buck’s shirt with a knowing wink and dragged his fingers up his chest again. For the first time in his life, Eddie felt genuinely murderous, particularly as Ant placed his hand against Buck’s jaw and licked a long stripe up his neck. Buck just stood there, frozen helplessly in place, lulled into an amorous trance by Ant and Josh’s ministrations. But Eddie threw himself around the table, ready to strangle Anthony for his insolence. Unfortunately, Ant was too fast for him and had already bolted back to the stage. Buck’s glassy eyes turned onto Eddie’s face and went wild with undeniable hunger.

The anger that had coursed through Eddie’s entire body seconds before was instantly replaced by lust. Heat flooded his chest as Buck leered down at him, looking at him like he might actually eat him alive right that second in front of everyone. Eddie raked his eyes over Buck’s body, taking in the way his arms were tensed, the way his shirt clung to the swell of his muscles, and most importantly, the way the fly of his pants seemed to strain against the bulging heat pressing into it. 

Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand and laced their fingers together as he dragged him out of the main room of the bar. He led them down a back hallway, past the bathrooms, past the kitchens, straight towards an exit door. He didn’t care if they ended up in an alley, he didn’t care if they got caught got caught, or who might see – he needed to taste Buck immediately. He just preferred to find at least _some_ privacy. That was when he noticed the heavy floor-length curtain fluttering just inside the exit door. Maybe they had lucked out and wouldn’t have to make-out in an alley. 

“Perfect,” Eddie exclaimed as he ripped back the curtain to reveal a mostly-empty storage nook. It was only a few square feet of space, but it was private and almost empty, strewn with only a few random boxes of paper products. 

Buck followed him into the nook, dazedly at first, but his mouth dropped open and his eyes went dark as Eddie pulled the curtain shut behind them. Buck dragged Eddie closer, his arms instantly wrapping around him, pulling Eddie into him as his hands lit fires over his skin. In the blink of an eye, Buck’s tongue forced its way into Eddie’s mouth, viciously claiming him by licking into every crevice it could find. Eddie whined happily around the intrusion, relishing the way Buck tasted, and smelled, and felt wrapped around him like that. This was what he’d needed: undeniable proof that Buck still wanted him, and only him. He kissed back greedily, pinning Buck’s tongue between his teeth and sucking at the tender muscle until Buck whined urgently against his lips. When he finally released him, Buck took no time at all to return the favor.

Need flooded Eddie’s body as he pressed Buck back against the shelves, arching into him and dragging their hips together almost painfully. He shifted his feet to slowly work one of his legs between Buck’s thighs as they kissed. To his delight, Buck caught onto his intentions quickly and ground his hips down against him, moaning in relief at the blissful friction. The sound was like music to Eddie’s ears, but it still wasn’t enough. Eddie wanted Buck to know how much he wanted him. He wanted Buck to realize that he was the only one who could make him feel so good. He pressed into him again, giving him one more scorching kiss, before he dropped to his knees and began peeling up his own shirt off of Buck’s abdomen. His head dipped forward to tongue his way up Buck’s stomach and chest, sucking fleeting bruises into his fair skin as Buck wriggled silently under his touch. His breath stuttered in his throat as Eddie’s hands ran up his sides and gently grazed blunt nails against the sensitive skin covering his ribs. Eddie’s efforts were not in vain. A manic peal of laughter rewarded him, sending sparks of delight dancing across his skin and urging him on, begging him to torment Buck _more_. And Eddie knew just how to do it. He stood up again and kissed his way across Buck’s surprisingly supple chest only to bite down over his nipple and massage the tiny bud with his tongue, sucking the skin into his mouth for good measure. 

Buck mewled above him, his hands gripping at Eddie’s back desperately. He managed to pull him back up for a quick, intense kiss, but Eddie dropped back down almost immediately to tease him. He methodically nosed his way back down Buck’s chest, biting evanescent kisses anywhere he could reach. He dipped his tongue into Buck’s bellybutton, sucking the overlooked pleasure point into his mouth just to be cruel. The resulting yelp of indignation was well worth it. Buck jerked himself backwards in defense, but it only gave Eddie the perfect space to sink back onto his heels and work Buck’s jeans open.

“Eddie,” Buck’s voice finally croaked out anxiously, “What if someone comes back here?”

“Let ‘em come,” Eddie growled. Buck huffed out a disbelieving laugh just as Eddie finally got his fly open. Eddie leaned in close, taking a moment to breathe in the scent of Buck as he shimmied his pants down to his thighs. 

He didn’t know when it had happened, but sometime in the last few days something in Eddie had just snapped. The awkwardness and inadequacy he had felt the first time he’d taken Buck into his mouth had evaporated; now, it was all he wanted. He mouthed at Buck’s swollen erection through the thin fabric of his underwear, taunting him with his warm, moist breath, drawing pitiful, half-choked whines from his throat. The whines turned to a gasp as Eddie pulled the band of his underwear down and hooked it behind his sac in one fluid motion. Buck’s erection sprung forward, perfectly framed, like it was mounted and presenting itself to him. A warm thread of hunger coiled in his stomach as he eyed his present.

Eddie licked his lips as he looked up at Buck questioningly through his eyelashes. Buck was staring down at him, lust and desire coloring his face, but deep, unconditional love brightening his eyes. He nodded once, consenting to Eddie’s unspoken question and Eddie grinned back gratefully. He ducked his head down to taste the skin of Buck’s sac, pulling half of it into his mouth and rolling the weight of it over his tongue experimentally. Buck’s fingers dug into his shoulders. Eddie heard his head knock against one of the shelves as Buck let it fall back, lost in the sensation of his mouth. He glanced up at the long, inviting, line of Buck’s exposed neck. Beautiful.

Eddie replaced his mouth with his hand, massaging Buck’s balls as he leaned back to lap at the tip of his dick instead. He earned a small, urgent gasp for his troubles, but he wanted to hear more. He wanted to hear Buck come apart from his touch. He sucked the head into his mouth and bobbed forward, using his tongue to trace along the ridge encircling the tip, earning him another small, excited gasp from Buck. 

Eddie could tell Buck was holding back, and he hated it. He snaked one hand up Buck’s chest to rest it against his throat as he mouthed over his dick, adding just a hint of suction to tease him. He was inflamed to feel of all of the inaudible whines that vibrated under Buck’s skin, trapped in his throat. Buck was already pretty vocal during sex, but feeling just how many whines and groans and moans went unheard was unacceptable. Eddie released Buck with a wet pop and jumped to his feet. He kept his hand hovering over Buck’s throat, holding his head back so he could lick his way up his long, exposed neck. He could feel Buck’s moan under his tongue, but he wanted more. He mouthed gently at his jaw, nipping the sharp curve of skin over bone with his teeth. 

“I need to hear you, Buck,” Eddie breathed into his skin.

The sounds of poorly sung karaoke still drifted through the air loudly enough that any sounds Buck made would go unnoticed by the patrons. But Eddie would catch every single one. 

“Say yes if you understand me,” Eddie commanded darkly. He felt the whine under his fingers before he heard it, but he did hear it.

“Eddie,” Buck moaned, head still thrown back, his hips jolting forward involuntarily.

“Not what I asked, Buck,” Eddie warned.

“Yes, fuck, god yes, I understand. Just, please…”

Buck’s words were cut off by Eddie’s free hand covering his open, panting mouth. 

“Good,” he commended him genuinely. “Now, lick.”

Buck’s eyes shot open, but Eddie didn’t let him move his head. He held him in place with one on his throat and one on his mouth. Buck had no choice but to obey. His tongue darted out, lapping at Eddie’s palm wetly, twisting between his fingers and dripping saliva onto his skin. 

“Thank you,” Eddie purred as he pulled his hand away from Buck’s mouth and wrapped it tightly around his dick. A strangled whine slipped through Buck’s lips. 

“Louder, Buck.”

Buck moaned deeply and Eddie rewarded him by stroking him once from base to tip, his fingers swirling over the head tauntingly. 

“There’s my man,” Eddie crooned proudly. “If you get too quiet, I stop. Understand?”

Buck nodded enthusiastically, but Eddie wasn’t satisfied. He released Buck’s dick in warning. 

“Buck…”

“I got IT,” Buck groaned, yelping the final word as Eddie wrapped his hand around him again. 

“Good. Don’t forget.”

Eddie dropped back to his knees, letting his hand caress down Buck’s chest as he eyed his leaking dick hungrily. He probably still needed practice to be able to take all of Buck, but he was pretty sure he could take enough comfortably to have him whining uncontrollably. There was really only one way to find out.

Eddie splayed his free hand over Buck’s abdomen, delighted as the muscles tensed expectantly under his touch. His other hand began to stroke in earnest, twisting up and down the shaft, slicking the length of him with his own spit. Buck gasped above Eddie, a tiny whine dripping from his lips.

Good. He was actually trying to heed Eddie’s request. 

Eddie rewarded him by sinking down over the head again, sucking the most sensitive part of him into the wet heat of his mouth. His tongue teased over the slit and he moaned over the salty, bitter taste of precome, sending deep vibrations all along Buck’s shaft. Buck’s hips pressed forward compulsorily as he groaned loudly in response. Eddie welcomed him further, accepting more of Buck’s length into his mouth without question. He rolled his tongue along the underside of Buck’s girth like a wave, pulling whine after whine from Buck’s throat. It was a terrifyingly heady feeling, having such control over someone else’s pleasure. His hand continued to work the rest of Buck’s length, squeezing and loosening at random, just to taunt him.

“Oh god, Eddie,” Buck moaned above him, his hands falling to rest on Eddie’s head. It wasn’t a suggestion, but it wasn’t not a suggestion either. Buck had been good. He had been vocal. Eddie was willing to reward him for it. 

He pulled back, letting Buck’s dick fall from his lips wetly; a long string of saliva still connected his lips to the tip. In any other situation, Eddie would have found it nauseating, but not knowing whether it was his own or Buck’s saliva somehow made it enticing. Heat pooled his stomach as his own erection began to itch against the strain of his pants. He would worry about himself later, he _needed_ to feel Buck inside of him. 

He stretched his jaw for a moment and loosened his throat the best he could, stroking Buck confidently as he prepared his mouth. Once he deemed himself ready, he lined Buck up and slowly sank down over him. Buck’s girth filled him immediately, the head pressing up into the roof of his mouth even though the length of him was still seated heavily against his tongue. Eddie took in one last, deep breath through his nose before pressing forward and taking Buck down his throat. He started to gag around the intrusion, but he swallow him down anyway. 

And _that_ was when Buck truly became vocal.

“Ohshitohmygodjesuschrist,” Buck cried out, his legs twitching from the effort to hold himself steady. “Hell, Eddie. Please, god…”

Eddie pulled back slightly, allowing himself to breathe through the reflexive heaving that threatened him. He knew what Buck wanted, and he wanted to give it to him, but he couldn’t yet. He set a shallower pace first and began to bob his head over Buck’s dick, tilting left and right as his tongue rolled against the pulsating appendage. The taste of Buck filled Eddie’s senses as Buck’s moans filled the air around them, mixing lewdly with the slick sounds of Eddie’s mouth working over him. Buck’s hips thrust in short, considerate strokes as Eddie hollowed out his cheeks and pulled more of him in. 

It was…a lot. Eddie knew he wouldn’t be able to take much more, but he desperately wanted to please Buck. He pushed his anxiety down and took a deep breath through his nose, resuming his bobbing with more suction. 

“Eddie, I’m so close. Fuck, you are so good,” Buck moaned above him, his fingers flexing against Eddie’s scalp. “Eddie, ahhh, please?”

The desperate plea was all Eddie needed to hear. He could handle it. He **would** handle it. Buck was too close to need too much more from him – he could do it. He pulled back, sucking off the length of Buck’s erection and releasing him with squelching pop. 

“Use my mouth, Buck. Fuck my throat,” Eddie directed him. “I’ll tap out if I need to.”

Buck’s head dropped forward, staring down at Eddie wantonly. His hand stroked Eddie’s cheek fondly as his lips fell into an open, breathless smile. 

“I fucking love you,” Buck panted, his eyes shining brightly at Eddie’s dark gaze. 

“Prove it,” Eddie challenged with a smirk. He opened his mouth again and lined himself up with Buck’s dick. His tongue flicked out to lick up the droplets of precome that leaked at his tip, pulling a hiss of anticipation from Buck’s lips. He smiled up at him and reset himself, steeling his nerves and biting back his worry. His hands fell to his knees, the fingertips digging in to ground himself, as Buck’s hands returned to his head and he pressed himself into the euphoria of Eddie’s mouth. 

Buck entered him slowly at first, giving him a chance to adjust his jaw as he went. Eddie whined petulantly as Buck pulled back before he was even halfway in, but he almost immediately started to press forward again. Eddie could feel how much control it was taking to go so slowly, but he appreciated it nonetheless. His erection pulsed angrily against Eddie’s tongue, eagerly seeking the movement and friction that Buck wouldn’t allow yet. Eddie leaned forward more confidently, filling his mouth with more of Buck and silently letting him know that it was okay to go deeper. Gentle fingers stroked his cheek again and he hated how much he loved the small gesture of gratitude. But then those fingers pressed harder against his cheek and Eddie realized Buck was actually trying to feel _himself_ inside of Eddie’s mouth. 

Jesus. 

Electric sparks fired through Eddie’s body as he moaned around Buck, sending strong vibrations straight through the dick in his mouth. A strangled grunt of surprise fell to Eddie’s ears gratefully. Buck only pulled back one more time before he began pressing in more urgently. He still moved slowly, but this time he didn’t stop – he didn’t let up until he was almost fully sheathed by Eddie’s mouth. His girth stretched Eddie to his limit, the head of Buck’s dick fully driving down _into_ his throat. The urge to gag was almost uncontrollable, but Eddie secretly luxuriated in Buck’s slow pace that allowed him to taste every inch of his dick. 

Buck groaned painfully as Eddie’s throat fluttered around him. He pulled completely out in one quick movement and Eddie couldn’t help but cough from the friction in his throat. 

“You okay,” Buck asked urgently. Eddie shook off the question, tired of the teasing, tired of the anticipation. He wrapped his lips around the head of Buck’s dick and swallowed him down whole in one quick motion. 

Buck practically screamed from pleasure as Eddie pulled back off. The sound urged him on; he **could** handle it. He began to bob again, taking all of Buck into his mouth before sliding back off. He coughed a little more than he wanted to, and the gagging sounds weren’t exactly a turn on for him, but they must have done something for Buck because the moans and grunts cascading from his lips were even louder than Eddie’s coughs.

Buck’s fingers clenched at Eddie’s head as he finally began to thrust on his own. His hips slammed forward, burying Eddie’s nose in the hair at the base of his dick, then surged backwards, ripping his length from Eddie’s throat, pulling moans and coughs and gags with it. He set a quick pace, barely allowing Eddie to breathe, but he did exactly what Eddie had asked him to: he used him. He fucked into Eddie’s mouth recklessly, thrusting down his throat with complete abandon. Eddie tried to twirl and roll his tongue, to suck in, to flutter his throat, to moan around him, to contribute anything he could to Buck’s pleasure, but Buck’s pace was too punishing. He could barely breathe around Buck’s powerful thrusts and he heaved constantly as his dick pierced all the way down to his Adam’s apple, but all he could think about was how much he enjoy being _used_ by Buck. 

“Oh god, Eddie,” Buck whined breathlessly as his hips stuttered to a halt, still halfway sheathed in Eddie’s mouth. He was almost there. Eddie pulled back slowly, allowing his teeth to graze over the skin of Buck’s throbbing dick as he quickly caught his breath. A manic hiss of pleasure filled the air as Buck’s fingers dug into his scalp painfully. Eddie hollowed out his cheeks, covered his teeth, and sank back down, taking Buck all the away in one last time, until his nose was pressed flat against his abdomen. His tongue rolled along the underside of Buck’s shaft as he swallowed hard and repeatedly around him, literally milking the precome from Buck’s dick. 

“Fffuckkk,” Buck groaned, curling backward into the shelves and throwing himself over Eddie’s head as his orgasm burst forth, flooding down Eddie’s throat in waves. Eddie let him stay that way for a long moment, riding the waves of his orgasm, until he could no longer breathe and had to tap out. He pawed at Buck’s hip frantically and Buck pulled out in an instant, hissing painfully as his over sensitive skin caught on Eddie’s teeth. 

“Thanks,” Eddie coughed roughly, his throat aching from abuse. Buck leaned down and pulled Eddie up onto his knees and into a crushing kiss, licking into his mouth to taste himself on his tongue. Eddie’s mind went blank as he and Buck melded into one. 

This was all he wanted. This was all he needed. They broke apart after a long moment, both of them gasping for air. 

“You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met,” Buck announced candidly. “I don’t know what sparked that, but Eds, that was…insane.”

Eddie leaned back on his heels to grin up at Buck. He felt like he might float away with the way his chest swelled with pride. But his response stalled in his throat as the curtain behind him was ripped open. 

“Are y’all done yet? It’s your turn to sing something.” 

Anthony was standing on the other side of the doorframe, curtain still in hand as he jubilantly took in the scene before him. His eyes lit up at the sight of Eddie on his knees, mouth red an stretched out, and Buck flushed from passion and exertion. He traced the exposed line of Buck’s abdomen down to his mostly-flaccid, but still impressive, dick with an expression of pure admiration. 

“Nicely done, Diaz,” he said genuinely, winking at Eddie, “He’s way out of your league.”

“Get the fuck out of here, Ant,” Eddie growled, lunging for the curtain as his shock quickly turning back to murderous rage. Ant jumped out of range and smiled callously at him before shutting the curtain with a dramatic flourish.

“You can kill me later, you still have to sing,” he called back as his voice disappeared back down the hallway. 

Eddie looked up at Buck apologetically, guilt and anger still roiling in his gut. Damn Anthony for ruining their moment.

“I think he likes me now,” Buck said absently, still in shock.

“I should have let you kill him yesterday,” Eddie grumbled bitterly as he carefully tucked Buck back into his pants. 

Eddie genuinely started to think Anthony may not survive long enough to leave L.A.., but on the plus side, the abrupt disruption had startled him enough that his own dick had lost some of its oomph and wasn’t nearly as persistent against his zipper. He took a few deep breaths, settling his nerves and willing himself to relax. It was trick he’d had to learn when he first joined the army and was surrounded by half naked men all the time. He felt himself calming down, the pressure between his legs softening with each breath. 

“Eddie,” Buck asked cautiously after a moment. “You want me to-“

“No.” 

Eddie’s response was immediate. They had already tempted fate enough. And as much as he hated Ant at the moment, he knew they were fortunate it had been him who found them. He looked up to see Buck watching him dejectedly. 

“Thank you for offering, but I think we’ve been gone long enough. I can wait ‘til we get home. I just need a minute. Promise.”

Buck seemed satisfied enough with the decision because his scowl was replaced with a content smirk. He carded his fingers over Eddie’s hair, gently scratching at his scalp, which sent shivers of pleasure down Eddie’s neck, re-igniting the fire in his belly. 

“Evan,” he warned grimly. “I love it when you do that, but it’s really not helping right now.”

Buck hummed appreciatively in his chest, but pulled his hand back anyway. 

“I just want you to feel as good as I do now,” Buck whispered earnestly. 

Eddie’s heart clenched at the authenticity in his tone. Buck’s heart was too big for his own good. Eddie rose to his feet shakily, the circulation slowly, and painfully, bringing his legs back to life. He pressed himself up against Buck, partly for balance, but mostly for proximity, and leaned up to kiss him. It wasn’t a steamy kiss, or an inviting kiss, or even a playful kiss – this kiss was just Eddie’s pure gratitude and appreciation for who Buck was. 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist and held him close as their mouths worked into each other, sharing all of their unspoken words of thanks, and love, and devotion. Eddie listed the things he loved about Buck in his mind, kissing him again as he thought of each one: the taste of Buck’s lips, the way his body perfectly fit against Eddie’s, his smiles that lit up his world, the humor he carried with him everywhere that made everything just a little more fun and exciting, the perfectly imperfect birthmarks that made him so unique, the softness that Buck shared so openly with him, the recklessly selfless way he loved with every part of his body and soul, and the way he made Eddie feel safe and right and loved. He let his lips wander from Buck’s mouth to trace down his jaw lazily, still lost in the dizzying feeling of being loved by Evan Buckley. 

“We should probably get back,” Eddie announced gently, still nosing at Buck’s jaw, not quite ready to pull all the way apart. It was more of a reminder to himself than anything. He didn’t actually want the moment to ever end. 

“Probably,” Buck whispered back, barely audibly. His hands were softly stroking the back of Eddie’s head, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. God, Eddie really did not want to leave the soft, warm bubble they’d created. He could have lived there in that little cubby hole forever, sustained only on Buck’s love and tender touches. 

But they needed to face Anthony, and they had already been missing a suspiciously long time. Eddie sighed against Buck’s neck and a manic giggle burst from his lips. He loved how ticklish he was; just one more thing he loved about him. He placed a final chaste kiss over Buck’s lips before pulling away.

“So, do we stagger our returns to avoid suspicion,” Buck asked pragmatically. 

Eddie shook his head. The thought of being separated, even for a minute seemed unbearable to Eddie. He grabbed Buck’s hand and led him out from behind the curtain. 

“I’m never gonna be ashamed of being with you,” Eddie announced in lieu of an actual answer. “Let people talk, I don’t care.”

Buck followed him happily, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as Eddie led them back to the table. His fingers clenched against Eddie’s as they caught sight of Ant and Josh. Both were sporting amused, knowing smiles, but Eddie genuinely didn’t care. He had Buck, and he would to show him off to anyone who would pay attention. 

“Did you have a nice…moment,” Ant asked lewdly, pressing his tongue into his cheek for added effect. Eddie rolled his eyes at the question, but otherwise ignored him, choosing instead to focus on Josh who seemed much more palatable at the moment. However, Buck took the question head on.

“Best _moment_ of my life,” Buck threw back with a confident wink. 

For the first time since Eddie had known him, Ant was speechless. Oh, what a wonderful sound it was. He squeezed Buck’s fingers encouragingly, pride radiating from him. 

“Now _this_ was worth it,” Eddie teased, digging the knife in further, “If I had known that was all it took to shut you up, I’d have tried it years ago.”

Ant scoffed dramatically, but he eyed the two of them differently after that. It almost looked like approval. They all stayed for another round of drinks, and another raucous round of karaoke. Eddie and Buck even begrudgingly joined Ant and Josh for a rousing rendition of _I’m Gonna Be_ by The Proclaimers. Eddie only really joined in for the ‘Da-da-da-das’, but he still counted it. The finale of their performance was met with enthusiastic cheers and whistles from a table of women in the corner, but Eddie didn’t have the heart to tell them they were barking up four very wrong trees. 

“I think my new pal, here, is gonna show me around LA a bit, so we’re gonna call it a night,” Anthony announced gleefully as they returned to their table. “You two play nice.”

Josh gave them a bashful wave as Ant led him to the exit, leaving Buck and Eddie to pick up the tab. Honestly, that seemed about right for Ant. 

“You ready to go home,” Eddie asked hopefully. He was ready to be back in a comfortable environment, without the cat calls of drunk people or the thick scent of beer. Or sticky floors. Besides, he had an idea he wanted to try on Buck and didn’t know if he’d have the nerve to do it if they waited too long. 

Buck shot him a dark, ravenous grin in response. It was definitely time to pay the bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I shorted you last time, now you're getting two full chapters of smut. (It was one, but it ended up WAY too long to keep them together.) So if you enjoy this one, tune in Monday for part 2! I won't even make you wait the full week.


	12. Solja Boi, Tell 'Em

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a wild evening at the karaoke bar, Buck and Eddie enjoy some time alone at home.  
> (I will not apologize for the terrible chapter title because it made me laugh for five minutes straight when I wrote it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally all smut. If that ain't your thing, don't worry - there should be a new chapter up on Friday that ISN'T all smut. Hahah.

They had barely made it inside the Diaz residence before Eddie had thrown Buck back against the front door and attacked his lips. His hands had roamed possessively over Buck’s arms and chest, caressing his toned muscles admiringly as he’d pressed against him, rolling their hips together. They kissed with a frenzied passion, as if it was somehow the first time and the last, like they may never have another chance. And there they had remained for a long moment, zealously making out like teenagers in the dark living room, forced to use the ambient glow of the street light through the window to guide them because they hadn’t even managed to turn on a light before crashing into each other. 

“I’ve wanted to do this all night,” Eddie moaned into Buck’s mouth as he pressed him back against the hard door, picking up exactly where they’d left off at the bar. “Ever since you squeezed this perfect fucking body into **my** shirt.” 

Buck was startled by the burn of stubble rasping across his kiss-swollen lips as Eddie mouthed over his jaw, his teeth nipping playfully at his skin. It had been a while since Eddie’s beard had grown out enough for him to feel it so _coarsely_. Something about the feeling lit a hungry fire in his stomach, stoked by his subconscious desire to be marked, to be claimed by Eddie. He tilted his head back, deliberately giving Eddie more access to his neck as his biting kisses dipped below his jawline. Buck yearned to feel the fire of Eddie’s stubble lick every inch of his skin, burning his presence into him. A groan of pleasure fell from his lips as Eddie ran his stubbled jaw down the entire length of Buck’s neck. Since when could he read minds? 

“God, I love the sounds you make,” Eddie gasped openly against his throat, his breath tickling the assaulted skin. 

Buck arched up off of the door, pressing into the feel of Eddie’s lip, wordlessly begging for more. Eddie’s tongue lapped soothingly at the irritation, open-mouthed kisses dotting Buck’s skin everywhere his beard had touched. Buck shuddered as sparks of interest danced over his skin, his nerves singing to life at the feel of Eddie’s tongue and sending matching phantom licks down his chest and under his waistband. He didn’t know why Eddie seemed to excite every part of his body, but the feeling was invigorating. He leaned into Eddie’s heat, relishing the way it made his entire chest swell with excitement and adoration. 

Eddie’s lips slowly paved a path down to Buck’s collarbone, his teeth gently grazing along the skin until he found the hollow at its center. There, he sucked a wet, hungry kiss into the skin, pulling an uninhibited moan from Buck’s chest. It felt like Eddie was trying to kiss his way right into his body, to blend them together into one, glorious being. Buck was so lost in his own enraptured thoughts that he almost missed Eddie’s exultant breath as Buck’s moan rumbled directly against his lips. 

How had he never realized how much Eddie liked to _hear_ him?

Eddie’s hypnotic kisses and gentle touches erased the question from Buck’s mind and lulled into a lust-fueled stupor. He let his weight fall back against the door as Eddie sucked dark, dizzying bruises into his neck. 

Buck had to admit that Eddie was _excessively_ good at riling him up; even his half-hearted attempt in the car on the way to meet Anthony had gotten Buck’s blood boiling, no matter how much he had denied it. It was like Eddie inherently knew every single button to press to have Buck melting into his hands like putty. A pang of doubt suddenly gripped him. How could he ever compare? 

Eddie had been so attentive since their talk; he had tried so hard to be open and expressive, which Buck knew he’d hated doing. Eddie seemed almost overly eager to prove himself to Buck, to do whatever Buck wanted, but he hadn’t really asked for anything for himself. Aside from earlier that night when he asked Buck to be louder, the one time he could recall Eddie asking for something for himself was when he asked to be taken back into subspace. And honestly, Buck hardly counted that as a request since Eddie hadn’t even known what it was for more than an hour. Buck assumed Eddie enjoyed ordering him around and taking charge because he was disturbingly good at it, but he wasn’t sure if that was actually for Eddie’s benefit, or his own. He wanted to make Eddie feel as recklessly wound up and possessed by him as he made Buck feel. He wanted to show Eddie how much he appreciated him, how much he loved him for being willing to put himself out there and talk things out, but more than anything, he wanted to do what Eddie _wanted_ him to, not just what he told him to – he wanted to do something just for him.

“Buck,” Eddie called out irritably, “Where’d you go?”

Buck snapped back into the moment, pouting back at Eddie bashfully. He could barely see Eddie’s face in the dark entryway, but his scowl was still obvious. A self-conscious heat crept up his face and he could feel his ears turning red; he hated how easy it was to tell when he was embarrassed. Even through his embarrassment, he was stuck on wondering about Eddie’s desires.

“What do you want to do tonight,” Buck asked abruptly, his mind still circling around Eddie’s lack of requests. Although the glow of the street lights was barely usable light, Buck watched Eddie’s brow furrow in confusion as he gestured between them, unhelpfully. 

“This?”

Buck frowned back at him, unimpressed.

“No, Eddie,” Buck started again, unwilling to let it go. “What do you _want_ tonight? Do you want me to…do what you did at the bar? Do you want to…fuck me? Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want to tickle me until I piss myself? You wanna just make-out and cuddle? I mean, I’ll do whatever you want, but I need to know you want it. I want you to feel…not just good…but, satisfied.”

Admittedly, Buck’s speech had gotten away from him in the middle, but he was pretty confident that he’d brought it back around. He monitored Eddie carefully, watching for any flicker of tell that might unlock his true desires. But Eddie just gazed back at him dreamily, a half-there smile hanging from his lips. 

“I just want you Buck,” Eddie finally admitted. “I don’t care how, or who does what, or where. I just want to be with you.” 

Buck huffed out a fondly exasperated sigh. Eddie was so scared of making a mistake, or asking for the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing, that he wouldn’t even let himself _want_ anything specific. Buck decided to check him, to ask for something well outside the norm, just to see if Eddie would react.

“You want me to fist you,” Buck asked seriously. He fought to school his expression and clenched his abs to keep himself from giggling at the mental image. 

To Eddie’s credit, he kept his face equally blank and measured, but the absolute panic in eyes was unmistakable. Buck waited. He wanted Eddie to admit that there was a limit to ‘whatever’.

“Is that a yes,” Buck instigated further. Eddie’s breath became short and shallow as panic overtook him. “Jesus, Eddie, I’m kidding. But you seriously weren’t gonna say no!?”

Relief washed over Eddie’s features before he covered his face with his hands out of embarrassment. 

“You told me you wanted to hear me earlier, right,” Buck prompted. Eddie didn’t look up, but he nodded his head in agreement. Buck counted it. “Well I need to hear you, now. What do you want me to do? Or what do you want to do to me? Let’s just start there.”

Eddie slowly dropped his hands and brought his eyes back up to meet Buck’s. There was still a reserve in his expression, but Buck could tell there was a question there, something he didn’t feel worthy of asking for. 

“You want to fuck me,” Buck stated astutely. Eddie gnawed on his lip as he stared Buck in the eye and nodded, almost imperceptibly. Buck’s heart ached at Eddie’s apprehension, but he smiled back at him warmly. “I’m good with that, Eds. I told you from the start, the roles aren’t strict. I want you to feel good too.” 

Eddie’s eyes glittered with appreciation and affection as he surged forward and covered Buck’s mouth once more. They kissed for a long, heady moment, hands roaming over one another like they were planning to sculpt each other from memory. Eventually, Eddie’s fingers found the tight hem of Buck’s borrowed shirt and worked their way under to groped up the hard stomach beneath. 

Buck hissed appreciatively into Eddie’s lips at the first bite of nails against his skin. Proving once again how perfectly he could work Buck’s body; Eddie had somehow figured out the perfect pressure to pinch without any lasting pain – and it was exhilarating every time. Buck lost himself in the sensation of Eddie’s nails raking up his chest, slowly peeling up the straining fabric and exposing his hot skin to the cool air of the still-dark house. 

Then suddenly, Eddie’s lips disappeared from his mouth and something warm and wet voyaged up his stomach, accompanied by even more open-mouthed kisses and tantalizingly teasing touches. Buck’s skin crawled excitedly under Eddie’s attention, sending shivers of delight up his spine and down his dick. He jerked his hips forward curiously, trying to feel how ready Eddie was, but Eddie pulled back completely, letting him flounder in the dark.

Before Buck could ask what happened, Eddie’s fingers plunged into the waist of his pants and dragged him forward sharply. The motion was so abrupt, Buck nearly tripped, but Eddie was there to catch him and urge him on. Buck knew Eddie’s house pretty well, but he was struggling to recall the layout in complete darkness. He gave himself over to Eddie completely, trusting him to lead him right as they made their way deeper into the house. 

“I need to…get something,” Eddie announced distractedly as they approached his bedroom, at least Buck was pretty sure it was his bedroom. Then Eddie’s voice turned unexpectedly serious and commanding. “I want you to get yourself ready for me, Evan. Clean yourself up and wait for me on my bed. Can you do that for me?”

A trill of excitement ran through Buck’s entire body. Eddie was really starting to get into making his desires known, and Buck was only too happy to acquiesce.

“Yes, sir,” he responded with a cheeky lilt to his tone. He loved hearing Eddie say it, so he could only imagine Eddie would appreciate it too. 

Judging by the way Eddie stopped short and threw him against the wall to ravage his mouth again, he had imagined correctly. Buck kissed back just as aggressively. He licked into Eddie’s mouth, tasting every inch of him and drawing a hungry growl from his chest. But just as quickly as they’d begun, Eddie stopped. He pulled Buck away from the wall by his belt loop and pushed him to face what Buck assumed was the bathroom. Buck was endlessly fascinated by how easily Eddie could maneuver him; it was something he had never experienced with a partner before, especially being so tall. But now that he had, he never wanted to give it up again. A new shudder of want ran through him as he imagined the _other_ ways Eddie could manhandle him... 

“I expect to see you, and only you, on that bed,” Eddie warned darkly. Buck stared back at him blankly. Who else would be on the bed? Sensing his confusion, Eddie offered an annoyed clarification. “No clothes, Buck. Just…you.”

A frantic giggle bubbled up Buck’s throat – partly in reaction to his own misunderstanding, but partly from excitement. He’d been naked in front of Eddie plenty of times, at the firehouse and at home, but there was something different about just lying there and waiting for him, bare and exposed. It thrilled him.

Eddie didn’t wait for a response, he just turned and walked away, leaving Buck to feel his way along the walls to the bathroom on his own.

He worked quickly and efficiently, eager to see what Eddie had in store for him. He threw his clothes off, not even bothering to pick them up off the floor or fold them, and scoured the cabinets for something to use to clean up. He was genuinely surprised to find that Eddie had purchased a matching douche and a sleeve of lube sachets. That was a pretty significant step – to keep things like that in his own home as well. not just at the loft. Buck suddenly remembered that they had never done this particular act at Eddie’s place before. The weight of the realization solidified his resolve to make sure Eddie was euphoric by the end of the night. 

Buck cleaned himself confidently, having already experimented with his own model at his place. Having finished so quickly, he decided to prep himself one step further; he ripped open one of the sachets and slicked up two of his fingers. He was never as efficient on his own and it was still a little uncomfortable, but he figured things could move quicker if he was already loosened up some: besides, it wouldn’t take that long. Not to knock Eddie, but Buck knew he didn’t have to accommodate quite as much as Eddie did with him, so prep didn’t take as much effort. A small wave a gratitude flushed through him as has sank back on his own fingers and stretched himself wide, scissoring his hole open gently. Even though he knew what to expect, and only using two fingers, it still felt unbelievably filling. He had no idea how Eddie had managed to take him whole his first time; Buck felt stuffed full whenever he had anything more than a thumb in his ass. But he pressed on, twisting in and out to make sure Eddie wouldn’t have to waste too much time. He knew Eddie would take care of him regardless, and he really did want Eddie to focus on what felt good. Feeling sufficiently prepared, he rinsed the lube from his hands, and where it had dribbled down his legs, and stumbled back through the dark towards Eddie’s bedroom. 

Sure, he could have turned on a light at some point, but where was the fun in that? He semi-confidently groped his way along the wall until he found the open door to Eddie’s bedroom. He had never expected his intimate knowledge of the layout of the Diaz residence to be quite so useful.

Buck threw himself onto the bed, bouncing childishly against the firm mattress for a ridiculous moment, excitement and lust twisting his stomach delightfully. He stretched his arm out and finally flicked on the nightstand light, flooding the room with a low yellow glow. The warm light made his skin seem darker, more tanned than he could actually pull off, and his tattoos seemed to glow obsidian in the semi-darkness. He may be biased, but he thought he looked pretty damn good that way. Now he just had to wait for Eddie’s reaction. 

He waited impatiently, his fingers fiddling with the soft sheets beneath him. He wasn’t sure what to do. Maybe he should prop himself up – make himself look more appealing? He wasn’t used to just…waiting for sex, if that was even the only thing Eddie had in store. He heard the scuffle of Eddie’s feet coming from the back room of the house, which was…odd. The back room was supposed to be an office, but Eddie used it mainly for storage. What was he doing in there? 

Deliberate footsteps slowly echoed through the halls, sending Buck’s heart racing. Eddie was on the move. The footsteps got louder as he came closer and Buck’s breath caught in his chest. 

But wait – those footsteps sounded a lot heavier than Eddie’s. 

Buck sat up and grabbed a pillow, ready to cover himself just in case, as a dark figure loomed outside the doorway. It looked mostly like Eddie’s frame, but the shadow of the hallway made it hard to decipher. Something about Eddie’s silhouette looked different, somehow sharper and bulkier at the same time. Was he wearing something different? Buck had kind of assumed Eddie would also be naked when he returned, but he was beginning to doubt himself. He held his breath as Eddie stepped into the room and the hazy glow of light finally found him. 

“Oh fuck,” Buck whined aloud, his fingers twisting into the pillow case and clutching it to himself helplessly. His heart jumped into his throat and an intense need roared through him like wildfire. His head swam sickeningly as blood raced to his dick. His erection sprang to attention in an instant, pulsating eagerly as it swelled heavily between his legs, drawing heat into the core of him that seemed to light him from the inside out. “Jesus, Eddie. I wasn’t expecting...this.”

“I thought you might like it,” Eddie replied smugly, his dark eyes drinking in the way Buck’s body innately reacted to him. 

Eddie was dressed in his full army fatigues, combat boots and hat included, looking every bit the soldier Buck had never gotten to meet. The yellow glow of the lamp complimented the desert camo pattern of his clothes, setting the contrasting tones off brilliantly. Buck drank in the sight rapturously, his mouth watering thirstily at the embroidered patch over Eddie’s heart that read ‘Diaz’. The fatigues weren’t exactly form fitting, but they still showed enough. They showed his strength and power, and were just tight fitted enough to give a teasing impression of the thick, muscular body underneath. Eddie had assumed a rigid, practiced, prideful posture as Buck’s gaze devoured the sight of him. It was a posture that looked familiar, but Buck had rarely seen on him. It slowly dawned on him that Eddie was standing at attention, his eyes locked expectantly on Buck’s – as if he was awaiting orders. Fuck, that was even more tempting. He smirked down at Buck smugly, standing tall and still as Buck’s eyes frantically memorized the lines of his uniform.

“I thought you might like these even more,” Eddie drawled eagerly as he tucked his hand into his jacket and pulled out a silver chain. 

Buck threw the pillow aside and sat up straight as arrow, anticipation cementing him to the spot as Eddie reveled his own dog-tags. They were just like the ones Anthony had been wearing, but these belonged to _Eddie_ , which made them so much more precious. Buck’s eyes zeroed in on the chain around Eddie’s neck, his mouth falling open with want as the bright metal glinted in the dim light. He didn’t even know why the sight of Eddie in his uniform and dog-tags affected him so strongly, but it didn’t stop his body from aggressively reacting anyway. 

“I take it I was right,” Eddie teased lightly as he locked in on Buck’s gaze and stalked towards the bed. 

Buck observed his approach longingly, letting his head fall back as he came closer, intentionally refusing to break eye contact. Eddie’s hands bracketed his face and held him in place as he leaned down slowly and kissed him. It was a prolonged, building kind of kiss – unhurried, tender, and encouraging. Buck melted against Eddie’s lips, savoring the taste of his tongue, the feel of his calloused fingers against his cheeks, the smooth glide of Eddie’s skin over his lips. 

Wait, smooth?

“Did you shave for me, soldier,” Buck asked incredulously, reaching up a curious hand to stroke his cheek for proof. 

But a strangled sound caught in Eddie’s throat at Buck’s words. He pulled back dazedly, his gaze pleading as it bore into Buck’s. Oh, right. How could Buck have forgotten the ‘soldier-superior’ dynamic that Eddie craved? He quickly reminded himself that even though Eddie may be dressed like the soldier, he was the superior that night. 

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be tempted a little, right? 

Buck crashed their lips back together, sucking Eddie’s tongue into his mouth to taste him. Eddie whined into his lips as his hand snaked under Bucks arms and hauled him up onto his knees at the edge of the bed, pressing their chests together eagerly as he deepened the kiss. The stiff feel of canvas brushing against his bare chest was a new experience for Buck, but it was the cool bite of metal on his skin that interested him. 

A shiver of excitement rained down over him as he traced his fingers up Eddie’s chest and twisted them into the cool metal chain, pulling on the tags to press them into his palm. His thumb gently caressed the embossed letters, his mind trying to piece them together as Eddie’s lips continued to work him over with dizzying intent. There was more writing than he’d expected, but he quickly found the line he needed. 

_Edmundo Diaz_. 

That was _his_ Edmundo Diaz. His Eddie.

He returned Eddie’s kiss, turning it frantic and heavy, sucking at Eddie’s kiss-swollen lips and hot skin. He pulled down on the chain, dragging Eddie closer to him, until they were completely pressed together from knee to shoulder, the rough ‘Diaz’ patch dragging against his chest enticingly.

“Buck,” Eddie moaned fervently into his mouth. He pulled away from Buck’s lips and began kissing down his jaw and across his collar bone, tickling his sensitive skin with every touch. 

“Tell me what you want,” Eddie begged quietly. His tongue flicked out to teasingly trace the sharp dip of Buck’s clavicle, pulling a yelp of pleasure from his chest before he could answer. 

“I told you. I want to do what you want,” Buck replied earnestly, ignoring the way his stomach twisted in innocent delight at Eddie’s teasing licks. 

“No,” Eddie corrected, pulling back to look Buck in the eye. His eyebrows were knit together and the pleading expression was back. “I _want_ you to tell me what you want.”

_Oh._

A thread of understanding wove through Buck’s mind as he quickly calculated what he thought Eddie needed most. Eddie wanted to fuck him, that much he knew. But Eddie also wanted to be the soldier again, to be ordered around and made to work for his pleasure. Buck thought he had a way to make that happen. He sat back on his heels, pulling himself away from Eddie completely. 

“Strip,” Buck said firmly, making is clear that it wasn’t a request. A fleeting look of gratitude flashed through Eddie’s eyes before he straightened back up and fell back into his ‘attention’ posture. 

His hat came off first, and was tossed playfully at Buck’s head with a wink. Buck caught it reflexively and put it on, surprisingly delighted by the captivated look Eddie gave him. The jacket came next, quickly unbuttoned with a methodically well-practiced maneuver. Buck’s pulse rabbited to life as Eddie’s chest slowly came into view, one bronze patch of skin at a time. Eddie wasn’t wearing a shirt under the jacket – a clear breech of military dress code. Buck couldn’t let that slide.

“Where’s your shirt, soldier?”

Eddie froze under Buck’s intense glare, his panicked expression unsure. Buck could read the thoughts pitching through his mind too easily; was he playing mad, or actually mad?

“Front and center, Diaz,” Buck ordered menacingly. 

Eddie inched towards the bed cautiously, but Buck caught him by the lapels of has half-shed jacket and dragged him forward with one quick yank. He attacked Eddie’s mouth, pulling his lip between his teeth and biting down, hard. Eddie yelped and tried to pulled to pull back, but Buck dug in harder, refusing to show mercy. Eddie’s pained mewls and piteous wriggles of discomfort shot a blazing hunger straight to Buck’s dick. He groaned impotently as he released Eddie, one hand reaching down to stroke himself hard and slow. The pressure of his own hand was deliciously irritating; the friction and weight felt wonderful, but they weren’t what he wanted. 

“I better not see any more slip-ups, soldier,” Buck warned ominously. “Or that lip is gonna bleed.” Eddie visibly shuddered at the threat, but returned to his attentive posture.

“Yes, sir,” he responded in a small, tight voice. Buck noticed a significant bulge now pressing into the front of Eddie’s pants and a calming relief washed over him. That was a good sign; that meant what he was doing was good _for Eddie_. “Get on with it, Diaz. Jacket off.”

Eddie practically slid out of the jacket, letting it fall to the ground around his feet. Buck’s eyes lit up excitedly at the sight of the bright silver tags, dangling against Eddie’s tan skin. That was what **he** had been waiting for. Eddie fidgeted impatiently as Buck’s eyes raked over his exposed chest, imaging the taste of his sweat dampened skin and the heat of passion radiating out from his core. 

“Pants, soldier,” Buck ordered wetly, his mouth salivating wildly at the sight of Eddie half undone. Eddie’s fingers fiddled with the button and zipper for a brief moment, his excitement clearly slowing his dexterity. 

“I’m still waiting, soldier,” Buck hummed petulantly, “Show me what you’ve brought for me to play with.”

Eddie’s face blazed red as he stared back at Buck rabidly, pupils blown so wide his eyes looked hollow. Buck fixed him an impetuous expression. His stomach was beginning to twist into knots with anticipation and anxiety. He was sure he could take Eddie, but the longer they waited, the more nervous he got. His own aching dick was becoming harder to ignore, which also didn’t help matters. Shakily, Eddie finally managed to get his fly open and Buck was immediately graced with a perfectly camo-framed erection, staring straight at him. 

“Going commando? How appropriate,” Buck said appreciatively, eyeing Eddie’s exposed dick heatedly. He reached forward and grabbed ahold of Eddie’s pants, pulling his hips closer so he could inspect his _toy_. “I think I’ll forgive this particular insubordination. Now…how do you want to fuck me, soldier?”

Eddie stared down at him piteously, unable to bring himself to speak. Buck suddenly wondered if Eddie had been handling this as well as he’d thought. When was the last time he had even worn his uniform? Would it bring back painful memories? Had it already? Buck stroked Eddie’s face gently, softening his gaze as he stared deep into Eddie’s lost eyes. 

“Eds, are you good,” he asked tenderly, watching raptly for any signs of discomfort. Eddie nodded quickly, but still refused to speak. “Eddie, I need to hear you too. Are you okay with this? This is what you want?”

“Yes,” he replied gratefully, though almost inaudibly. 

Eddie grabbed Buck’s hands and massaged comforting circles into his skin as he pulled them up to the tags resting against his chest. Buck absently wove the chain around his fingers again and looked up at Eddie questioningly. But Eddie remained silent with a small, private smile on his face. Slowly, he tilted his face down and dragged Buck’s hands up the chain to lift it over his head. He kept his fingers wrapped around Buck’s where they held onto the chain, a devastating warmth and electricity passing between them. He then slowly lifted their arms and looped the chain over Buck’s head, entwining their fingers and pulling their hands away to let the tags fall over Buck’s chest.

Buck sucked in a breath as the thin pieces of metal settled over his skin. Physically, they weighed practically nothing, but the emotional weight attached to them was overwhelming. Buck looked down at the bright silver tags heaving against his chest, the name _Edmundo Diaz_ emblazoned across them, and his heart stopped beating entirely. It was too much. He knew what wearing someone else’s tags meant. He knew how solemnly significant a gesture it was for Eddie to willingly have him wear them, even if it was just for a night. He tore his eyes away from the tags and looked back up at Eddie whose face was split into the fondest, most gracious smile Buck had ever seen on anyone. 

“You want me to be your voice,” Buck asked carefully as his fingers absently fondled the tags at his chest. 

He didn’t want to take over if Eddie still wanted control, but Eddie nodded again with a grateful expression taking over his face. A spark of mingled pride and dominant craving pulled at Buck’s heart. Apparently, he was more than happy to handle Eddie going non-verbal. He could still follow Eddie’s lead – he would just have to clarify where they were going first. Speaking wasn’t exactly Eddie’s favorite pastime to begin with, and Buck imagined he wanted to be able to completely lose himself in their bodies without having to think so much, so not speaking kind of made sense. He let the dog-tags fall to his chest and adjusted the stolen hat on his head before resetting his attention onto moving forward. 

“You still want to fuck me, right?” 

Eddie nodded once, a thoughtful movement. Okay. Buck could work with that.

“Do you want me on my back?” 

Eddie shook his head gently, his eyes flicking down to Buck’s knees and back. Back tracked the movement judiciously.

“On my knees,” he clarified confidently. Eddie’s eyes went wide with desire, a slow inhale filling his chest. “I can handle that.”

Buck rummaged through the nightstand for a brief moment until he acquired the bottle of lube and strip of condoms Eddie kept stashed there. Eddie frowned at him curiously, eying the condoms in his hand. 

“Hey, I don’t know where you’ve been, soldier,” Buck teased, letting himself fall back into the scene playfully. Eddie glared at him, unamused. “You can scowl all you want, you’re still wearing one.”

He ripped the wrapper open with his teeth and deftly unrolled the condom over Eddie’s erection before he could put up a fight. Eddie whined softly as Buck’s hands lingered over the length of him, teasing the rigid organ with featherlight touches. 

“That’s my man,” Buck complimented genuinely. 

Without another word Buck turned himself on the mattress, facing away from Eddie. He let his hands fall to the sheets under his shoulders and propped himself up to present Eddie with his ass. A moment later he felt Eddie tap his right cheek urgently and push him further onto the mattress. Apparently, he wanted to join him on the bed. Buck complied quickly and crawled forward to make room. He swiftly lost himself in the hypnotic swing of the tags around his neck as he moved, relishing the way they seemed to dance in the space between his chest and the mattress. 

Eddie’s hands groped up the backs of his legs and over the mound of his ass, pressing into the flesh firmly, carefully massaging the muscle beneath. A slight twinge of residual pain from their earlier play sent a new thrill through him, but the dull ache of his muscles being stretched brought Buck’s mind crashing back to the scene at play. The time for distractions was over; Eddie wanted direction. 

“Diaz, focus! Now, get me ready,” Buck instructed coolly, hiding the nerves that buzzed through his skin. “Two fingers to start.”

A muffled yelp was all the response he got, but a moment later he felt two slick fingers pressing at him. Buck let the breath spill from his lungs and tried to relax every muscle in his body as Eddie pressed gently against the small ring of muscle at his center. Eddie’s delighted gasp as his ass swallowed his fingers without any hesitation brought a vindicated smile to Buck’s lips, secretly pleased that he had thought to prep himself ahead of time. Buck’s hips canted back involuntarily as Eddie’s fingers began to move, pulling gently at the tender skin of his hole. It was a comfortable full feeling this time, nothing as intense as the first time had been. Eddie took his time, slowly working in and out, twisting and scissoring his fingers to stretch him open. It itched and felt mildly intrusive, but it was much preferred over the burn he had felt before. 

“More,” Buck ordered seriously, suddenly feeling impatient. It wasn’t that he missed the burn, but he suddenly remembered the all-consuming feeling of _Eddie_ being in him and the fullness of fingers didn’t really compare. He craved that connection again, and two fingers just weren’t cutting it. He registered the squelch of more lube being poured out just as a third finger worked into him. 

“Ahh!” Buck couldn’t help the gasp as he rocked forward on his hands. **That** feeling was definitely closer to what he wanted. 

Eddie hooked his fingers up, pressing against that inner spot, that heavenly spot that shot sparks of interest throughout Buck’s body. Buck couldn’t stop himself from helping Eddie stretch him open. He set a slow pace, rocking himself back onto Eddie’s fingers, then forward onto his hand and knees. The dog-tags around his neck swung gently in rhythm with his movements, reminding him acutely of whose fingers he was fucking himself on. Anticipation built in his gut at the slick slide of Eddie’s hand, the push and pull, the pressure and release. His dick pulsed angrily between his thighs, clearly upset by the lack of attention it was receiving. 

“I’m ready, soldier,” Buck announced wantonly, his breath catching in his throat as he spoke. “Fuck me.”

Eddie’s fingers were gone from him before he could even breathe. He could feel his hole twitching at the loss, stretching and closing along with his breath. It was a bizarre feeling, like his ass was trying to breathe, or call out to Eddie, all on its own. He didn’t have long to ponder the feeling thought, because in the next breath the tip of Eddie’s erection was gently prodding at him, seeking entrance. Eddie’s fingers splayed over his ass as he lined himself up and pressed forward, not even waiting for Buck to relax against him. 

“Ohh, fuck,” Buck moaned at the pressure of Eddie pressing into him, stretching and filling him almost too quickly. His hole ached deliciously as it tried to adjust to the sudden intrusion. “Oh god, Eddie.”

Eddie’s fingers twitched against him as he pulled his hips back slowly, dragging against the tight ring delectably. He pressed back in quicker, allowing himself to drive in further, filling Buck even deeper. Buck swore he could feel his organs actually shifting out of the way to accommodate Eddie’s girth. The pressure was so intense, he couldn’t even remember to breathe. 

But then Eddie’s fingers were dancing up the sides of his ribs, tickling him ruthlessly until he _had_ to gasp for air. Manic giggles filled the air as itching tingles of feverish delight fired up and down his spine. His abs and back spasmed riotously against Eddie’s teasing assault.

“Ugghhh,” Eddie groaned loudly, catching himself on Buck’s back as he fell forward. 

Buck realized deviously that his muscle spasms had not been confined to his torso. He focused his control and began to tease Eddie’s dick mercilessly, tightening and relaxing his hole at random as Eddie slowly continued to thrust into him. The shameless sounds of Eddie’s pleasure filled the air as Buck tortured him. But it still wasn’t enough. Hearing Eddie come apart without him wasn’t good enough. He want to fall over that cliff together. 

“I told you to fuck me, soldier,” Buck reminded sternly. “Enough teasing. Don’t hold back.”

An incredulous laugh rumbled through Eddie’s chest. To be fair, Buck had been teasing Eddie for quite some time at that point, but that was different. Eddie pulled out slowly, letting the head of his erection pull tauntingly at Buck’s hole. 

“Don’t make me ask again,” Buck threatened ominously. His knees bounced against the mattress as Eddie readjusted his position. Buck held his breath anxiously, ready for Eddie to set his typical punishing pace. 

“Yes, sir,” Eddie hissed, suddenly right beside Buck’s ear. 

“Gah,” Buck yelped, surprised that Eddie had gotten so close without him noticing. 

Then, without warning, Eddie slammed into him, stretching him wide and sinking into him until their hips were flush. Buck writhed around the sudden fullness, gasping for air as he tried to adjust. But Eddie didn’t give him the chance, he pulled back out completely, leaving Buck empty and yearning. And then suddenly, he was full again, gasping for air. He was definitely not playing anymore. 

Eddie set a reckless pace; pulling out completely and slamming back in without warning, over and over again. Buck’s ass burned from the trauma, being stretched wide then left to gape openly, only to be stretched wide again in an instant. His thighs itched agreeably from Eddie’s rough fatigues dragging against his skin with every connection of their hips. It almost reminded him of the burn from the spanking he’d received that morning, but the slap of Eddie’s hips was much more fulfilling than the paddle. He rocked up the bed with every demanding thrust, his dick swaying angrily against his legs. Eddie’s dog-tags swung wildly with the movement, entrancing Buck as Eddie pounded into him.

“Ah…ugh…ahhh….fuck.” 

Buck couldn’t think straight enough to get out anything more. Each thrust set his body on fire, and each recoil made him ache for more. His erection throbbed painfully, begging for any kind of friction. He balanced his weight onto one hand and reached back to stroke himself, hissing at the sparks of pleasure that shot through him at the contact. He only got one good stroke in before Eddie slammed his hips forward, his dick rubbing against that goddamn spot inside of Buck. 

Buck went limp as he collapsed forward onto his forearm with a grunt, pinning the tags under himself, pulling the chain taught against the back of his neck. But Eddie refused to slow down. He rocked his hips forward and back like a machine, every thrust suddenly dragging across that delectable spot inside of Buck. Sparks flashed behind Buck’s eyes as desire itched across his skin. He reached under himself and resumed his strokes, jerking his hips forward to fuck into his own fist as Eddie shifted his pattern again; only pulling out half way, but doubling his speed.

“Ahh! …god…so good…Buck…” 

It was the most Eddie had said since they’d begun. And Buck was right there with him. His mind was feverishly trying to process the torrent of sensations flooding his body; the powerful thrusts of Eddie’s hips, propelling him into the mattress and filling him so painfully well; the heat and friction of his own hand lining his dick with electric flickers of pleasure; the chain of Eddie’s dog-tags gripping at his neck and biting into his skin – 

Suddenly Eddie’s hand groped forward, crawling up Buck’s back, and fingering the chain around his neck. He twirled the chain into his fingers and yanked back, dragging the tags up and into Buck’s throat. Buck scrambled back up onto his hands, pressing up from the mattress to give Eddie better reach. The tags jingled against his throat tauntingly as Eddie tightened the chain further, pulling Buck’s head up and cutting off his air.

“Oh, fuck. Yes,” Buck groaned breathlessly. Eddie jerked the chain back tighter in reply, the metal biting into his skin, making him fight even harder to breathe. 

Eddie used it as leverage, pulling himself forward to fuck into Buck deeper as Buck tried to swallow down shallow gulps of air. Buck rocked against him, slamming his own hips backward as Eddie thrust forward, filling the room with lewd moans and the vulgar slap of skin against skin. 

Buck’s entire body vibrated with wild desire as Eddie finally let go of his restraint and just _used_ Buck for his own pleasure. Buck was finally satisfied that Eddie had completely lost himself in his body. His thrusts became chaotic, slamming in after barely pulling out, or ripping out of him completely only to frantically reseat himself and restart. He held onto the chain like a lifeline, cutting it against Buck’s throat almost painfully, but Buck thrilled in the extra connection. He knew Eddie was nearly there. If his erratic thrusts weren’t enough of a clue, he had also become overtly vocal, swearing and moaning a litany of uninhibited sounds and cut off syllables. 

“Ohhh…fuck…god…damn…ahh…Buck…jes-…Ev-…so tigh-…so good…”

Buck focused his energy, flexing and relaxing every muscle in his abdomen, milking Eddie’s dick the best he could as he fucked into him. 

“Come for me, soldier,” he purred darkly, voice strained from the chain across his throat. He rolled his hips against Eddie’s thrusts, urging him to come as he squeezed down around the length of him. 

“Oh, fuck…Evan!”

A loud groan ripped from Eddie’s throat as he slammed in one final time. Buck silently cursed himself for putting a condom on Eddie. He could feel his dick pulsing through an orgasm inside of him, but there was no feeling of being filled, of having Eddie’s come shot into him, marking him as Eddie’s and Eddie’s alone, inside and out. He relished every movement as the twitching inside of his slowly settled back down. Buck clenched around the base of Eddie’s dick, disappointed that he wouldn’t get to feel Eddie inside of him much longer. 

“Jesus,” Eddie cried out painfully, pulling out halfway and releasing the chain around Buck’s neck. Buck coughed roughly and tried to catch his caught his breath as he looked back apologetically at Eddie. He genuinely hadn’t thought he would be so sensitive already. However, Eddie did not accept his apologetic look and slapped his ass sharply as punishment. 

“Ungh…” Buck moaned unexpectedly as fire blossomed under his skin. He had forgotten how hard he still was, too lost in the sensations of Eddie losing his goddamned mind moments earlier. But the sharp sting of Eddie’s hand had gone straight to his dick, which still leaked painfully between his legs. 

He felt Eddie slip out of him quickly, but stopped himself from whining at the loss of connection. Instead, he waited. He heard the wet sound of a condom being removed and the vinyl squeak of latex being knotted, but no other movement towards him. Buck began to wonder if Eddie even realized _he_ hadn’t come yet. 

But his question was answered almost immediately. Eddie’s fingers wrapped over Buck’s shoulders and yanked him up, pulling him back to sit on his heels. Buck’s back and thighs throbbed from the abrupt movement, still sore from Eddie’s punishing thrusts. In the new position his erection stood proudly between his legs – bright red and angry, but impressive nonetheless. Eddie sidled up behind him, pressing his entire body against Buck’s back as his fingers knocked the army cap from his head and twisted into his hair. With one sharp tug, Buck found his head tipped backward, looking up into Eddie’s lustful eyes as Eddie’s free hand wrapped greedily around his neck. Buck hummed hungrily in his throat, feeling the vibrations bounce back into his skin where Eddie held him. Eddie’s mouth descended on him, ravaging his lips, his jaw, his throat…anywhere Eddie could reach, his mouth sucked painful, fleeting bruises into the skin, biting and licking at the dark marks as he went. 

Suddenly he released Buck’s hair and let his hand fall down to his neck, to find the chain of his own dog-tags. He fingered over the chain until he found the tags themselves and brought them up to Buck’s lips.

“Open,” Eddie whispered against Buck’s ear, his lips brushing against his skin temptingly. Buck did as he asked, parting his lips for Eddie to place the tags on his tongue, excited that Eddie had found his voice once more. The tang of metal mixed with the salt of his own sweat coated his tongue. “Now close.”

Eddie’s hand snaked down his chest as Buck snapped his jaws together. Eddie’s fingers twisted through the nest of hair between his legs playfully, absently bumping against his aching dick. The gentle caress made Buck twitch hopefully. 

“If you make a sound, I won’t let you come,” Eddie warned darkly.

Buck’s eyes went wide. What?! After begging him to be more vocal all night, now he wasn’t _allowed_ to make noise? A pitiful, indignant whine bubbled up from his throat before he could stop it. Without warning, Eddie pinched the tip of his erection, right over the leaking slit. A high, uncontrollable yelp squeaked out of him as sharp, piercing pain shot through his dick.

“First warning,” Eddie said seriously. “You only get three.”

Buck stiffened under him, afraid to even breathe in case he accidentally gasped or moaned. Eddie waited for a long moment until he was satisfied that Buck understood.

“Good boy,” he purred as he wrapped his long fingers around the base of Buck’s dick. Buck’s hips jerked forward urgently at the contact. A moan rumbled threateningly in his chest, but he forced it back down. 

“Very good,” Eddie cooed darkly. 

He wrapped Buck in a strange embrace, pulling him back against his chest as one hand stroked him slowly and the other groped down his chest. His fingers teased at Buck’s ribs, tickling the extra-sensitive skin there. Buck writhed under his touch, biting down on the tags in his mouth to keep himself from squealing. But Eddie was ruthless; he dragged his nails over Buck’s sides as he stroked him slow and loose, only adding the tiniest bit of friction right at the head. Buck couldn’t stop himself from jerking up into Eddie’s hands and twisting wildly under his torturous fingers. Abruptly, Eddie’s teasing strokes turned hard and firm, squeezing deliciously against Buck’s dick, practically draining the precome out of him. But then his blunt nails dug into Buck’s ribs, scraping down his side sharply, setting the skin on fire as he twisted the firm grip over his dick. 

It was all too much and Buck couldn’t stop himself. Even with the tags between his teeth, grounding him and centering him, he couldn’t stop the shameless moan from vibrating up his throat. Eddie huffed against his skin disappointedly and Buck froze, awaiting his punishment. 

Thankfully, Eddie didn’t pinch him again. Instead, he wrapped his index finger and thumb around the base of Buck’s dick, burying his fingers in the hair there, and squeezed tight, circling his erection and cutting off circulation. Buck’s mouth fell open in a silent, tortured scream. The blood pumping into his erection throbbed painfully under Eddie’s fingers. The desperate hunger for friction and release was replaced by a miserable loss of sensation instead. It felt like his entire dick was covered in pins and needles, but he couldn’t make a sound. His head fell forward, his teeth clenched together over the tags, grinding into the metal as he rode out the intense waves of pain.

“Last warning, Buck,” Eddie threatened as he finally released him. Buck inhaled deeply through his nose, willing his dick to relax, to un-swell, to do anything to lessen the intense prickling sensation flooding his body. Eddie leaned in to kiss Buck’s cheek gently, letting his lips linger just a moment longer than necessary. “Be good for me, Buck. I know you can.”

Eddie kept his forehead pressed against Buck’s temple, his free hand settling back over Buck’s throat, feeling for the sounds he couldn’t hear. Buck screwed his eyes shut, focusing on the taste of metal on his tongue, the stretch of his lungs as he breathed, the heat of Eddie’s skin against his back, the burn in his thighs from overuse, the twinge of his still-gaping ass, anything other than the aching pounding in his gut and between his legs. 

Eddie’s hand returned to his dick, stroking him slow and gentle. It wasn’t as teasing as before, but it wasn’t what he wanted. It was pleasant and peaceful, almost meditative. But Buck didn’t want to meditate – he wanted to come. His balls tensed uncomfortably under him, silently begging for relief as Eddie continued to stroke him _nicely_. Buck didn’t want nice Eddie; he needed reckless Eddie, vicious Eddie – Hell, he’d settle for angry Eddie as long as it meant he got what he needed. 

“Do you want to come, Evan,” Eddie asked rhetorically, knowing Buck couldn’t answer. Buck opened his eyes just to glare over at him. “It’s up to you, my love.”

Buck closed his eyes again, sinking back into the feeling of Eddie’s gentle strokes. The tender pet name soothed him, allowed him to refocus his attentions. His breath fell in line with Eddie’s, inhaling as Eddie’s chest pressed against him and exhaling as he pulled back. Then, slowly, his hips began to roll forward in time with Eddie’s strokes, urging him to go faster, but relishing the slow, sensitive pace. The pins and needles were gone, replaced entirely by a pleasant prickling and a dull pulsating pleasure deep within him. Feeling Buck settle into the pattern, Eddie began to stroke faster, adding a twist every so often that sent new flickers of heat down Buck’s spine. 

Buck inhaled deeply, focusing on the building sensations in his groin as he noted the scents of lust, and sex, and sweat, mixing with the overwhelming scent of Eddie. He rolled the dog-tags over his tongue, focusing on the feel and taste of the metal instead of the desperate moan building in his chest. Eddie’s free hand began to roam again, teasing down Buck’s chest lightly. He thumbed over Buck’s nipples playfully, waiting for an involuntary yelp, but Buck was too focused. He **refused** to break again. His throat burned from holding himself back, but he was not leaving that bed without an orgasm. Eddie picked up his pace again in compensation for Buck’s control. He finally stripped Buck’s dick fast and hard, urging his orgasm to the surface. Buck wriggled and writhed under his touch, fire flooding his veins as his stomach clenched tellingly. He could feel a whine starting, but bit back on it to quell himself. His tongue got caught between his teeth as he bit down and the taste of blood exploded in his mouth. But he still refused to make a sound. He felt like every muscle in his body was tensed to the absolute breaking point, like one massive charley horse, ready to snap. 

But still, he stayed silent. 

Suddenly Eddie was there, kissing him, licking into his mouth, tongue probing over the dog-tags still nestled on his tongue. But the taste of blood must have registered because Eddie stopped his strokes and pulled back, eyes wide and horrified with recognition. Buck collapsed forward, his stomach spasming with need as his dick dribbled precome furiously at having been released, again. Eddie’s mouth hung open in shock. He reached up and touched his lips, checking his fingers for the bloody proof of Buck’s stubborn resolve. Buck didn’t need to see it to know he was bleeding, but the amount of red coating Eddie’s lips was mildly alarming. Eddie pulled the tags from Buck’s mouth and stared at the red sheen that covered them. 

“My god, Evan. You have been so good for me,” he murmured proudly, dropping the bloody tags against Buck’s chest and leaning back in to kiss him as he resumed his strokes. 

He sucked Buck’s tongue into his mouth, massaging the sore spot that slowly spouted blood. Buck desperately wanted to moan, desperately wanted to whine, or curse, or breathe. His hips rocked forward involuntarily, chasing friction, or pain, or pleasure, or anything to end his maddening purgatory. His body was shaking with need and his dick literally felt like it might explode at any second. It was hot and heavy and angry under Eddie’s touch and precome leaked so steadily from the tip that Eddie’s hand had slipped completely off more than once. Buck **needed** release. He needed to make scream. He needed to make noise. But more than anything, he needed Eddie. 

As if on cue, Eddie switched his stroke, adding a flick of the wrist that had Buck convulsing under him. Every nerve in his body fired at once, electrifying his skin and sending his consciousness skyward. He couldn’t have made a sound if he wanted to: his soul was drifting away, floating to the heavens as Eddie’s hand expertly _unraveled_ him. 

Eddie’s lips were pressed to his temple again, gentle kisses peppering his birthmark as Eddie hummed his affection directly into Buck’s skin. 

“Come for me, Buck,” Eddie whispered, his lips dragging across the marked skin above his eye, “Let me hear you scream.”

The floodgates opened. Every sound Buck had swallowed down burst forth at once, tearing his throat to shreds and echoing against the walls of Eddie’s bedroom as his orgasm was ripped out of him. His back arched up involuntarily as hot ropes of come shot over Eddie’s fingers, striping Eddie’s sheets as wave after wave of painfully intense pleasure rolled over him. 

Buck’s head fell back limply against Eddie’s chest as he rode out his orgasm, mouth hung open in a frozen scream. His mind went blank for a long moment, too lost in the overwhelming sensation of relief and release cascading over him. 

“Eddie,” Buck eventually groaned hoarsely. Eddie continued to stroke him gently, pulling a final, surprise, burst of come from him before letting him go. Buck collapsed against him, his tender, abused dick resting against his shaking thigh. “You are going to be the death of me.”

“I think I’ll take that as a compliment,” Eddie decided amusedly, bringing his hand to his lips and licking the stray bits of come from his fingers. And fuck if _that_ wasn’t the hottest thing Buck had ever seen. 

“Compliment, my ass,” Buck growled as he pulled Eddie into a scorching kiss, licking at his tongue to chase the taste of his own come. Eddie moaned back into his mouth playfully and Buck snapped. He reared back, angrily noting the glint of amusement in Eddie’s eyes. “ _You_ don’t get to moan anymore, asshole. Do you know how hard it is to stay quiet when you’re being pulled apart at the seams!?”

Eddie had the decency to at least pretend to look sorry, although the subtle smirk kind of took away from the sincerity. 

“I’m so proud of you though,” Eddie replied lightly, “I’ve never heard you so quiet.”

Buck launched himself off of the mattress and flew into a belligerent tirade, pacing the room indignantly and berating Eddie for being so cruel as to make him stay quiet, and then have the gall to mock him about it. Eddie watched him with a disgustingly fond expression, eyes tracking the naked lines of Buck’s body hungrily as he climbed off the bed and tucked himself back into the uniform pants, which Buck suddenly remembered he was still wearing. His heart fluttered at the sight of Eddie in camouflage, but he forced himself to look away and throw himself back into his speech. Eddie patiently let Buck wear himself out, sitting back down on the edge of the bed casually as Buck slowly ran out of things to yell about. 

“That was a really excellent lecture,” Eddie began amusedly, “But are you finished?”

Buck crossed his arms and glared at him. It probably would have been more menacing if he wasn’t still completely naked. Eddie eyed him curiously, one eyebrow quirked up appreciatively. Buck knew he was beaten. 

“…yes, I’m done,” he admitted sourly, his anger deflating abruptly. He refused to find Eddie’s amusement endearing. 

“Good,” Eddie began, undeterred by Buck’s outburst. “Now, I get to say thank you. Thank you for figuring out what I needed when I couldn’t. Thank you for trusting me and for validating my trust in you.” Buck deflated further as Eddie spoke. But Eddie pressed on valiantly. “Now I get to tell you how incredibly proud of you I am. And how much I fucking love you. And how good you are, for me and to me, not to mention how amazing I think you are. Buck, I have never known anyone like you and I thank God every day that we were able to meet and that you chose to stand by me from the beginning, and that after everything we’ve both been through you _still_ choose to be with me.”

Well shit. It wasn’t like he could stay irritated after that. Eddie watched him happily as he slowly approached the bed and sat down next to him. He turned to look at Eddie, noting the disgustingly smitten look in his eyes, and the dreamy smile on his lips. Okay. Maybe it was worth being teased a bit if it made Eddie look at him like that more often.

“I fucking love you too,” he admitted begrudgingly with a roll of his eyes. “And I’m glad you’re with me, and you’re amazing, and great, and all the things that’ll make your head even bigger, but you’re still an asshole sometimes.”

The responding laugh from Eddie was the most unguarded, genuine, joyous sound Buck had ever heard. His eyes sparkled with such tender fondness that the air was sucked out of Buck’s lungs at the sight. Eddie was fucking _gorgeous_.

“Haven’t we had this discussion before,” Eddie asked lightheartedly. Buck thought for a confused moment, but snorted as he realized they _had_ had that conversation before. Eddie beamed at the crude sound. 

“God forbid you try to learn from it,” Buck teased, bumping his shoulder into Eddie’s. 

“Hey, you said you liked assholes,” Eddie argued playfully. Well, he did like Eddie’s. He sighed in contented defeat and leaned over to place a chaste kiss on Eddie’s cheek. He was happy to feel the blush beneath his lips. 

“You’re lucky I like you.” 

Eddie grinned back at him lovingly.

“Now the real question is, do you like me enough to help me change these sheets,” Eddie joked with a gesture to the mess they had made of his bed. “Because I really don’t want to sleep in a puddle of your spunk again.”

Buck rose huffily, face twisting into mock rage, as he gestured wildly between the bed and Eddie, who seemed entirely too pleased with himself. 

“You’re really gonna act like that was _my_ fault!? Besides, I slept in **both** our come this afternoon, you as-”

Buck was abruptly cut off by a pillow flying at his face and couldn’t stop the muffled, undignified yelp that resulted. But the sound of Eddie’s warm laughter filtering through the air soothed him instantly. He held the pillow to his face for a long moment, breathing in the lingering scent of Eddie, pleasantly surprised to catch the faintest hint of his own shampoo as well. The two scents worked together pretty damn well, if you asked him. 

Eventually, Buck lowered the pillow, revealing an impetuous grin. In the blink of an eye he tossed the pillow back at Eddie’s face and rushed forward to tackle him back onto the mattress, rolling onto his back to pull Eddie on top of him. The comforting weight of Eddie’s body over him grounded him to the moment, allowing him to live in the loving bubble they had created for just a little longer. Eddie smiled down at him with such a profound look of adoration that it made him blush. He tilted his head up to press their lips together, putting all the love and warmth and reverence he felt for Eddie into the kiss. He felt Eddie smiled against him, a palpable bliss radiating from within him.

“Are you trying to distract me, Buck,” Eddie whispered as he pulled back to gaze lovingly down at Buck’s face. “Because you’re still helping with the sheets either way. It _is_ your mess after all.”

Buck grabbed a pillow and smothered Eddie’s face with it. He bucked his hips up to knock Eddie off of him and dumped him rudely back onto the mattress as he jumped off of the bed. Buck grudgingly stalked to linen closet in the hallway to find more sheets, throwing an emphatic, but remarkably fond _Asshole_ over his shoulder at Eddie as he went. 

A contentedness settled over Buck as he left the room, even with Eddie’s smug, muffled laughter echoing into the space behind him. Eddie was clearly, almost deliriously, happy, and that meant it was finally okay for Buck to be too. He grabbed a set of sheets from the closet and plodded back to the bedroom, privately exhilarated to traipse around Eddie’s house naked. It wasn’t really a voyeuristic thing; he was just impressed that he could feel so free there. Buck had to laugh as he returned to the bedroom to find Eddie feigning sleep, sprawled across the mattress at an absurd angle to avoid the mess they’d made. Eddie really was a drama queen sometimes. 

He was lucky Buck loved him so much anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you see now?! Do you see why the title amused me so much?! (It's still bad, I know. I don't care. It makes me laugh.)
> 
> Heads up, I will be winding this fic down soon. You can probably expect another 2-3 chapters to wrap up.


	13. The Second Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a whirlwind day and night of exploring each other's bodies, Eddie and Buck finally go on their second official date.

The next morning Eddie woke to the soft, happy snores of a contented and peaceful Evan Buckley. He lay still for a long moment, eyes closed, just basking in the feeling of having Buck next to him. He still couldn’t quite believe that they had arrived at such a beautiful place. His mind drifted back to their beginning as he got lost in the sounds of Buck’s breath. They had, admittedly, had a rocky start to their friendship, but Buck had become such a part of Eddie’s life in the years since that he couldn’t even imagine not having him around. And now? Not only having him around, but being _with_ him, being a part of him, and having Buck fill that final missing piece in his own life – it was almost too good to be true. Eddie had never allowed himself to believe that he would ever be truly, completely, happy in life – he had known far too much heartache and pain to believe happiness would ever come to him – but laying there in the morning sun, surrounded by such warmth, and love, and passion, finally comfortable in his own bed for the first time since he had returned from Afghanistan – he _was_ happy. 

Buck turned over and casually threw his arm over Eddie’s waist, drawing him nearer in his sleep. Eddie’s heart burst. Even unconscious, Buck still wanted him. He focused on the heat of Buck’s arm where it draped over him, the weight of it sinking into his skin. It was a remarkable feeling: possessive, and tender, and comforting all at once. He breathed in deep, noting the way even the air held a lingering hint of Buck anymore. It was like Buck had claimed just as much space in Eddie’s physical space as he had in his mind. And honestly, Eddie loved it. He loved the idea of Buck filling all the empty spaces in his home the way he had already filled the broken spaces of his heart. Was it too soon to talk about moving in? It probably was. Eddie slowly inhaled a deep, calming breath; he was getting ahead of himself. Sure, they’ve known each other for years, but they had only been together for a couple weeks. Hell, they’d only been on one official date.

Eddie’s mind ground to a halt. Had they really only had _one_ date? He thought back over the past two weeks. That first fateful lunch hadn’t been official, but the next day had. Visiting Chris at camp couldn’t quite count, nor could meeting Ant at the bar. Everything else had happened at home or the station, which was incredibly satisfying, but not quite date-material.

Eddie blinked his eyes open, his brow furrowed into a frown. Buck was curled against him, his head resting next to Eddie’s shoulder, a faint trickle of drool dribbling from the corner of his mouth. Eddie convinced himself that it was endearing. And the more he thought about it, the more endearing it became. Buck was comfortable enough, at home enough with him to completely let himself go and sink into a childlike slumber. It showed what kind of trust he placed in Eddie to let himself be unabashedly real in his presence, and Eddie was honored that Buck placed that kind of trust in him. He watched Buck for a long moment, his eyes slowly drifting over his face. The deep pink marks above his eye called out to him, begging to be touched, to be kissed. But he didn’t want to wake him. Not yet. Instead, Eddie reached out slowly and gently ran his fingers over the birthmark, plotting it in his mind until he could recall its shape at will. It was such a perfect representation of Buck: striking and in-your-face, but endearing and unique, and entirely _Buck_. As he lay there gently stroking Buck’s face, it became utterly unacceptable that they had only had one date. Buck deserved romance, to be wined and dined like the catch he was. 

As if on cue, Buck began to stir. He batted his eyes open, confusion etched on his face as he tried to focus on Eddie’s hand so close to him. Eddie’s fingers slid down to cup Buck’s jaw consolingly. 

“Morning, beautiful,” Eddie cooed softly. Buck’s confusion shifted to bashful delight in an instant. He ducked his face against Eddie’s arm to hide his blush.

“You’re so embarrassing,” Buck chided fondly against him. But Eddie felt the faint press of Buck’s lips against his shoulder, belying his jibe. 

“Hey,” Eddie said intently, tapping Buck’s jaw to get his attention, “What are you doing tonight?”

He refused to let Buck be squandered; they were going to have another date. Buck raised an eyebrow and stared back at him.

“I want to take you out to dinner, just us,” Eddie declared eagerly. Buck considered the idea for a moment, keeping his face unreadable. 

“Like for pizza or…” Buck drifted off, unsure of how serious a proposition Eddie was making. 

“No. I want to take you to Capo,” Eddie clarified, fully aware that Buck knew how expensive and elegant the restaurant was. “And you’re going to get whatever you want, and I’m going to sit there enjoying spoiling you because you deserve it. And so much more.” 

Buck’s eyes lit up enthusiastically. Eddie knew he hadn’t been treated to a place quite as fancy as Capo in a long time, and Buck had a surprisingly refined palate when it came to food. 

“Seriously,” Buck questioned hesitantly. “Don’t you need to make reservations way in advance there?”

Oh. Shit. But Eddie was undeterred.

“I’ll make it happen, for you.”

Buck smiled back at him, eyes brimming with love and appreciation.

“Then I accept,” he agreed excitedly, squeezing himself against Eddie’s body in an awkward side-hug. “I would love to go to dinner with you.”

***

Eddie arrived at Capo a full forty minutes early that night. He had never been early to anything since he moved to LA, but his nerves had gotten the better of him and he had decided that driving might ease his mind more than pacing his living room. Admittedly, it had worked well – at least for the time it took him to get Santa Monica. But now he was just there…waiting. It was so much worse! 

He paced outside the entrance, trying to convince himself that his nerves were pointless, and that Buck already loved him, and there was no reason for him to be so fucking anxious. But his nerves couldn’t tell the difference. He’d been on edge since Buck had left his house that afternoon. They’d decided that it would be more exciting to actually go all out and dress up and meet each other at the restaurant like a normal couple who didn’t practically live together before they were dating might do. At the time it had sounded sweet and a little exciting. But now, Eddie was sweating, and it wasn’t from the southern California weather. He was going to be so mad if he ruined the look he had worked on so hard. He had spent a longer time getting ready than he had planned to, and even had to stop to buy a new tie, but he thought it would be worth it. His hair was a one-trick pony at the moment, so that hadn’t taken him long to fix, but he had shaved again and put on a nice cologne and even tucked his dog tags into the black button-down that he had actually ironed before putting on. He was practically wearing black from head to toe, save for the deep red tie he had gotten to compliment his outfit. It was the most effort he had put into a look in a long time and the cool metal of his tags against his chest, particularly after their starring role night before, thrilled him in a way he couldn’t explain. But none of it was helping to calm his insufferable nerves. 

A ding from his phone startled him from his panic. An almost immediate second ding broke him from it completely. 

_From: Buckaroo (6:34pm)  
omw eta 655 cant wait to see you_

_From: Buckaroo (6:34pm)  
love you <3_

Eddie’s nerves were immediately forgotten as his heart swelled in his chest and his stomach clenched adoringly. Of course, he already knew Buck loved him, but seeing it in writing did far more to drive the point home than anything his mind had been able to come up with. But there it was, plain as could be, right on his phone screen – Buck _loved_ him. A private smile played at his lips as he sent a quick reply and tucked his phone back into his pocket. 

_To: Buckaroo (6:36pm)  
Thanks for the heads up. I can’t wait to see you either. I love you, Evan._

The next twenty minutes passed quicker than the first. Eddie had even nearly completely calmed down. That is, until Buck rounded the corner of the building and his entire body shut down at the sight of him. Buck was undeniably handsome; Eddie had known that since the day they met, and both of them had often remarked on the other’s looks many times since. But that night, Buck had pulled out all of the stops. He wore a deep royal blue three-piece suit that accentuated the lines his body like it had been made specifically to drive Eddie wild. The collar of a dark gray button-down peeked out from above the matching blue vest which, as Buck got closer, Eddie realized shined with a satiny, vaguely paisley pattern. His face clean cut and he had somehow managed to style all of his curls to sit perfectly on top of his head, twisting effortlessly in every direction. He looked immaculate, and yet still perfectly himself. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing a tantalizing glimpse of his bare chest underneath. Eddie was frozen to the spot, his mouth hung partially open out of pure desire. 

“Is it too much,” Buck asked nervously as he approached, one hand reaching up to flatten his hair anxiously. 

Eddie reached out reflexively to pull Buck’s hand back down. He _adored_ Buck’s curls and this was the first time he’d seen them so delightfully highlighted by his hairstyle; there was no way he was going to allow him to ruin them because of nerves. Eddie curled his fingers into Buck’s and pulled him forward, catching his lips in a hungry, appreciative kiss. His other hand snaked its way to the back of Buck’s neck, fingers kneading into the tense muscles there and toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. Buck softened against him immediately, his free hand coming to Eddie’s waist and pulling him closer possessively. They stayed that way for a long moment, wrapped up in each other’s kiss, blissfully unaware of the stares and whistles being tossed their way. 

Eddie pulled back, suddenly remembering that they were in public and not the privacy of their homes. Buck opened his eyes dazedly, blinking against the harsh light of sunset.

“Sorry,” Eddie rushed out quietly, “I don’t know what came over me.”

“I did,” Buck teased with a wink. Although Eddie found the comment gratuitous and inappropriate, he couldn’t stop the bark of laughter that burst out of him. 

“You’re such a dick,” Eddie chastised, pushing at Buck’s shoulder. Buck moved with the push and swung his opposite arm around to catch the back of Eddie’s neck and pull him into another quick, scorching kiss. But he released him before he could even register what had happened.

“But I’m your dick,” Buck cooed lovingly. Eddie rolled his eyes, but an overwhelming weakness softness his body. “I’m impressed you got here before me. That is highly unusual for the Eddie Diaz I know and love.”

Eddie’s cheeks flushed from Buck’s overt declaration, a bashful heat warming his chest and face. He toed at the sidewalk between them nervously, debating whether or not to tell Buck just _how_ early he had actually been. 

“Nerves got the best of you, huh,” Buck asked shrewdly with a knowing smile. Eddie’s eyes flicked up to meet his, but he looked away immediately, embarrassed by his own impetuous body. “You are fucking adorable, you know that?”

Buck pulled him in for another quick kiss, his tongue flicking playfully at Eddie’s lips as he pulled back. He held an arm out, offering it to Eddie as he turned to face the entrance. An excited tremor ran through him as he happily took it. He had never been a perfect gentleman, but before that moment, **he** had always been the one to escort a date. It felt different on this end of the arrangement: he felt cherished and protected. But maybe that was just because of the way Buck’s smile shined down at him.

“You look amazing by the way,” Buck added as they entered the restaurant. “Red is definitely your color.”

Eddie blushed. He was used to being hit on, but genuine compliments always made him uncomfortable. 

“Aha,” Buck cheered quietly, “Even on your face, red is still your color!”

Eddie elbowed him with arm he was holding.

“Knock it off,” Eddie groaned, his face still decidedly warm. “You look good too.”

“Oh, please, you flatter me with such high praise,” Buck crowed facetiously. Eddie stopped them dead in their tracks and turned to face Buck.

“You already know how good you look. But if you need your ego stroked, fine,” Eddie hissed out under his breath. “When I saw you come around that corner, all I could think of was you in that suit, gagging me with my tie, and fucking me into my mattress until I came all over that pretty blue material that brings out your eyes so well. Happy?”

Buck’s face glowed red instantly. Eddie swore he could feel the heat coming off of him. 

“You think it brings out my eyes,” Buck asked in wonder. 

“Asshole,” Eddie scoffed as he pushed a now-giggling Buck away from him. 

“Good evening. Do you have a reservation,” the hostess asked with a cheery smile, interrupting their childish taunting. Eddie turned to face her, his cheeks warming further with new embarrassment. 

“Sorry, yes we do,” Eddie apologized quickly, dragging Buck behind him. “Diaz, party of two.”

“I kinda like the sound of that,” Buck mused aloud to himself. Eddie’s eyes widened in shock as the hostess gave them a calculating look. But the look was soon replaced by her cheery smile again as she ushered them into the restaurant. The restaurant wasn’t exactly what he had expected, but it was cozy. The dark wooden beams across the ceiling and the candle light lining the stone walls gave the effect of an elegant wine cellar at some Italian vineyard tucked into the Tuscan hillside.

“Your waitress will be right with you,” the hostess announced as she sat them in a secluded, and oddly romantic corner booth. “Enjoy your date!”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up as he watched her retreating form. Was it that obvious they were a couple? Sure, people had confused them for one before, but…huh…Eddie suddenly wondered how long they _had_ been a couple.

“You good, Eds,” Buck asked curiously as he thumbed through the menu. In the dim, sultry light of the restaurant, he looked positively edible. Eddie swallowed, hard, before answering.

“How long have we been a couple,” he asked vaguely. Buck regarded him carefully.

“Strictly speaking? Almost two weeks,” Buck answered cautiously. But Eddie could tell there was more to it than that.

“And non-strictly speaking,” Eddie pried further. Buck squirmed under the intensity of his question.

“…I mean…for me, personally,” Buck began again, weighing each word carefully as he spoke. “Before I knew we could be _this_ , I still kind of thought of us as a packaged deal for the past…year or so.”

A year. They could have been together, like ‘this’, for a YEAR! 

Eddie silently berated himself for not acting on his feelings sooner. Even if he had tried to ignore it, even though he had never even admitted it fully to himself, he had been yearning for Buck since his second month at the 118. And Buck had wanted him back, at least in some way, for an entire **year**. Yes, Shannon coming back into his life had distracted him for a while, but still! A YEAR!

“I’m an idiot,” Eddie groaned, throwing his head down onto his hands. 

“What are you talking about,” Buck asked concernedly. He reached out to shake Eddie by the shoulder. “Eddie, what’s going on?”

Eddie sat up suddenly, grabbing Buck’s hand before he could retract it.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to act on my feelings for you,” he said seriously. “If I had been braver, and accepted what I felt for you sooner, we could have been together for a year at this point. This could be an anniversary dinner instead of a second date.”

Buck’s eyebrows pinched together confusedly as Eddie spoke. His hand lay practically limp in Eddie’s fingers as he processed what had been said.

“Wait,” Buck started, still working out the details, “ _You_ liked _me_ for more than a year?”

Eddie sighed, gripping Buck’s hand tighter. 

“Buck, I’ve wanted you since my sixth week on the job. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but the desire has been there a long time,” Eddie admitted quietly. Buck’s hand slowly began to grip back at Eddie’s fingers. 

“I guess I kinda thought, in the back of mind, that _this_ only came about after Shannon…,” Buck drifted off, not wanting to bring up another painful memory. Eddie’s heart ached. Had Buck really thought he was the consolation prize? Even after Eddie told him he had been searching for him all along?

“Buck, no.” Eddie’s voice was strained as he fought through years of pain and un-shed tears to fix what Buck had misunderstood. “Evan, I have wanted you for years. I was still coming to terms with it and I thought I couldn’t have you, so I let old feelings for Shannon guide me somewhere else. I thought she might be enough to distract me from what I felt for you. But she wasn’t. Not even close. I think that’s why I jumped in so hard when she came back. I was afraid of feeling like I couldn’t have what I really wanted for the rest of my life, so I tried to convince myself to want something else. And maybe some part of me did, but it doesn’t even compare to the way you make me feel. I am so sorry for ever making you feel like you were a second choice.”

Buck’s frown softened as Eddie squeezed his hand again. He looked hopeful, almost relieved.

“Buck, if I had met you first, there would have been no other choice,” Eddie assured him further. He needed Buck to understand how special their relationship was to him. “If I hadn’t still been married when we met, I would’ve jumped in right away.”

Buck smiled at that. It was strange, even to Eddie, to remember that he had been married for years before they met. What a strange chapter that had been in his life. He appreciated Shannon for what she was to him and for giving him Christopher, but looking back on their time together, it felt like a place-holder compared to what he felt for Buck. Maybe it was the multiple lives-saved between them, but it felt like a deeper connection than anything he’d had before, with anyone else.

“I appreciate Shannon,” Buck said when he finally spoke. Eddie was taken aback, unsure of what had prompted the comment, or where it might lead. He clung to Buck’s hand like a life line, bracing himself for whatever came next. “I wish I could have thanked her for keeping you safe long enough for us to meet, and for bringing Christopher into the world. Not to speak ill or anything, but I still think she was insane for wanting to leave you. But I also selfishly appreciate her for that too because it allowed us to find each other for real. I’m just sorry I didn’t realize sooner what we could have had all along.” 

Eddie released his grip on Buck’s hand and wound their fingers together supportively. Buck watched him so openly every vulnerable emotion that passed through his mind was broadcast across his face. 

“I’m sorry it took so long for us to meet,” Eddie admitted quietly. “But you’ll never know how happy I am that we did.”

“I may have some idea,” Buck replied with a smirk. “You don’t have the patent on tragic backstories, you know.” 

Eddie had to smile at that. Buck knew the majority of his history, so he knew how much he could tease before it upset him. And he was right. Buck had his fair share of baggage too; it was just less obvious. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was that Buck was so understanding. He had never had anyone who _got_ him like Buck did.

“Good evening, gentlemen. I have some drinks here for you,” announced the waitress who appeared at their table like magic. Had they really been so distracted they didn’t see her approach? She set a tumbler of some caramel colored alcohol in front of Eddie and a vibrant pink drink in a tall glass filled with fruits and a purple umbrella in front of Buck. 

“Um, we didn’t order these,” Buck spoke up, eying the drink with interest. 

Eddie knew he wouldn’t admit it in front of the rest of the 118, but Buck loved fruity drinks. On more than one occasion he had shown up with the ingredients for some ridiculous sounding drink Eddie had never heard of and proceeded to make them another of the sweetest, fruitiest, most electric concoctions on earth. But Eddie was the only one that knew that about him. He thought.

“Oh no, they were compliments of another guest,” the waitress clarified happily.

“Who,” Eddie chimed in, scanning the room. But just as the waitress started to answer, Eddie saw them. His stomach dropped. “Oh, no.”

“What,” Buck asked, catching on to the fear in his voice. Eddie looked pointedly across the restaurant and Buck finally saw them too. A brilliant smile lit his face as he practically jumped out of his seat to wave. Across the room, Carla wiggled her fingers back in response with a ridiculously haughty smirk. She was seated with a strapping young man who looked like he could be a linebacker, but watched her with such a softness that even Eddie felt embarrassed for him. He hoped he didn’t look that sappy when he looked at Buck, but a large part of him suspected he looked even worse.

“Can I go say hi,” Buck turned to ask the waitress excitedly. The young woman looked startled at being asked by an adult whether he was allowed to say hello to another table. Eddie took pity and answered for her. 

“Tell Carla I said hi too, and to knock off the smug look,” Eddie directed, to which Buck delightedly skipped across the room to scoop her up in a bear hug. The waitress stared back at Eddie curiously. “He’s innocent, I promise. Just big-hearted.”

“Who’s the lady,” she asked equally curious. Eddie glanced over to see Buck now hugging Carla’s date while she giggled into her wine glass. Her face turned serious as Buck released the man and Buck’s expression shifted to match her. What were they talking about?

“She works with m-, our son. But she helped a…friend of his before that and they’ve been close ever since. She’s an aid,” Eddie explained breathlessly, reveling in the butterflies it gave him to call Christopher _their_ son. The waitress’ shoulders slumped wistfully as she watched Buck give Carla another big hug before jogging back to their table. 

“You son is lucky to have such sweet dads,” the waitress remarked as Buck took his seat. He stiffened awkwardly as her words sank in.

“He really is,” Eddie agreed earnestly, catching Buck’s eye and throwing him a small, private smile. Buck beamed back at him, reaching out for his hand again.

“Would you two like more time,” she asked, finally noting the abandoned menus on the table. 

“Only the rest of my life,” Buck said sincerely, sending a warm wave of adoration through Eddie’s entire body. 

“Gladly,” Eddie agreed easily, locking onto Buck’s eyes with a heat he had never felt before. He couldn’t begin to imagine his world without Buck in it, but he could vividly imagine the rest of his life with him.

“Um, I meant with the…menus,” the waitress whispered awkwardly, inching away slowly as Eddie and Buck gazed into each other’s eyes. “I can come back…”

“What did Carla say to you,” Eddie asked, remembering the sudden serious moment he’d witnessed. The waitress tiptoed away as Buck’s ears glowed red from blush.

“She said she was glad we finally got our heads out of our ‘you-know-what’s.”

Eddie laughed, glancing back to where Carla was still watching them. He raised his glass in salute, which she happily returned. 

“She also said,” Buck continued quietly; his voice held an almost reverent quality, “that I need to hold onto you because…I look happier than she’s ever seen me.”

Eddie’s heart seized in his chest. He had hoped he was as good for Buck as Buck had been for him, but he hadn’t ever been able to tell. Until now. He leaned down over the table and pulled Buck’s hand up to his lips to place a chaste, but lingering kiss to his knuckles. Buck’s ears turned even redder. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Evan,” Eddie assured him. “And I’m honored to be able to make you so happy. I only hope I can continue to.”

Buck smiled back at him, one of his standard ‘stunners’, but this one held more weight. There was something in his eyes that transfixed Eddie; he looked blissful. 

Their waitress returned a few minutes later to finally get their orders and Buck apologized for ignoring her earlier. She was so disarmed by Buck’s smile that she ended up apologizing for interrupting the first time. It was ridiculous the things people would do for that smile. But Eddie understood; he was all too familiar with the lengths to which he would go to see Buck’s smile. 

The rest of their dinner was pleasant. They talked and laughed and reminisced over the rocky road of their courtship. More than once the waitress had returned to check on them only to shuffle away blushing from the matching desire that darkened their eyes, or the soppy love-struck looks they kept throwing at each other. They decided early on in the evening to leave her a very healthy tip for making her so uncomfortable. 

By the time dessert was ordered, and after a couple more rounds of drinks, Eddie was feeling bolder, lulled into a sense of intimacy by the corner booth and dim lighting. Buck was mid-story, recounting the time he’d met some Brazilian pop-star the summer he was in South America. But Eddie was too distracted by the light in his eyes, the boyish grin on his face, and the animated way his hands waved as he spoke to really listen. His eyes lingered on Buck’s fingers, knowing intimately what he could do with them, making his mouth water for something far more satisfying than food. That’s not to say the food was bad; it was actually one of the best meals he had ever had, but he had a feeling at least half of that assessment was due to his company. 

Feeling more mischievous than usual, Eddie walked his foot further under the table, bumping his knee against Buck’s casually. But Buck was too invested in his story; he continued on, spiritedly describing the hurried attempt to secret away the star after they had been recognized. It was almost adorable how excited he still got over the story, one that Eddie had just realized he had heard at least twice before. He recalled the pop-star being stashed in the bar’s supply room as the fans thronged the building and Buck convinced them he had left for the fancier club down the strip, only to have the star invite him out to a different fancy club in thanks. It _was_ a good story, but not one Eddie was entirely invested in at the moment. Under the table he toed out of his shoe and slowly dragged his foot up Buck’s leg, leisurely inching it up his thigh.

And suddenly Buck was still and silent. Wild eyes latched onto Eddie’s devious grin as his foot drifted closer and closer to Buck’s waist. 

“Eddie,” Buck warned seriously, but the flicker in his eyes betrayed his amusement. Eddie smiled back at him innocently, his eyebrows tilting up into a naïve expression. Buck stared back at him flatly, his brow pinched into a straight, unimpressed line. 

He moved quicker than Eddie was prepared for. One second Eddie’s foot was sliding up Buck’s thigh, dangerously close to the crotch of his pants, and the next second, his foot was trapped in Buck’s hands, pinning him in place in an uncomfortable stretch beneath the table top. 

Buck pulled him further down in his seat, stretching his leg to its limit with a wicked sneer. But then, Eddie felt pointed thumbs digging into the bottom of his foot, stretching out the surprisingly tight tendon and massaging what felt like years of strain out of the surrounding muscle. His head fell back involuntarily as his leg turned to Jell-O immediately under Buck’s deft fingers. Ticklish tremors ricocheted up his calf, sending trembling shivers throughout his body, stemming straight from Buck’s fingers. He swallowed down the frantic giggle that bubbled in his throat, but then Buck dug his thumbs into the center of his foot, releasing a knot he’d had since Afghanistan and he lost control of his voice entirely.

The moan that escaped him could only be described as pornographic. Eddie’s head shot up, his eyes panicked as he tried to process what had just happened. He had no idea how loud the moan had been, but from Buck’s hysterical laughter, he could guess. A quick glance at the surrounding tables confirmed his worst fears; three of their neighboring tables were determinedly avoiding eye contact, but a woman at the fourth table was watching them with a little too much interest. He also caught their waitress was rushing away, hiding her face from their table for, at least, the fourth time that evening.

“Goddammit, Buck,” Eddie griped, lowering his face into his hands to hide the blush burning at his cheeks. 

It was easy to stay embarrassed, but hard to stay angry at Buck. Even though he continued to chuckle softly to himself, his fingers never stopped working over Eddie’s foot. And although his humiliation still warmed his face and chest unbelievably, he couldn’t ignore the persistent thread of pleasure and relief that snaked its way through him from Buck’s hands. Eddie tucked his head into his arms on the table, looking exactly like a petulant student who had gotten caught doing something stupid. Which was actually an apt description of his situation. 

“How are you so good at that,” he whined through his arms, hating how besotted he still sounded, even through the flames of mortification licking up his throat.

“I studied reflexology and massage for like a semester after high school,” Buck answered casually as if it was old news. “I needed money and I was pretty good with my hands, so I thought why not, you know? Plus, the tips were amazing!”

Buck lowered Eddie’s foot back to the ground and tapped his other knee expectantly. Eddie raised his head, just far enough to let his eyes peek out from behind his arms, a baffled expression twisting his eyebrows. 

“Gimme your other foot,” Buck explained with an exasperated roll of his eyes. “I’m not gonna leave you half-cocked.”

A new kind of heat flooded Eddie’s chest as he buried his head back into his arms. Couldn’t Buck have been a _little_ more discerning with his word choice? Buck tapped his knee again, huffing impatiently at him. 

He did have a point though. It would feel weird to walk on one refreshingly massaged foot, and one tense one…right?

Begrudgingly Eddie kicked his other shoe off and let Buck lift his foot up into his lap. The second his thumbs made contact Eddie had to bite his lip to stop the pitiful whine that ached in his chest. Jesus. _How was Buck so good at everything?_

Eddie’s legs burned from the stretch of reaching so far under the table, but the biting stretch gave him something to focus on other than the ridiculous, tantalizing waves of tension-relief rocketing up his body. Buck hummed to himself as he worked, kneading every spot of Eddie’s foot and, somehow, relaxing the rest of his body at the same time. It was like there were threads connecting the parts of his foot to every other part of his body; as Buck worked out the kinks in his heel, suddenly his neck felt looser too; as he kneaded the space between his toes, suddenly his stomach felt lighter and his back stretched more easily; as Buck dug into the arch of his foot, his shoulders drooped and the tension he almost always held there melted away. By the time Buck was done, Eddie’s entire body felt like rubber; even the burn in his legs was completely extinguished. 

“How do you feel,” Buck asked self-assuredly. 

“Amazing,” he moaned into the table, too relaxed to even lift his head. Buck laughed as he lowered Eddie’s foot back to the floor. If Eddie had been himself, he wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of an honest answer. But whatever Buck had done to him had transformed him into a different person: a better person, a more open and optimistic person. 

“I still got it,” Buck crowed proudly, wiggling happily in his seat. Eddie tilted his head up to watch him, overcome with a surge of affection as Buck lamely high-fived himself. _This_ was the man he had chosen to love. 

He couldn’t be happier with his decision. 

Dessert was as amazing as the meal, but Eddie was far more interested in watching Buck try to inhale as much of it as possible without him noticing. Eddie had decided that Buck deserved the treat as payment for his foot massage, so he didn’t really mind forgoing his portion; he didn’t have as big a sweet tooth anyway. Besides, based on the unbroken string of happy moans, which brought more concerned looks their way, Buck enjoyed it far more than he would have. 

When the time to pay drew nearer, Eddie gathered his courage and prepared to fight Buck for the bill. He knew how stubborn and chivalrous Buck could be, so it was inevitable that he would want to pay, or at least split the charge, but Eddie didn’t want him to. Buck was the invitee and Eddie **wanted** to treat him to a nice night out. Buck had already done so much for him, whether he realized it or not; dinner was literally the least he could do. He recited his reasons in his mind, making sure he was ready to argue when the waitress dropped off the check. 

“Have you heard about the check theory,” Buck asked nonchalantly, as he fiddled with the dregs of his last drink. Eddie looked up, dazed; he had been too busy reciting his arguments to follow where the question had come from. Buck chuckled at Eddie’s oblivious stare and explained. “So, there’s this funny theory that Maddie told me. When you go out with a friend of the same gender, like a date, and the waitress drops off the check, she has subconsciously chosen which of you is the top in the relationship.”

Eddie continued to stare dazedly. What was Buck talking about?

“So, who do you think our waitress is gonna give the check to? Wanna bet,” Buck whispered conspiratorially. 

Ohh. He regarded Buck for a long moment, in his immaculate three-piece suit, with his imposing stature, and blindingly charismatic smile. Suddenly Eddie felt incredibly small. He wasn’t dressed nearly as fancy. He wasn’t as big. He wasn’t as charming. She was definitely going to give Buck the check. Eddie sighed dejectedly, a frown settling over his face. 

“Aww, don’t be like that, Eds,” Buck cajoled. “You know you’re the _tops_ in my book!”

Eddie glared at the shit-eating grin that had taken over Buck’s face. He knew it was all in good fun, and he honestly hadn’t minded Buck ‘topping’ him, but he still hadn’t quite come to terms with being called a bottom. It had taken him so long to accept that he liked men at all, but he had clung to the hope that he would at least be the more…dominant one. But that wasn’t quite what he meant either because he loved when Buck took control. He just didn’t want to be assumed to be the one…receiving. It was a shitty, self-loathing, and oddly homophobic thought – he knew it was, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking it. Everything was still so new; he just needed more time to adjust. 

But then something changed. He looked at Buck and his smug little smirk, and the way his eyes lit up when he caught his glance, and he realized the Buck didn’t care at all whether he was the top or bottom. He had just bottomed the night before and Eddie couldn’t have been prouder or happier about it. He didn’t consider Buck as lesser-than because he wanted to make sure Eddie felt good, and happened to enjoy it a bit himself. There was nothing wrong with either position. It didn’t matter if he was a bottom or top, it didn’t matter what strangers thought they knew about their relationship. It didn’t matter if he was giving or receiving, as long as Buck was the one he was exploring it all with. A peaceful acceptance washed over him as he let out a slow sigh. Regardless of where the check was placed, he was paying it; _he_ was treating Buck to an evening of luxury because he deserved it. Eddie reached for his tumbler and raised the glass towards Buck like he was making a toast.

“Bottoms up,” Eddie said cheekily with a wink. Buck threw his head back in gleeful, full-body laughter as Eddie threw back the last swallow of his drink. 

“I hope you enjoyed your meal,” announced the waitress, suddenly appearing at the edge of their table. She seemed overly relieved that they weren’t being embarrassingly affectionate for the first time all evening. “I can take this whenever you’re ready!”

She held out the black leather folder, obviously weighing her choices, and Eddie held his breath. It didn’t matter, but he was still oddly anxious to see what she decided. Buck winked at Eddie, immediately erasing the nervous frown that had worked onto his face. In the end, she propped the check up in the direct middle of the table and scurried away again.

“How diplomatic,” Eddie mused, already reaching for the folder. He was ready to swat Buck’s hand away, but Buck made no move to fight him for it. 

“I think it’s pointing at you,” he said with a smirk. “That still counts.”

Eddie smiled to himself as he fished out his wallet and tucked enough money in the folder to cover the bill, and the substantial tip they had agreed to leave her for putting up with them. He didn’t know why Buck hadn’t put up a fight, but he appreciated it. He enjoyed doing things for Buck, but it wasn’t easy to keep him from reciprocating immediately, which always felt like it negated whatever Eddie had done. That night seemed different though. Buck was happily letting Eddie treat him, and he genuinely seemed to enjoy being treated. Maybe it was because they were in a relationship now. Maybe it was because Buck had matured. Maybe it was because Buck thought his foot massage was worth a $250 dinner. Either way, Eddie was thankful to be able to show his appreciation. 

“I think we’ve tormented these poor people enough,” Eddie announced as he rose from his chair and offered Buck his hand. “Let’s get out of here. We can take a walk and let our food digest.”

Buck took his hand gently and pulled himself up, bumping his shoulder into Eddie’s before winding their fingers together. 

“Thanks,” Buck said earnestly, “For everything.”

As they made their way out of the restaurant, they caught their waitress talking to the hostess in a hushed, angry tone. 

“Oh my god, Kelly, don’t you dare give me a table like that again,” she seethed at the other girl, whose name was apparently Kelly. Eddie was ready to be angry, ready to confront her about being bigoted, but luckily, he waited to hear the next part. “I am not capable of handling that much hotness at one time! I mean, did you _see_ them?! It’s like they stepped out of a hot guy calendar! And they kept moaning and flirting with each other all night, it was so hot! I felt invisible, but also way too turned on to face them! It was mortifying.”

Eddie elbowed Buck as he snorted aloud at the comments. The two girls looked up, startled and embarrassed at having been caught gossiping. Their waitress’ face darkened to a deep reddish-purple instantly. Buck threw them an apologetic look, but Eddie still felt brave and decided to stoke the fire. 

“You’re a great waitress. We’d love to come back and see you again,” he teased, shooting the girls a wink for good measure. Kelly’s face broke into a wide, open-mouthed smile as their waitress ran for the kitchen. It was Buck’s turn to elbow Eddie for teasing the poor girl. He at least pretended to look sorry, but his cheeks hurt from smiling so wide. 

“Seriously though, please tell her we’re sorry if we made her uncomfortable. It’s only our second date, we’re still in that honeymoon phase,” Buck explained thoughtfully. Kelly’s smile only widened further, but Eddie turned to shoot Buck a puzzled frown, still feeling playful. 

“We’ve been together for two years,” he instigated, enjoying the panicked look on Buck’s face as he tried to figure out how to respond.

Technically they _had_ been partners for two years, just not romantically. To his shock, Buck’s face turned serious as he wrapped an arm around Eddie’s waist and leaned him back to plant a sloppy, dramatic kiss over his mouth. He pulled them both back up to standing and Eddie’s head swam dizzyingly from the abrupt movement, and the surprise kiss. Kelly’s jaw looked like it might break from how wide her smile had become. 

“And we’re still in our honeymoon phase. That’s true love right there,” Buck argued cheerfully. 

Eddie had to applaud his ingenuity. He stumbled towards the door, pulling Buck along behind him, and stepped out into the warm California evening air, smiling at the hostess’ squeals of delight as she stomped off to find her friend. 

They walked arm in arm along the boardwalk for a while, neither wanting the date to end. They didn’t speak much, content to just be in each other’s presence. It was something Eddie relished about their relationship – how peaceful it could be. Sure, they had passion to spare, but there was something even more invigorating about being able to just be with someone, and not do anything at all, and still feel like you were better off than you were before. Buck soothed him in a way that was addictive, and fortunately, he had a free lifetime supply. But he noticed suddenly that Buck was moving more stiffly, almost like he was sleepwalking. Eddie looked over to see him staring down the Santa Monica pier. The pier where he had almost died. 

“You okay,” Eddie asked softly, winding his hand down to lace their fingers together again. It was becoming his go-to comforting gesture. Buck let him maneuver his hand without resistance, but he didn’t exactly cooperate either. “Evan?”

“Huh,” Buck choked out in surprise, glancing down at their entwined hands curiously. Had he really been that out of it?

“You seemed pretty lost in thought there. Want to talk about it,” Eddie offered. The irony was not lost on Eddie. Had he really just offered to _talk_ something out, for someone else’s sake? Who was he?

“You’re the one asking me to talk,” Buck questioned disbelievingly. Eddie smiled; it was like they shared a brain sometimes. 

“I know, the world’s coming to an end,” Eddie joked. “But seriously, you were really gone there for a minute. Were you thinking about the tsunami?”

Buck went still and quiet. His fingers gripped at Eddie’s, drawing strength from his hold.

“Every time I’m back here,” Buck began softly, barely above a whisper, “I think about Christopher. How he needed me and how I almost lost him forever. I’ve had plenty of regrets in my life, but that is the only one that would have killed me. I know you don’t hold it against me, but I do.”

Eddie waited for Buck to continue. He knew there was more, deep down, that he hadn’t been able to bring up yet and Eddie wanted him to clear it all out before he spoke. He squeezed Buck’s hand encouragingly and was surprised to hear a sniffle from beside him. He turned Buck to face him and saw a single tear running down his cheek. 

“Buck,” Eddie whispered tenderly as he reached up to wipe away the tear. He held Buck’s face for a moment, willing him to take the comfort and let go of the pain he’d been holding onto all year. Buck took in a shaky breath as Eddie moved his hand to his shoulder. He waited again, watching Buck expectantly until he continued. 

“Eddie,” Buck whined, finally breaking down that final wall he’d hidden behind all year. “I was too busy playing the hero and pretending to still be a firefighter to do the one thing I was supposed to do. I was supposed to look out for Chris and I lost him. Eddie, I thought he was dead! I didn’t even want to face you. I tried to hide from you because I was too sacred to see you hate me.”

“Evan, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Eddie assured him, assuming the worst was finally out in the open. “And you weren’t playing hero, you ARE a hero. Look how many people you saved in the middle of a natural disaster. Hey!” He stopped short as Buck turned away dismissively. That wouldn’t do. Eddie forced his head back to look at him. “Don’t you dare turn away from me. You saved my son. You kept him safe as long as you could, and you saved a dozen others while you kept him safe. I’m not saying that you can’t be upset that he was still swept away, but you are not allowed to blame yourself for that. Chris is more capable than you think. I would’ve thought you had more faith in the kid.”

Buck looked at him then, insulted and taken aback. Eddie laid his hands on Buck’s shoulder, holding him in place and forcing him to hear him. 

“Chris is not helpless, Evan,” Eddie started again seriously. “I know you haven’t brought up the tsunami with him, and I get why. But I have. When he got swept away that day, he kicked and swam and kept his head above water, the way I taught him to. Once he found dry land, he found someone to help him, the way _we_ taught him to when he’s alone. You know what he did then? Did you ever ask him?” Buck looked away shamefully. Eddie knew he hadn’t, but he still wished he had. “Chris helped those people find _more_ help; he helped them find more people to help – the way **_you_** taught him to.” Buck’s eyes were wide as saucers, disbelief and pride fighting for dominance in his eyes. Eddie had to smile – it was the same way had had reacted. “Our boy was a hero that day. Even in the middle of needing help himself, he still found a way to help others. And if you think he didn’t learn that from you, then you’re nuts.”

Buck was silent for a long moment, turning over the new chapter to the tsunami story he’d built up in his mind.

“He really did all that,” he finally asked, hopefully. Eddie could tell that day still weighed on Buck unbelievably, but this was something he could finally offer to take some of the weight away. 

“He did, Buck. And he specifically told me that he did it because _that’s what his Buck would do_.”

“We don’t deserve that kid,” Buck admitted, almost proudly, shaking his head at the ground. Eddie had to agree. Christopher came with some physical challenges, but as a person, he was a saint. 

“You’re damn right we don’t. But we’re never going to stop trying to live up to him.”

Buck smiled back at Eddie. He didn’t want to jinx it, but he seemed incrementally lighter. Maybe Eddie had been able to ease his mind after all. 

“You know he comes home in another day. Think we should invite some people over, throw him a party,” Eddie asked excitedly, his own love for Christopher suddenly overwhelming him. 

“Absolutely! We can invite Hen and the kids, and Bobby and the kids, and Maddie and Chim who are joining the parent club soon anyway, an-,” Buck stopped short, eyes panicked. “Ohhitohshitohshit! I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Shit, Eddie, don’t tell anyone! Maddie will kill me!”

Eddie smiled placatingly and nodded along to Buck’s request. Buck’s emotions were like a roller coaster sometimes. Luckily, he enjoyed the ride. 

“Buck you know I’m not going to say anything. Although I am excited for them. I think they’re more ready for it than any of the rest of us were,” he confessed. Buck’s face broke into a wide smile. 

“I know, right? I’m so excited to have a nibling!”

“A what?”

“Nibling! It’s the gender-neutral for niece or nephew, and is really fun to say.”

“Did this come from another random research dive, by chance,” Eddie asked fondly. Buck laughed, but nodded. He never ceased to amuse and amaze. 

“You’re going to be a great uncle,” Eddie assured him honestly. “You already make a great dad.”

Buck’s eyes looked suddenly wet as he stared up at Eddie. His expression was filled with hope. 

“Do you really think of me as Chris’ other dad?”

Eddie’s throat clenched at the rush of affection that threatened to spill out of him. Buck was more family to him that most of his legal family. Of course he considered him Chris’ other dad. 

“We both think of you as his dad,” Eddie guaranteed him. “I probably let myself think of you like that before I let myself think of you as…this.” He gestured between them with his free hand, the other sliding down to entwine Buck’s fingers again. Buck’s smile was blinding. 

“What do we want to call…this, by the way,” he asked suddenly, face shifting to something a little more curious. “Boyfriends? It sounds so insignificant, you know?”

“How about we stick with partners for now,” he suggested softly as he pulled out the small frame he’d had stashed in his pocket all night. He turned it over in his fingers, giving it one last feel before presenting it to Buck. 

It wasn’t anything huge or impressive, but it meant a lot to Eddie. Buck’s mouth fell open as he looked over the token. It was a small framed photo from their visit to Christopher’s camp – the first photo Chris had taken of them. Eddie had looked at it long enough to have it memorized, but he remembered his reaction the first time he saw it too. In the picture he and Buck are staring at each other, completely lost in each other’s eyes, oblivious to the commotion surrounding them. They both have private, longing smiles on their faces, and Buck’s eyes are lit up like a Christmas tree, overflowing with love. Eddie’s face is tinged red from blushing under Buck’s watchful eye. 

It was a picture of the exact moment Eddie had let himself fall in love. The back of the frame had an inscription: _All it took was one look, and I knew I had found my way home._

“Maybe someday we can upgrade to life partners,” Eddie suggested nervously. 

Buck’s eyes flickered between Eddie’s earnest gaze and the heart-breakingly sweet picture in his hands. An excited smirk pulled at one side of his lips as he caught Eddie’s eyes again. 

“How about just husbands?”

Buck looked back at him with such desire and gratitude that Eddie’s breath froze in his lungs. His eyes pierced Eddie’s heart with the intensity of his stare and the smallest private smile pulled at his lips as he leaned in to kiss him. It was tender and sweet, and spoke volumes about the feelings he hadn’t yet managed to put into words. Eddie hungered for that kiss; he wanted to feel that kiss every day for the rest of his life. He kissed back, hoping that any measure of what he felt for Buck could be translated through it. Buck broke them apart and leaned his forehead against Eddie’s, sharing his air for a long moment, as if he could breathe Eddie’s love directly out of his lungs. 

“You ready to go home,” Eddie asked gently, letting the words hang in the air between them. Buck placed a final quick kiss to the tip of Eddie’s nose before answering him. 

“With you? Always.”


	14. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris finally returns from camp and the 118 is there to welcome him. Now Buck and Eddie's only problem is when to tell everyone their little secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This jumps a bit because it technically covers 3 days. Honestly it could've been two chapters, but I wanted it all together. There IS a bit of homophobia in here (hopefully not triggering amounts), but just be aware. It will be resolved! Just not in this chapter.

Work the next morning was relatively uneventful – aside from their arrival, which had definitely instigated a few concerned _looks_. Eddie had been absolutely delighted when Buck had agreed to spend the night, and even more remarkably, they had stayed completely innocent for the rest of the evening. Granted, the knowledge that they had an early shift in the morning probably had a large hand in that decision, but it was a heartening reminder that they could simply enjoy each other’s company and still feel completely satisfied in the time spent together. He relished every second Buck had spent with him over the past two weeks, and had woken up feeling such a sense of peace within himself that he thought he was still dreaming. 

However, the peace had evaporated somewhat when he realized they had woken up late and only had thirty minutes to get to the station. 

The next ten minutes were a blur of frantic dressing and washing up. Luckily, Buck had left his uniform and duffle in his jeep, which had saved him from squeezing into one of Eddie’s shirts again, much to Eddie’s dismay. However, his duffle _was_ missing one other key article of clothing, much to Eddie’s brazenly giddy delight. He’d had to fight to ignore the restless butterflies churning through his stomach as Buck had shimmied into a borrowed pair of his underwear. He knew it would be a distraction throughout their shift, but a large part of him just – Did. Not. Care. He had given Buck an appreciative whistle as he’d watched him check himself over in the mirror. But then Eddie had forced himself to leave the room before he made them any later. 

They had raced each other to the station, strategically driving in separate cars to alleviate suspicions, but nearly the entire crew had watched them simultaneously pull into the station with matching mischievous grins almost fifteen minutes late. It hadn’t been enough to give them away to everyone, but Hen’s questioning look from the loft had been more than enough to chasten them. 

The rest of the morning had been mundane, broken only by a few minor emergencies: a car that had driven off the road, a kitchen fire gone wrong at a greasy spoon, and an honest-to-god ‘cat stuck in a tree’. Eddie still couldn’t believe that was a thing they had to respond to. Most of his down time that morning had been dedicated to not-so-subtly watching Buck move around the station, eyes fixed to his ass searching for proof of the prize he wore beneath his uniform. Either he was better at hiding his leering than he thought, or he had spent far too much time staring at Buck in the past because **no one** seemed to notice a difference. Before he knew it, lunchtime had rolled around and he and Buck were assigned to table set-up. 

“Eds, you gonna ask everyone about Chris’ party tomorrow,” Buck repeated exasperatedly as he clanked down another plate. Eddie had been so lost in watching him bend over the table, he had missed the question entirely the first time. 

“Oh right, we should do that,” Eddie agreed lamely, forcefully tearing his gaze away from Buck. 

He really needed to get himself under control. A flicker of interest had seemed to spark back to life every time he’d looked at Buck that morning, even if Buck wasn’t do anything interest-worthy. Eddie had nearly dunked his head in the slop sink earlier when his dick had actually twitched at the sight of Buck folding towels. What the hell was erotic about that?! He had been so lost in the bubble they had woven around themselves over the past weeks that he had forgotten what being in the real world was like. He wanted to tell the 118, he wanted to lay it all out in the open to relieve the twisting guilt that stirred in him. But it wasn’t the time. Christopher was coming home and that was the only thing that should matter.

“You feeling okay,” Buck whispered, bumping his hip against Eddie’s curiously. 

Eddie jumped at the sudden touch. When had Buck moved next to him? He really needed to get out of his head. Buck looked at him with a frown, almost hurt by Eddie’s excessive reaction. That wouldn’t do. Buck shouldn’t have to suffer just because Eddie was driving himself crazy. He reached out and grabbed Buck’s arm, squeezing it once in apology as he tossed him a gentle smile. 

“Ahem, you two done yet,” Hen conveniently interrupted. 

Eddie and Buck jumped apart like they’d been electrocuted. They shot matching nervous glances Hen’s way, primed for the lecture they knew was coming. Instead, Hen walked around them and pushed them both towards a more secluded area of the loft. 

“Look, you two are, frankly, disgustingly cute with each other and I get that this is all still new for you,” Hen whispered seriously, “But you need to learn how to handle yourselves here. If you wanna keep this thing a secret, you gotta try a little harder. Even Chim has asked why you two keep staring at each other, and he _never_ picks up on this stuff.”

Eddie’s cheeks heated with shame. He wasn’t ashamed of his relationship with Buck, but he was ashamed of inadvertently forcing Hen to lie for them. 

“We’re sorry, Hen,” Buck said before Eddie could form the words. “We’ll be more careful. Thanks for looking out for us though.” He threw an arm over her shoulders companionably, and to Eddie’s surprise, she leaned back into him, equally comfortable. He never thought he would see the day Henrietta Wilson would willingly humor Buck’s overly-familiar displays of affection. “But it’s nice to know you’re in our corner.”

“Uh-huh,” Hen mumble back, rolling her eyes at Buck’s compliment, but there was still a flicker of amusement there. She was just as uncomfortable with genuine compliments as Eddie was, but apparently, Buck’s compliments were too genuine to ignore. “Go finish setting the table, boy. I’m starving.” 

Buck laughed as she ducked out from under his arm and pushed him back towards the kitchen. Eddie had somehow never noticed this side of their relationship. He had always thought he was Buck’s main confidant and friend in the 118, but this definitely seemed like a deeper connection than he knew about. Hen turned on him then, her face suddenly serious.

“Alright you, I need you to listen, and listen good. You hear?”

An icy panic raced down Eddie’s spine. Hen was the last person he wanted to piss off. He stood frozen, nodding absently and praying that she would spare him whatever wrath was coming his way. 

“I like you, Eddie,” she began, her voice softening just enough to notice. “I really do. And I know you’ve been through a lot, and I know you have a lot going on in your life to begin with.” Eddie didn’t realize Hen had kept tabs on the avalanche of bullshit that had been his life for the past two years. He was almost touched. “But that boy over there?” She nodded over to where Buck was now dancing happily around the table as laid out silverware. “That boy has suffered enough. I know you make each other happy, and believe me, I am _thrilled_ to see that for both of you. But if you ever hurt him again like you did last week, I will end you. We clear?”

Eddie stared back at her, his face studiously blank. He didn’t even know which reaction to feel first: offense at being threatened, regret at having hurt Buck so badly already, pride in Hen for sticking up for him, gratefulness for her looking out for him? In the end he went with none of them. He lurched forward and threw his arms around Hen’s shoulders. She stiffened under him, shocked into silence by the unexpected display. He pulled back quickly, regretting his impulsive decision. 

“Sorry,” he said casually. “It’s just…thanks for looking out for him and keeping me in check. This has all been…a lot to work through on my own, especially with my history. I don’t ever want to hurt Buck. I know how lucky I am to have him. So, thanks for reminding me that he’s going through all this too.” 

Hen watched him skeptically. Eddie couldn’t really blame her. 

“If I ever do hurt him, I’ll be the first to tell you and I’ll even bring you the tools to take me out,” he offered half-joking, half…not. 

And **that** Hen did seem satisfied with. She gave him a quick smile and nod before resuming whatever task she had initially set out on when she’d interrupted them. Eddie caught Buck watching him curiously and shot him a mollifying smile. Although his life had just been threatened, he felt like a chain had been unwound from his chest; talking to someone else in the 118 about them had felt right. 

The crew gathered for lunch swiftly as Bobby arranged multiple pans full of food onto their communal table. They didn’t really say an official grace or anything like that at the station, but they did offer up a moment before meals if anyone had something they wanted to share or say thanks for. It was one of those great, everyday bonding activities that made the 118 such a strong family, but Eddie had always felt awkward about it. Other people would share increasingly personal triumphs and hurdles or gave thanks for things he would never be able to put into words, and so he never did. It felt strange to just sit in on their comments without ever adding to the camaraderie. But today he was thankful for the predictable moment of silence. He took his usual place at the table next to Buck, but once everyone was seated, he rose to his feet to share for the first time. The crew watched him with rapt, albeit surprised, gazes. His stomach unhelpfully turned to lead.

“I know I don’t say thanks enough, but I wanted to thank you guys for helping me get through these past two weeks without my son,” Eddie began earnestly, stubbornly ignoring the twisting thread of embarrassment that wove up and into his chest. “I’m thrilled that he had the opportunity to go to camp like any other kid, but you all know I wasn’t fully prepared to let him go. This is a little last minute, but Buck convinced me to throw a welcome home party for him tomorrow and we’d like all of you to come.” 

All eyes at the table darted from Eddie’s face to Buck’s, a mixture of expressions veiling their faces. To Eddie’s observation, no one looked angry, but there were more than a few curious eyebrows cocked up. Buck didn’t seem disturbed by the attention in the least. He beamed back at the table with a big thumbs up, blissfully unaware of how nervous Eddie had been to speak. Eddie caught his eye with a mildly panicked look and was grateful to see recognition in Buck’s eyes. 

“It’s nothing fancy,” Buck announced, taking the reins as Eddie collapsed back into his seat. “Basically, a normal 118 cook-out, but this time in honor of Chris being a rock star at camp.”

A chorus of acceptance rang out over the table, easing Eddie’s mind more than he had expected. Buck nudged him tauntingly with his elbow. 

“I told you they’d be cool with it.”

Eddie frowned at him, but he couldn’t ignore how relieved he was that his new family was willing to drop everything and celebrate something so minor with them. 

“Now we just have to get food for all these monsters,” Buck added, watching Chim hoover down an entire plate of tortellini in, what felt like, ten seconds. Eddie cringed at the sight. He may be bankrupt afterward, but he was still excited to have the whole fire family at their home. 

***

“Eddie! I will leave your ass here and pick up Christopher myself if you don’t hurry up,” Buck bellowed from his perch at the entryway of the Diaz residence. 

He had spent the night at Eddie’s after their last shift, mainly under the guise of helping with party preparations, but also because he had just wanted to. Although they had woken up at the same time, Eddie (in true form) was running at least ten minutes behind Buck. He had tried to be patient, but Christopher was coming back from camp that morning and Buck couldn’t wait to see him. Although he had been grateful for the privacy, so he and Eddie could work out what was happening between them, he hadn’t quite realized how empty the house had felt without Chris around. 

“The rest of the crew is gonna be here before we even leave at this rate,” Buck bemoaned loudly as he paced around the narrow entry.

“Don’t even act like I’m the only one holding us up,” Eddie’s voice argued back from somewhere in the bowels of the house. “If you hadn’t insisted you couldn’t function without coffee, I would’ve been able to get ready instead of trying to fix that damn coffee machine for twenty minutes!”

He had a point there. Buck stopped pacing just long enough to register the tiniest flicker of guilt before shaking it off and clutching his cup of Eddie Diaz’s Perfectly Prepared Coffee to his chest protectively. Coming off of a 24-hour shift, with an 8:00am clock-out, and trying to jump right into an 11:30am camp pick-up on two hours of sleep was a herculean task to begin with, and Buck knew he was no god; he refused to even imagine attempting such a feat without caffeine.

Eddie finally stumbled around the corner, mumbling an emphatic _fuck_ as he stubbed his toe on the archway. His cropped hair somehow looked disheveled and there was a manic look in his eyes, highlighted dramatically by the dark bags underneath. Buck almost felt bad for rushing him when he was so clearly exhausted, but they had been with each other for over 40 hours and everything Eddie had done, Buck had done too. He was an empathetic guy, but even he had limits. 

“Wow, you look like shit,” Buck teased genially. Eddie glared back at him. “I mean, you look fit?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh and rolled his eyes. He strode up to Buck confidently and pulled him into a harsh, almost angry kiss. Buck pulled away, blinking, his mind desperately trying to catch up.

“You’re so lucky I like you enough to put up with your _morning person_ bullshit.” Eddie hissed the words out like a curse, as if of all the things Buck could be judged for, being a morning person was the absolute worst. He trudged to the kitchen to grab his keys as Buck watched after him fondly.

Suddenly they were both startled by a loud knock on the door. 

“Rise and shine,” Maddie’s similarly chipper voice called through the solid front door. 

Eddie rounded the corner with an utterly disgusted grimace on his face. Buck broke into laughter, reading the expression for what it was meant (that Maddie was **also** a morning person) and not how it looked (that Eddie hated Maddie).

Buck stifled his laughter as he opened the door to greet his sister, but was distracted by the bleary-eyed Chimney in tow. They were both hauling what looked like two weeks’ worth of food in reusable grocery bags. 

“Uh, morning,” Buck welcomed confusedly. “You know we already got burgers and hot dogs, right? What’s all that?” Maddie waved off the question as she pushed past Buck to let herself in.

“Buck, you can’t just have burgers and hot dogs,” Maddie lectured exasperatedly, “Chris is a kid, he’s gonna want candy and cake, and soda, and chips. All the party foods we never had!”

That was fair. Buck and Maddie’s childhood parties would hardly count as more than an awkwardly sparse dinner to the 118. But still, the amount of food seemed excessive for a dozen people. Maddie marched into the house in search of the kitchen as Chim shuffled through the front door. 

“You didn’t hear it from me, but her cravings are already ridiculous,” Chim whispered covertly as he passed. “She sent me out for hot mustard and watermelon the other day. I couldn’t even look at her while she ate it.”

Buck placed a consoling hand on Chim’s shoulder.

“You’re a brave man, Chimney. God speed,” Buck said seriously. “But for real, thanks for coming to finish the set up. We tried this morning, but it just wasn’t happening.” Chim grumbled in acknowledgement before waddling to the kitchen, laden down by at least three bags in each hand. 

They really had tried to set up as much as they could. They had started the night of their date, but had ended up putting most of it off, too lost in their blissful cocoon to realize just how little time they would have to prepare. Buck had ended up asking Maddie during their lunch the day before to come over and start all the food while they were getting Chris. Chim was a nice bonus though; he had been tutored by Bobby enough to become a competent chef of his own. 

Eddie rounded the corner as Chim shuffled past, tossing him an appreciative nod as he passed. 

“Thanks for the help, Chim. It’s been a crazy few days,” Eddie confessed. “But just remember when you’re exhausted and hate the world later – this was all Buck’s idea, so be mad at him.”

Buck slapped a hand to his chest dramatically, gaping at Eddie’s shameless attempt to throw him fully under the bus. 

“You’re gonna pay for that, Edmundo,” Buck warned darkly. But Eddie just smirked as he skirted around Buck and skipped out to his truck. Chim leaned back around the archway with a questioning look. Shit. Buck’s stomach knotted nervously as he avoided Chim’s gaze. The only reaction he could think of was _avoid_. He waved quickly and turned to leave. 

“See you guys in like an hour and a half!”

With that, he bolted from the house and joined Eddie in the truck. 

“I think Chim may be on to us,” Buck admitted quietly as they pulled out of the driveway. His nerves were buzzing under his skin. Eddie however, seemed completely unbothered; his only reaction: a small shrug and bemused frown. “I take it you are less concerned about this than I am…”

“Evan, my son is coming home today after the longest separation we’ve had since I was in the army. Chimney is not even on my list of concerns for the moment,” Eddie replied candidly. 

Buck shied away guiltily. He had been just as excited mere minutes ago. How had he allowed himself to lose the whole point of the day? He was suddenly struck by the significance of him being in the car at all.

“Thanks for letting me come with you,” Buck said earnestly, his fingers absently twisting together. “I can wait in the car if you want. This should really be a you-and-Chris reunion.”

“Buck, just because Chris is my son, doesn’t mean he can’t be yours,” Eddie retorted cryptically. “You have every right to want to see him. In fact, I’m touched that you _are_ just as excited to see him.”

Buck focused on the butterflies raging in his stomach to distract himself from the warm blush that washed over his chest and face. 

“I really am. I’m so happy he’s coming home,” Buck confessed quietly. He still felt like it wasn’t his place to love Christopher as much as he did, but Eddie had yet to think he’d overstepped his place. 

“Me too,” Eddie admitted, just as softly. “And I want to tell him about us. Today.”

Buck straightened in his seat, his eyes snapping to Eddie’s resolute expression. His lungs seemed to have stopped working. Today? That didn’t give him much time to prepare. What if Chris wasn’t as okay with it as they hoped? What if he outright hated the idea of sharing his dad with Buck? Or Buck with his dad? It was too soon, too fast, too unplanned. 

“Buck,” Eddie warned fondly without even looking, “Stop freaking out. You know Chris loves you. You know you love Chris. The most negative thing he’ll probably have to say is that he doesn’t want to share his bathroom.”

A stubborn laugh bubbled up Buck’s throat at the thought. Eddie’s assurance didn’t completely alleviate his nerves, but he at least felt like he could breathe again. 

“Then again, maybe that will just encourage us to look for a bigger place,” Eddie continued, nonchalantly. “Your insurance benefits would definitely bump up some with my military discount. And with both of us working, we could afford a bigger place. One with a master and guest bathroom, maybe even a nice backyard, some space to raise kids.”

Wait. 

_What!?_

Had Eddie just asked him to get move in, get married, and have another kid all at once? Buck’s lungs stopped working again. His palms flooded with sweat as his brain frantically tried to jump start, to ask him to clarify, to respond in any way at all. Did Eddie really want all of that already, or was he thinking way into the future? Did _he_ want all of that?

A resounding _Hell, yes!_ reverberated through his mind, but his stomach was still in knots.

“Are we getting ahead of ourselves,” Buck asked nervously. Everything Eddie had suggested sounded amazing to him; a perfect progression for the next two years of their lives. But that was a lot to put on a two-week-old relationship. Eddie reached over blindly to take Buck’s hand, chuckling weakly at the dampness of his skin. 

“Evan, I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Eddie admitted freely. “It doesn’t matter to me when or where or how that happens. But I’m on board with whenever, wherever, or however you want us to proceed.”

Buck’s heart dropped into his stomach. The resolution in Eddie’s voice was humbling, but the ease with which he admitted such monumental desires was overwhelming. Buck couldn’t figure out how to answer. 

“Eds…” 

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Eddie assured him lightly. “You don’t have to decide this week, this month, this year. Just promise me that if you ever feel like you want out, you tell me. I don’t want to lock you into something you don’t want.”

“I want it,” Buck cut in quickly. He didn’t know how to express just how much he wanted all of it, but the way his chest ballooned with glee and his skin trembled with anticipation was enough to convince him it wasn’t just his impulsivity that wanted it. “Eds, I want all of it. I want to be by your side forever, and I want you by mine. I want to be there for the good, the bad, the miserable, and the ecstatic. I want everything you’re willing to share with me.”

Eddie turned to look at him finally. His eyebrows were tented, giving his expression a perfect mix of disbelief and faith. A small, cautious smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, and god, Buck wanted to kiss those lips. Everything they had been through, the kind of trust they’d had to put in each other, it had all been setting them up for this exact moment, when they could finally admit how much they not only needed, but _wanted_ each other. 

“You don’t know how relieved I am to hear that, Buck,” Eddie confessed, his smile finally breaking free into a wide toothy grin. Buck mirrored his expression, his heart racing from the high of possibility. “Looks like all that’s left to do is tell Chris.”

They pulled into the designated pick-up lot with two minutes to spare. Both radiated nervous energy and excitement, but neither could stop themselves from grinning ear to ear. There was a sense of ease in the truck cab, as if all the problems that had happened in the past, and might happen in the future, just didn’t exist anymore. Eddie was still clinging to Buck’s hand, soaking in his love and support. 

By the time the bus arrived, they had both gone misty-eyed at the thought of their little family’s reunion. Buck was first out of the truck, but he allowed Eddie to lead the way to the pick-up line. The anticipatory smile on his face melted Buck’s nerves away completely. For the next ten minutes, Chris was the only thing in the world that mattered. 

“Daddy!” 

Chris’ ear-shattering screech filled the last missing piece in Buck’s heart. He clambered down the bus steps excitedly, crutches crashing into everything as Eddie gave Buck one last fond look and rushed forward to pick him up. Buck watched adoringly as Eddie scooped Chris up and swung him through the air, filling the morning breeze with peals of infectious laughter. 

“I missed you so much, Christopher,” Eddie cheered as he spun on the spot, eyes bright and shiny with relief at having his son home. They slowly came to a stop and Eddie let Chris find his footing as he kissed the top of his head. “Look who I brought to welcome you home.”

Chris’ eyes quickly scanned the wall of parents waiting to pick up their kids. His face broke into a blinding grin as he found Buck.

“Bucky,” he screamed, just as excitedly and loudly as the scream for his father had been. 

Buck darted forward, hunched down to meet Chris’ eye as he wrapped him in a crushing hug. Chris let his crutches fall to the ground as he threw his arms around Buck’s neck. 

“I missed you, Buck!”

“I missed you too, buddy,” Buck said with a shaky voice. His throat burned from forcing himself to not cry like the sap Eddie kept telling him he was. “Did you have fun this week?”

“I made a puppet,” Chris answered excitedly as Buck pulled back to look at him. He kept his hand on Chris’ shoulder to steady him as he boisterously recounted the last week. Eddie knelt next to Buck, one had protectively on his back, the other holding Chris’ arm. “I took lots of pictures. And I jumped in the pool. And I rode a horse all the way around the track. And I climbed to the top of the rock wall. And I rode a bike!”

Buck and Eddie shared a quick puzzled look, but their expressions quickly shifted back to amazement and adoration. Without another word, they pulled Chris into a combined, three-way hug. It was the closest Buck has ever come to a perfect moment: holding his boys, contentment washing over him, as his heart nearly burst from the love coursing through him.

They released each other slowly, hands lingering all around, unwilling to lose each other again so soon. Chris looked between Buck and Eddie cheerfully, a wide grin still splitting his face.

“What did you do while I was gone,” he asked innocently.

Buck looked away quickly, fighting the panicked giggle rumbling in his gut. He decided to let Eddie handle that question, and made his decision clear with a pointed look in his direction. He also noted with delight that Eddie’s ears had gone a bright shade of red. Buck rubbed a comforting hand over Eddie’s shoulders, silently supporting him, while secretly cowering away from the question himself.

“Well, we, um,” Eddie started and stopped, looking to Buck desperately. 

“It’s up to you. I’m good either way,” Buck whispered supportively. He wanted Eddie to be the one to tell Chris. He didn’t want Chris to ever doubt that he still came first to his father, no matter who came in or out of Eddie’s life. Chris watched him with rapt attention as he waited. Eddie swallowed hard and tried again. 

“Buck and I got pretty close while you were gone. Probably because we both missed you so much,” Eddie teased. He was trying to get it out. Buck could tell he was searching for the right entry point. 

“I’m pretty sure I missed you more,” Buck taunted, trying to ease some of the anxiety he felt tightening Eddie’s shoulders. Chris laughed at the glare Eddie threw Buck’s way.

“That is an absolute lie,” Eddie assured Chris. But Buck’s plan seemed to work because he could feel tension slowly seeping out of Eddie’s shoulders as his head drooped forward. “But we did…hang out a lot.”

“I’m happy you were there Buck,” Chris said suddenly. Buck and Eddie’s attention snapped to Chris’s face. He smiled back at them. “You help each other. And you make daddy happy.”

Buck chanced a glance at Eddie’s face and the softness of his smile nearly killed him. Damn, that look was addictive. 

“Christopher, how would you feel about Buck being around more often,” Eddie asked bravely.

“Really,” Chris asked enthusiastically, his face lighting up under his father’s studious gaze. “I love Buck!”

“Me too, bud. Me too,” Eddie admitted, shooting a gentle smile at Buck. 

It was all too much. The unconditional, unfathomable love he was receiving from the Diaz boys was going to actually end his life. 

But what a way to go. 

“But what I meant, Chris, is,” Eddie tried again, “how would you feel about Buck being around, with me?”

Chris’ face fell slightly.

“So, I can’t play with him,” he asked miserably. Buck’s heart broke at the pitiful tone in his voice. He really couldn’t take much more. 

“No! Oh, Chris,” Eddie said quickly trying to backtrack. “Ugh, how do I say this?”

“Chris, how would you feel if I dated your dad? Like Auntie Hen and Aunt Karen,” Buck chimed in, trying to save everyone from another misunderstanding. Chris seemed to consider Buck’s question for a moment. 

“Would you have another baby too,” he asked after a long moment. Eddie choked out a cough.

“Um, not any time soon,” Buck assumed. “But maybe someday. Do you want us to have a baby?”

“Yeah! I want a sister,” Chris announced eagerly. Eddie’s free hand came up to his face, trying to hide the tears in his eyes and his disbelieving smile at the same time, but somehow missing both. 

“Sisters are great,” Buck agreed with a sigh of relief. “Does that mean you’re okay with me dating your dad?”

“You should get married,” Chris decided aloud, completely pulling the rug out from under them. “You’re my daddy and you’re my Buck-dad. Dads should be married.”

“Oh my god, Chris. One step at a time, buddy,” Eddie pleaded, barely breathing as Buck dug his fingers into his shoulder in a blind panic. “We’ll get there one day. Don’t worry.”

“Good. That’s the best idea,” Chris agreed innocently. “Wanna see my puppet?”

That was all it took? Buck was frozen in place. It couldn’t be that easy. Could it?

“Buck, come help me,” Chris whined as he reattached his crutches. Eddie pulled Buck to his feet and into a quick kiss. 

“Thank you,” Eddie whispered before pushing him after Chris to collect his bags.

Once they returned with bags in tow, the three of them piled back into Eddie’s truck as a _family_ for the first time. The significance of the moment was not lost on Buck. Eddie kept throwing him curious glances as he tried desperately not to tear up again. But how could he not? He was with his boys, on the way to get ice cream and celebrate a homecoming just like a real family should. His parents had never been particularly celebratory about he and Maddie, but that made the moment all the more important. He never wanted Chris to feel forgotten, or unimportant – no matter how much Buck loved Eddie, Chris needed to come first. Fortunately, he made it easy to feel that way. 

At the ice cream shoppe Chris devoured a massive sundae that was covered in so many toppings Buck wasn’t sure there was any actual ice cream in the dish. Apparently, Eddie was in an indulgent mood. Buck could only imagine how hard it had been for him to be away from Chris for the last two weeks. He hoped he had been able to fill at least some of the void that had been left. Based on the way Eddie kept smiling dopily at him over Chris’ head, he had a feeling he had done more than fill a void. Buck shot a quick message to Maddie warning her that they would be back soon. In response, he got a picture of a grinning Chimney surrounded by the rest of the 118, already digging into the treats he and Maddie had prepared. A tightness formed in Buck’s chest as he smiled down at the picture of his fire-family. It was almost as good as his current phone background – the picture of he and Eddie with Chris at camp. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have all of them. He watched Chris fondly as he regaled them with stories from camp, most including his new cohorts Jeff and Sophie, and his favorite counselor, Paul. Buck had to smirk whenever Paul was mentioned. He remembered Paul from their visit: Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. Judging by the scowl on Eddie’s face, he remembered Paul too.

By the time they left the shoppe, Chris was talking at light speed. The sugar had finally caught up to him. Buck knew from experience that he was going to crash so hard later, but the smile on his and Eddie’s faces as he tried to sing one of the camp songs he had almost learned made it worth it. He would deal with cranky Chris later.

They pulled up to the Diaz house a little after 1:00pm and Buck thanked the skies that Chris was not observant enough to notice all the extra cars lining the street. Eddie opened the door and ushered Chris inside expectantly. 

“SURPRISE!!!”

A symphony of triumphant screams burst forth as Chris entered the house. A delighted squeal of excitement was his only response. Chris charged into the house soaking in the hugs and high fives that came at him from every angle. Buck and Eddie remained outside the door watching the scene unfold with matching amusement and pride. 

“You have raised a really special kid, you know that,” Buck admired honestly, bumping his shoulder into Eddie’s.

Eddie smiled back at him in a genuine, completely uninhibited display of gratitude. It was blinding. Buck realized at that moment that Eddie still doubted himself when it came to Chris. Oddly enough, it made Buck feel better about his own attempts at parenting. They were both fortunate that Chris was such an easy kid.

“You two coming in? Or are you just giving us your kid,” Maddie called over to them lightheartedly.

“Hey, get your own kid,” Buck shouted back with a knowing look. Maddie didn’t yell, but she did narrow her eyes in warning. He blew a raspberry back in retaliation. 

“It’s funny, I always thought I only had one kid to look after,” Eddie mused as he watched the exchange. 

Buck wasn’t sure what came over him, or what urged him to do it, but in the next instant his lips were on Eddie’s cheek blowing another raspberry. He stepped back with a grin, ready to sprint for his life as Eddie slowly turned to fix him with a murderous scowl. 

“Save me, Maddie,” Buck yelped as he darted into the crowd surrounding Chris. 

Eddie lunged after him, nearly catching him on the first try, but was stopped in his tracks by a stern looking Maddie Buckley in the most maternal ‘you behave yourself right now’ pose he had ever seen. Eddie straightened up immediately and sulked away to get a drink. Buck snuck up behind Maddie and wrapped her in a grateful hug.

“Best sister, ever,” he crooned, rocking her in his arms. He dropped his voice to barely a whisper and added quickly, “You’re gonna be an amazing mom.” 

She turned to smile at him appreciatively. 

“You’re gonna make a great dad, too,” she whispered back with a meaningful glance at Christopher. Buck’s heart clenched happily. This was his family!

“Thanks, Mads.”

The party continued around them, completely ignorant of the ridiculous display. It was always a little impressive how well the 118 got along when they got together outside of work. Easy conversations filled the air as Chris shared his pictures with Denny and Harry. At one point, Buck was certain he saw the infamous puppet make an appearance as well. He drifted through the rooms, catching glimpses of stories and jokes, as he searched for Eddie, hoping he was less homicidal at that point. He found him cornered in the kitchen by his abuela, practically crawling up the counter to get away from her lecture.

“You give me no notice! I have no time to make anything! I don’t come empty-handed,” she scolded, hands waving angrily. It was almost sweet how much she wanted to be a part of Eddie’s life. Buck decided to attempt a rescue. 

“It was my fault,” he admitted magnanimously as he stepped into the kitchen. The relief that flooded Eddie’s eyes was hilarious. “I only convinced him to throw this party two nights ago and we had a 24-hour shift yesterday. I didn’t give him any time either.”

Eddie’s abuela seemed mildly soothed by Buck’s assurance. At the very least, her hands fell to her side limply and she stopped yelling at him. But she watched them then, for a long moment, piecing something together about the way Eddie had looked at him. Her face was set in an impassive frown as she staggered away to find her great-grandson. 

“Was that weird,” Eddie asked nervously, watching his abuela make her way through the crowd. Buck leaned into his side, considering the exchange more carefully.

“Maybe?”

Eddie’s face twitched oddly as he thought.

“We practically have the whole 118 here,” he pointed out obviously after a moment. Buck nodded, smiling at their work family scattered among the rooms. “Want to tell them?”

Buck’s head whipped around. Had he heard that right?

“You want to come out to our entire crew, right now,” Buck asked disbelievingly. Eddie reached down and grabbed Buck’s hand, his thumb rubbing familiar soft circles into his skin. Buck instantly felt calmer; that would never get old. “I mean…sure? I’m up for it if you are.”

Eddie smirked back at him.

“You want to do the honors,” he asked generously. 

“Right now!?” 

Buck’s heart rabbited in his chest, adrenaline flooding his body. Was Eddie that comfortable with their relationship already? Buck wanted them to know, but he wasn’t even sure _how_ to explain everything that had happened between them while Chris was away. What were they supposed to do? Call a meeting? Hire a herald?

“Why not,” Eddie replied casually. And…huh. That was a good point. Why not?

“I don’t know what to say to them,” Buck admitted self-consciously, his head dropping to his chest. Eddie’s thumb tapped at his hand intently until Buck looked back at him.

“I’ve got this one,” he assured him with a familiar bump of their shoulders. Without a moment’s hesitation, Eddie addressed the room at large. “Hey everyone, can I have your attention?” 

Eyes slowly turned to stare at him in anticipation. It only took one frantic look from Maddie for Buck to realize that Eddie hadn’t released his hand before calling for their attention – the entire house was staring at both of them and their interlaced hands. He started to pull back, but Eddie clenched his fingers tight and refused to let him show nerves.

“We want to thank you all for coming over to welcome Chris home,” Eddie continued happily. 

Buck didn’t know how Eddie’s voice wasn’t shaking. Meanwhile, his own body felt like it might actually vibrate apart from his spiking nerves. A quiet _thank you_ drifted up from the couch where Chris was showing abuela his pictures. Buck couldn’t help but smile; the kid had impeccable manners. 

“We missed him like crazy, but we know he had an amazing time,” Eddie restarted. “Please eat as much as you want. Have a few drinks. Talk, play, enjoy yourselves. But before I lose you, I have one more announcement.”

Buck blushed under the expectant stares of so many people. 

“You all know Buck – my partner at the 118, and impulsive decisions,” he began, turning to shoot him a comforting smile. It actually worked for the split-second Buck saw it, but the dozens of eyes that followed Eddie’s gaze set his nerves right off again. “Well, today I’d like to introduce you to my _partner_ , Evan Buckley.”

Buck focused on Hen’s smile as a slow wave of realization spread through the room. Whispered gasps and surprised expressions filtered through the crowd, followed by a few vindicated cheers. But Buck continued to stare at Hen and her grounding, steady smirk.

“Wait a second here,” Chim interrupted bitterly, “You mean to tell me you two have been secretly dating this whole time, and you had the nerve to give me and Maddie crap?”

A chorus of laughter followed his accusation, relieving the tension in Buck’s face. Good old Chim knew how to work a crowd. 

“Officially, it’s only been two weeks, actually,” Buck corrected him, thankful for the ice-breaker. 

“I CALLED IT,” Chim hollered victoriously. “Pay up, suckers!”

Buck’s jaw dropped as every single member of the 118 family reached for their wallets, including Athena and Karen. 

“Are you kidding me,” Buck gasped out. “You all bet on us getting together?”

“In my defense,” Hen said guiltily, also reaching for her wallet, “I thought y’all had already figured it out. I was not happy when I found out you hadn’t yet.”

“Bobby,” Buck turned on him accusatorily. A half-hearted shrug was all the more he managed. 

“Neither of you have been subtle,” Bobby explained with a pacifying grin. “I just thought this would have happened a while ago. As in the first week Eddie joined our crew.”

Buck started to notice a pattern. 

“Wait, did you ALL bet that we’d get together _before_ now,” he asked incredulously. 

“I didn’t,” Maddie called out cheerfully. Buck turned to face her, appreciation soothing his furrowed brow. But then he noticed the money she was stealthily handing Chim. She grimaced in mocking remorse. “I just thought it would take you longer to come to terms with it.”

Buck glared at her. Traitor. 

“I’m really happy for you both, though,” she added with an exaggerated thumbs up.

“I feel betrayed,” Buck exclaimed dramatically. “Eds, do you feel betrayed? I am wounded.”

Eddie grinned back at him, amused by his theatrics. Buck was lucky he found him amusing and not ridiculous. Although, he probably did find him ridiculous as well. He tugged Buck’s hand, pulling them closer and leaned up to place a tender kiss on his lips, in front of everyone. Buck’s mind stalled to a halt as the scent and feel and taste of Eddie replaced all of the hysterical faux-anger and treachery. He melted into the kiss, his arms winding around Eddie’s waste and pulling him in tight. 

“Alright, alright, you made you point,” Chim gagged exaggeratedly. 

“You have no idea,” Hen moaned bitterly. 

Buck pulled back to laugh. Poor Hen. He rested his forehead against Eddie’s and let his eyes drift shut. This was all he needed: his accepting fire-family, lighthearted ribbing, a loving child, and Eddie. 

“Announcement’s over,” Eddie yelled gently. “Go back to worrying about yourselves.”

He leaned up to kiss Buck again, a smile parting his lips.

“I think they took it better than you did,” he teased between gentle, chaste kisses. Buck scowled beneath his lips, but Eddie wasn’t deterred. He kissed across Buck’s pout, nipping at his bottom lip playfully before pulling back to stare at him lovingly. “I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore.”

“Edmundo, what are you doing?” Eddie’s Abuela was suddenly next to them, glaring up at him frantically. “This is you now? You and this boy?”

Eddie’s face fell, the sparkle the had been in his eyes doused in an instant. He pulled away from Buck, leaving far more space between them than he liked. 

“Abuela, please,” Eddie begged. 

Buck recognized that pain instantly – the pain of being shut out by family; there were few things worse in his experience. He reached out and took Eddie’s hand, hoping to god that it would help him stay grounded in their love and not misguided hate. 

“This is not the Edmundo I know,” Abuela continued under her breath. “You have a son. You had a wife.”

“And Buck has been here helping me take care of my son. Even when Shannon threatened to leave me again,” Eddie argued back, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. “Abuela, I love him. Completely, and unconditionally. This may not be what you’re used to seeing as me, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t always been there. Look around. This isn’t a problem for anyone else. I don’t want it to be a problem for you.”

Buck clung to Eddie’s hand, willing him to feel the pride and affection surging through him. Eddie continually proved that he was the strongest person Buck knew. Eddie’s abuela looked at Buck then, nearly stumbling back from the intensity of his expression. He wouldn’t face her. Instead he caught and held Eddie’s gaze, refusing to hide the unadulterated adoration in his expression. 

“I’m going to go talk to my friends who are happy for me now,” Eddie announced conclusively, turning away from him to stare down his grandmother. “I hope you can come to terms with who I am again, because I don’t want to lose you. But I _will not lose Buck_ either.” 

With that, he walked away, dragging Buck along to where Hen and Karen were waiting for them with open arms. Hen’s slumped shoulders and soft expression suggested that she had overheard the exchange, but her eyes sparkled with the warm acceptance they deserved. Buck fell into her arms, not even realizing how drained he had become. Karen pulled an equally-tired Eddie into her shoulder.

“You two are disgustingly cute together,” Karen offered consolingly, rubbing Eddie’s back in that amazingly comforting way that only mothers can. 

“Oh no, I already told them. Don’t make their heads any bigger,” Hen warned lightly, “They won’t be able to fit in the truck.”

Buck felt himself lightening as Hen held him. He turned to check on Eddie. His shoulders shook slightly, but he wasn’t sure if it was from laughter or…something worse. 

“Don’t worry. I don’t think it’s possible for Buck’s ego to get any bigger,” Eddie quipped, rolling his head across Karen’s shoulder to wink at him. Buck blew out a relieved sigh. If Eddie was still able to mock him, he couldn’t too upset. Maybe he had expected some blow back from abuela. They would have to wait and see. Buck hated waiting. 

“So was this a new discovery for you two, or did you really have your heads that far up your own butts for the last two years,” Karen taunted. “Because Hen has never mentioned either of you attending her misfits gatherings.”

“Misfits gathering,” Buck inquired excitedly. Hen gave a long-suffering sigh as Karen grimaced and turned away guiltily. She released Eddie in the blink of an eye and disappeared into the crowd with a silent _sorry_.

“Athena turned me on to them,” Hen explained brusquely, still watching her wife slip away. “I’ll see if I can get you an invite.”

The rest of the party was more enjoyable. Everyone else they spoke to was happy and excited for them, even though a majority had lost money on the bet. Buck and Eddie were surrounded by support and cheers as they made their way through the party, greeting their guests like consummate hosts. Buck felt more and more at ease at Eddie’s side, accepted as co-host without question from their friends. They made sure to talk to everyone who had come, partly to thank them, and partly to clear the air. Harry surprised them with an offer to counsel Chris if he had any trouble dealing with his dad suddenly dating another guy, much to Bobby and Athena’s embarrassment. Buck, however, was touched by the notion. Chris respected Harry, so if there was anyone he might listen to, it would be him. Not that they thought Chris would need help adjusting, but it was still sweet of Harry to offer. 

It was a nice change of pace to just bask in the love and encouragement of their chosen family.

As the party wound down, Chris’ sugar high crashed with it. As the final guests made their leave Buck found him slumped over the arm of the couch, peacefully drooling into the cushion. Frankly, it was adorable. He looked completely exhausted, but completely content, with a faint smile was still plastered to his icing-streaked face. God, that kid was going to break his heart someday, but for the time being, Chris was the sweetest part of his world. Buck scooped him up, careful not to wake him, and cradled him to his chest. He felt so tiny in his arms; he barely weighed anything and his sleeping frame was just _so_ small – so precious. He carried him off to his bedroom as slowly as he could, gently swaying with him as he hummed a soft tune and laid him down to rest. It was kind of nice to explore the more mundane side of kid-life. Without thinking, he leaned down and kissed the top of Christopher’s head.

“Goodnight, buddy,” Buck whispered. “I’m so happy you’re home.”

Buck pulled the covers out from under Chris’ legs and tucked him in. The poor kid was probably going to sleep for the next twelve hours after such an eventful two weeks. Buck turned to leave the room and found Eddie propped on the doorframe, holding Chris’ crutches and watching him passionately. The look in his eyes screamed _Take me_ , but he knew they wouldn’t risk something like that Chris’ first night home. Technically Buck wasn’t even planning to stay that night, since it **was** Chris’ first night home. 

Eddie propped the crutches against the dresser and stalked towards Buck. Without warning he crashed their mouths together, pulling Buck down into a messy, lingering, meaningful kiss. His hands kneaded at Buck’s shoulders, drawing him closer and closer until they were practically fighting for space. But Buck just rode out the waves of desire. He loosened like putty under Eddie’s deft hands, sinking into the delicious feeling of being so thoroughly and recklessly wanted. 

“Have I told you how happy you make me,” Eddie asked breathlessly, resting their foreheads together as they caught their breath. Buck’s face flushed from the sincerity in his tone. 

“I could say the same for you,” he replied, running his hands up and down Eddie’s chest. He could feel Eddie’s heart beating away under his fingers, drumming a perfect cadence to compliment his own. “Thank you for letting me in to your lives. I have never felt as safe or as loved as I have here with you. I don’t even know who I would be right now if I hadn’t met you.”

Eddie tilted his face up to kiss him again.

“I would be a complete and utter mess if we hadn’t met,” Eddie admitted freely. “You have brought out the best in me, and still make me want to be better. Evan, you inspire me.”

They held each other for a long moment, gently swaying to soft sounds of Christopher sleeping. It was the first they had been almost alone since they’d picked him up that morning. Buck hadn’t realized how much he had needed to be with just them. 

Maddie’s voice, however, broke the trance they had fallen under.

“You two better be coming back out to clean, I am not your maid, Evan!” 

“I guess it is only fair that we clean,” Eddie agreed reluctantly, pulling back from Buck’s grip. “I mean we did leave them with a lot of the setup and cooking.”

“That is true, but how about instead,” Buck retorted impishly, “We stay like this for another five minutes.” 

Eddie chuckled as Buck pulled him back into a hug. His whole body relaxed against him, every muscle relying on Eddie to keep him upright. A heavy, satisfied feeling settled in his stomach as Eddie simply stood there and breathed with him.

It felt right to be there in Eddie’s arms, with Christopher’s snuffling snores lulling them into a dream. 

“Stay here tonight,” Eddie asked hopefully. 

“I’d love to.”

Buck finally felt like he had found his home.

***

The next morning, after a couple hours of feverish clean-up, they dropped Christopher at his abuela’s house. She had begged for some time with him at the end of the party and Eddie could hardly deny her; she was just as attached to the kid as he was. But after her outburst during the party, and only having had Chris back for one day, it was all rougher than he expected. Abuela had offered for him to stay with them for the day as well, and then, after a few moments, bitterly remembered to include Buck as well, but Eddie wanted to give her time to adjust to the news of he and Buck being together. She was raised every bit as religious as he was, and although she loved him unconditionally, he knew it would still take her some time to accept them. He didn’t want Buck to suffer through her figuring out her own issues, so he had opted to leave Chris with her for the afternoon instead. 

Fortunately, Chris was already 100% on board with Buck joining the family, so Eddie was hopeful that he could help bring her around. 

“You okay over there,” Buck asked delicately from the passenger seat. 

They were somehow already half way back to the house. He hadn’t realized how quiet he had been, how lost in his thoughts. Buck watched him carefully, his features schooled into a deliberately neutral expression.

“I’m good,” Eddie lied. It wouldn’t do any good to worry Buck with things they couldn’t control. “Just miss my kid already.”

Buck continued to eye him. His hands fidgeted in his lap, toying with the hem of his shirt incessantly, but his eyes never left Eddie’s face. 

“She’ll come around, Eds, I know she will,” Buck assured him. 

He sometimes forgot how good Buck was at reading his mind, particularly when discomfort and self-doubt were involved. Eddie smiled back at him sympathetically, and he swore he could almost feel something like relief. Almost.

“I know she will. I just wish she didn’t have to. I wish it was as easy for her as it was for everyone else,” Eddie confessed. “This feels selfish, but it doesn’t seem fair that the people who have known me the least amount of time could accept us in an instant, but the one who has known me my whole life is struggling.”

Buck reached out and grabbed Eddie’s hand from the steering wheel, wrapping his own fingers over it protectively. His thumb traced comforting circles over Eddie’s skin, a mirror to Eddie’s own habitual touch. 

“I get it,” Buck said quietly, much more reserved than his normal speech. “You want your family to be on board first and foremost, and it sucks when they’re not. Luckily, your abuela loves you and Chris way too much to not figure out how to accept this. If it helps, I’ll hang out with her one-on-one and let her grill me and do the whole _protective parent_ routine. I’ve dealt with parental disappointment my whole life, I’m sure I can handle hers until she comes around.”

Eddie’s stomach sank. Buck was such a positive person, such a source of light in his world, he tended to forget how shitty his upbringing had been. He didn’t talk about his past, and Eddie had only ever caught glimpses of why, but his parents’ lack of involvement in his life and disappointment when they tried had definitely come up. Eddie turned his hand under Buck’s and wove their fingers together supportively.

“I appreciate that offer, Buck, but I would never ask you to do that,” Eddie said seriously. “You and I are grown men. Neither of us should have to deal with that kind of shit from family.” Buck softened some at his words, obviously relieved that Eddie wouldn’t hold him to the offer. “I’ll keep inviting her over, and you’ll come with us to her house, as long as you’re cool with it. She’ll see how good you are for me and Chris, and she’ll get it. She’ll start to see what I see, a beautiful human being who brings joy and goodness everywhere he goes, and fills every room he’s in with the kind of love that people would kill for.”

“I think that’s the most violent, positive description I’ve ever heard of myself,” Buck teased. But there was a private smile plastered on his face that wouldn’t seem to go away for the rest of the drive, one that Eddie couldn’t stop himself from glancing over to see. 

For some reason he was suddenly struck by how much Buck cared about him. He knew Buck loved him, and he knew he loved Buck, but the offer he had made was more than just love; Buck cared about Eddie’s happiness and comfort, and would willingly put himself in an extremely uncomfortable situation just to save Eddie the pain and effort. It was overwhelming. No one had ever cared that much about his feelings, and his pain, and his needs. Yet Buck seemed to do so without even trying. He was just a genuinely benevolent and altruistic person, and Eddie was not used to that. As they pulled into the driveway, he decided to thank Buck for being such a source of comfort and guidance, in a way that only he could.

“Hey,” Eddie started nervously, shifting in his seat to face Buck. 

Buck looked back at him with such an openly fond expression that Eddie lost his train of thought immediately. One of Buck’s eyebrows arched up curiously as Eddie continued to simply stare at him. God, he was gorgeous. Everything about him was something Eddie wanted to appreciate and celebrate. Buck’s expression shifted to something vaguely like concern the longer Eddie remained frozen. He needed to snap out of it.

“Eds?” 

It was just enough to bring his mind back online.

“Evan, I want you to top me,” Eddie sputtered out nervously. The smile that had been on Buck’s face split as his jaw dropped open in shock.

Eddie hadn’t been nervous to ask, he was just nervous about the proposition in general. He had only really bottomed once and it had been a tremendous experience, to say the least. But he wanted to do this for Buck. He wanted Buck to feel what he felt when he was inside of him. It was a different kind of connection, to be completely wrapped up in another person, to feel them cradle the most sensitive part of you while you become a part of them. It was addictively soothing. 

Eddie waited for Buck’s reaction, but he had remained suspiciously quiet since Eddie had stated his intention.

“Unless…you don’t want to,” he added questioningly. Buck’s eyes widened slightly, a vague look of panic overtaking his face. Eddie had not figured out how to read Buck’s mind when it came to things like this. He was floundering. “Buck, please say something, this is embarrassing enough to ask.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Buck finally choked out, looking away from Eddie’s gaze to stare out the windshield. Eddie didn’t particularly want Buck to hurt him either, but based on his size, the reality was that he probably would. 

“Buck, I’m not worried about that,” Eddie lied, trying to ease his mind. He would take a lot more pain than Buck was likely to cause him if it meant _he_ could feel good. But Buck scowled back at him, unfooled. “Ok, I’m a little worried about that, but we can work on it. It might take an hour, but I’m sure I can make it happen.”

Buck smirked at that, but the expression fell as quickly as it had come. There was something else plaguing him. 

“Buck. Talk to me.”

“I…I just really don’t want to hurt you,” Buck defaulted. 

“Evan! Stop. Say whatever it is you want to say,” Eddie groaned a little more aggressively than he had meant to. Buck shied away, clearly hurt by the harsh tone. “I can’t actually read your mind. I need you to be straight with me here.”

Buck chuckled under his breath. 

“Nothing about this is straight, Eddie,” he joked lightly. 

Eddie let out the loudest long-suffering sigh he could muster, which only encouraged Buck to laugh harder. 

“Fine,” Eddie relented, “I need you to be gay with me here. But either way I need you to talk.”

Buck’s laughter died down, but the mood in the truck seemed lighter. Eddie waited patiently for Buck to explain. Thankfully he didn’t have to wait long. 

“So, I know we haven’t officially laid it all out there, but you know how you like to kinda be…directed in the bedroom?”

Eddie nodded stiffly. A strange feeling of betrayal swirled in his chest, as if that was meant to be a secret. And yet, it couldn’t have been more obvious since Buck had clearly been playing into it as much as Eddie wanted him to. He shook off the irritation and refocused himself on Buck’s concerns. 

“And you kinda picked up on me liking a bit of pain mixed into pleasure?”

Again, Eddie nodded, heat flushing through him as their prior exploits raced through his mind. Buck actually like quite a bit of pain with his pleasure, in Eddie’s humble opinion.

“Well, do you ever just want…,” Buck trailed off, his teeth gnawing at his lips as he tried to work out what he wanted to say. Eddie waited. “As cheesy as it sounds, do you ever just want to make love? Not fuck, not dominate or be dominated, no scene, no tricks. Just me and you, loving each other? But, you know, with our bodies…”

Eddie thought about Buck’s question for a long moment. It actually sounded wonderful. If they took away all the acting, all the bravado and desperation, they would be left with pure love and passion. That actually sounded perfect.

“I think that sounds like an amazing way to spend our afternoon,” Eddie decided aloud, in lieu of answering. 

“Really,” Buck asked breathlessly, his eyes lighting up his face and softening his nervous expression into something much more reminiscent of hope. Eddie reached out to cup Buck’s cheek, his fingers dancing over the birthmark he loved so much. 

“Really. That sounds perfect,” Eddie agreed. 

***

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are,” Buck said genuinely, eying Eddie’s naked body hungrily as he stepped out of the shower. 

Buck didn’t even think to stop himself from wrapping his arms over Eddie’s shoulders and licking the dripping water from his neck. He mouthed his way up Eddie’s jaw to claim his lips in a tender, leisurely kiss. Eddie squirmed under his tickling caress, but his arms found their way around his waist eventually. The weight of them sunk into Buck’s skin, the heat of Eddie’s body warming him from the outside in. 

They had hopped in the shower as soon as they had returned, wanting to give themselves as much time together as possible. Buck had helped Eddie clean himself, and then had Eddie return the favor, just to make him feel more at ease. He knew what a step this was going to be for Eddie – to willingly, and clear-mindedly receive Buck into his body. He also knew how uncomfortable it was likely to be at first, so he wanted to make Eddie was as relaxed as possible. 

Buck’s kisses were slow, but driving as they fumbled for footing on the wet bathroom floor. He worked over Eddie’s mouth, committing the taste of every millimeter of his lips to memory before even attempting to beg entry. Eddie’s fingers gripped at the top of his ass, kneading into the soft swell as he impatiently licked into his mouth, tired of waiting. Buck laughed at the intrusion, but Eddie swallowed the sound immediately. He traced along the sensitive insides of Buck’s cheeks, tasing every inch of his mouth before engaging his tongue in a deliberate and playful dance. Buck let his fingers twist into the hair at the nape of Eddie’s neck, dragging lingering touches down his back and across his shoulders, only to wind his way back up and into his hair. He could actually feel the shivers of pleasure running down Eddie’s spine; it was exhilarating.

Eddie pulled back slowly, his pupils wide and dark with desire. Buck’s eyes were drawn to his pink, plush, ravaged lips that hung open and inviting. He leaned in to kiss him again, drawing Eddie’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucking gently. Eddie’s breath gasped out of him as Buck teased the trapped lip, tickling the sensitive, swollen skin, with featherlight licks. Whispered mewls of want slipped from Eddie’s throat as his hands clenched against Buck’s waist, unconsciously drawing him nearer. Buck smiled at the weighty presence he felt press against his hip. 

“Why don’t we take this to the bedroom,” Buck whispered against Eddie’s mouth, releasing his lip at last. Eddie’s eyes drifted closed as his head dropped against Buck’s shoulder. It was an unexpected reaction, to say the least. “You okay?”

“I’m great,” Eddie mumbled into his chest. “Just trying to come to terms with how incredible you are.”

“Eddie, I’m already gonna sleep with you, you don’t have to butter me up,” Buck teased lightheartedly. But Eddie’s head snapped up to stare at him seriously.

“I’m not kidding, Buck. Every day, you find new ways to amaze me,” Eddie told him solemnly. “And being on the receiving end of your attention can be overwhelming. In the best way possible.”

“Thanks? I’m not sure how to take that,” Buck admitted. It sounded like a compliment, but there was almost an edge of…aggravation?

“It’s a good thing, I promise,” Eddie assured him, dragging one hand up to lay it against his neck possessively. “You just make me… _feel_ so much at once, I just need a chance to catch up sometimes.”

Oh. _That_ , he understood perfectly. His world had been a tornado of overwhelming emotions ever since Eddie had first kissed him. Every emotion he thought he recognized and had control over had whipped up tenfold where Eddie was involved. It was thrilling, and mind-numbing, and comforting all at once. 

Buck propped himself up on his toes to place an encouraging kiss to Eddie’s temple. He dropped back onto his heels to smirk at Eddie’s confused expression.

“Well as soon as your brain catches up, I’ll be waiting in your bedroom,” Buck hummed lightly, amused by Eddie’s outraged expression.

He pulled back and took a step towards the hall, only to feel Eddie’s fingers wrap around his wrist urgently and pull him back into a much more intent kiss. 

“Don’t you dare leave me,” Eddie growled against his lips, his teeth nipping just shy of painfully at Buck’s skin. 

“Then get a move on. I can’t wait to taste you much longer,” Buck purred in retaliation. 

Eddie’s eyes went wide with excitement as he pulled back to look up at him. A slow-burning fire pooled in Buck’s stomach. Butterflies fluttered through his chest frantically as Eddie easily dragged him towards the bedroom, still dripping water across the floor from the shower. Once in the bedroom, Eddie threw himself backward onto the mattress, pulling Buck on top of him in one quick, fluid motion. 

Their bare bodies lined up perfectly, pressing together from knee to chest and grounding them to the moment, and to the comforting feeling of being united. Somehow it all felt more important this time. They’d had sex before. They had held each other before. They had each had the weight of the other brace them for whatever came next. They had talked, and kissed, and proclaimed their love. But something about this feeling was bigger than all of that. For the first time in Buck’s life, he didn’t even care about what came next. He didn’t care who did what, or how good it felt. He didn’t care about the growing issue of how to merge their independent lives into the life they both now wanted. His world was refined to that single, solitary moment in time, with Eddie beneath him, supporting him physically and emotionally, unfiltered and overwhelming love flowing from his body into Buck’s. It was the most incredible and awe-inspiring feeling Buck had ever experienced. 

He planted his palms into the mattress on either side of Eddie’s head and propped himself up to look down at him. A small, contented smile parted his lips as he stared back at Buck. His cheeks were flushed from lust and desire, but his eyes were filled with affection and hope. Small beads of water trickled across his temples, making him actually sparkle in the morning light. He was breathtaking. 

“You are a gift, Edmundo,” Buck praised earnestly, grinning as the red in Eddie’s cheeks deepened at his words. “I almost feel guilty keeping you for myself.”

“Don’t,” Eddie replied with a grin, his hands greedily running up and down the corded muscles of Buck’s arms. “Because I’m not willing to share you either.”

Eddie hooked his hands behind Buck’s neck and dragged him back down into a lingering, explorative kiss. Their bodies moved together like a ballet – twisting and rolling in tandem, chests rising and falling in perfect harmony as they kissed. Buck relished the sensation of Eddie’s erection trapped between them, grazing across their stomachs like a constant subtle reminder of how much he was desired. His own dick was also well on its way to hard, cradled carefully in the crease of Eddie’s hip, growing heavier with every undulation of their bodies. Buck slowly trailed one hand down Eddie’s chest as they kissed, charting his course carefully over the velvety skin, allowing himself to explore the peaks and valleys of muscle, the firm bud of Eddie’s pert nipple, and the distinguished patches of soft, and then coarse, hair. He let Eddie’s soft gasps and pants linger in the air between their lips as he moved, but he could taste the hunger on his tongue when he resumed their kiss. His fingers slipped down between their stomachs to circle Eddie’s dick, giving it a firm, slow stroke from base to tip and back. He could feel Eddie’s stomach twitch beneath him, chasing the brief hint of pleasure. 

Buck suddenly realized, somewhat surprisingly, that he had something better than a hand to give Eddie pleasure. He pulled away from Eddie’s lips and plotted a meandering trail of wet, openmouthed kisses and licks as he worked down his body. He scrambled down the bed to line himself up with Eddie’s dick, impulsively motivated to taste him for real. How had he not thought to do this before? He licked his lips and eyed Eddie’s erection, running a quick checklist through his mind, courtesy of one of his ‘research’ dives: _Wet your lips, Cover the teeth, Lay your tongue flat until you’re comfortable, Don’t go too far too fast, Bob your head, Only add suction when you’re ready or to tease, Squeeze your thumb in your fist to help fight your gag reflex._ He thought he was ready to try, but first, he wanted to give Eddie a stronger hint about what he had in mind. He leaned in close, letting his warm breath ghost over Eddie’s dick. He was intrigued to see it actually twitch in response. Logically, he knew dicks kind of had a mind of their own, but to see it react to him specifically was oddly…empowering. He flattened his tongue and licked a slow, wet strip from base to tip, rolling and undulating the muscle as he went. The twinge of anticipation along Eddie’s dick that chased the movement of his tongue was incredible.

“Evan,” Eddie whispered desperately from somewhere above him. 

Buck looked up, his tongue still teasing around the head as he did. Eddie had propped himself up onto his elbows to better watch the performance and the look in his eye had turned to pure, selfish need. The corners of Buck’s lips tilted up into a grin as he flicked his tongue over the Eddie’s slit. Eddie’s jaw dropped as a relieved moan fell from his lips. His hips rolled up encouragingly, forcing Buck’s whole body to roll with him. It was a ride Buck would happily take, over, and over again. He wrapped his fingers around the base of Eddie’s erection, positioning it for himself as he curled his lips over his teeth and sank down over the head. A pained gasp echoed through the air and Buck was worried he had done something wrong, but the splash of precome that dotted his tongue told him otherwise. Eddie was apparently even more turned on than Buck had thought. Good. He sank down further, taking as much of Eddie as he dared to. It was a wild feeling, having Eddie’s dick in his mouth. Part of him was filled with curious interest, cataloguing the sensations of the heat and weight and girth of Eddie’s erection and how it fit within his mouth, analyzing how much more he would have to take to swallow him down the way Eddie had miraculously done for him. But a larger part of him was practically vibrating with the primal urge to stake his claim over Eddie, as if tasting him had awakened some primitive part of him that needed the world to see and recognize that Eddie was _his_ and his alone. He clenched his fist as he pulled back up, only to sink back down almost immediately. He set a steady pace for himself, bobbing down over Eddie’s length as far as he could without gagging, then pulling all the way back up to the head. Eddie dropped back onto the mattress and wove his fingers into Buck’s curls, clutching at them greedily and Buck sucked him into his mouth again and again.

After a few passes, his confidence grew and he started to experiment with his tongue. At first, he curled it around him, slicking Eddie’s length as he tasted every inch of him. The panting mixed with repeated whispers of _fuck_ seemed like a good sign, so he experimented further. On the next pass, he tried to roll his tongue, the way Eddie had, as if he was rolling an ‘R’. Unfortunately, it forced Eddie’s dick further up into the roof of Buck’s mouth and he almost immediately started coughing. He pulled off frantically, dribbling saliva down his chin as a coughing fit overtook him. Eddie watched him pitifully, reaching out to comfort him, but Buck pushed his hand away as the heat of embarrassment licked up his face. 

“Buck, don’t try so hard. You can use your hand,” Eddie parroted at him, a near carbon copy of Buck’s own advice from the station. “Either way, I’m going to finish pretty soon. The sight of your lips on my dick is not something I had ever thought would happen and it is very nearly killing me. I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” 

Buck didn’t respond. He appreciated Eddie’s thoughtfulness, but he was still embarrassed. Eddie had managed much better and he’d had quite a bit more to contend with. Maybe he should ask Anthony for some pointers before he left town, but he shook the thought from his mind before his jealousy could rear its ugly head. He returned his attention to Eddie’s erection, noting for the first time that it wasn’t just wet from his saliva, but also from the steadily leaking fluid dribbling from his slit. He abruptly realized that he wanted to taste Eddie’s come. But at the same time, he wanted them to come together. He decided to place Eddie’s orgasm on hold, somewhat selfishly. 

Eddie sucked in a breath as Buck leaned back in, but rather than returning to his dick, Buck bypassed it altogether, choosing instead to tease at the tight sac that rested below it. Buck could feel the heat at Eddie’s center just behind the sac as he rolled the weight of his balls over his tongue. His head was filled with the dizzying musky scent of Eddie’s desire as he sucked the skin of Eddie’s sac between his teeth and kneaded it gently. 

“Buck,” Eddie gasped frantically, hands clutching at the sheets under him. He already sounded so desperate. Buck’s dick jumped eagerly at that sound of his name uttered in Eddie’s reckless, blissful tone. He needed to take care of himself pretty soon.

A rogue idea forced its way to the forefront of Buck’s mind, one that he couldn’t help but succumb to. In the next instant he was scrambling back off the edge of the bed, letting his knees fall to the floor to support him as he looped his hands behind Eddie’s knees and dragged him to the edge of the mattress in one quick pull. 

“Wha-,” Eddie started to question, but his voice shut off completely as Buck flipped him forcibly onto his stomach, letting his legs dangle over the edge and presenting his ass to him flawlessly. 

“Perfect,” Buck purred as he leaned it to nip at the plump swell of Eddie’s ass, earning him a yelp of surprise in return. 

He palmed Eddie’s cheeks, massaging the firm muscle underneath the softness as he separated them and exposed his target. His mouth watered at the sight of Eddie’s fluttering hole. It called to him, beckoning him to taste it, to penetrate it – to claim him. An intense surge of desire ripped through him as he dropped down close, kissed the plump flesh of Eddie’s ass, and licked a curious stripe over the ring of muscle. His analytical mind noted the faint taste of soap mixed with sweat, but his primitive urge only noticed the way Eddie’s breath had whined out of him at the feel of Buck’s tongue. He wanted to hear _more._ He dribbled saliva over Eddie’s hole as his tongue lapped at the entrance, the rough puckered skin rasping against his lips. Eddie’s hips drove forward involuntarily, rubbing his erection into the bed as Buck prodded at his hole with the tip of his tongue, prying him open one millimeter at a time. 

Ragged breaths and panting moans filled the air as Buck worked Eddie open. His hips thrust against the mattress wildly, adding to the sensations of Buck’s tongue. But Buck stopped him. He dug his fingers into Eddie’s ass sharply, holding him tight to the mattress and stilling his frantic ministrations. The pained, broken whine that erupted from Eddie’s throat was delectable. Buck headed him off before he could complain.

“Just wait for me, Eddie. Please,” Buck beseeched quietly, placing a kiss to Eddie’s tailbone. “I want to feel you come wrapped around me.”

An almost inaudible _God, yes_ was the only response. Eddie lay still and pliant before him, waiting for Buck to decide what came next. Sensing that Eddie’s patience would not last long, and finally realizing how achingly hard he was himself, Buck decided to move things along. He reached blindly for the lube and condoms that Eddie kept in his bedside table, not willing to take his eyes off of the stunning display of Eddie splayed out before him like a snack. He slicked up two fingers and ran them between Eddie’s cheeks, laying a path for himself as he set to work. 

“Deep breath, in and out, Eds,” Buck warned as he pulled Eddie’s cheeks apart with one hand and pressed the tip of his middle finger against the rim of his hole. 

He waited patiently. As Eddie let the breath go, he pressed in, slipping effortlessly through the tight ring. The pressure around his finger was deliriously hot. He could barely imagine how mind-numbing it would be around his dick. 

“Good,” Buck asked genuinely, not wanting to rush Eddie. He knew how uncomfortable this could be. Eddie nodded into the mattress and lifted his hips to give Buck more access. “You’re so good for me.”

He worked slowly, gently twisting his finger in and out, stretching Eddie as calmly as he could. His own dick throbbed between his legs, dribbling precome onto his thighs like a faucet, but he ignored it – he would not rush this with Eddie. Eventually Eddie began to twist and writhe around the feeling of Buck’s finger, deliberately pressing in around it, pulling a wanton groan from Buck’s throat. 

“More,” Eddie whined with his face buried in the mattress. 

The sound went straight to Buck’s dick, making it twitch excitedly. He was surprised as Eddie took his second finger without warning, swallowing it up to the second knuckle without any concern. 

“Jesus, Eds,” Buck moaned as he watched his own fingers swallowed by Eddie’s hole. 

He curled and twisted them inside of Eddie, pressing in and dragging out slowly, scissoring them open every so often to give him a chance to adjust. Eddie’s muffled whines were lost in the folds of the sheets, but his body writhed against the mattress, his hips jutting backward to drive himself further onto Buck’s fingers with every other thrust. Buck ran his free hand up Eddie’s thighs, grasping at the tense muscles holding him upright. 

“More,” Eddie moaned, turning his head away from the mattress just long enough to spit the word out before burying his face again. 

Buck was worried he might be pushing himself too hard, but the throbbing between his legs urged him on anyway. He pulled his fingers out to slick them up again and was rewarded with a genuine moan of loss from Eddie’s hidden face. Fuck, that was the most erotic thing he had ever heard. He wasn’t going to last long at all. He fumbled for a condom and slid it over his own erection before pouring lube over his fingers and slicking himself up. The minor friction of his own hand sent heated sparks of want racing through his veins. He needed relief. But Eddie needed him.

He returned his attention to Eddie and pressed two fingers back in without warning. Eddie took them effortlessly, whining in relief at the return of Buck’s presence. Buck stopped to take in a deep calming breath, willing his arousal to settle before he continued. After a long moment, he felt safe enough to continue. A third finger pressed at his hole, prying the muscle up just enough to wiggle in next to the others. Eddie’s breath turned to uneasy pants as Buck pressed in further until he was nearly three knuckles deep, fully sheathed by Eddie’s heat.

“Okay,” Buck asked breathlessly, eyes glued to the trembling muscle convulsing around his fingers. Eddie moaned into the mattress, his hands clutching at the sheets under his waist. Buck reached up with his free hand and pried the sheet from Eddie’s grip, replacing it with his own fingers. Eddie clung to him as he began to move his other hand, dragging it out slowly to allow him to relax. But he just clutched harder until Buck pressed back in. 

“Evan, I’m ready,” Eddie whispered.

Buck hadn’t even realized he had pulled his face out of the sheets. He looked up to see Eddie staring back at him, his eyes drifting between Buck’s face and their entwined hands. Buck raised an eyebrow questioningly, but Eddie nodded his consent. Excitement roiled in Buck’s stomach as he dragged his fingers out for the last time. 

“On your knees, baby,” Buck directed gently, helping Eddie crawl back up onto the mattress before pulling himself up to his feet again.

Buck ran his hands up at the long line of Eddie’s back, teasing the sensitive skin over his ribs as he went. He watched in amusement as goosebumps trailed after his fingers, bringing Eddie’s skin to life under his touch. There was something about the way every part of Eddie’s body reacted to him that he was positive would never get old. He knocked Eddie’s legs wider with his knee to drop his hips down to a better angle and placed a gentle kiss to between Eddie’s shoulder blades. 

“Ready,” Buck asked encouragingly. His dick pulsed in his hand as he lined it up with Eddie’s entrance, so he hoped the answer was yes. 

“I’m ready.”

Buck lined himself up, pressing his dick at Eddie’s entrance. The heat of him was tantalizing against his head; it summoned him forward. He ran one finger around the loosened ring, feeling it flutter open as he did. He pressed his hips forward, taking the invitation for what it was. His fingers were wrapped tightly around the base of his erection, partly to keep himself firm enough to work through the intoxicating pressure swallowing the head of him, but also to stop himself from slamming in too fast. 

Eddie hissed out a breath as the head of Buck’s dick popped through. Buck wasn’t sure if he did it on purpose, but Eddie’s hole tightened around him, sending an almost painful wave of pleasure up and down his swollen length. 

“Oh god, Eds,” Buck moaned, his hand grasping at Eddie’s back to steady himself. He had been right; the cinching feel of Eddie wrapped around his was debilitating. He could barely remember what to do next as thousands of tiny fires lit under his skin. 

“More,” Eddie groaned, pressing back to sink further onto Buck’s dick. 

Buck complied right away, pressing in slowly, shaking from the intense feeling of Eddie’s hole squeezing over the length of him, only to be swallowed by delicious, wet heat. He pulled out to the head again and slowly pressed back in, allowing Eddie to breathe through the stretch. He was halfway seated again by the time he realized he was openly whining, lustfully, with every gained millimeter. 

“ **More.** "

Eddie’s voice was deep and thick with desire. Buck wouldn’t disappoint. He pressed in further, until he was almost completely swallowed by Eddie. His eyes were glued to the bright red ring quivering around him, squeezing pleasure into him as the rest of his dick was enveloped in heat. He could feel the beginnings of his orgasm pooling as his balls tensed between his legs. It felt incredible. It was as if Eddie was designed specifically to please him, to bring him to an ecstasy only Eddie could provide. Reverence heated his chest as he draped himself over Eddie’s back and pressed in the final inch. 

A pained groan slipped past Eddie’s clenched teeth as Buck’s hips connected with his ass. Icy fear and regret doused the flames of Buck’s lust as he stood upright and began to pull back. 

“No,” Eddie groaned. “Stay…in me. Just, let me breathe.”

Buck froze where he was. He had only pulled out a bit, but maybe it was enough to allow Eddie to adapt. But in the next moment, Eddie was pushing back, impaling himself fully on Buck’s erection. The unexpected move shot electric sparks up his dick and over his spine. Bright lights sparkled behind his eyes as he threw his hands forward to steady himself against Eddie’s hip.

“I said…stay in me,” Eddie growled possessively. 

God, that was a little too enticing. The sudden urge to see Eddie’s face, to kiss him and hold him, and have him wrap his arms around him, hit Buck like a truck. He held Eddie’s hips still and slowly dragged himself free, reveling in the tight squeeze of Eddie’s hole as he tried to hold him in. 

“Buck, I said st-”

“Shh,” Buck interrupted urgently. “I need to see you. I need to see your fa-, Ahhhh,” the breath was ripped from his lungs as the sensitive head of his dick grazed past the rim and fell heavily between his thighs again. “I need to see you face. Flip over.”

Eddie did as he was asked with no complaints, letting his legs flop exhaustedly against the bed. Buck knew that feeling all too well. Now, if he could just figure out how to make this work horizontally…Fortunately, Eddie seemed to have an idea. He reached for a pillow to prop his hips up and motioned for Buck to join him. 

Buck didn’t need to be asked twice. He crawled onto the bed and covered Eddie’s body with his own, rolling their hips together as he did to spark both of the erections back to life. A hiss of anticipation sizzled in the air, but he genuinely didn’t know if it was from him or Eddie. He propped himself up on his hand to line his hips back up, but was frozen by the heated glare of Eddie’s lust-blown eyes boring into his.

“I love you,” Eddie whispered humbly as Buck pressed back into him. 

His eyes fluttered shut as Buck’s head passed through his rim. His brows knit together and he pulled his lip between his teeth to distract himself from the pressure. Buck couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have Eddie in his life. He dipped his head forward and kissed the rumpled skin between Eddie’s brow before slotting their lips together and sucking Eddie’s lips out from between his own teeth. He reached between them, pressing into Eddie’s stomach with the flat of his palm to feel the hard pressure of _himself_ inching further into him. He kept them pressed together that way until he was fully seated in Eddie again, swallowing down every moan and whine, of pleasure and pain, fingers twitching as his dick climbed further up Eddie’s abdomen. He knew it had to feel awkward for Eddie, but Eddie just kissed him back with a vigor that left him dizzy. His mind was too lost in the sensations of Eddie’s body gripping around him to process the hungry kisses attacking his lips. 

“Evan, fuck me, please,” Eddie begged desperately, pulling back just long enough to get the request out. As soon as the words were said, he sucked Buck’s tongue into his mouth and planted his hands along his back, urging him to move. Fortunately, Buck wasn’t one to disappoint.

His hips began to move in a steady pattern, pressing in just enough to get a gasp, then pulling out up to the head, relishing the delicious drag of Eddie’s rim along almost his entire length. Eddie moved with him, his nails digging into Buck’s skin for purchase as he rolled his own hips in tandem with Buck’s, arching up to welcome him, then down to add more weight to the drag out. Buck’s mind was blank save for the incapacitating feel of Eddie’s body massaging his length and the orgasm coiling tighter and tighter in his gut. Eddie’s mouth attached anywhere it could reach, sucking fleeting marks into his skin and setting it on fire with his scruff.

“More, Buck. Please,” Eddie whined against him between biting kisses. 

Buck didn’t want this to hurt. He didn’t want it to be forceful or violent. But his body was begging for release and Eddie’s was too. He knew how intense the presence of Eddie’s dick was in him; he couldn’t imagine what Eddie was feeling with his. He wanted Eddie to feel good. He wanted Eddie to feel cherished and worshiped. But he needed to finish himself to be able to do that. He pulled back just enough to stare into Eddie’s eyes solemnly. 

“I love you, Edmundo.”

With that, he set a new pace, thrusting in earnest and calling forth his own orgasm. He drove into Eddie with abandon, relishing the way his body welcomed him, but still strained against his girth. Every retreat was met with a gasp of want from Eddie’s lips, urging Buck to drive back in all over again. A symphony of moans and pants and slick slapping filled the air as Buck fucked into Eddie with renewed intent. His stomach twisted painfully as his orgasm raced to the surface, his dick pulsing wildly with every thrust. Eddie’s begging moans filled his mind, demanding to be claimed fully. 

Without warning Buck bit down on Eddie’s neck, drawing the flesh into his mouth and sucking, hard, as his hips slammed into him one final time. His orgasm spilled from him, appropriately enough, like a fire hose, spurting out in a steady stream as Eddie flexed around him, milking the come from his length. 

He released Eddie’s neck then, collapsing on top of him as his orgasm passed; his body suddenly felt like it was made of concrete. His head rested on Eddie’s shoulder, rising and falling with his calming breaths, leading Buck to match him. Eddie ran soothing hands over his back and up his neck into his hair. 

“You did so good, Evan,” Eddie cooed gently, still massaging Buck’s spent frame. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Buck realized how ridiculous it was for Eddie to be congratulating him when Eddie was the one with a dick in his ass. But in that moment, he basked in the praise, letting it sink into every cell of his body. Eddie’s soft words and tender touch lightened him until he felt like he might float away. He sighed a deeply satisfied sigh, still plastered against Eddie – still _in_ him. This was what he always wanted to feel: loved and cherished and appreciated and seen. 

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Buck sighed against Eddie’s shoulder. “Every shitty thing I have dealt with, every ounce of pain I’ve suffered to get here was worth it.”

Eddie’s hands stilled against him, but Buck felt the soft press of lips to the top of his head. 

“You’re worth even more,” Eddie whispered. Buck wanted to argue, but the sincerity in Eddie’s voice was too precious to disrupt. 

He suddenly remembered, with the help of a stubborn presence under his stomach, that Eddie was still hard as a rock. 

“I still owe you an orgasm,” Buck teased lightly, breaking his post-coital trance. He was delighted to actually _feel_ the heat of Eddie’s blush as spread over his chest. “Don’t move.”

He slowly lifted himself off of Eddie and crawled down his body, peppering his skin with featherlight kisses along the way. Once he found his new target, he set to work instantly. Without any preparation he swallowed Eddie down, sucking in his cheeks to surround his length with succulent heat. 

“Fffuuuckk,” Eddie moaned out. His hands immediately sought Buck’s head, his fingers weaving through his hair again to hold him still. Buck pulled off with a squelching pop and placed gentle kisses all along Eddie’s shaft. 

“Go ahead, Eds. Use my mouth,” Buck encouraged him as he realigned himself. 

He propped himself up on his hands and knees to give Eddie as much of himself as he could. He didn’t care if he choked, or if he gagged, or even if he threw up. Eddie deserved to lose himself too – to realize that Buck would die for him, happily, just to give him a moment of ecstasy. He sank back over Eddie’s leaking erection, lapping at the bitter, salty precome dribbling down his length. With a tap to Eddie’s hip, he was off. Buck was grateful that he started slow enough to let Buck stretch out around him, but the gentle pace didn’t last. In a matter of seconds, he was thrusting into Buck’s mouth and plunging the head of his dick down Buck’s throat. Buck fisted his thumbs and fought the urge to gag, but it was too much. He choked around Eddie’s punishing thrusts, his throat fluttering frantically around the head that protruded down it. 

“Jesusss,” Eddie hissed, pulling back out to allow Buck a chance to breathe. 

Eddie’s fingers trailed down from Buck’s hair to cup his jaw. His thumb absently massaged the corner of Buck’s mouth as he watched him ravenously. That was all the encouragement Buck needed. He sucked in a breath and descended on Eddie’s erection again, sucking hard as his tongue wound around his girth, rolling against him in a torturous wave. Eddie’s hips bucked up wildly, but Buck was ready for him. He swallowed him down, letting his throat flutter around his head, pulling distressed whines and moans from Eddie’s lips. The primal urge to claim was back, insisting that he finish Eddie off immediately. 

“I’m so close, Buck,” Eddie panted, his hips stuttering awkwardly under Buck’s attention. 

Buck mentally smirked as he pulled almost all the way off, only to stop and dip the point of his tongue into the slit of Eddie’s head. A yelp of pleasurable pain pierced the air as Buck bobbed back down, humming deeply around Eddie’s length as he begged him to come. His throat was raw and his jaw ached from keeping it stretched, but Eddie was so close. A strange idea occurred to him suddenly. He dropped down over Eddie’s dick, hollowed his cheeks, and _growled_ possessively around him. The deep rumble vibrated up from his chest greedily, shuddering through Eddie’s erection and pulling a full-blown scream from his throat. 

“FUCK!”

Eddie’s hands clenched at Buck’s head as his orgasm rocketed out of him, plastering Buck’s tongue with the salty, musky taste of _him_. The primal urge was finally sated; Buck hummed happily as he swallowed down Eddie’s come. Eddie winced at the vibration, his dick already overly sensitive to touch. Buck pulled off of him slowly, careful to give him space as he released his dick.

Buck flopped onto the bed next to Eddie, curling himself towards him. He watched as Eddie’s expression shifted from over-stimulated pain to wonder, to relief, and finally settled on adoration as he turned to face him. Buck smiled back at him, genuinely proud that he had been able to affect him so strongly. Eddie smiled back, his face soft and open. 

“You’re a pretty quick study,” Eddie teased comfortably. Buck grinned back at him.

“I had a good teacher.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes, but a fond smile stayed on his lips.

“Gimme your hand,” Eddie drawled, his mind clearly still hazy from his orgasm. 

He reached out and grabbed Buck’s hand as he shifted onto his side. He pulled Buck’s arm until he was wrapped up in him like a blanket, being spooned from behind, and cradled in his arms protectively. A contented sigh escaped his lips as he melted back against Buck’s body, filling Buck with an entirely different kind of warmth. He felt at home again, wrapped around Eddie; this was where he belonged. This was where he was always meant to be. 

“You feel like home to me,” Eddie murmured happily as he nestled in tighter. Buck’s heart ached in his chest. He pulled Eddie back harder, pressing their bodies together from ankle to shoulder, reveling in the way they just _fit_.

“I know exactly what you mean,” Buck replied, amazed that, after so many years, he finally had a place to call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will post one more chapter next week to resolve the open plot lines. I may end up posting epilogues or continuations, but they won't be nearly as involved, or as frequent. So, next week is kind of the finale. 
> 
> Since this is winding down, I'd love to flex my writing skills. If you have any prompts you want me to take a whack at, hit me up in the comments! I'd love to try!


	15. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh! The final installment of this behemoth that I never intended to get this long. Hahaha. Shoutout to Ro_Nordmann for the amazing cover art!
> 
> Sit back and enjoy. This is a long one.

It was late afternoon by the time Buck and Eddie made it back to pick up Christopher from his abuela’s. They genuinely hadn’t intended to leave him with her for so long, but after the impassioned morning they had spent together, they had both fallen into a peaceful and satiated sleep. Buck probably would’ve berated himself over their tardiness, if he hadn’t adored the feeling of waking up with Eddie nestled between in his arms _so_ much. Besides, his abuela had missed Chris too and probably didn’t mind the extra one-on-one time.

Once they _had_ realized how late in the afternoon it was, the peaceful spell they’d woken under had broken and they’d found themselves, once again, in a mad dash to get ready. In all honesty, Buck was beginning to enjoy the rush of constantly racing to get ready; it made daily life so much more exhilarating. Although, he might just enjoy that it was a ‘Diaz habit’ he had picked up from spending so much time together.

Eddie’s abuela didn’t seem bothered in the least when they finally arrived shortly after 5:00pm, even going so far as to invite them in for a snack, happy to spend even a few more minutes with her grandson. She welcomed Eddie as usual, with a great bear hug and a kiss on the cheek, which he tried, and failed to turn away from. Buck saw through the charade though; he knew Eddie secretly loved the attention. He was surprised, however, when his abuela turned and offered him a polite smile and nod as well. They had never exactly been on bad terms, but they had only actually met a few times, and the last encounter had definitely left them in a strange standoff.

Inside, they found Christopher at the kitchen table, happily doodling pictures for his grandmother to hang on her refrigerator. There were finished pictures scattered all over the table in front of him: the Santa Monica pier; a firetruck, surrounded by (in Buck’s opinion) decent approximations of a majority of their fire family; his friends from camp all riding (what Buck decided where) ‘surrealist’ horses; Christopher, himself, at the skatepark on his fancy skateboard; Chris again on a surfboard in the curl of a wave, accompanied by someone who looked suspiciously like Buck falling into the water behind him; and an enormous ice cream sundae with three tiny figures dwarfed in its shadow.

“I see our little Picasso has been at it again,” Eddie joked, tousling Chris’ hair as he watched him finish his last picture. Buck’s heart throbbed at the sight of Chris nuzzling into the familiar touch.

His Diaz boys were getting so good at the comforting, physical support and acknowledgement that Buck and Eddie had both grown up without. As proud as Buck was, and as much as he wanted to join in on the display, he kept some distance between himself and his boys, not wanting to make abuela uncomfortable in her own home. But on the plus side, he could see all of Christopher’s artwork from his vantage.

As he glanced over the work, a pattern began to appear that stopped his breath in his lungs. Aside from the camp picture, Chris had included Buck in every drawing, even going so far as to add his birthmark in loving detail, just the way Eddie always described it. Overwhelmed tears welled in Buck’s eyes as he scoured the pieces, noting where Christopher felt he fit into his life: by his side at the pier playing games; by Eddie’s side, arm in arm next to the firetruck; flanking Chris’ skateboard, Eddie across from him; and cowering in the shadows of the enormous ice cream sundae, he and Eddie on either side of Chris holding giant spoons. In every picture they were together, with Christopher in the middle, surrounded by love and support.

“These are beautiful, Christopher,” Buck choked out, failing to hide how tight his throat had become. Seeing that Christopher already included him in the family was just too much to handle after such a vulnerable and soul-bearing morning.

Eddie immediately noticed his discomfort and shuffled to his side, placing a hand in the small of his back, his thumb rubbing soothingly over his skin. Buck softened into the familiar touch immediately, thankful for Eddie’s intuition. He always felt like the world just dissolved away when Eddie touched him like that.

Eddie shot him a quick _You okay?_ look, one eyebrow cocked up curiously. But Buck couldn’t bring himself to explain out loud. Instead, he just smiled back at him and let the devastating rush of belonging he was suffering from bleed into his expression. It was probably the softest smile Buck had ever given, judging from Eddie’s stunned gasp. He looked down at the pictures pointedly, leading Eddie’s gaze to recognize what he already had.

A moment later, as the realization sunk in, Eddie’s hand slid up Buck’s spine to grip the back of his neck and pull him into a warm side-hug.

“I told you he loved his dads,” Eddie whispered furtively. Buck couldn’t help but chuckle at Eddie’s confidence. At least he was sure Buck belonged with them. 

It was then that he noticed Eddie’s abuela watching them, closely – with a guarded expression. She looked down at the pictures, back up at Buck, then deliberately to Eddie’s arm where it draped around his shoulders. He expected to see disdain, or at the least confusion, but Buck could have sworn there was a tiny smile on her lips.

“Mijito asked me to hang this one,” she announced softly, holding out another drawing. It looked like one of his tsunami drawings from therapy. In the bottom half of the page water covered the ground and all the buildings were half submerged. But up above, there were three figures carrying an open truck full of people over their heads like superheroes. Eddie was there in his uniform, but Chris and Buck were dressed in matching costumes, capes blowing in the wind.

“He says it’s the day he became a hero like his father,” she explained. “And his dad.”

Eddie’s head snapped around so fast Buck thought he had been electrocuted. There was an almost upsettingly hopeful expression etched across his face.

“It seems this one might be a good influence on both of you,” she admitted gently with a nod in Buck’s direction.

Buck couldn’t believe his ears. Could she really accept them so easily? Could she really accept _him_ so easily? Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, but that comment alone felt like a step in the right direction.

“Abuela, you have no idea,” Eddie revealed openly. He gripped Buck’s neck again, sending a dull wave of relief down his spine. “Evan has been the greatest addition to my life, and Christopher’s.”

Buck blushed under the intensely fond gaze Eddie fixed on him. He could practically feel the love radiating out of him, curling over every inch of his body until there was no room left for silly things like doubt and caution. A small, private smile pulled at the corners of his lips as the warmth of acceptance slowly crept into all the hidden parts of his soul that had made him feel like he was never quite enough. 

“Finished,” Christopher crowed, waving the final portrait above his head. Eddie took it carefully and held it out for everyone to admire.

It was a family portrait: Chris in the middle, surrounded by abuela, Eddie, and Buck; there was even a faint ghostly image of Shannon floating in the clouds above. She was smiling down on all of them, even Buck and Eddie, whose hands were linked together at their sides. On the surface it was a typical child’s drawing of his family, but it somehow felt like approval, like an endorsement from the most important people in Eddie’s life – a celebration of he and Buck’s love. It felt, to Buck at least, like he was being welcomed in with open arms, and pulled tight into the bosom of the Diaz clan. Even if he was only imagining it, it felt right there.

After a quick goodbye, another pleasant nod from abuela, and a brief stop for pizza, the Diaz-Buckley trio was finally headed home. Chris was asleep in the back seat of the truck, evidently tuckered out from the excitement of the last few days. Buck was practically right there with him. After everything coming to a head, then revealing themselves to the crew, and welcoming Chris home, and then the upset with Eddie’s abuela – Buck’s emotions had been stretched to their breaking point. He let out a deep, weary sigh as Eddie pulled up to the house.

“Thank you,” Eddie stated casually as he put the truck in park. “You’ve been through a lot of family drama over the past twenty-four hours and I know how draining that is for you. Unfortunately, my family tends to be very involved in each other’s lives. Well, my abuela and tia mostly.” Buck had to smile at that. Although his abuela was still coming around, Buck knew he was already in good with tia Josephina. “I should have warned you, or given you the option to step back from this craziness for a while. But I think I selfishly wanted you there, to keep me centered, or something.”

Buck didn’t know what to say. Eddie seemed to be under the impression that he had forced Buck into dealing with family, but the truth of it was that Buck already loved Eddie’s L.A. family. He loved how nosey and involved they were, how often they ate dinner together, or babysat Chris, or showed up at the station with treats for the crew. He loved how supportive they were towards Eddie and Chris. And maybe now, even towards himself. He couldn’t believe abuela had already started to cross that bridge, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He loved that Eddie’s family had somehow become _his_ by extension, and that he had multiple maternal figures to look forward to learning from, and loving from. When he and Eddie chose each other, he knew going in that the family was part of the package; he just couldn’t believe how good a deal it had turned out to be.

“Eddie, I love your family,” Buck confessed. “I love that they’re always there for you and Chris, and that they always want to be around. I love how much they take care of you and support you. I just hope I can win them all over someday, so I can be part of that love too. It already seems pretty incredible from the outside looking in.”

Eddie reached for Buck’s hand, squeezing it in thanks for his understanding.

“Abuela’s on her way,” Eddie assured him. “I know she can see how happy you make me. And now she knows what you mean to Christopher too. She’ll come around soon enough. And then you will regret ever wanting her attentions focused on you.”

Buck looked back at him, startled by the oddly threatening tone.

“You have no idea how many pastries, and tamales, and snacks, and cheek pinches are in your future.” Eddie’s face remained serious, but his tone was lighthearted. “Because let me tell you, when she turns onto you, and she will, she will dote on you like you made the stars in the sky. Because she’ll see in you what _I_ see, and she is much better at showering people with the affection they deserve.”

Buck turned away bashfully, suddenly looking forward to the day abuela truly counted him as family. He didn’t want to get his hopes up too high, but it all sounded amazing. Eddie, being Eddie, somehow read his mind.

“I’m telling you, you think you want it now, but I’ll remind you of this when you have to let out all your pants. She will never stop feeding you. Just wait.” Eddie gave him a mischievous wink. “You’re lucky you could stand to add some pounds of fluff. Actually, I think I’m kinda looking forward to it.”

Buck turned to stare at Eddie incredulously. But Eddie showed zero embarrassment about his comment.

“Just more to love,” he said nonchalantly. “And I will always welcome more of you.”

“You are a ridiculous person. And you better not let me get fat until after I get in that damn calendar,” Buck warned seriously. “After that? All bets are off. We can both get fat and happy.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Buck wanted to glare back at him, but his attention was pulled away from Eddie’s smug smile as Christopher began to stir in the backseat.

“Hey, Buddy. You ready for some pizza and a movie,” Buck asked gently, not wanting to startled him awake too quickly. According to Eddie, Chris already took after him in terms of grogginess when woken up. Slowly, Chris’ eyes adjusted to the scenery around him and a sleepy smile stretched across his face.

“Buck! Are you staying for a sleepover,” Chris asked cheerfully, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Buck looked to Eddie for an answer. He didn’t want to overstep, especially since he had already stayed over multiple nights that week. But Eddie just gazed back at him as longingly, his dark eyes warm with affection.

“You bet, Chris,” Buck decided. A soothing blanket of contentment wrapped around his heart from Chris’ responding smile.

“Sleepover,” Chris cheered, wiggling in his seat with, what Buck knew was, his happy dance.

He was starting to think he may never go back to his loft again. 

*******

The 118 was surprisingly casual when they arrived _together_ for their next shift. No one even so much as blinked an eye when Eddie climbed down out of Buck’s jeep and fell into step beside him. No one seemed to notice that his LAFD shirt was a little looser than normal, or that Buck’s was a bit too tight. No one even mentioned the still-obvious, and not-at-all juvenile and goddamn ridiculous, hickey hiding just under the edge of his collar, courtesy of Buck. They worked through the entire morning, bumping elbows and hips at random and trading discrete casual caresses whenever they passed each other. And no one seemed any the wiser. 

Or at least, that’s what Eddie had thought.

He had just passed Buck, who was crouched in the engine bay re-rolling one of the rig’s hoses, and had gently tousled the loose waves at the crown of his head in greeting. It was a minor touch, nothing obscene or sensual, but it still sent a warm current of satisfaction up from his fingertips and into his chest. He hadn’t thought anything of it, until he heard someone loudly clear their throat in his direction. After a brief search for the source, he was mortified to find Bobby staring down at him from the walkway with an unreadable expression.

Bobby clearly motioned for Eddie to join him, which left him no choice but to comply. As he trudged up the stairs, nervous energy churned in his stomach. Was this going to be ‘the talk’? The one where Bobby told him they couldn’t work together? The one where the brightest part of Eddie’s life was ripped away from him, again?

“Eddie, breathe,” Bobby said patiently as he approached. Eddie hadn’t even realized that he wasn’t. “I just want to see how things are going. You’re not in trouble.”

Eddie’s shoulders loosened slightly, tension cautiously seeping out of him.

“Thing? As in me and Buck,” Eddie asked shrewdly.

Bobby gave him a guilty smile and nodded his head. It was meant to be disarming, but Eddie was too concerned about being reprimanded for PDAs in the station, or being separated from Buck, or being kicked out of the 118 altogether, to relax. He wasn’t sure which was his main concern, but his body decided for him, spilling out the most urgent question without his consent.

“Are we not allowed to work together anymore?”

Bobby pursed his lips and frowned for a moment, considering his words carefully. Eddie’s stomach turned to lead. Shit. This **was** that conversation. His heart seemed to pound at his ribcage as Bobby crossed his arms and drew in a slow breath, as if it could break free from him and escape the imminent pain.

“Theoretically, probably not,” he admitted sadly.

He had known it was a possibility, but he still felt like he had been punched in the gut. The air in his lungs shriveled to dust as his pulse pounded in his ears, drowning out sound around him. Logically, he knew they would survive not working on the same team, but he just couldn’t imagine running into a burning building and not having Buck waiting to pull him out.

He was startled by Bobby’s hand clutching his elbow. When had that happened?

“Theoretically, it could be a conflict of interest if you were to treat each other differently than anyone else in the station.” Bobby continued, more sternly. “However, I know how integral both of you are to our team. I also know that this team doesn’t work as well with either of you missing.” Eddie stared at him, a tiny glimmer of hope springing to life in his chest. Was Bobby saying what he thought he saying? “I’m not planning to split you up as long as you can do your jobs as well as you have up ‘til now. But you need to be able to keep it tame at work. I know you have self-control, usually,” he gave Eddie a knowing look at that, “But I worry about Buck. He can be more impulsive.”

Eddie had to smother his laugh in his hand, pulling his arm out of Bobby’s grip in the process. He turned to glance at his partner, who was still bent over and crawling across the floor, displaying his ass in a way that Eddie could only describe as inviting. If only Bobby knew how impulsive Eddie had been over the past two weeks. If it weren’t for his impulsivity, he and Buck would still be tiptoeing around their relationship, trying to figure out their feelings.

He brought his focus back to Bobby and immediately noticed the curiously raised eyebrow. Eddie schooled his features as quickly as he could.

“I can keep it in check,” Eddie assured him, almost convincingly. Bobby’s curious look shifted to something much closer to skepticism. Okay, Eddie could admit he probably deserved that. He let his gaze fall to the floor as he shuffled his feet awkwardly. “I’ll do better at keeping myself in check.”

“I appreciate that,” Bobby said resignedly. “And Eddie?”

He looked back up at the captain and was surprised to see a fond look on his face.

“It’s good to see you let yourselves be happy. You have both deserved it for a long time.”

Eddie didn’t know how to respond. He knew he had the crew’s unofficial blessing, but hearing it so blatantly from their captain was something else entirely. He didn’t think of Bobby like the father-figure Buck did, but there was still something incredibly humbling and soothing about having a superior officer’s approval. He glanced back down at Buck, who had apparently been waiting to catch his eye. As soon as Eddie looked at him, Buck dropped into a crouched pose with the massive rolled-up hose propped on his shoulders like Atlas holding up the world. Eddie couldn’t help his reluctantly amused laugh.

“Alright, go help him out before he hurts himself trying to impress you,” Bobby sighed dismissively with a beleaguered eyeroll.

“Thanks, cap,” Eddie called back earnestly as he darted for the stairs, eager to tell Buck the good news.

Around the sixteenth hour of their shift a relatively mundane call came in for a house fire. Dispatch clarified that the house was an old one-story ranch on the outskirts of their jurisdiction, but the age of the building had caused the fire to catch and spread quickly, and there was significant concern that the fire might spread to the neighboring houses due to the dry shrubs and grass between the plots. Multiple stations had been called and were to convene on the lot to coordinate a rescue of the two people still inside the building.

The 118 arrived first on the scene to see the fire already in full swing. The right side of the house was fully engulfed with flames pouring from the windows, licking up the siding, and crawling up the sloped roof with surprising speed. An angry crackling echoed through the air, accenting the roaring thrum of the burn. The house was surrounded by a wide berth of dirt and sand, but the sparks from the inferno crept closer and closer to the trails of shrubs and grasses leading to the neighboring lots.

“Buck, Chim, get a hose on the west side of the house ASAP. Eddie, get a secondary and douse the tinder next the house. Let’s keep this from moving next door,” Bobby ordered calmly. “Hen prep the wagon and come with me to search for victims. Dispatch claimed two were still inside.”

The crew sprang into action, moving over, around, and through each other in a well-choreographed dance.

“Aren’t you supposed to be watering plants,” Buck teased as Eddie squeezed in next to him to grab the secondary hose.

“Aren’t you supposed to be fighting fire,” he quipped back. Buck scoffed, but bumped his shoulder amiably into Eddie’s anyway. “Stay safe out there, okay?”

He wasn’t sure what drove him to say it – they had practically been through every disaster imaginable together and he had never felt the need to ask anything like that before – but something in him just needed Buck to remember that he had other people relying on him, counting on him to be around.

Buck smiled back at him – an irritatingly cocky grin.

“Going soft on me, Diaz? I’m always safe,” Buck assured him, his voice pure bravado.

But then he leaned in close and nudged his temple against Eddie’s head. To an outside perspective it could’ve been explained away as Buck simply reaching for the rest of the hose coiled in front of Eddie. But Eddie knew better. He knew that it was Buck’s way of assuring him that he would be safe _for real._

“You’re such a brat,” Eddie bemoaned as Buck hauled the hose away easily. Even in the midst of an emergency, Eddie was still impressed by how casually Buck could toss the eighty-pound hose around.

“Go water your plants, gramps!”

With that, Buck disappeared into the smoke billowing from the house.

Eddie made his way to the side yard, giving Buck and Chim a wide shoulder as he dragged the auxiliary hose behind him. If there was one thing you did not want to do at a fire, it was tangling the lines. Once in position, he made quick work of hosing down the smoldering debris and foliage. It wasn’t the glamorous part of the job that made for fantastical retellings, but it was an important step to stop the fire from spreading out of their control.

A loud crash pulled his attention away from the side yard. He turned in time to see Hen and Bobby hauling an unconscious woman out of the front door, her limp body slung between them.

“Eddie, help Hen,” Bobby called over the roar of the flames still emanating from the house.

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He rushed over, dropping the drained hose as he went.

“Buck, you’re with me,” Bobby called out, turning back to dive back into the building. “We’ve still got one inside somewhere.”

Eddie threw a quick look at Buck as he dash into the smoke-filled house without a second thought. _Stay safe_.

Hen had the woman propped on the edge of the ambulance by the time Eddie reached her. She was still breathing, but her eyes were rolled back and her mouth and nose were smeared with soot.

“We need oxygen,” Hen announced, checking the woman’s saturation levels as she spoke. “She’s inhaled too much smoke.”

Eddie climbed into the ambulance and grabbed the oxygen canister and a mask. He and Hen quickly set the hoses up and laid the woman back onto the stretcher, and after a few short moments, her eyelids began to blink her back into consciousness. 

“Welcome back,” Eddie said gently, gripping the woman’s wrist comfortingly as he subtly measured her pulse. Her eyes slowly focused, lingering on the roof of the ambulance, then Hen’s face, and finally on Eddie.

“Where’s Randy? Where’s my son,” she croaked. Her throat was rough from the smoke inhalation, but the panic in her voice was unmistakable.

“We’ve got someone looking for him,” Eddie assured her. “Do you know where in the house he would be?”

She pointed a shaky arm at one of the windows in the heart of the fire. Eddie’s stomach churned as he reached for the radio on his shoulder. He knew he had to make the call, but he also knew that meant Buck would be sent right into the worst part of the blaze.

“Engine 118, be advised, the owner’s son is still in the house. His room is in the west end of the building.” He kept his voice clinically even, but his heart flooded with acrid fear.

“Copy,” Buck’s voice drifted through the crackling radio. “Heading to the west end now.”

Eddie closed his eyes and sucked in a steadying breath. Buck would be fine. Buck could handle himself. He knew that. Worrying would not help.

  
The welcoming sound of sirens slowly crescendo-ed over the roar of flames as the 134 finally arrived to assist. A flicker of relief burst to life in Eddie’s chest.

“You got this, Hen,” Eddie asked quickly, eager to enlist the arriving crew’s help. She nodded towards the incoming engine.

“I’m good, go coordinate.”

Eddie rushed over to the new crew, sending one of the men to help Chimney with the hose he had been struggling to wrangle on the way. Against their efforts, the fire had continued to spread, enveloping nearly two thirds of the house. A new wave of desperation rose in Eddie’s throat; he needed to get Buck out of there. 

“Evening, Captain. I’m from the 118,” he announced as he approached the chief of the 134. “We’ve got two men inside searching for our second victim, the other vic is in the bus behind me being treated for smoke inhalation. I commandeered one of your men to replace one we sent inside, but we could really use a second hose on this house – it’s practically made of tinder.”

“Roger that, firefighter,” the captain replied appreciatively. He gave the situation a quick once-over before barking out orders for the rest of his crew. The small, hopeful, flicker of relief threaded further through Eddie’s body; just having more hands on-deck was a comfort. The rest of the 134 jumped into action alongside Hen and Chim, and a new line was up and running within the minute.

“Cap, Buck, the 134 just arrived on scene. Do you require assistance,” Eddie called through the radio, excited to share that more help had arrived.

But muffled crackling was the only response; something was wrong. Eddie’s stomach dropped to his knees.

“Cap, Buck, do you copy,” Eddie called again, trying to force down the panic in his throat. But there was no response.

The next five seconds seemed to happen in slow motion.

A large spire of flames burst through the roof of the home, stretching up to singe the branches of the trees above. The sharp, deafening crack of wooden beams snapping under the pressure echoed across the lot, and in the next second, half of the roof imploded into the house, immediately engulfed by the raging fire within. A brilliant cascade of sparks fired into the air around them as more pieces of the roof collapsed around it – with Buck and Bobby still inside.

_“No,”_ Eddie whispered in disbelief. An icy chill washed over him as the uncontrollable urge to collapse nearly overtook him. Anguish strangled his heart, stilling the air in his lungs and freezing all thought in his mind.

No.

_**No!** _

The grief was quickly burned out by voracious determination. He _refused_ to let Buck go; he _refused_ to lose him.

Eddie sprinted forward, straight at the heart of the fire, with only one clear thought in his mind: **save Buck**. Frigid desperation still coursed through his veins, slowing his limbs, but it was chased by the welcome sting of adrenaline. Memories of combat, memories of the people he had lost, memories of death and destruction prickled through his mind – taunting him, jeering at his failures and losses. The infuriating voice of self-doubt mocked him; there was nothing he would be able to do to help; he would fail again; he would be left behind, alone, again; once more he would not be enough to keep someone he loved from dying.

But he still had to try. He had to believe that he could be enough, even if only this one time. He had to do whatever he could to get Buck out.

His heavy boots pounded against the ground as he broke through the invisible wall of heat surrounding the house. Smoke billowed around him, swirling into his lungs and stabbing him with every breath. Tears spilled from his eyes, partly from the burning sting of soot and heat, but largely from terror.

None of it mattered though. He pressed forward, spurred on by the insatiable need to save Buck, regardless of his self-doubts, regardless of the risk he might endure. There was nothing in this world that would stop him from getting to Buck. They had just figured out how much they meant to each other; they deserved to see how happy their lives could be together. Eddie had finally gotten a taste of true happiness and he was not going to let it slip through his fingers. He refused to lose one more person in his life.

He was nearly at the house by the time he settled his resolution. He could just make out the doorway through the haze of smoke and tears. He could do it; he could find Buck and get him out.

But suddenly, there were arms wrapped around him, dragging him backwards. He thrashed against the hold, scrabbling at the air in front of him like a trapped animal. His feet slipped over the dusty earth and he fell forward, landing hard on his hands and knees with a painful thump. At least the arms had released him as fell. He crawled forward urgently, clawing at the earth through gloved hands, the smokey doorway less than a foot away. But then the hands were back, pulling him to his feet and holding him back. He thrashed against the restraint, kicking out and slashing at the open doorway. What didn’t they understand? Buck was still in there! An all-consuming, panicked desire fueled him, urging him on regardless of the danger. His muscles stretched and screamed as he staggered forward, using his full force to drag his restrainer with him towards the flames.

But then more hands latched onto him, pulling him sharply away from the entrance.

“Eddie, stand down,” Chimney yelled, fingers digging into his arm like a vise.

“Buck’s still in there,” he roared, ripping his arm from Chimney’s grasp. But Chim caught him again immediately.

“And so is Bobby. But we can’t just rush in, you know that! We have to make sure it’s safe,” Chim argued. There was an edge of pain to Chim’s voice that Eddie couldn’t understand. It reminded him of the same way his fellow veterans sounded when talking about active duty – when talking about the horrors they’d faced there. 

The unexpected tone startled him enough that he stopped struggling just long enough for the two men holding him back to take advantage of the pause. Four strong arms lifted him fully off of his feet and carried him backwards. Rage flooded his body as they hauled him away from the flames. He writhed in their grip, twisting and turning frantically, desperation overwhelming him as he was dragged further and further from aiding Buck.

“Get the fuck off of me,” he screamed, kicking out against his captors. In the back of his mind, he knew Chim was right and that he looked like a child throwing a tantrum, but he didn’t care. Buck was in trouble and he’d be damned if he left him to sort it on his own.

“Eddie, calm down! Look!”

He froze in their arms, his eyes feverishly searching the smoking wreckage. He didn’t see anything other than black clouds, and glowing flame, and devastation. His heart stopped at the sight. There was no way to survive all of that.

Eddie collapsed, adrenaline abandoning him as hopelessness flooded his body. Chim dropped with him as he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. Eddie didn’t cry in front of people; it was a rule of his that he had only ever broken once before. But he couldn’t seem to stop. He wept uncontrollably, painful sobs ripping from his throat as his world crumbled beneath him.

“No, Eddie, look,” Chim insisted again, forcefully turning Eddie’s head towards the side of the house that wasn’t on fire.

Between the smoke, and the tears, and the dizzying despair that muddied his mind, he almost missed it. But then a shape slowly came into view – the hazy outline of two figures: one hauling someone over its shoulder, and the other following close to the side.

_Buck._

Eddie practically bowled Chim over as he jumped to his feet and raced forward, stumbling over the uneven terrain in his haste. Buck’s cheerful, albeit soot-covered, face became clearer and cleared as he approached.

He was okay. He had somehow made it out.

Eddie nearly crashed into him, his hands tentatively cupping and tracing the shape of Buck’s face, fingers ghosting over his smoke-stained skin, seeking proof that Buck was really there, really okay. Buck just smiled at him, an apology and thanks all wrapped into one, intimate look.

“I thought…,” Eddie started, but he couldn’t find the words. His voice was already rough and strained and he just couldn’t bring himself to say his fears out loud. Buck gripped Eddie’s shoulder firmly, solidifying the fact that he _was_ there. Safe.

“I’m sorry, Eds. But I promise I’m good,” he assured him with a soft look.

Eddie wished he could take his word for it, but his heart was still racing in his chest and his body felt like it was stuffed with cotton from the back to back floods of panic, adrenaline, despair, and relief. He needed to see for himself, feel for himself, know for himself, that Buck was truly okay.

He felt, more than heard, Chim approach from behind him and, without a word, he pulled the unconscious man from Buck’s shoulders and handed him over.

“Get him to the 134’s bus, let his mom know we’ve got him,” Eddie ordered. His mind and mouth were fully on autopilot, but his gaze was like a magnet, shifting back to Buck between every other word. Bobby watched curiously for a moment, but decided against saying anything, choosing instead to help Chim.

“Eddie, check him over,” Bobby suggested sympathetically. “He was in there longer than I’d have liked.”

The captain shot Buck a disapproving look, but his expression softened almost immediately. In the next moment Bobby and Chim disappeared into the chaos of flashing lights and spraying water with the unconscious young man.

As soon as they were alone again, Eddie dragged Buck behind the 118’s engine and gently cupped the sides of his neck with both hands. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, but it also allowed him to feel for a pulse, to make sure he wasn’t imagining Buck’s presence in his distraught mind. He let his head fall to Buck’s shoulder for a moment, rising and falling with his chest, to feel that he was whole and safe and breathing.

Buck was really there.

Eddie quickly drew his hands down, pried open Buck’s jacket, and slipped it off his shoulders. He stepped back just enough to give himself space to work as his hands roved over Buck’s body, feeling for injuries, or burns, or anything that might suggest that he was less okay than he seemed. His fingers worked under the hem of Buck’s shirt, gliding up his chest and over his back, searching for cuts or blood, but only feeling the comforting warmth of his skin. He let his hand linger over Buck’s heart, breathing in time with his heartbeat for a long moment, until his was practically synced up. The thread of relief that had started and abruptly shattered earlier reappeared. But he was nowhere near satisfied yet. He ran his hands over Buck’s arms, digging his fingers into the firm muscles, waiting to hear a telltale gasp of pain, but none came. He did the same over Buck’s ribs and shoulders, checking for fractures and bruises, but found none.

Buck actually was okay. He had made it out unscathed. Eddie didn’t have to worry anymore.

And yet, his mind still raced with the unimaginable thought of living without Buck, of having to bury him, having to grieve him, having to accept his death. Eddie knew he wasn’t strong enough for that; he knew that he would likely never be strong enough for that. He reached down again, unable to put his dark thoughts to words, and linked his fingers with Buck’s, drawing their interlocked hands up to his heart as leaned into his solid frame. Buck’s arm wrapped around him slowly and pulled him closer, pressing his full body against him, a testament to his survival.

“Evan, please…don’t ever leave me,” Eddie whimpered pitifully, his voice still strained from his wailing. He felt Buck deflate against him, the wind knocking straight out of his lungs as he clung tighter to Eddie.

“Edmundo,” Buck sighed, his lips pressed to the top of Eddie’s head. He turned Eddie to shield him, cornering him against the 118’s engine. “I wouldn’t dare.”

Eddie huffed out a bewildered laugh as he tilted his head up to look at Buck’s face. He looked surprisingly serious, albeit the usual devious twinkle in his eye was still very much present. If Eddie didn’t know better, he would say Buck looked resolved, as if his belief in himself coming home safely to Eddie would be enough to make it true. And somehow, Eddie believed it too. If there was anyone stubborn enough to will themself to survive, it was Buck. He reached up to wipe the tear tracks from Eddie’s face. Eddie leaned into the touch hungrily, still mildly desperate for proof that _his_ Buck was safe.

Abruptly, and with little concern for their surroundings, Eddie leaned up and kissed him. He didn’t care that they were at a call, or that there were nearly a dozen other firefighters crawling around, not to mention the slew of neighbors that had appeared to watch the scene unfold – none of it mattered to him. Buck was in his hands, safe and unharmed, and would remain so as long as possible. Eddie leaned his body into the kiss, drawing Buck against him as he worked every last ounce of relief and gratitude and joy into his lips.

Buck’s arm tightened around Eddie’s shoulders as he melted against him and licked into his mouth. His skin smelled of smoke and woodfire, but inside, he was still purely Buck. The scent of singed clothes lingered around him and electricity seemed to crackle in the air, but the only thing Eddie cared about was the weight of Buck’s body pressing him into the cool, hard metal of the truck. They kissed with a renewed fervor, breathing their love into the other’s lungs as they held each other close.

“We should probably help with the fire, you know,” Buck teased breathlessly as he pulled back to smirk down at Eddie.

He was right. Eddie knew he was right. But that didn’t mean he wanted to do it.

“One more minute,” Eddie whined as he pulled Buck’s head back in and peppered his lips with reverent kisses.

Buck smiled against the pecks and flicked his tongue out to taste Eddie’s lips at random. A heavy contentment purred in Eddie’s chest at Buck’s playful teases; he was definitely okay. Eddie paused to catch his breath and leaned his forehead against Buck’s somberly.

“Next time I tell you to be safe,” he began sternly, squeezing Buck’s hand for emphasis, “Take me seriously.”

Buck’s shoulders shook from silent laughter at Eddie’s request, but he nodded against his head anyway.

“Sir, yes, sir,” he acquiesced with a quick nip at Eddie’s nose. He stepped back then, pulling Eddie away from the truck and bending to retrieve his jacket. “Now, we still have a job to do.”

Eddie followed him happily to the rest of the crew, satisfied that he was in one piece and healthy as they rejoined the fray – fighting the fire side by side, the way they were always meant to.

***

They arrived home from their shift in the early afternoon, eager for a long and well-deserved nap. Buck wasn’t sure when he had started thinking of Eddie’s house as his home, but it felt right. The rest of their shift had been nothing compared to the house fire incident, but twenty-four hours on call was always exhausting, regardless of the intensity of the emergencies. They both stumbled into the living room half-dead on their feet, kicked off their boots and collapsed onto the couch, practically landing on top of each other.

In a haze of fatigue, and without really thinking, Buck threw his legs over the arm of the couch and let his head fall back into Eddie’s lap. Eddie’s fingers immediately wove into his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp, and a hum of contentment buzzed under his skin. Calming prickles of pleasure cascaded over his scalp like rain and Buck let out a heavy sigh as he lost himself in the feeling, relaxation washing over him as his whole body slowly turned to Jell-O. No wonder Eddie liked this so much.

“That feels so good,” Buck moaned serenely, absently tracing the tingling feeling that trickled down his spine with every scratch. It seemed to spread out into every part of him at once.

“I know,” Eddie teased. His free hand slowly smoothed across Buck’s chest until it came to rest against his neck.

It could have felt greedy, or possessive in some way – but it actually felt protective, as if Eddie was still shaken by Buck’s, admittedly risky, heroics earlier and was still making sure he was okay. Buck expected the hold to become suffocating, or at the very least excessive, but he found himself overwhelmed by the sense of comfort that flowed within him, particularly as Eddie’s thumb began to trace gentle circles across his collarbone. It was an unusually soft touch – much softer than Buck anticipated from him. It was the kind of touch that made him feel…fragile.

Buck was amazed that even after knowing him for so long, and assuming that they knew each other inside and out, Eddie could still find ways to surprise him. Even more surprising was that, although Eddie was obviously still concerned, he had made no attempt to lecture or chastise him for the dangerous stunt at the house fire. That was…unexpected. Buck had never known anyone to worry about him the way Eddie did without eventually trying to stop him from doing his job. Yet somehow, Eddie was able to straddle that line – he could worry for his safety, but was still proud enough of him, and trusting enough to not impose limits.

Buck’s heart skipped a beat as the realization hit him: Eddie truly understood who he was. It was a dizzying revelation. Buck had never felt so _**known**_ , by anyone.

His body vibrated with unsettled energy. It felt like a vise had gripped onto his heart and was physically dragging it out of his chest and towards Eddie, as if Eddie’s hands were the only place it would be safe. A crushing desire pulled at every muscle in his body, as if his entire being yearned to be absorbed into Eddie’s warmth.

He really needed to get a grip.

He arched his back up off the cushions in a languid stretch, trying desperately to release some of the tension. Thankfully, it worked like a charm. He groaned in pleasure as his tired and tight muscles pulled and itched with relief. He breathed out a happy sigh as he sank back into the couch, feeling more at ease and even more devoted to the warm, Eddie-shaped pillow under his head.

Buck was so relaxed that it took him a moment to notice that Eddie’s fingers had stopped moving. His other hand had also gone strangely rigid against his neck as well. He looked up at Eddie and was surprised to see him staring steadfastly at the wall, refusing to even glance down in Buck’s direction.

That was odd.

“You okay, Eds,” Buck asked quietly, reaching up to lay his hand over Eddie’s where rested against his neck. Eddie didn’t answer him, but Buck swore his cheeks seemed to darken as he watched him.

  
Slowly, and with great amusement, Buck recognized the firm pressure that had started to prod at the back of his head.

“Ahh,” Buck said with a knowing chuckle, wiggling his fingers between Eddie’s. He couldn’t help but torment him. “Feeling a little frisky, huh? You know, I read about a few studies that have proven near-death experiences can be an aphrodisiac. Although it usually affects the person who almost died.”

“It’s just a reaction. I’m too tired to stop it,” Eddie gritted out through clenched teeth, obviously trying to regain control over his traitorous dick. “You were stretching, and your head is right _there_ , and the noises you make are…distracting.”

“Oh, I’M the distracting one,” Buck challenged playfully, nestling his head further down into Eddie’s lap. “That’s rich coming from Mr. Take Charge and Practically Make His Partner Pop a Boner in the Middle of a Fire.”

“What the hell are you talking about,” Eddie asked, finally looking down at him, completely baffled.

Shit. Buck hadn’t meant to admit that out loud. He could feel the heat blossoming across his face as Eddie stared at him perplexedly.

“I may have gotten a little…turned on…during the fire earlier,” Buck confessed, turning his gaze down to avoid Eddie’s reaction. “Mainly when you pulled that kid off of me like he weighed nothing and then started ordering everyone around so assertively…and then when you dragged me over to the truck in front of everyone…and when you kissed me like _that_.”

Eddie didn’t respond, but Buck swore he could feel the judgement dripping off of him.

“I had a lot of adrenaline in my system, okay,” Buck said dismissively, pulling his hand back down and fidgeting his thumbs together. “It was just…an exciting side of you to see. One that I don’t get to very often. And I know it was inappropriate, especially at the time, but you were just so _sexy_.”

Buck’s dick stirred at the memory of Eddie’s fingers frantically caressing every inch of his body. Arguably, he had been searching for injuries at the time. But after his commanding performance, and under his careful touch, Buck’s mind had led him to a very different place. He didn’t think about the fire at all for those few heady minutes of Eddie’s direct, unadulterated attention. He did, however, think about all the other, more sensual, ways he wanted Eddie to direct that attention. A few of those ideas even rushed back to the forefront of his mind as he lay there waiting for a reaction.

“Sit up, Evan,” Eddie insisted quietly.

Shit. Maybe he was going to get a lecture after all. He scrabbled up and propped himself on the other side of the couch, giving Eddie as much space as could. He kept his gaze glued to the ground as he moved, still leery of looking Eddie in the eye.

“Not over there,” Eddie said ominously, “I want you here.”

Eddie gestured to his own lap and Buck’s dick gave such an enthusiastic lurch, it nearly propelled him off the couch entirely. Before he could second-guess himself, he bounced tup off of the cushions and cautiously adjusted himself to straddle Eddie’s legs. His thighs shook with exhaustion as he hovered over Eddie’s knees, only allowing half of his weight to rest on him. The burn felt kind of good; a subtle reminder of how powerful his body was, and yet how easily it could be broken. He threw his arms around Eddie’s neck and twisted his fingers into the hair at his nape, triggering a delightfully predatory look in return. God, he wanted him so badly. And Buck wanted him too. He wanted him so badly he thought he might actually stop breathing if Eddie ever turned him away. But he was still a little nervous to put his full weight on Eddie’s knees. He threw him a questioning look to say as much.

“I won’t break Buck,” Eddie replied, a prescient answer to his unasked question.

Buck let his hips sink lower, allowing his body to relax into the firm presence of Eddie’s thighs. A stifled moan escaped Eddie’s lips as the bulge of Buck’s swelling dick grazed the tops of his legs. He should’ve known Eddie would enjoy that a little too much; he always did. He grinned wickedly as he settled down over Eddie’s lap, wiggling his hips happily against both of their growing erections.

“You may regret this decision,” Buck warned flirtatiously. He rocked his hips back, pulling another delicious whimper from Eddie, as he leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

Eddie’s hands were on him before he could even attempt to pull away. His fingers dug into Buck’s back, holding him locked in place as he mouthed across his lips and down his jaw, leaving a wet trail of prickling skin in his wake. Buck opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off instantly as Eddie’s lips attacked him. His tongue thrust into his mouth to taste him, numbing his mind completely as all rational thoughts were replaced by the rotating mantras of _"Eddie', 'More',_ and _**'Oh god, yes’**_.

A hot tendril of lust snaked its way down Buck’s body and began to coil in his gut, humming intently at the feel of Eddie’s tongue. Eddie’s kiss was desperate and unforgiving – barely giving Buck the chance to breathe, let alone kiss back. But he didn’t want to just take Eddie’s love, he wanted to give too. He twisted his fingers into Eddie’s cropped hair as best he could and yanked down hard to distract him. Eddie’s head snapped back with a wild look in his eye.

“Do that again and _you'll_ regret it,” Eddie threatened, his eyes squinting seriously as his brow flattened into an angry line. Something told Buck that Eddie had an actual plan should he defy him. A tremor of interest jolted up Buck’s spine as he feigned innocence with a half-hearted shrug.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He could actually feel the mischievous glint in his own eyes as he lied. He didn’t know how Eddie planned to punish him for disobeying, but he was suddenly keen to find out. He just had to challenge him the right way. His fingers drifted down to the space just below Eddie’s neck where tense, angry muscles bulged under his skin.

And there was his perfect distraction.

Buck kneaded his hands into the contracted muscle, massaging away Eddie’s irritation as he leaned back in to kiss him again. Eddie almost seemed hesitant at first, as if he didn’t trust Buck to behave. But he soon let go of his doubts and sank back into the kiss with a soft moan of want resonating in his chest. But Buck couldn’t help himself for very long; he was born to tease Eddie. He gently walked his fingers up Eddie’s neck and gave a testing tug on her hair – not nearly as hard, but still noticeable.

A growl rumbled from deep in Eddie’s throat.

“Last warning,” Eddie whispered as he bumped their noses together in a ridiculously saccharine way. And really, how could Buck take the threat seriously after that?

He dragged his fingernails up Eddie’s scalp, delighting in the actual shiver that rippled out from his touch. Eddie’s head fell back into Buck’s hands, chasing the tantalizing sensation. He was lucky Eddie was such a sucker for a head scratches; he could forgive anything if Buck just played with his hair for a bit. It was a pretty sweet solution.

Buck decided to take advantage of the new position. He leaned in and licked a long, gentle stripe over Eddie’s Adam’s apple, then bit down hard over his throat. He could actually _feel_ the whine that slipped from Eddie’s throat as he sucked a patch of skin between his teeth and laved at it with his tongue. Buck wanted nothing more than to taste every last inch of that throat – to feel all of Eddie’s pitiful mewls and whimpers under his lips. He wanted to worship Eddie the way he deserved; by kissing and licking and praising every part of him, until there were no doubts left in his mind about how much he was wanted.

He was so lost in his desires, he couldn’t help himself – he twisted his fingers up into Eddie’s hair for a third time and yanked his head back to give himself more canvas to adore.

Before he had even realized what he’d done, Eddie’s hand were gripping tightly under his ass and lifting him bodily off of his lap. He threw Buck off of his lap and over onto the empty couch cushion beside him. An uncontrollable grin split Buck’s face as giddy delight fluttered in his chest like a thousand hopped-up butterflies. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed being manhandled, and Eddie made it look easy. He had bucked him off like he was no more than a particularly gangly toddler. It was thrilling!

But Eddie didn’t look amused. He was staring down at Buck with a harsh expression.

“Third strike,” Eddie said forebodingly. He rose from the couch without another word and stalked out of the room.

The butterflies in Buck’s stomach turned to lead. Had he read the situation all wrong? Eddie was used to his teasing, but maybe he had pushed it too far. Maybe he had offended him. Eddie always followed Buck’s directives exactly, maybe he had expected Buck to do the same. But that wasn’t who Buck was – Eddie had to know that. A cold thread of despair began to creep into Buck’s heart.

“Get up and put your hands behind you.”

Buck jumped upright instantly, trying to swallow the small yelp that startled out of him. He hadn’t even heard Eddie return, yet there he was, standing in the archway with something amorphous clutched in his hands.

“Hands,” Eddie reminded him darkly.

Buck did as he was asked; he put his hands behind his back and turned to face Eddie with a cautious smile. But he was met with a scowl and shaking head.

“Turn around.” Eddie’s voice was stern and unflinching, but there was almost a flicker of excitement, or maybe just nerves, underneath.

Buck shifted slowly, unease stirring in his stomach. Was Eddie actually going to punish him? He wracked his mind for Eddie’s possible intentions. Was he going to spank him? Buck hadn’t brought his paddle with him from the loft, and he knew Eddie hadn’t had time to get one himself. Was he planning to use his hand? The idea of Eddie’s pure, unassisted power thrashing his bare ass sent a violent thrill of excitement through him. But he didn’t want Eddie to hurt himself. No matter how badly Buck wanted to feel the sting of Eddie’s skin welting him, a thorough spanking would wreck Eddie’s bare hands.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Eddie whispered, suddenly right at Buck’s ear.

“Jesus! Wear a bell or something,” Buck yelped, “How are you so quiet?”

A gentle hand tucked into the dip of his spine as soft lips pressed against the back of his neck, A shower of sparks tingled across his skin, dancing outward as Eddie’s tender kiss sucked the concern right out of him.

“Never mind,” Buck moaned, his head dropping forward, “Just keep doing that.”

And Eddie did. His lips mapped the sloping planes of Buck’s neck and shoulders as his tongue dipped out to taste him at random. But then, suddenly, fingers were looped around Buck’s wrists, pulling them closer together until his arms were stretched and contorted enough to let his palms touch.

“What are yo-”

A smooth, thick, silk rope replaced Eddie’s finger’s on Buck’s wrists, and the question died in his throat.

_Oh._

A shudder of anticipation straightened Buck’s spine as Eddie pulled the loop tighter. Fuck, he did not expect to be so turned on by something so simple. Pitiful, shallow breaths hissed in and out of his lips as Eddie tied the loop off, locking Buck’s hands together behind his back. A hand slowly ran up his back, pausing at the base of his neck to give a faint squeeze, and Buck swore his body actually vibrated under the touch. His dick throbbed painfully against his fly, begging to feel those deft fingers wrapped around it.

“Good,” Eddie asked gently, his fingers still clutching Buck’s neck protectively. Jesus, even in the middle of a fucking dream come true, Eddie still had the decency to check in on him.

“Fantastic,” Buck replied on a sigh. Eddie’s lips replaced his hand, sparking an entirely new wave of desire.

“Bear with me here,” Eddie whispered against his skin, a wave of goosebumps prickling up over his shoulders. “I haven’t gotten to practice on anyone.”

A bewildered laugh bubbled up from Buck’s chest.

“I volunteer to be your very willing guinea pig,” Buck joked. Well, it wasn’t really a joke – he was already half hard just from the first loop. “Did you actually look up Shibari?”

Eddie scoffed amusedly as he ran the rope up Buck’s forearm and looped it around his elbow. Another knot was tied off before he answered.

“You think you’re the only one who can research,” he teased.

Fair enough.

Eddie moved to the other arm and looped the rope through again, circling it around a few times before cinching it with an almost too-tight pinch. Buck winced at the surprising bite of the rope on his skin. It didn’t outright hurt, but it definitely pulled his arms into an unnatural position which left them completely immobilized. No matter how he strained or wriggled, the knots held firm.

Eddie’s fingers grazed lightly over his skin, admiring his own handywork. The feathery touch, mixed with the taut pressure of the bind, lit an insatiable between Buck’s legs. He couldn’t stop the shallow thrust of his hips as he rubbed himself against the stiff fabric of his pants.

“You look good like this,” Eddie mused aloud, fingers still dancing across his skin. “But I think we can do better.”

Eddie then slipped his hands under the waistband of Buck’s pants and squeezed firmly at his bare cheeks. Buck tensed involuntarily at the sudden shift in sensations, his muscles hardening under Eddie’s touch as his dick gave another eager twitch. His arms tensed against his ropes, twisting and contorting what little they could in an effort to knock Eddie’s hands away.

His effort did not go unnoticed. But instead of pulling back or pushing Buck’s trapped hands away, Eddie walked his fingers around Buck’s waist and tickled torturously over the sensitive skin covering his ribs.

A manic giggle burst from Buck’s throat as his entire body sparked to life with delirious, frantic joy. He tried to swat Eddie’s hands away, only to be immediately reminded that his arms were practically useless within the rope. Instead, he resorted to writhing impotently under Eddie’s touch, ineffectively trying to avoid his tantalizing fingers. Tickling was a low blow. Eddie knew how sensitive Buck was, and had somehow figured out his weakest points far too quickly. It was like he was in Buck’s head, measuring how insane every spot of his body could make him if teased just right.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Eddie was also relentless.

Effervescent bursts of hysterical delight continued to overpower Buck’s senses as Eddie’s fingers pulled him apart. Just as quickly as Buck fought to shake off the sensations, Eddie crafted more. Buck’s arms ached from his thrashing, each twist pulling painfully at his shoulders. After one particularly cheap shot, Buck nearly lost his balance in the effort to avoid more torment. To Eddie’s credit, he did catch him before he could completely fall.

Before Buck could protest, Eddie stepped forward and pressed his chest flush against Buck’s locked arms. The weight of his body pulled at the ropes, adding a whole new level of sensation to his restraint. Slowly, sensually, Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist and worked his hands under the front hem of his shirt. Timid caresses trailed over his abdomen, fondling the dips and peaks of his abs before trailing along the sharp V of his lower abdomen. Fire seemed to follow Eddie’s touch, lighting Buck’s skin from the inside out. The heat of Eddie’s firm chest smashed up against his arms was soothing. But the bulge in his pants that nudged insistently at Buck’s trapped fingers was mouth-watering. Buck twitched eagerly under Eddie’s touch, anticipation building as his fingers drew closer and closer to his dick.

“Not just yet, my love,” Eddie purred, pulling his hands back to run them up and over Buck’s stomach, creating waves of goosebumps in their wake. “I want to make you a harness. Would you like that?”

A full-blown, honest-to-god **whimper** fell from Buck’s lips. He didn’t trust his voice to speak the words, afraid that saying it out loud would somehow spook Eddie into changing his mind. Instead he nodded vigorously, clutching at the hem of Eddie’s shirt where it was bunched up against him.

“I like this version of you,” Eddie mocked fondly, “Quiet. Eager. _Restrained._ ”

Buck whined at the heat in Eddie’s tone. Less than half an hour ago all he had wanted was to sleep, but now all he could think about was letting Eddie take him, in whatever way he chose. His fingers gripped at Eddie’s shirt where it had bunched against him and leaned back into his chest, pulling them together as best he could. He could feel Eddie’s heart beating against him, lulling him into a peaceful daze. He let his head fall back onto Eddie’s shoulder, exposing the long line of his bare neck.

“Now this is a tempting sight,” Eddie sighed, his lips barely a hair away from Buck’s skin. His warm breath drifted over Buck’s throat, cooling almost instantly and bringing more sparks of interest to life under his skin.

“I’m all yours,” Buck whined, barely aware that he had even spoken. His mind felt like it was surrounded by cotton; no thoughts in or out, just the beautiful cadence of Eddie’s heartbeat tapping in time with his own.

“Mmm, all _mine_ ,” Eddie growled greedily, wrapping his fingers over Buck’s throat as he bit down on the juncture where shoulder met neck.

Electricity rocked through Buck’s body connecting the sharp sting of Eddie’s teeth directly to his dick. He rolled his hips back and up, grinding has ass against Eddie’s crotch, urging him to _get on with it_ in the most subtle way he could manage. His fingers scrabbled at Eddie’s clothes, trying to free him, or feel him, or do anything to move things along. Buck needed to feel Eddie on him, or in him, or over him – anything. He just needed Eddie.

“Patience,” Eddie warned as he pulled away, letting his fingers linger over Buck’s throat for an extra moment, his thumb grazing over the mark he had left. “Stay here.”

Buck whipped his head around to see Eddie walking away.

No.

That was the last thing he wanted.

But Eddie had always trusted Buck to know what he could handle, and the least he could do was return that trust. He waited; although his nerves definitely made it harder to do than he expected. His arms had begun to burn from the unforgiving position and the rope really was biting into his skin, but there was an excitement deep within him that secretly loved it. The throbbing ache and stinging bite proved that he was alive; they proved what his body was capable of, and validated what it had suffered. The pressure of the rope was like an endless hug of support – a comfort meant to appease his need for belonging and quell his sense of inadequacy. He breathed deep, feeling the ropes tense and loosen with each inhale and exhale: in and out, tighten and soften, grip and release.

He wanted more.

On cue, he heard the unmistakable sound of Eddie’s plodding footsteps and released a sigh of relief. Eddie came to a halt directly in front of him this time, a new rope in his hands.

“I’ll keep it simple this time, okay,” he asked, almost hesitantly.

“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me,” Buck agreed wantonly, relief at Eddie’s return still flooding his senses.

A smirk lit up Eddie’s face and darkened his eyes.

“You may live to regret that.”

Buck doubted that very much. He watched Eddie hungrily as he wove the new rope under his shoulders, over his chest, around his waist, and back again. He could barely keep track of the pattern, but Eddie’s determined expression was more than enthralling enough to keep him satisfied. His hands were so soft compared to the tight grip of the ropes he pulled against him. Buck’s breath began to shorten, partly from the tension of the rope across his chest, but mostly from the invested look in Eddie’s eye as he stepped back to admire his work.

“How do you feel,” he asked timidly, a flicker of doubt finally coloring his tone.

“Wanted,” Buck whispered breathlessly.

The pressure of the ropes on his skin seemed to ignite his lust in a way he didn’t know was possible. Every blessed point the silk fabric touched sang out in exultation, crying for Eddie’s attention, for his kiss, his touch, whatever he would give. Each deep breath pulled the harness tighter and stretched at his restraints. It was like Eddie’s hands were everywhere at once, pressing into him. Buck could barely keep track of the sensations. Every move seemed to pull somewhere new and unexpected with it and it drove him wild. With every twist and struggle against his restraints, his hips rolled forward, rubbing his now-leaking erection into his pants. The coarse fabric burned against his sensitive skin, but the friction was worth the burn.

It wasn’t what he _really_ wanted though.

“Eddie, fuck, I need you,” Buck whined, his hips still rocking frantically, seeking any kind of relief.

He didn’t know why that was what broke Eddie’s control, but he wasn’t about to question him.

Eddie surged forward, locking his lips over Buck’s and licking into the space between. His hands pulled at the harness, dragging Buck towards him and tightening the ropes along his back and arms. Every touch resonated through his body like ripples on a pond, bouncing into each other and careening out in all directions. Eddie’s fingers traced down Buck’s chest, pinching at his rock-hard nipples and twisting the ropes tighter as he went. Buck hadn’t ever thought his nipples were particularly sensitive, but, hot damn, were they ever sensitive now. The playful pinch nearly had him crying out from the sharp jolt of pain and pleasure that seared through him. Eddie’s hand settled at his hips, pulling the heat of him closer as he reclaimed his mouth. Buck’s breath began to burst out of him in frantic pants between Eddie’s kisses; his ribs straining to expand against the ropes. It should have been frightening, not being able to breathe freely, but the tight embrace of the harness filled him with reverence on each and every breath. Each pull reminded him how thoughtfully Eddie cared for him, how desired he was, and how safe he was in his hands. Buck’s chest swelled with emotion, straining the ropes even further as he sucked in a gulping breath. His demanded relief. He thrashed against the bindings, longing to touch, to stroke, to pull the orgasm from himself if need be.

But he couldn’t. Eddie had made sure of that. 

“Eddie, please,” he moaned, thrusting his hips forward against him. It was the only friction he could give himself.

“Only because you’ve been so good for me,” Eddie retorted arrogantly. A wave of pure liberation crashed over Buck as Eddie worked his fly open and released his pulsating erection. Buck didn’t even need to look down to know it was positively drenched with precome. “Eager, aren’t we?”

“You have no idea,” Buck moaned pitifully as Eddie worked his pants down to his thighs, caressing the swell of Buck’s ass on the way back up. “Please, Eddie, touch me. I can’t take it.”

“For you, anything,” Eddie whispered as he leaned up to kiss Buck again. It was soft and sweet, and entirely tender. Buck was so lost in the gentle feel of Eddie’s lips that he actually screamed as Eddie’s fingers wrapped around the length of him and gave two fast, tight strokes.

“Ahh!…Eds,” Buck whimpered, his head falling forward onto Eddie’s shoulder. His whole body curved inward, wrapping itself around Eddie’s hand and the glorious pleasure it brought.

“Come with me,” Eddie demanded. He kept his fingers wrapped around Buck’s erection as he shuffled backward until his knees connected with the couch.

Buck followed without hesitation, tendrils of pleasure crawling through his body from Eddie’s touch. His arms twitched anxiously as he moved, trying and failing to aid him in keeping his balance. Instead, he had to rely entire on Eddie’s grip on his dick to keep him centered. The blind trust and dependency on Eddie in that moment made him want to cry in reverence. He nearly did cry when Eddie released him and collapsed back onto the couch. But in the next second, his hand was back, stroking Buck gently from base to tip, twisting and squeezing in just the right way to have Buck writhing at his touch. The ropes around Buck’s arms burned against his skin as he wrestled powerlessly with his restraints. The feel of Eddie’s hand working over him was intoxicating; every stroke seemed to reverberate up his body, through the ropes, and back down to his dick. It was like his whole body was a switchboard, but every switch set off a chain reaction that lit all the others as well.

Suddenly, moist heat surrounded the head of his dick, sending a painfully intense pulse of pleasure rocketing through his erection and straight up his spine.

“Ohmygod,” Buck moaned, his shoulders slumping forward as pleasure melted his bones.

But the ropes wouldn’t let him collapse, they help tight and firm, forcing him to stay upright as Eddie swallowed around him and hummed over his sensitive head.

“Jesus, Eddie,” Buck panted, straining against his ropes and bucking his hips wildly into the blessed wet heat of Eddie’s mouth. He could feel bursts of precome leaking out of him as Eddie wrapped his tongue around his head and bobbed down over him. Pressure built in Buck’s sac like a dam about to burst. He could feel his orgasm coiling tighter and tighter in his gut, a perfect mirror to the ropes cutting into his skin. “I’m gonna come, Eddie, I can’t st-”

But Eddie pulled off with a pop, leaving Buck panting and achingly hard. A long string of precome and saliva hung from Eddie’s lips, keeping him connected to Buck’s dick, if only in that one way.

“You don’t get off without me,” Eddie declared sternly. “Now, turn around.”

Buck did as he was told, ignoring the insistent throb between his legs. He heard Eddie’s fly open and felt a hand press into his back to push him forward. Suddenly he felt something hot and rigid press insistently into the space between his bound hands. Oh fuck. The way his arms were tied gave him no dexterity in his wrists, but his fingers were still fully capable of maneuvering. He made a tunnel out of his palms and wrapped it over Eddie’s dick.

“Shiiiit…,” Eddie hissed out.

“Come on,” Buck urged, “You know I can’t move like this. Use your hips.”

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He rocked his hips forward, testing Buck’s grip, and hissed out a string of expletives.

“Jesus, how long have you been hard,” Buck asked astonishedly. He knew Eddie got off on seeing and hearing him, but this was insane: Eddie already sounded like he was nearly there after only a few half-hearted thrusts.

“I…told…you,” Eddie explained, punctuating each word with another thrust, “The…sounds…you…make…are…distracting.”

The next thrust sent a trail of slick fluid spilling from Eddie’s dick all over Buck’s hands and ass. The warm, sticky sensation sent a shock of urgency to his own dick. Eddie really was almost there, and Buck wanted to get there with him.

“I want to see you come,” Buck admitted seriously, not wanting Eddie to leave him behind.

“Me too,” Eddie replied, slipping himself gently from Buck’s grip. He sat back down on the couch and spun Buck around by the waist. “I still want you here.”

Eddie motioned to his lap again, like he had when they’d first started. Without any hesitation Buck re-straddled his legs and dropped down onto his thighs. He was delighted to feel that his open fly now dug into his legs the same way the ropes dug into his arms and chest. Every sensation seemed to trigger new flickers of lust until his entire body seemed to buzz with anticipation.

Eddie grabbed the harness and dragged him forward until their hips were lined up directly on top of each other. His eyes were so filled with hunger and need that they were nearly consumed by the black of his pupils. His ruddy cheeks called out to Buck, begging for him to kiss them. And so, he did. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss over Eddie’s cheekbones, confident that Eddie would keep him upright with his grip on the harness. Their erections bounced together haphazardly as he shifted and Buck hissed involuntarily at the contact. His dick was already way more sensitive than he thought. He wasn’t going to last long. 

“Just wait, my love,” Eddie urged as he propped Buck back up, careful not to over stimulate him. “I’ve got you. 

Eddie repositioned himself until their erections were lined up on top of each other again, then looked up at Buck with the softest, most vulnerable expression he’d ever seen. Buck wanted desperately to touch him, or to touch himself, or to do anything other than precariously balance over Eddie’s knees.

“What can I do,” he begged pathetically. “Eddie how can I help you? I want you to feel good. God, I want to feel good too. How can I help?”

“Just feel,” Eddie said cryptically with a private smile.

Buck didn’t know what to make of that at first, but in the next moment Eddie was pulling him forward by the harness with one hand and wrapping the other around _**both**_ of their erections, using their combined precome to slick his fingers as he stripped them fast and tight. The tantalizing drag of Eddie’s dick along the sensitive underside of his own was mesmerizing. Electricity coursed through Buck, burning his nerves out and leaving prickling jolts of pure desire all over his body. He rocked his hips experimentally, wanting to afford Eddie any friction he could.

“Jesus, Buck,” Eddie cried out, his fingers twisting into the harness tighter to stabilize him. The ropes blistered against Buck’s back as Eddie’s head dropped down onto his chest to catch his breath. “Keep doing that.”

Buck redoubled his efforts with a smile, rocking his hips in time with Eddie’s strokes and grinding their dicks together. Heavy, labored breaths filled the air as Buck’s lungs burned with need, his entire body clenching painfully against the ropes. He was sure to have marks by the end of this, but he didn’t care – the marks would just be a reminder of Eddie. He kept his rhythm steady as his balls tightened suggestively beneath him; the orgasm that had coiled in his gut was nearing its breaking point. But he wanted Eddie to tip it with him.

“Eds, are you close,” Buck panted, hips still rocking forcefully against him.

Eddie squeezed around their lengths in response. A pained whine the only sound he could manage.

“Ahh…fuck…Eds…”

“Come with me, Buck,” Eddie gritted out, his hand tensing around them as he rocked his own hips up to meet Buck’s thrusts.

The added sensation pushed Buck over the edge. He threw his head back in a silent scream as his orgasm burst from within him, pulsing out of him and striping Eddie’s fingers with white.

To his absolute glee, he wasn’t alone. Eddie groaned out a sigh as his own orgasm added to the mess over his fingers, mixing perfectly with Buck’s. He wavered on Eddie’s lap as he watched Eddie finish, his whole body shaking from the waves of pleasure and relief pulsing through him. But Eddie held him tight, refusing to let him fall, even as he worked himself through his own orgasm.

Buck stared down at him in wonder. He still couldn’t believe he could have this. He couldn’t believe that this perfectly imperfect, but perfect-for-him, man had actually chosen _him_ , and that he was allowed to choose him _back_.

They stayed there for a long moment, trading short, exhausted breaths and staring into each other’s eyes, overcome with emotion, and physically drained.

“You just don’t know how to give less than 110%, do you,” Buck asked amusedly. Eddie smiled up at him, his cheeks even more flushed as he grabbed a tissue to clean his hand off.

“You’re worth 110%, always,” Eddie confessed frankly.

Shit. He was getting really good at the whole ‘talking’ thing. Buck would have to step up his game.

“You are such a secret romantic,” Buck teased. “But I’m glad I’m the only one who gets to see this side of you. It makes me feel special.”

“You are definitely special,” Eddie mocked instantaneously. But his expression changed to something much more serious as he stared intently into Buck’s eyes. “You are the most remarkable person I’ve ever met - You deserve to feel special.”

Eddie reached up with his free hand and cupped Buck’s face. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before, but something about this time struck Buck as drastically different. Eddie wasn’t trying to get his attention, or check that he was okay, or even rile him up, like all the other times he’d held his face. This touch felt like an admission, an acknowledgement of his deep feelings for Buck, and of how truly singular he found him to be. Buck could feel the nervous itch of shyness rising his chest and face under Eddie’s scrutinizing gaze. It was intimidating to be loved so loudly, but he knew that, if he let it, his own love could drown out the sun itself. And so, he didn’t look away. He stared right back at Eddie and lost himself in his soft brown eyes, luxuriating in the uninhibited love and affection that passed between them.

“How do you feel,” Eddie asked suddenly, his fingers wiggling in the harness. “Is this something you want to try again sometime?”

Buck’s eyes lit up excitedly as he nodded emphatically.

“Hell yes. I want to do all of this again,” he said enthusiastically. A thought occurred to him then that hadn’t actually considered before. “Do _you_ want to try this?”

Somehow, the red in Eddie’s cheeks deepened even further. He turned away bashfully, but a curious smile flickered over his lips.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Buck said astutely. “Don’t worry, we have plenty of time to explore whatever your heart desires. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“What if my heart just desires you,” Eddie asked softly. Buck’s throat tightened at the intensity of his query.

“If I recall, you’re already pretty skilled at exploring me – in every way possible,” he joked, trying to bring some levity to the suddenly-intense conversation. Eddie smiled up at him, but his eyes still held a question. “Eds, I would be happy just sitting with you on the couch and watching stupid camp movies for the rest of our lives. You don’t have to do anything to keep me here. I promise you – I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere else I’d even want to be.”

An almost imperceptible sigh of relief whistled out from Eddie’s lips. 

“I love you, Edmundo,” Buck announced suddenly. Eddie stared back him, his face open and helpless. “I mean,” Buck started again softer, “I’m _in love_ with you, but also I just **love you.** There are a million things I still want to do in this world, but I don’t want to do any of them without you. I want to explore this life with you. For as long as you’ll have me.”

Eddie leaned in to press their mouths together in a passionate kiss. Buck dove in gratefully, ready to prove to Eddie just how serious he was. They kissed for a long moment, Eddie’s grip on the harness the only thing keeping Buck from losing his balance altogether. When they finally broke apart, both of their mouths were swollen and pink with faint beard burns staining the skin around their lips. It was a pretty decent look.

“So,” Buck began, flippantly, “You gonna untie me now?”

“Shit, sorry,” Eddie cursed, shaking himself as if it would have jogged his memory. “Uhh, arms first?”

“Dealer’s choice.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but still helped Buck back to his feet, tucked him back into his pants, and spun him around. His fingers worked the knots loose even more confidently than they had tied them. Heat and blood flooded into Buck’s muscles as the ropes were slackened and unwound. As amazing as it felt, it must have looked a lot worse because a muttered string of self-admonishment fell under Eddie’s breath.

“Shit, Buck, I’m so sorry. I think these were too tight.”

“No. They were perfect,” Buck argued quickly, craning his head back to find Eddie’s face, “They held me tight and still, but I didn’t lose feeling at all. If anything, I felt everything even more.”

“Really?”

The naïve wonder in Eddie’s voice was adorable. Buck realized again how lucky he was; Eddie seemed up for anything as long as Buck was happy with it, whether he understood it himself or not.

“I’ll show you next time,” Buck promised, slyly turning his head away. He would have to remember to keep exploring and broadening Eddie’s horizons.

As the last loop was released, Buck took full advantage of finally being able to move again. He stretched his arms up and over his head, wincing slightly at the sharp sting of lactic acid that had built up. It had still been worth it.

“Give me your hand,” Eddie demanded suddenly. Buck complied without thinking, but gave him a rather startled look as he did so. He had just set him free, was he planning to tie him up again?

His question was answered as Eddie’s deft fingers began kneading the tension and stiffness out of his arm. He rolled his knuckles up and down the length of his arm, digging his thumbs in at the shoulder to reset it, then massaging his biceps with absolutely perfect pressure. 

“Ohmygod, Eds,” Buck moaned unabashedly. “That feels amazing.”

“That’s why I’m doing it,” Eddie quipped, with a cocky smirk. Buck wanted to jibe back, but didn’t want to risk Eddie stopping, so he held his tongue and lost himself in the feeling of Eddie’s fingers.

Once Eddie was satisfied with the first arm, he held his hand out expectantly for the second. Buck turned quickly to obey, but was still half-dazed from pleasure and ended up slapping him in the chest with his limp arm on accident. Fortunately, Eddie was in a forgiving mood and quickly set to work massaging that arm too. A whimper of relief slipped off of Buck’s tongue as Eddie’s fingers worked the blood flow back into his body.

By the time Eddie was done, Buck felt like a ragdoll. His arms hung limply at his sides, swinging aimlessly as he shuffled from foot to foot.

“So, um,” Buck stuttered, nervous to ask for another favor after all Eddie had done.

Eddie watched him carefully, a placating smile plastered across his face.

“Can we…,” Buck tried again, eyes darting between the couch and Eddie. “Do you want to…or would you mind if w-”

“Buck, just say what you want to say,” Eddie interrupted impatiently, all pretense of patience gone.

Ok. Fine.

“I want to cuddle.”

A small, genuine smile replaced the mollifying one.

“I’d be okay with that,” Eddie replied easily. “Come here.”

He flopped down onto the couch again, but horizontally this time, stretching out over the full length of the cushions. He looked up at Buck expectantly and opened his arms wide.

Buck stared blankly for a moment. Eddie was taking up the whole couch. Where exactly was he supposed to go? Eddie, proving his clairvoyance once again, reached up for Buck’s hand and pulled him down on top of himself. His arms wrapped around Buck’s shoulders, squeezing him tight to his chest as he wrangled his ridiculous legs onto the couch with him.

“Better,” Eddie asked. Buck nuzzled down into Eddie’s chest, breathing in the comforting scent of him and letting it wrap around him like a blanket. He couldn’t imagine a more secure or soothing place.

“Much,” Buck agreed. He let his eyes drift shut as Eddie’s fingers absently traced circles onto his back. It was calming in a way Buck couldn’t explain. As if he was allowed to just live in this moment, and this was all that would be expected of him: being doted on by the man he loved.

In a matter of minutes, Buck found himself drifting off into an immeasurably satisfied sleep.

***

An insistent pounding startled Eddie awake. His eyes snapped open and immediately stung from the onslaught of bright light pouring in through his living room window. He blinked slowly, allowing his eyes to adjust to the light and confirmed that he was definitely in his living room. But his sleep-deprived mind couldn’t remember why; he didn’t usually nap on the couch. He tried to sit up, but his body felt heavier than usual, like his limbs had turned to concrete as he slept. But then a soft snoring sound jogged his memory in a flash.

Slowly, the weight holding him down started to make sense. He looked down to see the top of Buck’s head tucked against his chest. It was a hell of a way to wake up – using your six-foot two partner as an especially attractive, albeit heavy, blanket. There was a warmth in Eddie’s chest that he knew had nothing to do with the hundred-and-eighty-pound furnace lying on top of him.

The pounding that had woken him resumed. What **was** that? A muffled voice on the other side of his front door called out. _Eddito!_

“Ungghhh,” Buck groaned maturely, his arm swishing through the air next to the couch in an attempt to snooze the hypothetical alarm clock he assumed was making the noise. Eddie definitely did NOT find it to be adorable.

“Hey, you wanna get the door,” Eddie asked Buck drowsily, prodding the top of his head with his fingernails. Personally, he was too sleepy to get up from his sprawled position on the couch. Although, to be fair, he _couldn't_ actually get up with Buck’s entire body still draped over him. Their post-shift tension-relief had definitely worn them both out.

His neck twinged from falling asleep in such an awkward position, but the reward of having gotten to use Buck as a blanket was more than worth a sore neck. It had probably been a major mistake to not take advantage of the entire naptime they had been granted before Chris got home, but looking up at Buck’s bleary-eyed smile as he rubbed the sleep from his face somehow made up for it.

“Wha- time ‘s’it,” Buck grumbled as he pulled himself up into a seated position on top of Eddie’s thighs.

The shift in warmth left Eddie feeling alone and cold, but his sore thighs groaned under Buck’s sleepy weight.

“Time for you to get off of me, you hulk,” Eddie griped as he tried, and failed, to slide his legs out from under Buck’s butt. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy Buck’s butt, in fact he enjoyed it a little too much, however, his legs were starting to lose feeling.

“Wimp,” Buck teased as he hopped off the couch and straightened his clothes. “Fix your shirt, Eds, I don’t want them to think I took advantage of you.”

“As if you could,” Eddie mumbled under his breath indignantly.

He did, however, stand up to smooth out his suspiciously wrinkled pants. When he looked back up Buck was right there, barely an inch away from his nose, his eyes glowing darkly with determination.

“You still think I can’t take you, esé?”

A tremor of unbridled and unidentifiable energy surged through Eddie’s body. He didn’t know if it was anger, excitement, dominance, or aggression, but the mingled feelings left his nerves flayed. He would never fight Buck, not for real. But there was something about Buck’s question that stoked his competitive nature. Instead of rising to the challenge, Eddie surged forward and wrapped his hand behind Buck’s neck, pulling him into an aggressive, domineering kiss. Buck backed down immediately, parting his lips to welcome him into his mouth and groaning around the feel of Eddie massaging their tongues together. Eddie’s other hand groped down Buck’s chest and over the waist of his pants to cup the bulge of his flaccid dick, thrusting his grip upwards possessively. Buck mewled into his mouth, his body caving forward at the feel of Eddie’s hand on him, but his lips continued to work his mouth open. Fingernails traced up Eddie’s back, leaving sparks in their wake, before raking through his hair and sending an icy shower of shivers down his spine.

More loud knocking interrupted their impromptu stand-off, and they sprung apart like they’d been electrocuted. Buck stood panting for a long moment, his cheeks flushed and his lips red and swollen. Eddie didn’t think he would ever tire of that look. 

“Still think you’d win,” Eddie teased with a cocky tilt of his head. Buck blushed harder as he readjusted his suddenly-tight pants.

“You’re the devil,” he whined petulantly. “And you can answer your own damn door.”

With that he stalked off to the bathroom to let himself cool down. Eddie knew he shouldn’t tease him, but it was just so easy. And so much fun. He deserved to have some fun. And it wasn’t like Buck didn’t give just as good as he got.

Eddie marched to the front door with a new confidence in his step and threw it open excitedly, dropping down to one knee to greet Christopher.

“Hey, Buddy! How was your day with abuela?”

Christopher stumbled into Eddie’s arms, his crutches clattering between them as he gave him a bear hug. Eddie’s abuela stood in the doorway, smiling fondly at the scene.

“We hear your…partner had a tough call,” she said calmly, but with great significance.

Eddie smiled up at her, an appreciative glimmer in his eyes. He could tell how hard she was trying. He had honestly expected some push back from his family, even though he’d hoped to avoid it, but he had never expected such a quick turn-around.

“He’s a firefighter, it comes with the territory,” Eddie admitted, less bitterly than he expected. “But he made it out in one piece, because he is frustratingly good at what he does. He’s probably even better than me.” He turned his attention to Chris and quickly added, “Don’t tell him I said that!”

Chris giggled as he stood back up and got his crutches re-aligned.

“I’m telling,” Chris retorted in a sing-song voice, swaying gently in taunt.

“He’s been telling me all about…his Buck, all day,” she said amusedly. “He is impressive.”

“I’ve noticed,” Eddie said quietly, almost to himself, but he caught his abuela’s understanding look. “I really do think you’re going to love him as much as I do, abuela. Eventually.”

“I hope so, Edito,” she admitted candidly. “I want you to be happy.”

Eddie rose to his feet and wrapped his abuela in a crushing hug, hoping that she could feel the almost painful swell of love in his heart as he leaned down to kiss her head.

“Abuela, I didn’t know I could I be this happy,” he admitted quietly, his lips still pressed into her hair, as if saying the words too loudly would break whatever spell they’d found themselves under. She leaned back to look up at him. She seemed to be searching his face for something, scrutinizing every line and feature. Eddie began to feel anxious under her intense stare.

“Happy looks good on you,” she decided finally with a quick squeeze of Eddie’s arms before letting him go and ushering Christopher to the couch.

Eddie was frozen in place, mind reeling from her comments. The past two weeks had completely changed his life. He felt like a new person, like the person he was meant to be all along – more open and understanding, more patient and loving, less of a soldier and more of a man. He <i>knew</i> that he felt different, but he had no idea that he even looked different. And it was all thanks to Buck.

As if on cue, Buck appeared from the hallway.

“Christopher! How’s my favorite Diaz doing,” Buck asked excitably, tossing a cheeky wink Eddie’s way.

Chris responded in kind, wiggling over to give him a hug. Eddie’s heart soared as Buck lifted Chris into the air and spun him around the room. Delighted squeals of laughter filled the air, almost evenly distributed between Chris and Buck. Eddie didn’t miss the way his abuela watched the scene. It wasn’t with the same fondness she reserved for him and Christopher, but it was close.

A gentle relief pulsed through him from that one simple look. It was finally clear to him that he <i>could</i> have this; he could have Buck, and Christopher, and his family, and his job. He could see his happiness sitting in front of him, just waiting for him to claim it, waiting for him to admit that he wanted it – that he deserved it.

And so, he did.

He claimed his happiness whole-heartedly. He opened himself up to all the joy and turmoil to come, all the laughter and tears, all the love and misery. He welcomed it all. His happiness was there with his family; the family he chose and the family he was born into. Tears sprung to his eyes as he realized that after decades of searching, and failing, and not measuring up, he had finally found where he was supposed to be, who he was supposed to be, and how it was all supposed to feel. He watched with a desperately fond smile as his heart danced around the room in two equal parts, both beaming pure, positive light into his world.

“Hey Chris, you wanna help me make tacos for dinner,” Buck asked as he slowly lowered Chris back onto his own feet.

Eddie was amused that Buck had remained blissfully unaware of the earth-shattering realization he’d just experienced. But somehow that made it even better: it had been Eddie’s moment, and Eddie’s alone, so he could make his choice with a clear, rational mind. And he couldn’t be happier with his decision.

“You want to ask your abuela to stay for dinner,” Buck stage-whispered in Chris’ ear dramatically. Chris’ eyes lit up as he turned to face his grandmother.

“Abuela, can Buck and I make you dinner,” Chris asked excitedly. It was a clever move on Buck’s part – there was no way she could say no to that face.

“Of course, cariño,” she agreed easily, looking up at Buck with a tell-tale Diaz smirk. “Would you like my help, Evito? I have secret family recipes to pass on. And I know my Edito will never use them.”

Eddie was almost offended, but more than anything he was completely stunned by his abuela calling Buck, ‘Evito’ – not even Evan, but _Evito_ – as if he was part of the family already.

The significance was not lost on Buck either; his face was the picture of disbelief.

“I would love that,” Buck said, almost at a whisper. There was a tightness to his voice that Eddie recognized immediately as unshed tears. At least this time he was positive they were tears of joy. “I would hate for your trade secrets to go to waste on him,” Buck teased with a nod in Eddie’s direction. “I didn’t even know it was possible to mess up boiling water until I met him.”

“That was **one** time, Evan! Just one! And I have learned to check which burner I’m using since then,” Eddie argued, putting on an indignant tone for fun. Buck winked back, happy to have him play along. His abuela actually laughed at the familiarity of their taunting.

“Come, come,” she said, pulling Buck into the kitchen by the elbow. “We will leave him dishes to clean. He can do that.”

A bark of laughter erupted from Buck’s throat as they all shuffled to the kitchen. Eddie wasn’t sure he liked that they were ganging up on him, but he _was_ sure that he liked this new view of his family – three generations, happily working in tandem. His eyes drifted to the picture Christopher had drawn the day before, the one with the whole family together, the one he had proudly hung on the refrigerator as soon as they’d gotten home.

This was his happiness. This was what he deserved. And for once in his life, he wasn’t going to question it, or balk at it, or try to hide from it. This was what he wanted, and this was what he chose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support and sticking with me on this one. This has been a fun challenge to write and I have really enjoyed playing with these characters so much and I hope you've enjoyed the ride. (For those who are curious, this monster is a whopping 333 pages on a word doc...insane.)
> 
> As I mentioned before, there may be random epilogues or side adventure one-shots added to this story in the future, but nothing like what it's been. If you want to take them for a spin, have at it! 
> 
> If you want to throw me some prompts or just say hi, you can find me on tumblr at howlinattheimpala.tumblr.com


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